A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate
by doc100
Summary: An alternative ending to the series finale based on the early sides leaked from the 'proposed' finale script. This is my 'feared' JAG series ending with a 'shipper' twist.
1. Chapter 1

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate** by doc

_AN: I've had this story floating around in my head for over a year. If you remember back a couple of months before the JAG series finale, we were all speculating over what DPB would do with our favorite couple. At the time, few of us envisioned DPB actually getting Harm and Mac together. We hoped, we prayed, we petitioned the network to cancel JAG…but we didn't know what would happen. Some of the pages from the 'proposed script' were leaked with a less than satisfying ending, and around that time CM issued a challenge for people to write a final episode of JAG based on what we thought the ending would be. The one that came closest to DPB's actual finale was to win. I'm not sure what the prize was to be…blue M&Ms…an evening with Harm? The stories were to be posted to CM's website. I was amazed that no one took up the challenge. Maybe if the prize had been an evening with Harm, more would have participated, but there wasn't even one story posted to CM's website. Ah, once the news of cancellation was released, and bits and pieces of the script for the actual finale were leaked, most of us forgot about our 'feared ending' and crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. _

Of course in all honesty, I didn't write one either…I was too chicken to write and post what I thought might happen, but I had one planned in my head. My previous story, 'Joy Cometh in the Morning', was what I wanted to happen. But this story was what I was AFRAID would happen. The more I thought about it…the more I figured I could write the cursed, frightful ending I thought we would get from DPB…but then tweak it…fix it, to make it one I would enjoy. So here is my FEARED JAG finale with a 'SHIPPER TWIST.' Hope you enjoy.

_Special thanks to CM for keeping me on the straight and narrow regarding military protocol, TQ for the JAG script drafts and revisions, and to Mom, my faithful finder and keeper of all things related to spelling and grammar._

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf.

**Part 1a of two parts**

20:00

29 April 2005

Adidas Cranston Huckleberry Hotel

Washington, D.C.

The evening was pleasantly cool and clear. The night sky was filled with stars, but somehow they didn't shine as brightly as they had in an Afghan desert so many years ago. Harm shook his head to clear the memory, had it really been only 3 years ago. It seemed more like another lifetime, where had it all gone wrong? He only allowed himself to think about those memories on nights like this. Nights when he was alone and feeling sorry for himself. There'd been so much hope back then that they would figure out this 'thing between them.' Mic and Renee had left the scene, and though tentative with one another at first, he and Mac were moving forward. He scrubbed a hand over his face; they were supposed to be married by now with at least one kid at home and another on the way. But somehow, inexplicably fate had stepped in and stolen it all away. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

He paced down the sidewalk in front of the hotel. This was supposed to be a celebration of his promotion and new billet, but he didn't feel like celebrating. He was walking away from his dream of a family to a life filled with politics and protocol and…loneliness. Sure he'd have Mattie, he was grateful for that one constant, but he'd wanted so much more. Maybe he'd find someone new in London; he could start looking again couldn't he? Life didn't have to be over…he could still marry…have kids. The problem was, every time he allowed his mind to wonder that far ahead, he ran headlong into a vision of a little girl. A little girl with big brown eyes, soft russet hair, delicate features, and a strong disposition…a marine in-training so to speak. Try as he may, he could never picture his child's face without seeing his Sarah. He released a sad sigh, well she wasn't his anymore…hadn't been for a long time. How had they let that happen? He knew they were both at fault. There were so many chances to change the final act, but they'd both plunged ahead without rewriting the lines.

He was interrupted from his musing by a friendly voice. "Good evening, Captain," came Harriet's subdued greeting.

I guess everyone's a little melancholy tonight was his silent reply. Instead, he pasted on a smile and responded in kind, "Evening Harriet…Bud. Has anyone told you how beautiful you look this evening?"

Harriet blushed, "Not anyone who didn't expect something in return." She threw an agitated look toward her husband. Bud ducked his head to avoid the glare.

Harm chuckled at the pair, "Still smarting from the potential transfer?"

Bud had the good sense to look contrite, "Of course not, Sir. Harriet's right…it really is best that we stay here in D.C. for now." He glanced back toward Harm; and though his words said one thing, his eyes gave him away.

Harm extended a hand to Bud; who accepted it warmly. "I'm gonna miss you, Bud. It would have been great to have you aboard. Guess I'll have to launch out on my own this time."

Bud's voice cracked as he returned the sentiment, "I'll miss you and the Colonel too, Sir. The place just won't be the same without you…no more Three Musketeers."

Harm smiled at the phrase, "You'll be OK, Bud. This gives you the chance to be senior attorney. I'm sure you'll do us proud."

Harriet wiped at tears that had yet to fall, "This is so sad. After tonight, we're never gonna all be together like this again."

Harm dipped his head and responded back circumspectly, "Maybe that's reason to celebrate."

Bud deflated at the words, "Well, the last few years have been the best time of my life. I'll never forget you, Sir. You and the Colonel helped me get to where I am today, both in my professional and personal lives."

Harm looked away and muttered under his breath, "I'm glad I helped someone with their personal life…mine's pretty much died a slow painful death."

Harriet sniffed and gave him a pained smile, "What was that, Sir?"

Harm turned back to his friends, "Ah, nothing Harriet. It wasn't important."

She grabbed Bud's hand for comfort, "I can't believe it's all coming to an end." She sniffed again, "I'm sure Colonel MacKenzie feels that way too."

Harm released a sarcastic sigh, "Yeah…sure. I…ah…"

Bud sensed his friend's reluctance to engage in that particular conversation and gave Harriet's hand a tug. "Why don't we all head inside?"

Harm threw him a thankful smile, "You two go on ahead. I need a little time alone, before all the final goodbyes." He watched the Roberts walk away and then moved further into the shadows. He smiled a rueful grin, maybe if he didn't join the others; tonight would never end and tomorrow would never come. If only it were that simple. Time never stood still; except on lonely dark nights, when it mocked your cowardly choices.

He sat down on a brick retaining wall in the corner shadows. Closing his eyes and inhaling deeply to calm his emotions, he was hit by the sudden scent of roses. Looking around, he caught sight of the fragrant intruders in ornate pots lining the sidewalk. Even his senses warred against him, preventing him from fleeing the memories that threatened to crush his ambivalent facade. He closed his eyes tightly to blink back the sting of tears. The memories lingered undeterred behind his closed eyelids…a rose garden…familiar dark eyes…a handshake…a smile…Sarah, his Mac. His feelings, even in that first moment, ran the emotional gamut: shock, sadness, hope, intrigue, the possibility of new beginnings. He couldn't have fathomed the intensity of the relationship that was to follow in the ensuing 9 years. No, he would never again know this depth of feeling…of love for any other woman, of that he was sure. As he glanced back up to the stars, he was hit by the realization, that that night in the Afghan desert would be his only remembrance of holding her in his arms. That memory would need to last him a lifetime. That was their chance to get 'this thing' right…to have moved forward. So many things could have been avoided if they'd just held on tight in that one moment. Their world had spun out of control just 12 months later…the Singer mess…Paraguay…Webb…Mac's illness…Mattie's accident. If only he'd made a conscious effort to express his deepest desires and emotions back in Afghanistan, they could have avoided all those pitfalls. Instead, their complacency in the notion that they had time, lots of time, eternal minutes of time, had stolen their eternity from them.

He stood to pace once again. Why did they have to be transferred now? They'd been working their way back to one another in the last 6 months. After Webb's deceit, Mac had been tentative…almost afraid of getting involved again, but he remained a constant in her life, giving as little or as much as she'd asked. Then came her accident at Christmas, her spirit had finally started to blossom and open back up to him. The changes were tentative and slow, but they could do slow. They were famous for their version of the dance called slow. But the fates just couldn't leave them alone, no, they had to throw in another inquiry into his character, tilting his emotional axis just enough to push him off balance. Throw in Mattie's accident, and suddenly he was the one ducking for cover behind his well-constructed emotional barricades. He hid behind a strong veneer, afraid that the slightest acceptance of help would crumble those walls leaving him vulnerable. And if there was one thing that Harmon Rabb couldn't tolerate, it was breaking down and showing others his weakness. So, in the end, he'd pushed Mac away once again, only this time it was forever. The fates had decided that enough was enough. The final curtain was to fall, and they would not be given an encore performance.

He walked out from the shadows toward the entrance of the hotel. Taking a deep breath to steel his resolve, he stood tall and walked through the doors to give his final performance. Goodbyes were hell, but he'd done them many times before. It was part and parcel of life in the military. Problem was, this time he would be leaving his heart behind, and he wasn't certain he could recover from that loss. Five thousand four hundred and eighty nine miles…that was a long way from home.

He was met in the reception hall by General Cresswell and his wife. "Captain Rabb, we've been looking for you. It's kind of hard to have a reception in your honor when you're not here."

Harm forced a smile to his lips, "I'm sorry, Sir. I was just getting a little air." He looked around the hall; the room was filled with people…some he knew…some he didn't. This was the beginning of the political networking required in his new position as Force Judge Advocate Naval Forces Europe. The name was already leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He turned back to the General, "It's a wonderful reception, Sir. I guess we should get this party underway." The phrase, 'So I can get out of here with my dignity intact,' died silently on his lips.

He spent the next hour greeting and shaking the hands of dignitaries and the like. When he thought he couldn't force one more, 'Pleased to meet you,' from his lips, Admiral Chegwidden came to his rescue. Harm hadn't been aware his former CO even knew of his promotion. The Admiral whisked him away to the dark corners of the room for a bit of low key reminiscing over drinks.

"So Harm, they decided to give you a shot at a direct course to the position of JAG." The Admiral flashed a warm welcoming smile.

Harm hadn't realized just how much he'd missed that early camaraderie that had once existed between the Admiral and himself. He shook his head, "Go figure…I guess they're not holding my past transgressions against me, Sir."

The Admiral shook his head, "I'm retired now, Harm. Don't you think it's time you called me, AJ?"

The Admiral flashed another grin and Harm was taken a back at the notion of how much he was going to miss his JAG family. Family…that's what they'd been all these years. He thought they'd lost something in the year following Paraguay, but somehow they'd all found their way back to one another…just like family. Would he find that again in London? Did he even want to allow himself to get this close to people again?

AJ roused him from his thoughts, "Still with me, son?"

Harm smiled back, "Of course, AJ. It's just that…."

AJ nodded in understanding, "It's hard to leave people with whom you've become so attached." Harm gave a slight nod. "So, I hear Mac's going to San Diego. That's OK with you?"

Harm looked away to hide the pain in his eyes, "We go where we're told…that's life in the military, right?"

"But you're going to stay in touch?"

Harm shrugged not meeting AJ's questioning gaze, "Don't know…I guess time will tell."

AJ sighed in resignation; he'd always assumed they'd finally get it right. He knew they would be miserable apart; after all, he'd lived through the events and aftermath of Paraguay. Rabb and MacKenzie could be difficult to tolerate when they were at odds, but that was nothing compared to the torture they put him through when they were apart. Heaven help those poor souls in their respective commands. As Harm finally looked up to meet the Admiral's gaze, AJ was dismayed to notice the complete loss of hope and fight in his eyes. It was as if the light had gone out…this was going to be difficult indeed.

Harm extended his hand, "It's great to see you again, Sir. Give your daughter my best."

AJ held on to the younger man's hand a bit longer than necessary, hoping to communicate his support, "Stay in touch, son."

Harm nodded and then fled back out to a terrace to regroup. The last two days had been exhausting. He ran his fingers through his hair. It had been only two days…not even 48 hours, since this nightmare began. He remembered with vivid clarity the General's announcement of their new duty stations. They'd both been shocked. There'd been no warning, no suggestion. He knew this was part of military life. They'd been lucky to be stationed at headquarters for as long as they had. Maybe, if there had been more time, he and Mac could have made plans…discussed options. He shook his head, when had that ever worked? They could never get beyond the simple sentiment. The words were always just out of reach. He had told Mattie a year ago that they were working to close the divide; but that wasn't true, they were now going to be farther away than ever, both literally and figuratively. Five thousand four hundred and eighty nine miles…ten and a half hours flying time. He doubted they'd ever see each other again, except for the occasional work related functions.

His mind drifted back to their conversation from yesterday. He'd stopped by her apartment, hoping to talk things out, but once again he'd lost his nerve when faced with saying the actual words. Instead he'd fallen back into comfortable conversation. "I need your advice."

Mac had smiled back with hope in her eyes, "Good because I need yours."

He'd hedged, "What are you doing about the lease on your apartment?"

He saw her deflate before his eyes, "That's what you want to talk about? Real Estate?"

Despite her obvious disappointment, he couldn't make himself say more, "Yes."

She'd retreated into her emotional shell, "Have you talked to Mattie?"

He crossed his arms and nodded back, "First call I made."

She smiled back, "She told you to go?"

He fidgeted with his coat, "Yes."

"What'd you say," came the soft halted response.

He returned with conviction, "I told her I wasn't going anywhere without her. We're still waiting for the Juvenile Court to rule on it; however, her Father's not contesting it…so."

She smiled back and answered with honest emotion, "You're a good Dad." The unspoken words following in her mind, 'I always knew you would be. How come you're so willing to leave me behind?'

They'd bantered on about work and cases and requested support staff, before she brought the conversation back around to them. "Were you ready for all this?" the emotion obvious in her eyes.

He crossed his arms in a protective mode, "Were you?"

She sighed, "Well, I've been dreading it for awhile, but now that it's here…it doesn't seem so bad." She watched him look away. And deflated further, "I'm just taking it one day at a time." Her old AA motto falling easily from her lips. One day at a time, she could survive almost anything, one day at a time. Her eyes lost their luster.

He nodded in resignation, thinking that somehow all this seemed to be affecting him more than her. Maybe she was glad to finally be moving on…to be rid of him and their entanglements. If he'd looked up, he would have noticed the lost expression on her face. Turning to leave before he broke down, he glanced into the trashcan in passing. Noticing a picture of Webb, he picked it up. "Throwing out your past?"

She took the photo and threw it back into the trash, "Yes, a new broom sweeps clean." She wanted to add that she'd never throw out their past.

He wanted assurance that she'd always remember him…that he'd always have a place in her heart.

He shook his head to clear the memory. He needed to get back to mingling; this was his party after all. His future depended on these contacts. His future? He glanced up as he passed the back terrace and noticed Mac sitting at an outside table. The radiance of the moon and candles illuminated her face in a soft blush light. He thought she'd never looked more beautiful. He'd been right, red really was his favorite color on her. It made her look vibrant and alive, something he'd missed terribly in the last two years. She was alone and appeared deep in thought. He started to walk toward her and then thought better of it. This was not the place for further discussion. They'd said their peace. It was time to move on. A nagging doubt pushed into the edge of his consciousness that his future was sitting in a red dress at a table across the room, but he'd learned by repetitive conditioning to ignore those doubts. He pushed that thought aside and ambled into the room. It was time to do what Harmon Rabb did best; win over the masses with his confidence and charm.

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**Continued in Part 1b**


	2. Chapter 1b

**Part 1b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 1a first)**

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Mac sat by herself at a table on the terraced patio. She was alone in more ways than one. Even when she'd been mingling in the room full of people, she'd never felt more separate and alone. The loneliness was stifling…so she'd escaped to the patio for air. She could survive this night…one day at a time, the voices in her mind kept chanting. Problem was, the voices forgot to tell her heart to follow suit.

She glanced back to the reception hall and noticed Bud and Harriet dancing to the slow soothing sounds of the orchestra. The corners of her mouth tipped up in a small sad smile as a glaze of tears ringed her lifeless brown eyes. That was all she really wanted…the good man and the family. Harm had once asked her what she wanted most out of life. She'd playfully replied, 'What all women want…a great career…a good man…and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.' Her mind had told her to grab for the elusive gold ring and go for all three, but her heart, in moments of pure honesty such as these, told her she only needed one to be blissfully happy. Sure three out of three would be pure heaven, but the career and the material things meant nothing without her good man. That knight in shining armor was what her heart desired above all, someone to be there with unwavering support and love at the end of the day.

She thought back to memories of a childhood spent huddled in a dark closet hiding from loud voices and screams of pain, her flashlight and picture books her only source of comfort and solace. They gave her an escape from her retched reality to a future world that could only occur in a frightened little girl's dreams. In those rare glimpses of ecstasy, she saw her knight in shining armor galloping in on a great white horse rescuing her from her tormenting captors and keeping the evil monsters at bay. Problem was, no one warned her that her knight would appear wearing dress blues and a cover pulled low, riding in on a sleek gray Tomcat. He'd flown in under her radar, before she could close her heart away from the inevitable pain. If her childhood taught her nothing else, it was the heart-wrenching lesson that the people you love always disappoint and leave you behind. So once again, she would somehow mend her broken heart and take her great career and closet full of comfortable shoes to the West Coast. Only this time she'd be wary and smart, no one was ever going to slip in unawares again. Her heart wouldn't survive another round. It was going to take five thousand four hundred and eighty nine miles to stitch together the battered hemorrhaging remains. Even if it healed, she was sure it would never function at full strength and capacity ever again.

She was roused from her thoughts by the feeling of dampness on her arm. She looked to the heavens in search of rain clouds, before realizing that the drops of moisture were in fact her own tears. She stubbornly wiped them away. She'd promised herself, no more tears. She was done crying over men. She knew she should return to the activities of the evening; in her new command position, she was going to need these contacts. But try as she might, she couldn't make her legs stand and walk across the tiled patio.

Pursing her lips and exhaling loudly, she took in the floral arrangement on the table. It consisted of three yellow roses in a delicate crystal vase. She was beginning to detest those blooms. Yellow, the color of friendship and loyalty…it was like they were taunting her. Friendship…just friends…best friends…but still, just friends. Why not love? Why not her? It was all she ever wanted. But no, she was delegated to the position of 'best friend.' 'You're only this way with me' rang in an unending echo through her mind. She didn't want to be 'that' kind of special. She didn't want loyalty and friendship. No, she wanted to be desired and loved. She hung her head in shame at that declaration. No that wasn't true, otherwise she would have settled for Mic Brumby. No, if she were honest with herself, she wanted it all…love, passion, friendship, caring and loyalty. She'd been so close. Sometimes when she looked into his eyes, she could imagine that he felt more than friendship. She squinted tightly against the memory of a stolen look across a conference room. They'd been celebrating the announcement of her engagement to Mic. Yet somehow, despite a room full of people, their gaze had locked and the presence of everyone else in the room had fallen away. She'd been so spell bound by the intensity of emotion in his eyes that she'd forgotten how to breathe. If he had proclaimed his love in that instant, she would have sold her own soul just for the chance to run away with him. But alas, there were no proclamations of love and life continued on at a steady pace…they were just friends.

She lifted one of the blooms from the arrangement and twirled it slowly between her fingers. Had he ever loved her? If she just considered his actions, at times she could make herself believe. But why couldn't he ever say the words, were the words that hard to say to her? Was she somehow unworthy of them? He didn't understand that she needed the words to go with the actions, to make them all real. She could understand and believe them together. Actions had failed her in the past. Her father should have loved her. She was his own flesh and blood after all, but his actions had been cruel and painful. And her mother, her mother's demonstration of love was to abandon her to that cruel fate. No, actions alone could be deceiving. The only person in her life that she knew truly loved her for who she was…for Sarah MacKenzie, alone…had been Uncle Matt. He displayed his love in both actions and words; they were real. So Harm's inability to speak, to profess his love, had left her tentative and unsure. She was afraid to trust the actions…and the words would never come.

She fingered the delicate flower and pulled off petals in time with the old childhood chant, 'he loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not.' Sadly, the results would be about as accurate as her never-ending ruminations. She continued on around the bud, until the last petal fell off, 'he loves me not.' Tears flowed once again. Damn it, best two out of three…she reached for another rose. 'He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not.'

She was startled from her rhyme by the voice of Jennifer Coates. "Colonel, I was wondering if I could…." The petty officer stopped in mid-sentence at the sight of tears flowing down the marine colonel's cheeks. "I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't mean to interrupt," was murmured as she turned to leave.

Mac quickly dried her tears and answered back in whispered response, "No…it's OK, Jen. Please stay…I'm just having…difficulty saying goodbye." She motioned toward the adjoining chair for Jen to sit down.

Jen tentatively advanced forward, "Really, ma'am…if this is a bad time."

Mac threw her an indulgent glare, "Jen sit down, before I make it an order."

"I really didn't mean to intrude, Colonel." She lowered herself into the chair, wondering whether this was the best time to put forth her request. She noticed the pile of discarded rose petals and looked up quizzically, "Who won, ma'am?"

Mac cleared her voice, "What?"

Jen smiled, "Who won?" She pointed toward the dismembered flower, "It looks like you and the roses got into a fight…I was wondering who won?"

Mac considered the question for a moment, before answering back. "The rose won the first round, but I'm not giving up yet." She whisked the petals onto the ground, but held tightly to the partially wounded second bud. She couldn't give up and admit defeat. Wasn't that the crux of their relationship…they couldn't move forward, but they couldn't quit, either. "Now, what can I do for you?"

Jen fidgeted a bit, "I was wondering if you had a yeoman selected for San Diego?"

Mac smiled, "Do you know someone who's interested?"

Jen smiled back, "Yes, Ma'am…me. I would consider it an honor to serve under you, Colonel."

Mac cocked her head to the side, "I would have thought you would have wanted to go with Harm?"

"No, Ma'am. I mean I appreciate all the Captain has done for me, but he's going to be busy with Mattie and his new command. I don't really want to be in a strange country by myself. Besides, San Diego has the sun, beaches, the ocean."

Mac smirked, "I see…so this has less to do with working for me and more to do with…."

Jen blushed, "No, Ma'am. I mean I really want to work with you…the other things are just an added bonus."

Mac laughed at the flustered response, "Sure, Jen. I'd be glad to have you."

Jen looked around the room, "I was hoping Vic…Lt. Vukovic would make it back in time for the party. I bet he looks good in mess dress." Mac threw her a disgusted glare. "I was wondering, Colonel? Are you taking Lt. Vukovic to San Diego with you?"

"He asked…I said NO," Mac answered sternly.

Jen looked puzzled, "That surprises me, Colonel. You've never run from a challenge. Maybe, you can make him a better lawyer."

Mac shook her head in disgust, "That kind of challenge I don't need…" she eyed the petty officer, "…and neither do you."

Jen bubbled on oblivious to the warning, "I just think he needs someone to give him the benefit of the doubt…."

Mac rolled her eyes at the absurdity of the situation. This was deja vu all over again, hadn't she been through this same conversation back in a ladies room in San Diego. The admirer was a blonde then, but equally smitten with the unethical slimy weasel. Of course Tali Mayfield had his number, Mac suspected there was a story there. Then she'd slyly offered her assessment of her perfect guy…someone who used to wear leather but now wore a suit and tie. She didn't expect Tali to catch on to the fact that the leather was a flight jacket, but she'd called Mac on the description, adding the words 'with commander's stripes on the sleeves.' She twirled the rose once again. Well actually, they were captain's stripes now, but he still looked just as good. 'He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not.'

"Ma'am…Ma'am…Colonel…MAC!"

Mac jumped at the sound of her name, "I'm sorry, Jen. I guess I'm not particularly good company this evening."

Jen started to rise from the chair, but hesitated to wait for Mac's permission. Mac nodded back. "I'm looking forward to serving with you in San Diego, Colonel."

Mac smiled back, "Me too, Jen." Jen turned to leave. "Oh, and Jen…stay away from Vukovic, he's trouble. Trust me on this one, I know from experience." Jen nodded back and returned to the reception hall.

Mac looked back to the flower in her hand and pulled off the remaining petals. 'He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not.' She sighed and swore out loud, "Damn…third times a charm." She reached for the final rose as her mind wondered back to the events earlier in the day. She'd stopped by Harm's apartment. After his visit the previous day, they'd resolved absolutely nothing. She knew this was their last chance, and she remembered a conversation from months ago on a sandy beach at Manderlee. 'Let me know when you're ready.' So it was up to her again to lay it all on the line. She wasn't sure she could do it again. The memories from a ferry in Sydney still stung, but she screwed up her courage and plunged ahead.

She closed her eyes and pictured herself standing in his doorway. He was busy packing the last boxes. He was so far ahead of her; of course, her heart wasn't really in this move. He looked good, but then he always did…well, except for that flowered shirt. Who talked him into that number anyway? Why couldn't he be wearing that black shirt from yesterday? She so rarely saw him in civvies that she relished the chance to take her fill. She tattooed another permanent image onto her brain. These might have to last a lifetime, after all.

He looked up surprised to find her standing there, "Hey."

She smiled back, "Hey yourself." She walked past him into the apartment and looked around, "There's something so final about a packed suitcase."

He carried a box across the room, "Not to mention an entirely packed apartment. How about you…you all packed?"

She shrugged, "Mostly…all except for the red dress I'm wearing to the party tonight."

He looked up as if to ponder, "My favorite color."

She grinned, "I didn't know you had one."

He shook his head, "It's my favorite color on you."

She looked puzzled, "I didn't know you kept track. I'm impressed you even noticed what I wear." He shrugged in response. She sighed and moved further into the room. "Let's talk about you and me."

He turned away, "Neither one of us…"

"Wants to be the one to say goodbye. Yeah I know the song, we've been singing it for years."

He turned back to look at her, "Mac, I don't think that I will ever feel about anyone else, the way that I feel about you."

She stumbled a bit, "That's very flattering. One piece of advice…don't share that with your future wife, whoever she might be. She might not understand."

He pinned her with a glare, "Do you understand?"

She pressed forward, "Why we can't make it work? Why we've let fate decide our future? No, I don't."

"Mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She backed into a chair wary of the inquiry, "Why waste a drive across town? Take your best shot."

"With some of the men in your life," he rolled his eyes in disgust, "…who shall remain nameless…what attracted you to them?"

She shrugged, "They wanted me and let me know it."

He approached her, "I wanted you…surely you knew that."

She sighed, "Harm, no woman wants to be a mind reader. She wants to be desired…lov…without qualification. She needs to be told without reservations. With you there were always complications…another woman…work…searching for your father."

He responded back with a soft voice, "That's all past."

She met his eyes, "Is it? If so…what about…." She left the question open, hoping for a response. He shrugged and moved away. She sighed in frustration at his inability to commit, why did she always have to be the one to say the words. "Maybe love is like standing on the 10 meter board. You close your eyes and jump and hope you hit the water clean."

"Well, that would cut down on the thinking part," came his sarcastic response.

She responded with an exasperated sigh, "And the fears and second guessing and all the other impediments." She glanced back, pleading with her eyes, "But we can never quite get there…can we?"

He pondered the question and gave one last try, "We have 12 hours. I realize that's not a lot of time."

Beginning to understand the futility of the discussion, she countered, "Twelve hours…Harm, we've had nine years. We even had a five year plan…"

He smirked, "That's past due…."

She shook her head and whispered, "That was allowed to expire." She sighed in resignation, "So maybe fate has taken a hand."

He chuckled in disbelieve, "I don't believe in fate, Mac. Commissions can be resigned…assignments can be modified."

She turned back to him, "Are you saying you're ready to resign your commission, again?"

He stood tall, "I didn't say that."

She frowned, "You expect me to resign mine?" She didn't really care who gave up their commission. They could flip a coin for all she cared, but they had to be willing to pursue this together. All out…no holds barred…in for life. She couldn't give it all up, if he wasn't serious. What if he couldn't commit. Where would she be then? She still had no idea if he even loved her. Wanted her? Probably, or so it would seem, but loved her…a lifetime commitment, of that she still wasn't sure. She looked into his eyes; she needed to see the truth. "You still haven't answered…do you expect me to…?"

He shrugged and gave a noncommittal reply of, "No, not really," that really meant 'Yes.'

They were talking in circles again. She pasted on a sad smile, "So, we're right back where we started from." He gave no response. She tried to hold the tears at bay, "I never thought it would end this way."

He still hadn't said a word. She shook her head, "Or this soon."

He smirked and turned away so he didn't have to look in her eyes, "Nine years is soon?" The dismissive arrogance was back in his voice. She knew it was a protective mechanism to hold his emotions close to the cuff.

Her voice cracked, "The blink of an eye." She walked toward the door with Harm following behind. She didn't know whether to stay or leave. Were they through? Was this her dismissal? He stood silently, studying his shoes. Her eyes became suspiciously shiny, "We'll always be friends?"

He whispered back, "Best friends."

She reached for his hand and nervously played with his Academy ring. "And tell each other everything?" She silently added, except for how we really feel about each other.

He squeezed her hand back, "Maybe not quite everything." He looked up to give her a sad smile, his eyes now shining brightly.

The tears now slid down her cheeks undeterred. Her voice was barely audible, "The thing that bothers me is that we're never going to know how things might have worked out. How good it could have been."

He reached up in a familiar gesture to dry her tears. She closed her eyes relishing in the warmth of the touch and pulled him into a tight embrace. They both sighed at the contact and held on for several moments, afraid to break this final connection. Finally she pulled back and placed a kiss on his cheek, "I'll see you tonight?"

He nodded in affirmation but didn't speak, closing the door behind her. If they'd been able to see through the thick structure…to just look into each other's eyes. They would have seen identical expressions of complete and total loss and desolation.

xxxxxxxxxx End of Flashback xxxxxxxxxx

Mac opened her eyes and wiped away the tears once again. She'd promised herself to stop crying. She looked at the rose in her fingers. This was her last chance at luck. She removed several more petals, while chanting the rhyme.

She was interrupted by Jen Coates once again, "Colonel, the JAG crew is all heading over to McMurphy's for a little informal celebration. I was hoping you would join us?"

Mac wrinkled her nose, "I don't know…I'm kind of celebrated out."

Jen looked on with a pleading hopeful pout. Maybe taking her to San Diego wasn't such a good idea. She had this uncanny knack for getting her COs to do her biding, rather than the other way around. Mac sighed in resignation at the inevitable, pulling off the last three petals, 'he loves me…he loves me not…HE LOVES ME!' She smiled at her small but well fought victory. She tilted her face back to Jen, "I'm right behind you…don't start without me." Jen smiled and ducked back inside.

Mac started to drop that final petal from her fingers, but stopped in thought. She retrieved her purse from the ground and withdrew a cherished heirloom, her grandmother's handkerchief. Her grandmother…there was someone else who'd loved her. She placed the delicate rose petal into the heirloom for safe keeping…one of her loves protecting another. She would add the treasure to her hope chest. She smiled at the fond remembrance. As a small girl, she'd told her grandmother that she wanted a hope chest to keep her cherished mementoes safe. Her grandmother had found an old wooden cigar box. They'd spent the better part of a week painting and decorating the old relic, until it glistened with hope for the future. Inside, she'd placed those things she'd held dear. A locket from her Uncle Matt. A hair ribbon from a special occasion, it was the only time her father had ever told her she looked pretty. An old piece of cheap costume jewelry…it was all that her mother had left her. The last bottle cap from the last beer that she'd drunk just before she and Eddie got into the car on that fateful night. A small fossil from her time at Red Rock Mesa with Uncle Matt. Her AA sobriety marker. Her first marine corp. insignia. Harm's pen from the trial when they'd defended Uncle Matt…he'd always wondered what had happened to the writing implement…she'd pleaded ignorance, wanting to keep a memento from their very first case. Somehow she'd known even then, that their partnership…friendship…whatever they called this thing between them, would go beyond any relationship she'd ever have. She placed the two delicate treasures into her purse for temporary safe keeping.

She stood tall and wiped her eyes. She was going to a party. Maybe if she were lucky, she'd have one more chance to make this right. He loved her…the rose petal said so. How could the flower betray her…they'd met in the Rose Garden after all.

xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxxx

23:00

29 April 2005

McMurphy's Tavern

Washington, D.C.

Harm waltzed into the tavern and took a seat at the bar. He looked around at the eclectic interior as memories began to surface. The JAG gang had some good times here. A memory of the 'Three Musketeers' singing made him grin. In fact, more than one songfest had broken out at this location. The last time they'd been here was for another farewell celebration. Bugme, Harm shook his head in disgust.

The bartender approached him with a flirtatious smile. "I don't know what your scene is, but that's one trick outfit. You ever think about wearing a kilt?"

Harm smirked back, "Not lately."

She leaned in closer peering over the side, "I bet you've got the legs for it." Standing back up behind the bar, "I'm Joanna…what can I get for you?"

Harm shrugged, "Whatever's on tap."

She waggled her brows at him, "You can have whatever you want." She placed a drink in front of him and wandered down to the other end of the bar. Harm's eyes followed her with an appreciative gaze.

Mac sidled up beside him, shaking her head at the display. Some things would never change. Harm could turn the head of any female within a 5-mile radius. And with a sad defeated acceptance, she wondered why he could never look at her that way. Just once, couldn't he let down his guarded military facade and look at her like…she let the thought die out unfinished. 'He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not,' ran in an unending chant through her mind, like an old-fashioned phonograph player stuck in a scratched track. She leaned in close, "Didn't expect to see you here."

He smiled back with pleasant surprise, "I could say the same for you. Bud and Harriet wanted to meet in a less formal setting after the reception. They didn't say you were coming…not that I didn't want…I mean." He sighed in frustration, why couldn't he say the right thing tonight.

Her eyes fell as tears threatened once again. Maybe this hadn't been such a great idea; she should be home packing. At least that would be more productive and safer for her fragile psyche. The chant continued on, 'he loves you…he loves you not…he loves you…he loves you not.'

He tucked in his lips. "It's good to see you, Mac. I didn't get a chance to talk to you at the party." He gave her a flyboy smile and nudged her with his shoulder, "I'm glad you're here." His mind kept repeating, you can do this…you can do this. Just have a drink, stay a few minutes and get out before you breakdown.

She looked around the bar, "This is the last place I got drunk."

He looked back alarmed, "You're not thinking?"

She shook her head with a grunt, "Of course not. Are you crazy?" Couldn't he forget just this once that she wasn't perfect? Did he always need to remember her flaws?

He reached over and grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry, Mac." He winked at her with sincerity.

The bartender came back over and gave Mac the once over. "What can I do you for?"

"Soda with a twist," came the familiar reply.

Joanna set the drink in front of Mac and motioned toward Harm. "It figures that a guy like him would be with a girl like you."

Mac wilted just a little more. "We're not really…with…it's just for the moment," she stammered ahead. Harm gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

Joanna leaned forward conspiratorially, "So what's with that outfit?"

Mac smiled, "Every now and then he likes to get wild and crazy." Couldn't this woman just leave them alone?

Joanna waggled her brows, "Lucky you."

Mac looked away and whispered, "Yeah, lucky me." She turned back to look at Harm. The silence was overwhelming. She lifted her glass in toast. "To having nothing left to say."

He ducked away from her eyes and murmured, "Right."

Mac straightened in her seat, "Although, I've got one final request…"

They were interrupted by a familiar voice. "Captain, Colonel."

They both sighed in relief and responded simultaneously, "Bud…Harriet." Harm grinned at Mac, "Go ahead." She shook her head in response. Everything was so awkward.

Harriet hugged Mac, "Were you at the reception? I didn't see you."

"Yeah, I just spent most of the time out on the terrace. It was all a little," she shrugged, "…overwhelming."

Harriet gave her a second hug and whispered in her ear, "I know what you mean." Stepping back, she grabbed Mac's hand and pulled her to her feet, "Your dress is fabulous. Doesn't she look terrific, Harm?"

Mac cringed at the question. Leave it to Harriet to take them to the place they'd been successfully trying to ignore.

Harm gave her a genuine smile and responded with honest appreciation, "Yeah she does. That dress really is amazing, Mac. I was right; red really is your color." He took that opportunity to commit the image to memory, that picture would have to last him a lifetime.

Bud, oblivious as always, chimed in, "Remember sitting at this bar and singing _'Baby It's Cold Outside'_? They others nodded in agreement.

Harriet threw in, "And remember Brumby's going away party?" She looked toward Mac, "Sorry."

Mac winked back, "That's okay. It was a sweet night. I still can't listen to _'Waltzing Matilda'_ without crying.

Harriet put her arm around her friend, "We've had a lot of good times here. I wish it never had to end." Her voice dropped off at the end as tears appeared in her eyes.

Mac hugged her back, but looked toward Harm as she spoke, "I know; I wish it didn't have to end either."

Bud and Harriet left the bar to visit with the other JAG staff. Harm glanced back toward Mac, "I guess I should be getting home; I've got an early flight."

She placed her hand on his arm, "What time?"

He shrugged apologetically, "Zero eight hundred."

He began to stand up when she pulled him back down, "About that last request?"

He chewed on his bottom lip considering his options. Deciding he couldn't stand to disappoint her, he conceded, "Sure, what can I do?"

She slid her hand down his forearm and tugged on his hand. "Come dance with me?"

He felt a moment of panic. If he held her in his arms, he didn't know if he could walk away. Seeing the pleading in her eyes, he nodded his assent and led her to the dance floor. Maybe if they didn't get too close. That's it…just keep your distance…it's only for one song.

They took each other's hand and stood at a proper military distance as the song began to play. However with each rotation around the dance floor she moved further into his arms, as he pulled her closer to his chest. By the end of the third song, her face was nuzzled into his neck and his face rested on the top of her head. His thumb moved back and forth in a gentle caress across her back, and their joined hands rested between their hearts. The fourth song melted into a fifth and a sixth. He couldn't make himself pull away. He rubbed his cheek over her hair breathing in deeply trying to memorize the scent of her shampoo. She inhaled the skin of his jaw line beneath his ear not wanting to forget the spicy fragrance of his cologne. And they each imprinted the memory into the recesses of their mind, hoping to never forget.

The clock struck midnight and the seventh song began to play. It was the Sarah McLachlan's tune, _'I Will Remember You.'_ Harm grimaced at the irony. It was time to let go. He pulled back from their embrace and immediately saw the tears in her eyes. He reached up to wipe the drops and then leaned in to place a kiss over each lid. Tilting his lips to her ear, he whispered, "I love you, Mac. Have a great life." After placing a heartbreakingly gentle kiss on her lips, he turned and walked away.

She stood unwavering and rigid, to stunned to move. Her eyes remained tightly closed. She just knew if she opened them…it would all be a dream. He had finally told her he loved her. The petals were right, was her first giddy response. She pinched her arm just to ensure reality and then slowly opened her eyes. He was gone. She turned quickly around the room and caught sight of his retreating form existing the tavern. Her eyes wide, she hurried after him. As she exited the door, she saw him walking away. She quickly called out, "Harm!" His step faltered for a moment before he continued on. She yelled again with increasing urgency, "Harm…Harm, I love you, too!" He stood in place for several heartbeats giving her hope. But then continued on without so much as a backwards glance. Her heart broke. How was this possible? He'd said the words, but he still walked away.

She stood outside the bar bathed in the moonlight, tears falling with increasing rapidity. She startled and almost fought back, when a pair of large strong arms infolded her into a warm embrace. She looked up into Sturgis's empathetic eyes and fell apart. He rocked her gently for several minutes before her breathing finally calmed down and the tears slowed to gentle trails.

She pulled back to look in his face, "Thanks, Sturgis." She bit her top lip to halt the flow of tears.

He nodded back in sympathy. "I'm so sorry, Mac. I can't believe that he just walked away after you finally told him how you felt." He and Harm had been slowly making their way back toward friendship, but he wasn't sure he could forgive Harm this transgression.

She shook her head trying to form the words, "No…no, you don't understand. He said it first, but then he wished me a good life and just walked away. How could he just leave like that?"

He pulled her back into his arms and whispered, "I don't know, Mac. I just don't know."

The words from the sad song played in a repeat in the background.

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep_

_Standin' on the edge of something much too deep_

_It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word_

_We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard _

_But I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose_

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_

_Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night_

_You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

_And I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

Weep not for the memories

_To Be Continued…_


	3. Chapter 2a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

**AN:** **PLEASE READ!!!** As I stated in the introduction to this fanfic, this story was based on my feared ending of JAG. This was the ending I thought TPTB might give us. But this is the 'shipper fix' to that ending. For those who have read my other fiction, you realize I am a huge Harm and Mac shipper. This story **WILL** have a happy ending. That said, our beloved dynamic duo never did things the easy way. Please bear with me for a few chapters while I work it out, I promise you will not be disappointed! I won't go into any more specifics, because I don't want to ruin the plot. Please be patient.

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf.

**Part 2a of two parts**

13:00

Saturday, Labor Day weekend

02 September 2006

Evie's Bistro

La Jolla, California

Harm sat quietly, at a corner table in the restaurant, contemplating the events of the last 15 months. Life had been hectic to say the least. This was his first vacation since he'd left D.C. He had flown to the states with Mattie to get her settled at the University of Virginia for her freshman year and was now spending a week with his folks in La Jolla. He took in the warm inviting decor of the bistro while he waited for his mother to join him for lunch. This final holiday weekend of the summer season was always a busy one at the gallery, as the last of the summer visitors enjoyed their final shopping spree before returning home for the start of the school year.

Evie's had always been one of his favorite eateries in downtown La Jolla. The restaurant was located next door to his mother's gallery. Trish and Evie had become fast friends almost from the start. Evie was famous for her dessert menu, but Harm's favorite dish was the roasted vegetable salad. He'd been trying to talk her out of the recipe for years. When he came into town, he always had lunch with Trish at the bistro.

Evie walked up to the table with a smile, "Well, if it isn't Harmon Rabb. It's been ages since I've seen you, sugar. How did Trish twist your ear this time to come for a visit?"

Harm returned the warm smile. Evie was a feisty gray-haired grandmother. Her small stature and slight frame made her appear deceptively fragile, but anyone who spent time around Evie, knew that was a mistake you only made once. She'd raised 6 sons and a husband on a ranch in Texas. Once her sons had moved on, she and her hubbie had followed son number-2 to California. Sadly, her husband had died shortly thereafter, leaving Evie to fend for herself. She'd settled in La Jolla and opened a small cafe; at the outskirts of town. The business had thrived and she'd opened the bistro a short time later. Push forward 25 years, and Evie's Bistro had become a permanent cherished fixture in the city. Everyone knew that a meal at Evie's was a definite must when you ventured into downtown La Jolla. Once Trish had opened the Gallery, Evie took in the entire Rabb-Burnett family as one of her own. Harm learned early on not to cross the woman, who reminded him of his Grandma Sarah. Evie had spunk and had kept him in line as a moody teenager when his Mom and Frank had been unable to cope. One smile from the older woman could light up his day; and don't even get him started on her raspberry muffins, they were legendary.

"Hey, Evie…it's great to see you again. I'm stationed in London, now. It's been tough getting away for a vacation. The office has been crazy. And when I'm not working, Mattie has been taking all of my time."

Evie pulled out a chair to sit for a spell. "Your Mama told me, you'd taken on a foster daughter. Trish said she was injured in a plane accident?"

He nodded back, "Yeah, about a year and half ago, now. She had to do a lot of rehabbing…plus she required intensive tutoring to catch up with all of her schoolwork. I'm really proud of her. She managed to make up all of her classes and graduate on time with her classmates. I just dropped her off at the University of Virginia to start her freshman year."

"So, she fully recovered from her injuries? They sounded pretty serious. Trish was really worried. I know she thinks Mattie is her only shot at a grandbaby," she said with a wink and twinkle in her eye.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't start, I bet Mom put you up to that little subtle reminder…not that she doesn't do enough reminding of her own." Then his smile dimmed just a bit as he sighed, "No, Mattie didn't recover completely…initially, the doctors thought she might be completely paralyzed. She was able to regain full function of her arms and upper body; but unfortunately, she was left a paraplegic. She was really down for a while; but true to form, she fought back to recover whatever function she could. She really wanted to attend the Naval Academy, but that wasn't an option anymore. She decided to apply to the University of Virginia, instead. She ultimately wants to go to law school and specialize in legal issues related to the disabled."

A waiter approached the table and leaned in close to converse with Evie. She stood up and gave Harm a kiss on the cheek, "I need to get back to the kitchen. It's great to see you again, sweetie. Don't be such a stranger next time; Trish really misses you." She reached out to wipe the red lipstick from his cheek, "And I want to see that daughter of yours…I need to meet the spit-fire that was able to melt the heart of the untamable Harmon Rabb."

He stood up, towering over the petite woman, and reached out to give her a bear hug, lifting her off the floor. She grumbled a gruff, "Put me down young man," but lost the effect when she grinned mischievously. Once she was back on her feet, she leaned in shaking a finger in his direction, "All right mister, I expect to see you home for the holidays this year and don't forget to bring a nice young woman with you. What is this world coming to when a handsome chap like you is still single?" She reached a hand up to stroke his cheek, "What happened to that nice woman who was your partner back in D.C.? Trish and I thought for sure that the two of you would be married by now."

His eyes flicked away to hide his reaction to the painful memory. "Evie, Mac and I were never involved like that."

She pulled his face back to meet her gaze, "Now sugar, I just don't buy that nonsense. The way you were always talking about her…I knew you were over the moon for her. Why didn't things workout?" When he glanced away again, she nodded her head, "Ah, she left you."

He shook his head and whispered back, "No, I'm the one that blew it. I left her…I just didn't…" he shrugged, "…I…um…never mind, I can't explain it."

She squeezed his hand in support then whispered conspiratorially, "You just come home for Christmas and Grandma Evie will see what she can do about finding you someone special."

He kissed her cheek then winked and flashed her one of his best grins. "Evie, I'm still holding out for you. You know you're the only woman for me."

She pinched his cheek, "Don't tempt me. If I were a couple of years younger, I'd give you a run for your money. And you can save those flyboy smiles for some other young thing, I'm immune to their charm." She patted his cheek, "And you're still not getting my recipe for the salad. Now sit down there and I'll send over some iced tea and your favorite raspberry crumb muffins to munch on until Trish arrives."

As he watched her amble back to the kitchen, he twirled a packet of sweetener around in his fingers and returned to his former musings. Mattie really had made an amazing recovery considering where she'd been some 18 months ago. At first, the doctor wasn't sure she'd ever regain consciousness, but she'd proved them all wrong. After his transfer, she'd had to stay in D.C. for an additional 6 weeks until she was stable enough to tolerate the plane ride across the ocean. He'd missed her terribly in that time. Everyone he loved was still a world away. Once she was moved to London, the real work began. Her mental state had suffered as much or more than her physical state. She not only had to adjust to the new physical limitations, but the loss of her father, as well. Tom Johnson had disappeared from the scene for the first 8 months of her recovery. Thankfully, Tom had dried out once again and made a reappearance into his daughter's life about a year ago. Mattie had no intention of living with her father again, but they'd slowly reestablished a relationship and were communicating on a regular basis again. Mattie readily admitted she had two fathers and didn't plan on losing either one of them.

When it came time for her to visit the university, it had been Tom that met her plane and took her to see the school. Harm had actually been relived that Tom was in close proximity should she need anything during the school year.

Mattie planned on spending the Thanksgiving holidays with Trish and Frank. Christmas break, both he and Mattie planned to travel to La Jolla. He couldn't remember the last Christmas he'd spent with his folks. It was about time he reestablished some family traditions.

As for the rest of his life…well, there really wasn't one. Between work and Mattie, there was very little free time. And work was…well, just that…work. He couldn't believe how much he missed the courtroom and litigating cases. He'd always thought he would enjoy a command position, but he hated all of the administrative duties, the politics, the meetings and social engagements. Maybe if his command position had involved a carrier and flying, he would have enjoyed the promotion. But he'd even lost the chance to fly, the SecNav had finally decided that it wasn't cost effective to keep requalifying a lawyer whose career was in the direct path to becoming the next JAG. He'd been asked to give up his wings. While he could appreciate the validity of the SecNav's argument, the loss of his wings was just one more hit in a long line of miscues and disappointments. Those captain's stripes had proved to be far weightier on his shoulders than he'd ever imagined.

Mattie really was the only bright spot in his life, and she would now be gone for nine months out of the year. He'd thought about dating again. There was even an attractive woman in the adjacent townhouse back in London. Julia Worthington was an intelligent, vivacious blonde beauty who worked as an attache; to the American Embassy. Her parents lived in San Diego, although the family had its roots in old money back in Boston. Julia had graduated from Sarah Lawrence and had an advanced degree from Princeton. She'd been stationed out of London for the past five years. She'd graciously agreed to serve as his date for several high-level political functions and they'd enjoyed an occasional friendly dinner out as a diversion from the demands in both of their lives. Julia had expressed a desire to move things forward on a personal level, but he still couldn't get past the feeling that he was somehow cheating on Mac.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. It had been 15 months since he'd last seen his Sarah, but he still missed her more than the day he left. How had she become such an integral part of his life that he felt empty and dead without her? When they'd first met, he had tried to play it cool. He had no intention of allowing himself to get this deeply involved. He'd learned at an early age on a cold dark Christmas Eve, that although the people you love always promised to come back when they left, that promise was not to be trusted. No, he had no intention of letting anyone that close ever again, but somehow Mac had gotten under his skin even before he could erect the old reliable barricades. He allowed a small chink in his armor and opened his heart just a crack. She'd taken that opportunity to worm her way in and take up residence; and once there, try as he may, he couldn't get her to leave. She'd sent him several e-mails once they were both settled into their respective commands, but he'd chosen not to reply. He thought it best to let that part of his life slowly drift away. Problem was, just like in the months following Paraguay, he found it impossible to forget and move on. Mac had finally tired of the lack of communication and quit corresponding after 6 months. Now, all updates regarding his marine, came in the form of small snippets in Harriet Roberts' family letters. He knew she was thriving in her professional life, but knew nothing of the events in her personal life. Was she as miserable as him? Did she lie awake at night haunted by the 'what might have beens' or 'the if onlys'?

He was so deep in thought that he missed the arrival of his mother. Trish leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, "Darling, you look like you're a world away. You know the office will survive without you for a week." He met her gaze and she immediately knew; it wasn't the office he was commiserating over. That sad melancholy expression was in his eyes again, actually as she thought about it, she wasn't sure it ever left. His eyes rarely showed that sparkle of happiness anymore, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a real smile or the sound of excitement in his voice. He was definitely pining away; and despite his denials to the contrary, she knew for whom. She took a seat across the table and reached for his hand giving it a loving squeeze.

He threw her a small smile devoid of any real emotion, "Hey, Mom…how was your morning at the gallery?" He shredded the raspberry muffin in his hand, pushing the crumbs around on the tablecloth.

Trish knew it was bad when she realized more of the muffin laid in a heap on the table, a casualty of fidgeting fingers, than made it into her son's mouth. He loved Evie's muffins and rarely let a crumb escape his rapturous enjoyment.

The waiter came to take their orders, giving Trish a moment to lay out her plan of attack. She couldn't let her only child spend the rest of his life wallowing in misery. It was time for a mother's intervention, but with Harm that prospect was tricky. A workable battle plan could never involve a frontal assault; no she needed more reconnaissance to sneak in from the rear. She'd spent enough time married to and parenting a fighter jock to know they were prepared for the straight ahead bogie, but if you wiped out their radar you could slip in from behind. She needed some flares, chaff and a little bit of prayer to make this mission a success.

"So Dear, what did you do this morning?" She ran her thumb over the back of his hand in a comforting gesture.

He looked away and shrugged, "Not much. The jet lag is giving me fits. I had some coffee, went for a run on the beach and then just lounged around the house watching TV for awhile."

She raised a brow in surprise, "You were watching TV? You never watch TV…and besides there's nothing worth watching on a weekday morning." This was worse than she thought.

He exhaled slowly, "Channel surfed mostly…caught the first quarter of an early football game."

She moved her head around trying to catch his eyes, "Have you heard from Mattie today?"

He shook his head, "No, but I didn't expect to, I just left her a couple of days ago. She's probably busy getting settled in, registering for classes, making new friends…you know, enjoying the new college experience."

Trish smiled back, "I'm sure you're right. So, now that you're childless again, what are you going to do to keep yourself busy."

She watched him visibly deflate, "I don't know…work seems to keep me pretty busy. There never was much free time."

"Harm," she tapped his hand to get him to look at her, "…darling, you can't just live for work. You need to make some new friends, get out, enjoy London."

He looked away from her gaze, "Not much fun sightseeing on your own; besides, I'd rather do those things when Mattie's back home."

She shook her head in exasperation, "Sweetheart, Mattie won't be back home for nine months. You can't just sit around home waiting on her." She took a drink of her tea and then began to test the waters, "Have you made any nice women friends since you've been there?"

He rolled his eyes, "Here it comes…I already know the spiel Mom. When am I going to settle down, get married and give you grandkids?"

Trish gave him that 'mother-look' that booked no nonsense, "As far as I can see, you're a little too settled for your own good. As for grandchildren, Mattie fits that bill nicely, thank you. I just want you to be happy, dear…and from what I can see, you're far from it."

The soft cry of an infant was heard above the noise of their fellow diners. His eyes flicked toward the source of the sound and settled upon the angelic face of a newborn. The baby was being soothed in a gentle rocking motion upon the shoulder of its mother. The woman was visible from the back and turned slightly to place a kiss on the baby's chubby cheek. From the rear, she appeared tall, slender and well dressed; her dark hair was cropped above her shoulders the way Mac had worn it during their time in Afghanistan. She felt somehow familiar, yet a stranger all the same. As he watched the pair across the restaurant, he could almost make believe that the woman was Mac and the baby…the child he always wanted…with her.

Trish shook her head at her easily distractible son and followed his yearning eyes across the room. As soon as she took in the sight of the mother and infant, she knew exactly where his mind had gone. "Darling, you can still have all of that…you just need to start looking again."

His eye lingered longingly on the beautiful pair, as he whispered, "No, I can't, because I can't have it," he searched for the word and finally sighed, "I can't have what I want most…with the one." He left the unfinished thought hanging heavily in the air. He watched a tall dark haired man approach the woman and child and wished beyond all reason that he was that man. The man reached for the baby, settling him expertly onto his shoulder and then leaned in to place a kiss on the woman's cheek.

Harm felt like a voyeur staring unwaveringly at the loving exchange, but he just couldn't make himself look away. The mother reached for her purse, a large tote and a stroller and then began to rise to her feet. Laying a gentle hand upon the infant's back, she stood and turned to maneuver herself away from the table. As she turned in his direction, her face came into full view and Harm felt his heart break in instant recognition. He couldn't stop the cry of agony that softly left his lips.

Upon hearing the painful cry from her son, Trish looked up and watched the glaze of tears appear in his eyes. She quickly followed his line of sight back to the family and immediately felt her son's pain. "Oh darling, I'm so sorry."

He looked away as the happy trio exited the restaurant oblivious to the pain and desolation they left in their wake. 'That could have…should have been you' screamed the taunting voice in his mind. If only he'd stated his intentions sooner, expressed his feelings clearer, followed through instead of walking away…he could have been that man with heaven in his arms. Instead, now he could only sit here and watch his future walk away and he had no one to blame but himself. Self-recrimination was a horrible feeling but it was nothing compared to the desolation felt at the complete and total loss of one's dream.

He swallowed hard to control the tears as his eyes darted to and fro. He rapidly stood to his feet in preparation for flight, "I've got to get out of here."

Trish grabbed his arm and held on tight before he could flee. "Harm, where are you going to go? What are you going to do? You can't just run…running away doesn't change anything."

He looked back at her, eyes wild and unseeing, "Yes, it does…it robs you of everything you ever wanted. It let's you take the coward's way out. It closes the door…forever."

She tugged on his arm and he collapsed back into the chair, slumping forward as if the realization of all that he'd lost became a weight that was almost too much to bear. She gave him a moment to gather himself and then softly asked, "Did you love her that much?"

He exhaled slowly trying to control the tears in his voice, "I didn't realize how much until she was gone." He inhaled a shaky breath and continued as his voice cracked in resignation, "That's always the was isn't it?"

Trish reached out to stroke his bowed head, "Darling, I know how…."

He cut her off, "Not here, Mom…I can't…not here. Please, let's just get out of here…to some place more private."

She nodded, "Of course, I'm sorry dear. Let me just call the gallery and make sure they're OK then we can go home."

"Mom, I don't need…."

"I'm not going to let you go off alone. Now, Martha can handle the gallery by herself. We'll leave my car here and I'll drive yours back to the house." He looked up briefly with eyes that reflected intense pain and nodded in reply.

Trish quickly settled the bill and called Martha to inform her of the plans for the rest of the day. Gathering their belongs, she linked her hand through his arm, as much for moral support as to prevent the impulse to flee.

**Continued in Part 2b**


	4. Chapter 2b

**Part 2b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 2a first)**

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The drive home seemed to take forever, as she quietly left him to his own introspection. He rested his forehead against the cool glass of the window and stared unseeing out to the ocean. What he wouldn't give to be on the fantail of a carrier right now, away from the trauma of this day, staring into the waves as they crested behind the ship, and listening to the jet engines as they revved for flight. Better yet, to be strapped in tight, the whine of the engines drowning out all thought, as he waited to be catapulted on high, circling the clouds at mach-1, and leaving the memories behind…but even that pleasure had been taken away.

So lost in thought, he didn't even notice the car come to a stop at the house. Trish walked around to his side, opening the door and offering a hand. She had to practically pull him from the vehicle as the inertia of depression set in. She led him into the house and out to the back patio before he registered the change in location. He looked up puzzled as to how he'd arrived at that spot.

Trish smiled in sympathy, "Would you like some iced tea?" He shook his head in the negative, but never uttered a word. She knelt before him, "Honey, I think we should talk about this. How about I change clothes and then we can take a walk on the beach, that always used to help when you were younger?" She waited until he gave her a slight nod and then hurried back into the house before he could change his mind.

Reappearing a few minutes later, she extended a hand to drag him from the chair. Once on his feet, she took his arm and then led him down the stairs to the beach and hopefully toward a journey to acceptance and understanding.

They walked for long minutes down the shore neither one uttering a word. The weather was almost perfect, a late summer day with a gentle breeze and a warm glowing sun. The surf rolled in and out in a lulling rhythm that gave a false sense of peace to a day that was far from tranquil. A gaggle of sea gulls winged overhead before breaking the silence with a scoffing screech. Finally she rested her head on his arm and asked with an empathetic voice, "Tell me what happened?"

He spoke hauntingly, "One minute I held my whole world in my arms and the next it was gone…I don't know what went wrong." She pulled back with a questioning look. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and sighed, "That's not true…I know what went wrong…I told her I loved her and then I just walked away." Tears threatened in his voice again.

Trish slowed their pace and reached into her pocket withdrawing a men's handkerchief. She handed it to him with an understanding smile. "You know, your eyes are just like your father's, the color changes to reflect your moods. That gray…the one that's the color of a storm tossed sea…that means torture, regret, sorrow and self-doubt."

He twisted the white cloth in his hand, wrinkling the fabric and blurring the elegant script of the letters 'FB.' She stilled his movements, "Why don't you start at the beginning?" He looked at her with panic in his eyes. She pursed her lips and released an indulgent sigh, "Alright, how about I start at the beginning and you just fill in the blanks." She reached into her side pocket and pulled out a rose, "I believe it all started here if I'm not mistaken."

She handed him the flower and watched as he twirled it between his fingers. He glared at the delicate bud and spoke in soft voice, "I'm beginning to loath this particular flower…it's like it mocks me."

Trish tugged on his arm to propel him forward, as she asked, "Did you love her even then?"

He shrugged, "Who can tell when it started. She was a surprise to me that day…it was like Diane had come back to life. That is until she spoke, then I knew they were nothing a like. In retrospect, I'm not sure how I felt that first case, or when I began to fall," he paused, "…but I can tell you with certainty that I never felt for Diane or any other woman, the way that do about Mac."

Trish nodded, "I figured that out long ago. You never talked about anyone like you did Sarah. What was it about her that drew you in…that made you care this deeply about her?"

"At first, it was her spirit…she'd been through so much in her life, yet she always fought back. She never gave up on herself or those she loved. She's intelligent, kind, beautiful…she challenges me like no one else. Even if my passions and quests frightened her, she would never ask me to give them up or to be less than I am. She always encouraged me try harder, to fight back, to never quit, to become better…and she was always there, asking the same of herself."

Trish smiled, "Soooo, in other words…you've loved her for longer than you can remember?"

"Yes and more than I could have ever thought possible," was barely heard over the sound of the surf and the howl of the winds.

"I don't understand; why didn't you try for more? Did either of you ever suggest moving your relationship forward?"

He closed his eyes against the memories of Sydney; it wasn't one of his finer hours. How could he be so eloquent as an attorney in the courtroom and yet so tongue-tied and inept when it came to matters of the heart? "Yes, she tried once when we were on assignment in Australia. I had just come back to JAG from flying. I was unsure about where I stood at JAG and with her. She asked how long we were going to wait. I told her I couldn't let go yet and that I was only that way with her. Next thing I know, she's wearing Brumby's ring and I'm with Renee."

Trish shook her head, "But why did you tell her no?"

He scrubbed his fingers through his hair in frustration, "I didn't tell her NO; I told her NOT YET. I just needed more time. More time to figure out our careers, to get past my loss of flying and of Dad, to feel a bit more settled. I wanted it all with her, but apparently she couldn't wait."

She halted their forward progress and pointed toward a dry scrap of beach. Once they were seated, she questioned, "How long did you want her to wait?"

"As long as it took."

She exhaled loudly through her nose, "Oh Harmon, you might as well have said never. When a woman with a background like Sarah's gains the courage to tell you she wants more…and you say 'not yet'…without any explanation but that she's special…and that doesn't stop you from dating other women," she threw up her hands, "what did you expect her to think?"

He frowned, "I don't know. Clearly it wasn't one of my finest hours. I don't know why I can express myself so easily before a jury or a senate committee, but fall on my face before the woman I love. Anyways, we slowly worked ourselves back to each other after her aborted wedding and my dunk in the sea."

Trish shivered at the reminder of that near fatal accident. "Then what happened? If you knew you loved her and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, why didn't you move forward then?"

"I don't know. I thought we had time…things didn't feel so urgent. I guess we got complacent, but then came my trial for murder and the mess in Paraguay and everything fell apart again."

She cocked her head and squinted her eyes, "What did happen in Paraguay? I never understood any of that mess."

He laughed sardonically, "Join the club. I can't discuss most of it, but the short version is…I resigned my commission…saved the girl…lost the girl…lost the job…wound up miserable and bitter."

"Again, I don't get it. If you resigned your commission to go after Mac, why didn't you end up together?"

"You'll have to ask her that question," was his sarcastic reply. She gave him that 'mom look' that said, 'don't start with me, buster.' He relented, "OK, she asked me why I did it…and I told her, I thought she knew why. When she wanted to talk about us, I tabled the discussion. In my defense, there was so much going on around us that I didn't want to screw everything up. Unfortunately, she'd had enough of our jousting and weaving and decided to end the dance. I couldn't believe she said 'never' and I just walked away."

Trish patted his leg, "But, when you eventually came back to JAG, you worked it out again? I mean; Mac helped you get Mattie, right?"

He traced a finger through the sand drawing pictures, "Yeah, but not before a lot of garbage happened in both our lives. We were slowly working our way back together again, but there was so much holding us back…Mac's infertility, Mattie's accident, our transfers…I guess it was all too much. Our last night together, we danced…I told her I loved her…she told me…I walked away…end of story."

Trish pulled back his hand to reveal the initials SM + HR surrounded by a heart. "Why did you walk away then…you'd both finally expressed how you felt?"

He ran his hand over the sand obliterating the heart, "Because, I couldn't ask her to give up everything to take on Mattie and me."

"But you took away her choice…what if all she really wanted was you and a family."

He rested his arms on his knees and bowed his head, "But I couldn't promise to give her what she wanted most…deserved most. I couldn't give her a family. She wasn't supposed to be able to have children, and I couldn't ask her to give up her career, too. How long would it have been before she resented me for asking her to give up everything? She wasn't supposed to be able to have babies," tears filled his eyes, "that baby should have been mine."

Trish rubbed a hand in circles over his back, "Well, that's all water under the bridge now, darling. She's moved on, don't you think it's finally time you did too?"

He shook his head, "I can't."

"Yes, you can. I know it's hard, but you can't just close yourself off. You deserve some happiness, too. It's been 15 months and it's time to move on."

He looked up into her eyes, "Did you just move on after Dad went MIA?"

She frowned, "Of course not, I waited a long time after your father was gone, but it's because of your father that I eventually found Frank. I loved your father more than I ever thought was possible. He made me happy and he gave me you. It's because of all he gave me and the way he loved me, that I found the courage to try and find all of that happiness, again."

She leaned over, kissed his cheek and pulled his head down to her shoulder, "So my sweet boy, you take some time to heal, enjoy your daughter, spend the holidays with your family…and then you will start looking for some love and happiness, again. Trust me, I know it's not easy…but sweetheart, you are such a good, kindhearted man, you deserve to be loved and cherished in the same fashion that you give to others."

He nuzzled his head a little deeper into her neck and whispered, "I don't know how, but I'll try…eventually, I'll try."

_To Be Continued…_


	5. Chapter 3

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

**_AN:_** Hang in there guys…remember looks can be deceiving!

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf.

**Part 3**

11:30

Friday, Thanksgiving weekend

24 November 2006

Burnett Art Gallery

La Jolla, California

Mac had paced up and down the sidewalk before venturing into the gallery. She had decided to join the hustle and bustle of the post Thanksgiving holiday shoppers. Most of her Christmas shopping was already complete, but she still loved to enjoy the decorations and holiday spirit on this first day of the official Christmas shopping season. She'd been planning for days to have lunch at the bistro next door. She'd happened upon the eatery in her first few months in San Diego and Evie's fast became one of her favorite places. Her mouth watered at the thought of the raspberry muffins and her eyes glazed over just dreaming of the aroma of the Italian beef sandwich. She swallowed quickly before she could embarrass herself by drooling. She had hoped to sneak in an early lunch, before the crowds became unbearable. Problem was, everyone else appeared to have the same idea. The waiting list at Evie's was 45 minutes long, but well worth the wait, if she did say so herself.

She'd decided to check out the shops around the restaurant to kill some time. She still needed a gift for Harriet and thought she might find something unique at one of the galleries. She leisurely walked through the rooms looking at all the paintings. One in particular caught her eye. It was a beautiful portrait of a mother and child. Flipping over the tag, she winced at the price. It was an exquisite piece, but a little outside of her price range. Taking a moment longer to enjoy the serene faces, she wandered into another room. She stopped at a display of glasswork. Fingering the delicate works, she found a medium sized vase that would be perfect for her friend. She was just about to go searching for a salesperson, when a tall elegant woman appeared at her side.

"May I assist you with anything?" the woman asked politely.

Mac turned to respond, "Yes, I was interested in this vase. I have a friend who would love it. She has four small children and would never purchase such a delicate gift for herself." Mac extended her hands to carefully transfer the glasswork to the saleswoman.

The woman's smile disappeared only to be replaced by a look of surprise. She stood transfixed for several moments, before taking the vase. The warm smile returned and she extended her arm to direct Mac to the sales desk. As she placed the vase on the desk, withdrawing a gift box from below, she asked, "Sarah, how are you doing? I trust you had a wonderful holiday yesterday with your family?"

Mac smiled back unsurely, "I'm well, thank you. I…ah…I spent the holiday…alone. Um, someone had to cover the office…um." She wrinkled her brow and paused in concentration, "I'm sorry, have we met before? I mean, in my line of work, I meet so many people. I'm sorry if I don't remember your name."

Trish smiled at the young woman's nervousness. "Actually, now that you mention it…we've never been formally introduced. It's just that I've heard so much about you, I feel like we're old friends. I recognized you from all the pictures around my son's apartment." Mac nodded her head slightly at the explanation, as names and faces flashed through her mind. Still finding no recognition on Mac's face, Trish extended her hand, "I'm Trish Burnett…Harm's mother."

Mac gasped as the face fell into place, "Of course, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Burnett. I should have recognized you from the picture he had in his office. It's nice to finally met you." Her smile dimmed, "How is Harm? After we were transferred, we lost touch…I'm sorry to say."

Trish caught the tone of regret in her voice. "Well, he's been busy to say the least, between his JAG position in London and Mattie. He seems to have a hard time keeping in contact with most everyone…well, except for his daughter."

Mac glanced toward the floor. She hadn't been prepared to discuss Harm; she was finding it difficult to keep her composure. Swallowing hard to clear her voice, she asked, "So, how is Mattie doing? Did she make a full recovery?"

Trish shook her head sadly, "No, I'm afraid not. She and Harm worked so hard, but…well, she was left a paraplegic. She regained full use of her arms and upper body, but she's wheelchair bound. Not to say that stops her, she's does more on a slow day than I do on my busiest. We're really proud of all she's accomplished. She's even enrolled at the University of Virginia this year."

Mac looked back with surprise, "Wow, after all she's been through, I'm surprised Harm let her venture that far away from home."

Trish grinned, "It took some sweet talking on Mattie's part to convince him, but it helped that her other father lives close by."

Mac's eyes widened even more, "Tom's back in Mattie's live? After the accident when he relapsed…well, I wasn't sure he'd ever be fit to care for Mattie again."

Trish resumed packaging the vase as she spoke, "It took about 8 months for Tom to clean himself up and express an interest in his daughter's life. Mattie didn't want to go back to living with him, but she'll readily admit she has two Dads and wants to keep them both. She understood how hard the whole accident was on Tom. He thought he was going to lose Mattie just like he lost her mother. Both of them are stronger now than they ever were in the past. I think it gives Mattie a sense of security to have him close by if she needs anything."

Mac withdrew a credit card from her wallet and handed it to Trish. "Sooo, how's Harm doing other than Mattie and work? Does he have anyone else special in his life?" The last question was asked with just a hint of fear mixed with regret in her voice.

Trish shrugged her shoulders, "Who knows with my son, he rarely talks about those things with me." Except for you of course, she added silently in her mind.

Mac nodded and her smile slipped a few degrees. She accepted the gift bag from Trish, "It was nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Burnett. Next time you talk to Harm give him my lo…best." She checked her watch and gestured with her head toward the door, "I should get going; my table should just about be ready at Evie's. I think I can already hear a raspberry crumb muffin calling my name."

As she turned to leave, Trish answered back, "Those are Harm's favorite, too. By the way, where's the baby today? I would have loved to see him up close. Oh what am I thinking, you probably left him home with your husband. With all the crowds out shopping today, he's probably much happier at home."

Mac spun back around, her features falling in pain, "I'm sorry? I don't know what you're talking about. Who told you I had a child?"

Trish stammered back, puzzled, "Well, we saw you…I mean. Are saying that you don't have a baby?"

Mac chewed on her lip to control her emotions, "No, I can't…what do you mean you saw me? When?"

Trish placed a hand over her mouth and muttered, "Oh boy…ah, what about a husband?"

Mac shook her head as a well of tears appeared in her eyes, "No…I couldn't…I wouldn't…." She turned her head away and wiped a hand over her eyes. Clearing her throat she turned back, "I've been so busy…being in a command position doesn't leave much personal time. I'm sure Harm," her voice cracked, "…I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing. I really should be going. I'm sorry to keep you from your other customers." She walked toward the door, pausing briefly, "I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season."

She was halfway down the sidewalk and debating with herself about just taking her melancholy mood home, when Trish stopped her from behind. "Mac, darling…could you stop for just a moment." When she didn't turn around, Trish reached out to place a hand on her shoulder and slowly turned the younger woman toward her; the look on Mac's face broke her heart and roused all of her maternal instinct. Trish took her into her arms and hugged her tightly, feeling the shudder of the silent cries shaking her body. Maneuvering them both back to the gallery, she took Mac to her private office and allowed her some time to regain her composure.

Returning a few minutes later with a glass of water and some tissues, she sat down beside the woman, who should rightfully already be her daughter-in-law, and pondered how she was going to fix this mess. How do you shake some sense into two such obstinate people…people who are so obviously in love and so obviously miserable a world apart? She inwardly smiled at the possibilities, maybe if she locked them in a closet? Ordered them? Now that was an idea, surely mom's-privilege trumped admiral's-privilege when it came to giving orders. And then there was Mattie, between the two of them, she was sure Harm and Sarah wouldn't know what hit them. Yes, that was the ticket; she'd recruit Mattie to assist with her plans. Her eyes lit up further, what about Evie, Harm never could resist when Evie gave him 'that' look. The wheels were rotating so quickly in her head that she almost missed Mac's attempted escape. "Sarah, where are you going, dear?"

Mac continued on to the door, "I thought I would just head on home. Thank you for your understanding and…concern." A harried, "Merry Christmas," was tossed over her shoulder in haste.

Trish stood up to follow, "But Sarah, I thought you were going to have lunch next door?"

Mac shook her head, "No, I've changed my mind. I'm not really hungry and with the crowds and all."

Trish placed a hand on her arm to halt further forward progress, "Nonsense my dear, let me just tell my assistant I'm leaving and then we'll go have lunch together. Evie and I are old friends, I'm sure we'll have no trouble getting a table."

Mac's eyes widened in panic, "But Mrs. Burnett…you don't have to."

Trish cut her off, "First of all, it's Trish, dear…and I know I don't have to…I want to have lunch with you. I'd love to hear all about what's going on in your life." She watched Mac's shoulder slump in resignation and quickly found Martha to relate her lunch plans. Returning to the front room of the gallery, she linked her arm through Mac's and headed for the door. Yes, this was turning out to be a most interesting day, she thought to herself. "So Sarah, what's your favorite item on Evie's menu. Please, tell me you indulge in something other than salad, I can't seem to get my son to try anything but Evie's roasted vegetable salad."

Mac nervously flickered her eyes toward Trish, "Ah no, I prefer the Italian beef sandwich."

Trish beamed, "A woman after my own heart, I knew we'd be great friends. Come dear, I can't wait to introduce you to Evie. She's already heard so much about you." Mac's eyes widened further, as she looked even more overwhelmed. Trish barely suppressed the triumphant giggle; the poor dear looked like she'd been run over by a freight train…the Mama Trish Train to be exact. Although her voice was softer, higher and a lot less gruff, she was sure she could give AJ Chegwidden a run for his money when it came to executing a plan. She was bound and determined to finally get these two together. Heaven help anyone who tried to get in the way, and that includes her recalcitrant son and his beautiful marine. One way or another she was going to be halfway to a daughter-in-law and future grandbabies by Christmas. Normally, she didn't encourage meddling, but desperate times called for desperate measures, ah la…Don Pedro in Shakespeare's a 'Much Ado About Nothing.' They could thank her later in the form of several more grandchildren. She couldn't suppress the smile that escaped at that delightful thought.

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The pair was greeted with a warm welcome, by none other than Evie herself, when they entered the bistro. "Trish, it's so great to see you. Let me see if I can find you a table. Maybe I can even sneak over for a brief visit in between customers; today is already shaping up to be a madhouse. Everyone seems to be out shopping, and eating out naturally follows suit."

Trish leaned down to give the older woman a kiss on the cheek. Standing back up, she gestured to her side, "Evie, I'd like you to meet Sarah MacKenzie…she's a friend of Harm's." Trish covertly communicated to Evie with a wink as she emphasized Mac's name, "MAC, this is Evie the proud owner of this establishment and longtime friend to the Rabb-Burnett household." Trish smiled and nudged Mac's arm, "No one could keep Harm in line as a teenager, like Evie. He knew not to cross her. She may only be 4 foot-10 in height, but she more than makes up for it in spunk and a grandmother's 'take no guff' attitude."

Mac extended a hand in greeting, "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. I absolutely love eating here; I make it a point to come at least once a month."

Evie looked her up and down with a sly grin and then pulled her in for bear hug, "Well, young lady, a friend of Harmon's is a friend of mine," she pulled back, "…and he was right, you ARE absolutely beautiful. Now come on, why don't the both of you just follow me. I'll get you settled and then be back in a fix with some iced tea and raspberry muffins." She turned back to Mac, "You do like the muffins don't you?"

Mac nodded back a little leery at all the familiarity, "Yes, ma'am, they're one of the reasons I come here…that along with the Italian beef sandwich," her eyes widened at the thought, as the beginnings of a smile danced on her lips.

Evie grabbed her hand and patted it lovingly, "Oh good, a girl whose not afraid to eat. I knew I would like you. Harmon always had such nice things to say about you…he really needs someone to keep him on his toes."

Mac stammered, "Ah…I…we…we're not…"

Evie pushed her into a chair, "Oh, I know, dear…you and he never…well, you know. I've heard it all before." Evie winked at her to indicate she didn't believe any of their nonsensical objections, explanations and excuses. "I'll be right back with those muffins, sugar." Evie paused a moment to stare, cocking her head to the side and placing a finger to her lips, "And some butter…lots of butter…and you'll be needing some of my pecan pie for dessert after that sandwich. You're a bit too skinny, darlin," with that she turned on her heels, muttering, "…Harmon needs something to hold on to."

Mac stared back speechless, mouth gaping open like a fish. What have I gotten myself into, flashed through her mind, as she shyly smiled back at a triumphant Trish. She gulped and swallowed hard, "Ah, she's an interesting lady. In all the time I've been coming here, I've never met her before."

Trish reached across the table and patted her hand, "That's OK, dear…once you meet Evie, you're family for life. She'll make sure to look after you just like you're one of her own, that's how she treats Harm. If she can keep my 6 foot-4 son in line, she'll make sure you're WELL taken care of."

Lunch was a relatively calm affair. Evie had gotten tied up in the kitchen, but promised to visit over dessert. Trish and Mac casually discussed the art gallery, Mac's new post in San Diego, Frank's work, Mac's hobbies, Mattie's school year, where they each lived. When they'd finished dancing around every topic but Harm, Evie joined them with a pot of hot tea and three huge pieces of pecan pie lathered mile high in whipped cream.

Mac's brow rose in shock at the piece of pie, "Um, this looks incredible, but I'm not sure I can eat all of this after the lunch I just had."

Evie tipped her head, "Sure you can, sugar…you just start eating at one end and don't stop 'til you hit the other. Take your time; we've got lots of visiting to do. I want to hear all about you and my boy."

Mac gave a wary grin, "What do you mean?"

Evie pointed to Mac's plate with her fork, "Go ahead, get started on that before the whipped cream melts." Mac had just put a good sized bite of heaven in her mouth and closed her eyes to savor the taste, when Evie spoke up again, "Boy oh boy, if Harmon could see you now, he'd…well, we won't talk about that just yet. Why don't you tell me all about the adventures you two have been on, what kept you close, what made you friends? Harmon's told me a lot about your time together? What was it…nine years?"

Mac nodded unable to suppress the jittery feeling in her stomach. She placed her fork back on the plate with a nervous clink, "Well, a lot of it's classified, and I'm sure you've heard most of the rest from Harm or Trish."

Evie waved a forkful of whipped cream in the air, "I don't care about all that military stuff; I want to know what you did in your free time? What makes you tick? What drew you to each other? What did you like most about him? What drove you crazy?" The wicked look in her eyes matched her knowing smile, "And don't tell me he didn't drive you nuts…make you want to ring his neck…I've spent enough time around him to know better."

Mac laughed at the elderly grandmother as she fired off unending numbers of questions. My life could have been so different if only I'd had someone like her to keep me in line when I was younger and flailing, the thought flitted through her mind unimpeded. Mac proceeded to tell the pair about her favorite Butch and Sundance theatrics. It felt good to remember them again, and even better to share them with people who understood and could appreciate her love for all things Harm.

As the tales grew to a close, and the mountainous slices of pie to a pile of crumbs, Evie asked the one question that she and Trish most wanted an answer to. "What was it about Harmon that made you love him so much? And what made him love you?"

Mac glanced to Trish for support, but was shrugged off as Trish gave her an encouraging smile. "Well, you see…actually, Harm doesn't really…." Evie gave her that 'look'; the one that said don't even try to deny it. Mac sighed and ran her fork through the residual cream and crumb mixture on the plate, "Really, I have no idea what…ah, how…I'm not sure…."

Evie chuckled at the inarticulate response, "You're a lawyer, right? And according to Harmon, a good one at that. What is it about the subject of love that makes you both so tongue-tied?"

Mac shifted in her chair to stand, "I think maybe I should run to the ladies room."

Evie shook her head, "Oh no, you don't…no escaping, I got Harmon to tell me…now, it's your turn." Evie gave her a sly wink, "You know the best thing about getting old? You get to say whatever you want and do whatever want, and no one calls you on it. This white hair is an automatic free ride, and all I want is for my kids to be happy. So, tell me what it is that makes you love my boy?"

Mac stared at her plate and softly answered, "I guess I never quite put it into words. I love that he's kind and goes out of his way to help others. I love that he takes on the impossible and doesn't give up. I love that he always looks for the truth and doesn't stop until he finds it. I love that he goes to the end of the world for the people he loves. I love that when he finds the disadvantaged or hurt that he doesn't stop caring until he ends the pain. I love the way I feel when I'm in his presence and in his thoughts. I love that he makes me want to be a better person. I love him because he's a good, honest, intelligent, loving man…and I wish I had told him all these things when I had the chance."

Evie leaned in and cupped Mac's cheek, "Listen sweetie, I can honestly tell you that Harmon's list of all the reasons why he loves you is almost identical. From what I can see, neither one of you is particularly happy with a continent between you. I told my handsome boy when he comes home for Christmas that Grandma Evie would have someone special for him." She pulled Mac's face to hers and kissed her cheek, "I think I just found her."

Mac pulled away and started to protest, "I'm not sure that would be such a great idea. When we parted, he said…well, he couldn't…."

Trish reached for her hand and stroked the back with her thumb, "Sarah, dear…I know Harm thought he had legitimate reasons for how things ended back then. I don't necessarily agree with them, but I think he should explain them himself. Evie's correct, he misses you terribly…and if given the chance, I know he would love to make things right. Frank and I have a Christmas Eve Party every year. This is the first year that Harm and Mattie will be home to attend…I was hoping you would come too."

Mac didn't answer directly, "Can I ask you a question?" At Trish's nod of permission, she continued, "Why did you think I had a baby? You said 'WE' saw you? Who is we and what was it you thought you saw?"

Trish sighed at the memory of the heartbreaking day, "Harm dropped Mattie off at the university and then came to spend a week here with Frank and I. Harm and I were having lunch here on Labor Day, and we saw you with a small infant. We also saw a man come to the table and then accompany you out of the restaurant."

Mac's eyes widened, "So Harm thinks I'm married…that I moved on with someone else?" At Trish's nod of acceptance, she continued on, "Then why would he want to see me at Christmas?"

Trish squeezed her hand, "You just let me take care of clearing up that misunderstanding. I promise you, based on his reaction, he'll be thrilled to spend the holidays with you."

"I don't know," came Mac's timid response.

Trish winked back, "I do…trust me." Trish cocked her head to the side, "Who was the baby, anyway?"

Mac smiled with pride for the first time all day, "That was my godson, Benjamin Michael Carter. His mother and I are old friends. We'd lost touch for a while, but we both ended up stationed here in San Diego. Bernice and her husband, Dan, asked me to be Ben's godmother. It's one of the few good things to happen since I've been here. Labor Day was the first time that Bernice and her husband agreed to go out for the day without the baby. I volunteered to keep Ben that day…and Dan met me here that afternoon to reclaim his son."

Trish grimaced at the enormity of the misunderstanding, "Well, I guess we really got it wrong that day. See, it always pays to ask first and not assume." She looked at Mac with a tender smile, "But I will say, Harm thought you looked beautiful with a child."

Tears immediately flooded her eyes, as Mac murmured, "But Trish, I can't have…Harm and I could never have…."

Trish leaned over to hug the woman, who she considered to be her daughter, more and more with each passing moment, "Sarah dear, if I've learned nothing else from my son and my granddaughter…it's that nothing is ever impossible. It may not always work out exactly as you planned, but there's always a way if you just look for the alternatives…and in the end, the alterative usually provides a much sweeter reward."

_To Be Continued…_


	6. Chapter 4

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN #1:** Please bear with me. Repeat the chant, **doc is a huge shipper!** See all previous author's notes!_

_**AN #2: TRUST EVIE**, she knows what she's talking about! We are almost to the end of the angst. Breathe deeply and stay calm! For you asthmatics, have your inhaler close by. I prescribe Blue M&M's for the rest of you._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

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**Part 4**

17:45

Sunday, Christmas Eve

24 December 2006

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

Mac sat in her car trying to muster the courage to go into the house. A month ago, fate had stepped in and offered her another chance at happiness. She'd spent hours talking to Trish and Evie in the bistro, trying to sort out her feelings, her wants, her wishes. No that wasn't quite true, she always knew who she wanted most, who she loved most…no the real question of the hour was…would fate be cruel enough to deny her for a third time.

She remembered back to an earlier time as a little girl when she would play a game with her grandmother. The rule was; she could have three chances for a nickel. No matter the difficulty of the task, she always got three chances to get it right. And somehow, miraculously, her grandmother always made sure she accomplished her goal by the third try. They used to pretend that her lucky nickel held special powers that helped her succeed. She was never forced to relinquish her nickel…grandma always made sure, in this one miniscule part of her life, that she felt hope and success. Until today, that same nickel had remained tucked away, in safe keeping, with her other treasures in the hope chest.

She opened her purse and withdrew the beloved handkerchief. Unfolding the heirloom, to reveal the cherished treasures tucked inside, she ran a finger over her magical charms. Truth be told, she didn't really believe in magic; but on an evening as monumental as this, she was willing to call upon any favored talisman to intercede on her behalf. Of late, the fates had not been kind to her. So when it came to the battle for her most beloved dream, what could it hurt to have these three treasures to champion her side. Others might view her armory as meager for they appeared to be nothing more than a delicate cloth, a wilted petal and a tarnished coin. But to her, they represented the unwavering support of a devoted grandmother, the declaration of love yet unfulfilled in the promise of a childhood rhyme, and the chance to finally make good on the sweet purchase of success by fulfilling her dreams of rescue and home in the arms of her beautiful brave knight.

She picked up the small vial from the handkerchief and rotated it between her fingers. The light from the full moon reflected off the clear glass illuminating the fragile rose petal inside. It had taken all three chances to get the childhood rhyme correct on that heartrending night, 19 odd months ago. But in the end it had spoken the truth, he did love her…he told her so, but fate took him away all the same. So this time she brought reinforcement, she came prepared to do battle against the fates with a lucky five pieces, as well. She'd already used up two of her coveted chances, one on a ferry in a land called OZ, and the other outside a tavern in the capitol city of home.

She carefully rewrapped her bundle and placed it within the concealed pocket in the folds of her coat. She stepped gracefully from the car, handed the valet the keys and glided up the path to the beautiful home. Frank and Trish had gone all out in decorating the house. The walkways and trees were lined in small white lights, fresh garland surrounded the entryway and a pair of large wreaths centered the doors.

She paused before knocking at the entrance to calm her nerves. Closing her eyes, she breathed in and out in a slow cadence while clenching her fists. Patting the coat pocket to gain strength from the charms, she knocked lightly on the door and waited acceptance.

Several moments later, she found herself drawn into a pair of welcoming arms, "Merry Christmas, Sarah…won't you come in?" Frank reached for her hand and twirled her around in a circle, "You look absolutely stunning, my dear. Mattie said the two of you had found the perfect dress, but I think that's an understatement. You're an absolute vision."

Mac leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, "Thank you, Frank. Merry Christmas to you, too…I trust you're all enjoying the holidays."

Frank placed her hand through his arm and escorted her through the entry hall and into the great room. "Trish and Mattie are around here somewhere. Why don't you make yourself at home? There's eggnog and punch in the dining room along with hors d'oeuvres. Feel free to tour the house at your leisure." He released her arm to attend to the new arrival of guests.

Mac stood awed by the decorations in the room. She'd always enjoyed decorating her home for the season, but her holiday decor paled in comparison to the grandeur of this room. The wall at the far end of the great room was composed entirely of windows overlooking the sea. A massive Christmas tree stood centered in the glass expanse; it's height almost reaching the towering ceilings. The tree was adorned in an elegant theme of gold, burgundy and cream. The festive greens, floral arrangements and wreaths around the room were dressed in an equally beautiful and coordinating color scheme. Ornately wrapped cream poinsettias were placed everywhere around the room and formal entry hall. On one sidewall, a large fireplace warmed the interior; the amber cinders of the roaring fire dancing at a meandering pace up the flue of the chimney. The mantel was covered with an elaborate multi-pieced nativity set composed of delicate cream bone china and 14k gold accents.

She was so intent in her study of the wonderful details that she almost ran right over the top of the feisty elfin sprite smiling at her with grandmotherly charm. Evie's eyes twinkled at the vision of loveliness before her. Her Harmon wasn't going to know what hit him when he laid eyes on the woman who was the keeper of his heart. She could hardly wait for his arrival.

Mac extended an arm, as much to steady herself, as to stop any missteps that might befall the tiny woman before her. "Evie, I'm so sorry…I wasn't watching where I was going." She leaned down to place a kiss on the elderly woman's cheek and promptly found herself pulled into a tight embrace.

Once Evie released her honorary adopted granddaughter, she beamed like a Cheshire cat, "Well sugar, aren't you just the prettiest holiday package here tonight. I swear when Harmon lays eyes on you," she waggled her eyebrows knowingly, "…he's gonna want to unwrap you on sight…and eat you alive." Mac's eyes widened as the deep blush seeped from the base of her neck to the crown of her head; the embarrassment matching perfectly with the color of her dress. Evie laughed when her comment got the desired response. Allowing Mac a moment to compose herself, Evie looped her arm through Mac's and drug her down the hall. "Come now, darlin…let me give you a tour of the rest of the house."

As they entered the study, Mac leaned down to whisper, "Evie, I haven't seen Harm…isn't he here yet?"

Evie slide her hand down and picked up Mac's, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze, "Now, just don't you worry, sugar…your sailor will be here soon enough. He called a few hours ago, seems his flight out of London got delayed and he missed his connection in New York. He had to catch a later flight, but we expect him anytime now. Let's you and me enjoy the decorations, some great food and the company of good friends."

Mac shook her head and smiled back, "Thanks, Evie…and Merry Christmas to you, too. I can't think of a place I'd rather be tonight than right here with you, Mattie, Trish and Frank." Evie raised a brow in that 'grandma knows better' sort of way. Mac rolled her eyes in response, "All right, you got me…maybe the addition of one very tall handsome sailor would make the evening complete."

Evie grinned back, "That's my girl. Now, let's have a look around this place and then get something to eat."

She guided Mac into the interior of the study, where they found a second beautifully decorated tree with an entirely different theme. Mac wandered over to the cherry bookcases that lined one wall and stood gawking, amazed at the perfect replica of a Middle Eastern desert and ancient town. The nativity creche and holy family encompassed the middle section of shelving. The stable was surrounded by common folk, Wise Men and animals. Glancing to the cases on either side, she found replicas of the ancient buildings of Bethlehem complete with miniature townspeople from peasants to royalty. The far case displayed a hillside scene of shepherds and their flock, with angels perched on high. She reached out a finger to touch the babe lying in a manger and whispered, "These are amazing…I've never seen such a lifelike display."

Evie stood close to her side, "Those are Fontanini. They're from Italy…the family makes the original carvings and then reproduces resin casts that are painted to the exact details. Trish puts them together in such a wonderful display, doesn't she? I think it's the artist is her coming out to play." She tugged on Mac's arm, "Come, you have to see the tree in the family room."

Mac looked up shocked, "There's more?"

Evie grinned, "Of course…we've barely gotten started, sugar. Trish decorates the entire house, bedrooms and baths included. Come on, we'll grab some eggnog on the way."

Mac allowed herself to be led down the main hall, through the dining room and back toward the other end of the house. The family room, which attached to the kitchen and breakfast room, had a much warmer, cozier feel to the decor. Like the great room, the windows and French doors overlooked the ocean. The tree, fireplace garlands and wreaths were all adorned in colorful glass-blown ornaments. The ribbons, bows and tree skirt that decorated the room were in bright hues of blue, green, purple and pink. Elf and Santa fairy sprites were tucked in hiding places all around the room. The whimsical effects of the decorations combined to create a child's wonderland.

Mac was surprised to find Mattie, sitting near the tree, visiting with her father. She approached the pair and leaned in to give the teenager a hug. Mattie perked up and began to babble, "Oh Mac, you look unbelievable. Just wait until Harm sees you. I knew that dress would be perfect. Doesn't she look great, Dad? Harm should be here shortly. What do your think of the house? This room is my favorite…."

Mac blinked rapidly in response to the shotgun of questions and laughed at the young woman, "Whoa, slow down, Mattie…I'm not going anywhere. It's great to see you again, Tom. I didn't realize you were going to be here?"

Tom Johnson extended a welcoming hand, "The Burnetts invited me to come spend Christmas with Mattie. It feels good to be part of a family again, and I wouldn't miss getting to spend the holiday with my daughter." He placed a hand on Mattie shoulder has he spoke.

Mattie reached up to place her hand on his, "Yeah, Dad's going to spend a few days here with all of us, and then we're both going back to Blacksburg to celebrate the New Years."

Tom excused himself from the ladies to go in search of the food. Mac sat down beside Mattie, "It's really great to see you and Tom so close again. I know things were strained after your accident, but I'm glad he saw the importance of seeking help and rebuilding a relationship with you. It's so important that you have each other; I was never fortunate enough to have that with my parents."

Mattie beamed, "I'm glad he worked his way back to me, too. I'm lucky to have two dads who love me and care for me." She leaned in closer, "So dish already…are you nervous to see Harm, again?"

Mac bit her lower lip, "A little I guess," she exhaled, "…alright, a lot. Are you sure, he won't be upset that I'm here? I haven't heard from him, even once, in the last year and a half. I don't want to intrude on a family holiday."

Mattie laughed, "Will you just relax. Harm is gonna be thrilled to see you again, especially in that dress. He's really missed you; and besides, you're part of this family, too. So don't worry, so much."

Trish wandered over to the pair, "Sarah, I'm so glad you came. I was a little afraid, you might decide to stay away tonight." Trish leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek.

Mac looked back skeptically, "Are you sure it's OK that I'm here. I mean I don't want to intrude. What if Harm just wanted to spend the holiday with you?"

Trish smiled, "Nonsense, he's going to love seeing you again. I already told you how much he's missed you. He was…miserable when he thought you'd moved on and gotten married. Now, I expect him anytime, so you just enjoy yourself until he arrives." One of the kitchen staff motioned for Trish to come. "I need to get back to the caterer, they're having problems with one of the stoves." She grabbed Evie on the way back to the kitchen, "Evie, could you come help? This is your area of expertise, not mine."

Mac looked back to Mattie, "I think I might step outside to get some fresh air, do you want to come along?"

Mattie wrinkled her nose, "Nah, I'm gonna find my Dad and pester him about my Christmas present…he won't even give me a hint." As she maneuvered her wheelchair out of the room, she tossed back, "I'll keep a look out for Harm and let you know when he gets here."

Mac stepped out on the back deck and inhaled the night air. She could smell the ocean spray and hear the waves beating onto the shore. The nighttime temperature was a touch on the cool side, but in her coat, she barely felt a chill. She smoothed the front of her dress and remembered back to the Friday after Thanksgiving. The lunch with Trish and Evie had left her exhausted and at an emotional crossroads. When Harm had refused to return a single phone call, e-mail or letter, she'd been devastated. As with past experience, she'd hoped that a little time and space would mend all wounds; but this time, Harm had been unreachable. So after 6 months of unanswered messages and pleas for contact, she'd finally given up, bandaged her heart and resigned herself to a life without her flying knight.

She had almost adjusted to the loss when she ran into Trish and Evie. The motherly pair had peeled back every band-aid she'd placed on her heart and reopened the old wounds, to reveal a huge hole that could only be mended by her missing sailor. She'd fought them valiantly at first, not wanting to remember, but they'd refused to give up until she'd conceded defeat. Her mind's attempt to fain amnesia proved futile in the face of her heart's unwavering memory. So with a lot of coaxing and cajoling, she'd agreed to attend tonight's soiree. She'd been assured of his willingness to reconnect and hoped by night's end to be well on her way down the path to rekindling an old friendship, if not something more.

It was the 'more' that frightened her most. What if he walked away again, would she survive? On the other hand, this current existence was little more than rote. Her military training had served her well; placing one foot in front of the other, she'd marched along like a good little soldier. But where was the music, the laughter, the emotion and the dance that made her feel alive? Those had disappeared from her life, snatched away by the retreating figure on a melancholy night so long ago. The chance to once again reclaim the joy and happiness of living had been the incentive that spurred her acceptance of the invitation.

She smiled to herself…the military could take a lesson or two from this pair of mothers. No General had ever been quite so persuasive and undeterred…she suspected a General Evie or an Admiral Trish would make short work of enemy opposition. Her smile exploded into a full-blown grin that made her eyes twinkle, maybe if mothers were placed in charge…battles would be short and wars nonexistent. Woe be to anyone who crossed a mother in her quest to ensure her child's happiness.

She paced down the deck toward the great room and peered in through the windows deep in thought. Once the flag officer mothers had dispensed with their task, they'd sent in reinforcements in the form of an enlisted teenager. She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips; if mothers were king in intrigue then teenage girls were supreme. She'd thought Chloe was an expert in manipulation, but Mattie took the mastery of the art to whole new level. Toward the end of lunch, Mattie had appeared looking for Trish. When she'd spied Mac at her side, the trio had devised a plan of collusion with nothing more than a flick and a wink of the eye…not so much as a single word was spoken, yet somehow, Mac found herself promised for a shopping adventure the following day.

She and Mattie had had fun traipsing through stores, munching on treats and lusting through windows. It was at the end of the day, in the final boutique, that they spied the dress in the window. Mattie had insisted on entering the shop despite her protests of practicality and expense. Once within the confines of the establishment, the shop owner had taken over. Between the clerk and Mattie, she didn't stand a chance. She found herself decked out in the elegant garment and standing in front of a mirror, before she could issue an utterance to the contrary. She had to admit the dress and matching coat looked divine. Mattie had been relentless in her insistence that Mac needed the dress for the Christmas party. Before she knew what hit her, she'd handed over two weeks' salary for the ensemble and even more for the matching shoes and coordinating make-up. She'd drawn the line at the addition of jewelry. She had a beautiful earring and necklace set that would complete the picture, perfectly. Even better, the jewelry had been a gift from Harm for her birthday, several years back.

So here she stood in a dress made of silk and velvet. The cut of the dress was quite simple, but the long lines showed off her figure perfectly. The coat made the outfit a masterpiece. It was sown in silk and less form fitting than the dress; the back skirt sported a deep elegant pleat that started near the neck and allowed the skirt to flare. And the color…the color was a cross between red and burgundy with the richness of an aged red wine. The color was what had finally sold her on the dress. It was as close to red as she dared to wear and not appear obvious.

She looked down at the dress and spun in a circle, just has she had as a little girl, the coat's skirt flaring at the movement. She stood still and giggled at the childish behavior. Peaking back through the window, she chewed on her lip, embarrassed to have been caught in a flight of childhood fancy, by none other than Evie. Evie threw her a contagious grin and winked in conspiracy. Mac shook her head and laughed back in response. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this happy.

Chancing a glance back inside, she saw the front door open and her tall sailor step inside. He was dressed in a dark pinstripe blue suit, white shirt and burgundy tie. She unconsciously licked her lips, as she pondered the idea that he was dressed as close to military blues as civilian attire would allow. In her mind, dress blues came in a close second to mess dress as his most alluring attire. Although, he 'cleaned up good' in a civilian suit and tie, looking almost as delicious. She sighed and shook her head, shoot, what was she thinking…he'd look good in a potato sack and don't even get her started on a pair of well worn blue jeans.

She was roused from her reverie by a soft rap on the glass of the window. Evie stood watching with a devilish grin. Damn, she'd been caught, there was no use denying it…she was head-over-heels in love. Evie motioned her inside, just as she watched Frank extend a hand and pull Harm into a warm greeting.

She hurried back down the deck and entered the house through the family room doors. Pausing at a mirror in the back hall, she straightened her dress and stroked a finger through her hair. Satisfied with the results, she gracefully walked through the entry hall and into the great room, in search of her sailor.

Turning to search around the room, she came face-to-face with those beautiful blue-gray eyes. "Harm…" came the whispered response from her lips.

Several expressions flashed across his face in the space of a minute. First surprise…then appreciation, as his eyes widened, pupils dilated and mouth agape, he took her in slowly from head-to-toe…and finally, irritated resignation. The final look of barely controlled tolerance was the face that burned into her brain. She backed up in response, as the age-old walls of self-protection were already being erected.

He stared at her for several seconds, before extending a hand in greeting, "Hello Mac, I…ah…I guess Merry Christmas is the greeting that's in order."

Her voice came out soft and tentative, "It's good to see you again, Harm. I hope you had a good flight."

He nodded, but didn't smile, "It was OK…we got delayed leaving London." He paused a moment and looked back puzzled, "Mac, what are you doing here?"

She bit the inside of lip to control the tears she felt stinging the back of her eyes, "Ah, Trish…your mother invited me. We ah…we ran into each other…ah, after Thanksgiving…she…she said, you'd…be home for Christmas." The way he was staring at her; she just wanted to escape. Something was wrong…very wrong.

At that moment a tall thin beautiful blonde appeared at his side. He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms. Giving her an adoring smile, he motioned back toward Mac, "Darling, I'd like you to met Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. We were stationed together in D.C. for nine years before my transfer to London."

He smiled indulgently at Mac, "Sarah, I'd like to introduce, Miss Julia Worthington. Julia and I met in London. Actually, she lives in the adjoining townhouse. She's an attache to the American embassy." He leaned in to place a kiss on Julia's lips, "We've become quite close…she's really something special."

Mac stood there dumbfounded. How had this happened? Trish said he'd missed her…that he was still in love with her. Yet, here he stood with his arms around another woman. A beautiful blonde…correction, a beautiful, intelligent, accomplished blonde. Despite the overwhelming emotional pain, she couldn't make herself look away or move or speak.

Julia extended a hand, "It's a pleasure to met you, Sarah. I've heard a lot about the antics you and Harm used to pull at JAG."

Mac nodded her head, willing her lips to move, "Yes," she paused to clear her throat and steady her voice, "…well, we had our moments, but that was a while ago." She paused again, despite her best efforts, a glaze of tears appeared in her eyes. She swallowed hard, "Apparently a very long while ago…we…we seem to have drifted apart and lost contact. I, ah…I guess we don't really know what's been going on in each other's lives anymore."

Harm smirked, "Apparently not, Sarah."

She looked away at the sound of her given name. Why wasn't he calling her Mac? He'd only ever called her Sarah a few times in the nine years they'd know each other. Each of those times, he said her name with such emotion that it sounded almost like an endearment. Now, when he said 'Sarah', it sounded indifferent almost as if she were a stranger.

She briefly flicked her eyes to his, before allowing them to settle back to the floor. There was no warmth there. This had all been a mistake; she needed to get out of here. She mumbled back, "I…I need to get going. I hope you have a happy holiday…both of you. Good bye, Harm."

He exhaled loudly, "Yeah, happy holidays to you, too. I hope you have a Merry Christmas with your family."

She looked up at him with an expression of hurt and confusion, before rapidly making her way to the door. She practically ran the last few feet down the porch and out to the front walk in search of her car. The tears were falling faster than she could clear them. Her vision obscured, she ran right into the waiting arms of Evie. She tried to pull back, while muttering, "Sorry…please, excuse me."

Evie held on tight, "Oh sugar, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect…we had no idea he was bringing someone home with him."

Mac leaned into the older woman's embrace, "I don't know why I thought this would work. It's never worked out before…so, why would the fates smile on me now. I should have known he wasn't mine anymore. Heck, he never was mine, ever. I just liked to imagine…."

Evie rubbed a hand in circles along her back, "Sssh, it's OK, darlin. I promise it's all going to be OK."

Mac shook her head, "No, it's not…and it never will be. Every time I think I've put the pieces of my life together, someone comes along and jumbles them all up."

Evie placed on hand on her cheek and stroked the skin, "Now you listen here. I know that boy in there, inside and out, and he's in love with you. I don't know what's going on, but I plan to get to the bottom of things."

Mac pulled away, "No Evie, leave it alone. I can't do this anymore. I promised myself almost a year ago, that I was going to let him go. And I did…I was doing OK…not great…not happy…but I was surviving. Then I ran into you and Trish, and I allowed myself to hope again…but just like every other time, fate smacked me back to reality. I don't know if I can survive this time…I feel like I've got a big hole where my heart used to be."

Evie pulled her back into her arms, "Sssh, sweetie…don't talk like that. Now, you just go on home…we'll sort this out in the morning." She placed a kiss on Mac's cheek and then wiped away the lipstick. "You drive safe, you hear?"

Mac pulled away as the valet brought her car around, "Bye, Evie. Tell Trish and Mattie, I'm sorry if I ruined the party. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas." With that, she got into her car and drove away without looking back.

Evie released a sad sigh and whispered to the retreating car, "Night, sugar…be safe." She waved to the valet, "The weather's beautiful tonight, isn't it?" Turning back toward the house, she muttered under her breath, "Perfect for me to take a boy to the woodshed, even if he is over 6 feet tall."

_To Be Continued..._


	7. Chapter 5

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN #1:** Thanks for all the reviews guys…I'm enjoying them as much as you appear to be enjoying the story._

_**AN #2: Evie rides to the rescue**…it's off to the woodshed for a major "six" whooping! Hope this explains both Harm and Trish's behavior._

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**Part 5**

19:30

Sunday, Christmas Eve

24 December 2006

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

Evie spent several minutes, outside on the front porch, trying to sort out how the evening had gone so terribly wrong. She, Trish and Mattie had planned the events of the night down to the smallest detail. They were certain the two star-crossed lovers would be a couple before Santa could finish his appointed rounds. They didn't expect an announcement of marriage or an exchange of rings, but a few whispered 'I love you's' and stolen kisses under the mistletoe were well within the matchmakers' realm of possibilities.

Something about her Harmon's behavior just didn't add up. Trish had talked to him two weeks before, and he hadn't mentioned anything about a girlfriend, blonde or otherwise. So how, in the course of two weeks time, does a man show-up with a woman draped on his arm? A woman, who by the way, was willing to spend the Christmas holidays some five thousand miles away from home? Maybe, she could understand him bringing a date to the party, but to travel that great distance with someone who you'd known less than two weeks? Her boy was good, but even he didn't move that fast, especially when said girlfriend was coming home to meet mom. She knew from past experience, he'd rather give up flying than bring a girl home to talk to his mother. Something was definitely amiss in this picture, and she was about to get to the bottom of one devious flyboy.

Arms akimbo and attitude incensed, she headed into the house with a determined stride. Trish met her at the door, inquiring after Mac's hasty departure. Evie explained the less than cordial encounter and pointed out the unwanted interloper. The motherly duo devised a plan and Trish was dispatched to the study.

Evie attracted Harm's attention and waved him over to the side hall. He approached her with a flyboy smile of welcome and a tall blonde in tow. As he neared his substitute grandmother, his smile grew with devotion, "Merry Christmas, Evie…it's wonderful to see you at the party tonight." He pulled Julia to his side, "I'd like you to meet Julia Worthington…she lives next door to me in London." He leaned in to kiss Julia's cheek and then stood up to motion toward Evie, "Julia, this is Evie Dryer…she an old family friend and a surrogate grandmother to me."

Julia extended her hand in greeting, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Dryer. Harm told me you own a bistro, and something about a roasted vegetable salad that I just had to try."

Evie briefly shook the young woman's hand, "I'm sure he did," she scowled at Harm, "…if you don't mind, I need to speak with my 'grandson' a moment."

Julia smiled back warmly, "Not at all, I think I'll just go in search of the food and enjoy the decorations." She nodded her head toward Evie, "If you'll excuse me."

As Julia walked away, Harm looked quizzically at the feisty little woman before him. Clearly Evie was not happy, flashing her a tried-and-true smile, he asked, "Is something wrong? You know we tried to get here sooner, but the flights were delayed."

Evie crooked her index finger at him to come closer. As he leaned down to her level, she pinched his ear between her forefinger and thumb and held on tight. He yelped, both in surprise and pain, before attempting to pull away. Evie held on and tugged with all her 4'-10" height, dragging him toward the study, all the while muttering, "I swear, if there was a woodshed close by…I never once laid a hand on any one of my 6 boys; but young man, if I had a switch in my hand right now, I don't know what I'd do."

Not having a choice in the matter, Harm followed close behind, as she led him to the study. As they crossed the threshold, she released her stronghold. He stood back up to his full height and rubbed his now red earlobe, "Evie, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I need to go find Julia and apologize…"

He was stopped in his tracks by Trish's commanding voice, "Oh no you don't…you're not going anywhere until you explain that little display in the living room."

Before he could form a single word in response, Mattie wheeled into the study, slamming the door behind her, "Harm, what did you do to Mac? She left here in tears…and after all the work we did…"

He stood in the center of the room dumbfounded, "I don't know what's going on around here. A guy comes home to spend Christmas with his family and this is the welcome he gets? Now clearly there was some agenda in place for tonight, and obviously that agenda involved Mac; although for the life of me I can't understand why. I won't even ask what she was doing here, but I can't believe you would so flagrantly flaunt her in my face knowing how I feel."

Evie shook a finger at him, "Young man, the only one flaunting anyone was you. Now, who is that woman hanging all over you tonight?"

He sniped back, "She wasn't hanging all over me and I wasn't flaunting her to anyone."

Evie glared at him with that 'don't start with me buster' look that every mother is endowed with at the birth of her firstborn, "Oh yeah, then what do you call that slobbering demonstration you put on with the blonde?"

"I wasn't slobbering on any…."

Mattie maneuvered her wheelchair into his path, "You brought a woman here tonight? Who is she? You never said anything about being involved with anyone? What about Mac…I thought you were in love with her?"

He backed up from the frightening female trio, "Alright, will all of you just stop for a minute. First of all, the name of the lovely lady that is with me this evening is Julia Worthington. She lives next door…"

Mattie cut him off, "You brought Julia? Why would you bring Julia, I thought you were just friends. I mean, I know she's has the hots for you…but I thought you only loved Mac. You never said anything about the two of you dating; much less being involved…at least not enough to bring her home. Heck, you never even brought Mac home to met Grandma Trish and you loved her. Why in the world would you bring Julia home, especially on Christmas?" She glared at him with a growl.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, "Are you done now, young lady? What I do in my personal life is my business, just who do you think is the parent here?"

Mattie snapped back, "What do you mean just your business? I'm the one that had to watch you mope around for a year and half; and besides, families are supposed to share things…how would you like it if I just showed up with a boy out of the blue?"

Trish cleared her voice, "That's enough, now everyone calm down. Harmon, why didn't you tell me you were bringing a guest home for the holidays? I would have prepared a room, and I certainly wouldn't have invited Sarah to join us this evening."

He waved his hand in the air, "I didn't think…ah, why was Mac here tonight? I mean, if I were her husband I would have wanted her home with me, not gallivanting around and partying with a family she hardly knows. What did she do, leave hubbie at home to watch junior? And how do you know Mac anyways? Did Mattie put you up to this; because after our discussion on Labor Day, I would have thought you would have respected my feelings."

Trish sighed, "Mattie didn't put me up to anything. Mac came into the gallery quite by accident, over the Thanksgiving holiday. I invited her to lunch with Evie and I…we had a lovely time. I only wish you had introduced us much earlier. As for your current date…."

The conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Frank stuck his head into the study and opened the door to reveal a nervous Julia. "Harm, could I speak with you for a moment?"

He walked over to the door and placed an arm around her waist, leaning in to whisper, "I'm so sorry about all this. I guess I should have warned them you were coming. Usually, they're much more friendly and welcoming."

She smiled back and responded softly, "It's OK, really it is. I think I might understand what's going on. Anyway, I called my family and my brother is on his way to pick me up and take me back to the house."

Harm shook his head, "No, that's not necessary. I can drive you to your parent's home."

She patted his chest and whispered conspiratorially, "No, this will work out just fine. I think you should take the time to honestly explain what's going on to your family." She placed a kiss on his cheek, pulling back slightly, "And Harm, I think you should really take a closer look around you. I may be the stranger here, but even I can see that things are not as they appear. You need to take the time to listen with your heart not rationalize with your head. Sarah is a beautiful lady who is obviously very much in love with you."

"But she not…."

Julia pulled away and winked, "Listen to your mother, I suspect she has something to say about that." She smiled graciously to everyone in the room, "I'll just take my leave now. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas."

Frank stuck his head back inside, "I'll see her to the door and then be back. Hang in there, son."

Harm walked around behind the desk, "Would someone please tell me what's going on? I seem to be the only one in the dark here."

Trish sighed, "Do you remember when I said I had a lovely girl that I wanted you to meet? Well, Sarah was that girl…I invited her here tonight so that the two of you could work things out."

Wrinkling his brow in confusion, he asked, "Why would we work things out? Don't you think her husband might object to her spending the evening with her former…" he waved his hands around trying to come up with the right descriptor. What were they anyway? Friends, partners, acquaintances…lovers wasn't right, he never knew how to classify what they were to each other.

Trish laid a hand on his arm, "There is no husband…Sarah isn't married."

He fell heavily into the desk chair, "Wha…What did you say? I don't understand, what about that day at the restaurant? The baby…the man…who were they?"

Evie walked over to him, "Sugar, I'm afraid that was all a misunderstanding. The baby was her godson, Benjamin. She was babysitting him for the day, and the man was Benjamin's father. He was picking the baby up to take him back home."

Harm rested his elbows on the desk in front of him and placed his head in his hands. "What did I do? I was so…she must hate me. I didn't want her to think I was pining away. I wanted her to think that I went on with my life."

Evie ran a hand through his hair, "Well darlin, we're just gonna have to find a way to fix this."

He looked back up between Evie and Trish, "Fix this? You think I can fix this? I already hurt her when I walked away the first time; she'll never forgive me. Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? You said you had lunch with her over Thanksgiving…why didn't you say anything?"

Trish shrugged her shoulders, "What would you have done? You hadn't contacted her in over a year. Can you honestly tell me it would have made a difference? Can you honestly tell me that you would have come home for Christmas if you knew Sarah was going to be here?"

He looked away, "I don't know, because I wasn't given the chance to make the decision myself. Instead, my ignorance only made things worse."

Trish shook her head, "Harm, why did you bring Julia home? Are the two of you really a couple?"

He rubbed his eyes, "No, she was a plant?" At his mother's look of confusion, he explained, "I knew you were gonna try to fix me up with someone and I wasn't ready to move on. Julia is my neighbor in London, and she was kind enough to play along in this fiasco. Her family lives here in San Diego. She was coming home to spend the holidays with them. She really is a very nice person, " he sighed, "…and apparently a lot more astute than I am. She picked up on everything immediately."

Mattie wheeled in closer, "So what are you going to do now, Harm?"

He closed his eyes to shut out the overwhelming sense of dread, "I don't know, Mattie. I'm not sure I can fix any of this; I let it go on for too long."

Frank came back into the room, "Harm, Julia left with her brother. She wanted me to tell you that she's OK…and that you should go for it." Harm rotated the chair away from everyone's view; he just wanted to be alone. Frank cleared his throat, "Alright, we have guests to entertain. I think everyone should get back to the party…Trish, Evie…Mattie." When Trish started to object, Frank shook his head, "Go on now, the caterers have been looking for you."

Once the footsteps had faded and the door closed, Harm rested his head against the back of the chair and let the tears fall. This was even worse than back in September, when he thought she'd moved on and gotten married. This time, he'd driven her away for good. He shouldn't have treated her that way; even if he was hurting, he had no right to inflict that pain back on her. She hadn't done anything to deserve his recriminations. There was no way to fix things this time.

He was startled from his thoughts by a firm hand placed on his shoulder. Whirling around to yell at the intruder, he deflated at the look of understanding in Frank's eyes. "How are you doing, son?"

Harm looked away, "Not so…" his voice cracked with emotion.

Frank pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Harm. "Look Harm, I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't know what the women were up to, but I have to say, I agree with your mother. You're pretty good at running away and ducking emotional issues. If you'd know about Sarah, can you honestly say, you would have come home? I suspect you would have invented a million reasons why you needed to stay in London for the holidays."

Harm glared back, "It should have been my choice."

Frank nodded in agreement, "Yes, it should have…but your mother didn't do it to hurt you. She loves you and just wants you to be happy. I think we can all see how miserable you are without Sarah."

"Yeah well, it's a moot point now. She'll never want to see me again."

Frank sat down on the desk top, "Well son, then you just have to change her mind…make her understand how much you love her."

Harm leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes with exhaustion, "Like that's gonna happen."

Frank crossed his arms over his chest, "Well that's a first. I never took you for a quitter. You've always fought for everything you ever wanted or loved…your father, flying, Mattie. So why in the world would you quit when it comes to the one thing you want most…the one person you love most?"

Harm wiped away a tear before it could escape, "This is different…I…it's…what if I fail. I don't know if I could survive, if I let go with Mac and she decided she didn't want me."

Frank stood to pace, "Son, I know it's a frightening prospect to lose control, but what's worse…to try and fail…or to never try and then live with the regret. Did you ever wonder why I married so late in life?" Harm opened an eye at that remark. "I had dated before your mother, you know. I even fell in love once before, but I was afraid to commit and I lost her to someone else. I don't know why the fates smiled on me a second time, but they did. When I fell in love with your mother, I knew that was it…there wouldn't be anyone else who was my perfect equal…who could challenge me and make me this happy. Nothing, and I mean nothing was going to stand in my way," he pegged Harm with a serious look, "…and that included a sullen rebellious teenager. I knew if I wanted Trish, you were part of that bargain, and I was determined to hang in there no matter how many roadblocks you threw in my direction. At first I loved you because you were Trish's son, but with time I grew to love you as my son."

Frank walked back to Harm, "As your father, I want you to have whatever makes you happy. So answer this one question, if you give up and walk away, can you live without your Sarah? Can you honestly tell me that you will be happy without her in your life? If the answer to that is yes, then go ahead, walk away and forget her. But if the answer is no, then you need to go find her, tell her how you feel and make this right."

Harm rolled his eyes toward Frank, "How do you know she loves me? After all that's happened in the last year and a half, how do you know she still cares or that she'll even listen to me?"

Frank shook his head with a sigh, "Son, are you blind? Anyone who stands in the same room with you and Sarah can tell. Hell, your friend Julia was only around the two of you for five minutes and she knew. So, you need to decide what's most important in your life and go for it."

"But I don't even know where to find her," he responded with defeat.

Frank pressed a card into his hand, "That's her address; I'm quite sure you'll find her there. It's Christmas Eve, and holidays are a time for family. Unless I'm mistaken, you're Sarah's family and she's part of yours. So why don't you go get her and bring her home, so we can all spend Christmas together."

Harm nodded and held out a shaky hand, "How come I can fly an F-14 off a carrier, go down at sea, face the enemy…but the prospect of telling the woman I love that I want her for forever, scares the crap out of me?"

Frank rested a hand on his back, "Son, that's because the former only requires you to risk your life, and if you fail, you won't be around to live with the consequences…but with Sarah, you're risking your heart and failure takes on a whole different meaning." He smiled, "But I'll let you in on secret, I have it on the best authority that Sarah is a sure thing…and I've learned that Evie and Trish are a twosome I rarely ever cross."

Harm stood to leave, but Frank stopped him, "Harm, do you need a car."

Harm shook his head, "No, I've got a rental."

Frank nodded with a smile, "Alright then…I'll see you in the morning with my future daughter-in-law at your side."

Harm released a genuine smile, "Goodnight, Frank." He walked through the door, but then turned back, "And thanks, Dad…for now…and for everything."

Frank nodded in acceptance, "Merry Christmas, son."

_To Be Continued…_


	8. Chapter 6

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN:** I'm so glad everyone's enjoying the character of Evie. She is loosely based on my Grandma Edna…who was just as much fun! It was an absolute hoot to grow up with such a feisty lady. She spoke her mind (in a non threatening and whimsical way) just like Evie in this story. She had us laughing all the time! I miss her dearly._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

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**Part 6**

20:45

Sunday, Christmas Eve

24 December 2006

Mac's House

San Diego, California

Harm pulled up to the small beachfront bungalow. The lights were on inside and her car was in the adjacent carport. He breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly to calm his jittery nerves. Walking up the front sidewalk, he rapped briskly on the door. Receiving no answer, he knocked several more times, before trying the handle. Finding it locked, he circled the house looking for signs of life. With the lights on and her car there, he couldn't imagine where she might have gone. Peering into a window, he noted a small Christmas tree with lights ablaze and a fire in the fireplace. Surely she wouldn't have gone far, chancing to leave behind the risk of a fire. He tested the back door and found it unlocked. Opening the door, he poked his head inside and called her name…again, no response.

He entered the home and timidly looked around. The living room was small with an attached kitchen and eating area. The place looked tidy as he always remembered, except for an elaborate colorful box on the floor. Walking closer, he noticed it was an old cigar box, clearly decorated by childish hands. He shrugged at the memento; maybe the Roberts' kids had sent it. Kneeling on the rug, he studied the box's contents, strewn across the floor. There was an old handkerchief, a small vial with a wilted petal, some jewelry, an AA medallion and a pen. He picked up the pen and rotated it in the light. It bore his initials engraved into the side. He contemplated the mystery of the writing implement a moment, and then remembered when he'd last seen the tool. It had been at her uncle's trial…he thought he'd misplaced it, but Mac swore she hadn't seen the pen. He smiled mischievously; he'd caught her red-handed…oh well, maybe she just wanted a souvenir of the trial. Or maybe, he placed the tip of the pen into his mouth in concentration; maybe she wanted a small trinket to remember their first case together.

He placed the pen back into the box and stood to look around. Passing through a side door he entered the bedroom and immediately stopped in place. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, savoring the fragrance that was Mac. He was instantly taken back to a time 20 months ago…to a dance floor at McMurphy's. Despite his best efforts to keep the memory, that scent had almost escaped his recollection. He walked over to the dresser and picked up the bottle. It was the perfume he'd bought her as a gift. The bottle was nearly empty; but when he removed the ornate lid and held the atomizer to his nose, the scent filled him with a sense of happiness and longing.

Placing the bottle back on the dresser, he walked over to the bed and noticed the dress and coat thrown down in a haphazard heap. He lifted the dress into his hands and ran his finger over the material. The velvet and silk were soft to his touch. She had looked exquisite in the gown. He couldn't help but take notice of her beauty tonight, even when he'd tried to block his involuntary response. It was only his anger at her unexpected presence that kept him from taking her into his arms. He caressed the fabric once more and then with a determined stance, decided that he needed to take her dancing in this dress…maybe New Year's, if he played his cards right. Yes, he definitely wanted to take her dancing in this gown. He reached for the hanger on the bed and carefully placed the gown on the satin covered wire, before hanging it over the door.

He passed back into the living room and exited the back patio door. Standing on the deck, he looked out over the expanse of sand to the ocean waves. He missed this sight in London. Sure in D.C., he hadn't had water at his back door, but it was close enough to escape for a weekend. He realized then, he'd never taken Mac sailing that was something else he needed to remedy…maybe for their honeymoon. Honeymoon, now that thought sent a shiver of thrill through his body. He shook his head, even as a sly grin appeared on his lips; he was getting ahead of himself. He needed to get her to forgive him, to just talk to him, before thoughts of marriage entered in…but this time, there would be no hesitation; marriage was where he intended for this to go. Now if he could just convince his lady fair that he was still her gallant knight.

He wandered out to the water's edge and looked up and down the shore. In the dark, he could barely see fifty feet and certainly no approaching image of his marine. He headed back to the deck and collapsed into the glider, happy to be off his aching feet. He tipped his head back to rest his fatigued eyes and fought the exhaustion that threatened to overtake his long overtaxed body. Jet lag was catching up to him. Hell, if he was honest, this tired was bone deep and over a year in the making. He couldn't remember his last good sleep…it had to have been back in D.C. Between the pressures of the job, the loneliness and the unending ache for his marine, he found sleep to be an unreachable goal. He'd never before defined love as having physical qualities or attributes; but after the past year, he had to admit that the overwhelming sense of loss, the ache associated with the yearning, certainly had a physical affect. He often times felt ill for no apparent reason, there was the loss of sleep, no appreciable appetite. He had to make himself eat, and even then, his obvious weight loss was testament enough to his inability to enjoy the most basic needs and pleasures.

As he drifted off to sleep, the realization that he felt at peace for the first time in over a year settled upon him like a warm welcoming blanket. Yes, this was where he belonged…sitting here on Mac's porch, surrounded by her things, feeling her presence…it didn't matter where they lived or where they worked as long as they were together.

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Mac walked along the water's edge, toeing the sand away in a trail behind her. She'd decided it was just too much work to pick-up her feet, so here she was shuffling back toward home. Molly, her year old chocolate lab, raced in circles around her, nipping at the gusts of wind that ruffled her ears. The dog loved to run sprints through the water, jumping the waves, but Mac barely had the energy to drag herself home.

When she first arrived home after fleeing the party, she'd thrown off the absurdly expensive dress. What was she thinking indulging in such nonsense? Of course nonsense was such a broad inclusive term, which nonsensical act did she mean? The sophomoric indulgence in clothing and things at the encouragement of a teenager? The ridiculous desire to be part of a family for the holidays, even if they weren't her own? Or the colossal mistake to once again open the wounds and indulge in the fantasy of a future with her wing-studded knight?

She'd pined away for six months after they had parted company, calling, e-mailing, sending correspondence. When not a single one was answered, she promised herself to put that long indulged dream to rest. She'd been doing a pretty good job of it until she met Trish and Evie. She'd been truthful with Evie this evening; while she wasn't exactly happy or content, at least she was surviving. Surviving was something right?

She'd been successful in her new command; although if she were truly honest, she hated the new position. She didn't realize how much she enjoyed investigating, litigating, even the judiciary had its moments of fun…of course, part of that sense of contentment had been predicated on the presence of a certain tall handsome naval commander situated right next door. His presence in her life had become as necessary as eating and breathing, and in his absence those life-sustaining activities had begun to seem woefully unnecessary. When he walked out of her life, it had been as if the spark that kept her alive had gone out too. So here she was alone once again, miserable once again, and fighting to survive once again.

She looked down at the coin in her hand. The stupid thing had picked a fine time to run out of luck. Her most important chance for a shot at happiness, and fate decided to step in and drop her right on her six. She should have known better, no way the daughter of Joe MacKenzie would end up happy and content. Life just didn't work out like that for people like them. Shining knights and white horses only rode to the rescue on the ornate pages of a little girl's fictional storybook.

She pursed her lips and exhaled at the irony; the nursery rhyme, 'He Loves Me NOT' had been tattooed onto her soul in chilling fashion, tonight. Maybe this time she would learn her lesson, MacKenzies don't get fairy tale endings…life was never that kind. She paused in front of her house and watched the waves rolling in and out. Rubbing her thumb over the nickel, she pulled back her arm to toss the coin into the sea. She was halted mid-motion by Molly's animated barking. Turning back toward the house, she was stopped in her tracks by the image of a tall familiar figure.

Harm had been awakened from a delectable dream of his marine by incessant barking. Scrubbing a hand over his eyes to clear the sleep, he stood and peered into the distance. Just as in his dream, the apparition came true; she stood in the moonlight at the edge of the waves.

She held her breath as he approached, uncertain of whether her heart could sustain another blow. Sensing her master's fear, Molly stood guard growling at the advancing intruder. Mac called the dog to her side and retreated further into the shadows, arms crossed tightly in self-protection.

He stopped a few feet away, sensing her discomfort. Extending a hand, he beckoned softly, "Sarah, I…."

She shook her head, "Don't call me that…you don't get to call me by that name anymore." He bristled at the response and took a few steps back. "What are you doing here, Harm? It's Christmas, shouldn't you be with your family?"

He diverted his eyes, "I am with my family…here."

She inhaled deeply to control the tears, "I don't think your girlfriend would be to pleased to hear that statement. Really, you should just go home; I'll be fine…I always am. Alone seems to work for me, I'm getting used to it…I've had enough practice in the last year and a half." She turned to walk back down the beach.

"Mac, wait…Julia, she's not my girlfriend. I just used her as a plant to keep my mother off my back. Mom's been bugging me about forgetting you, about moving on with my life. She told me she had a nice woman lined up for me to get acquainted with this holiday. Honestly, I didn't know it was you; Mom didn't say anything about meeting you. I wasn't ready to…I couldn't just forget you…sooooo, Julia agreed to help. She really does live next door to me in London, but her folks live here in San Diego. She was coming home for the holidays anyways." He shrugged, "She was just a convenient stand-in…we're not involved as anything more than friends."

She studied his face and the expression in his eyes; he was telling the truth, "Then why were you so indifferent to me? I didn't have any ulterior motives for being there; I just wanted to see you." Her voice grew softer as she asked the question.

He took a step toward her and Molly tensed and growled. He smiled and pointed to the dog, "Could you call the MPs off? I promise not to hurt you."

She looked unsure, "I'm not sure…"

"Please Mac, I won't come any closer unless you invite me."

Mac patted the dog's head, "Molly heel…it's OK, girl." When Molly settled in close, Mac scratched her head and then pointed toward the house, "Good dog, now go to the house." The dog shifted her eyes from Mac to Harm before slowly trotting to the porch. Sitting on the edge, her eyes never left Harm.

"Well, I guess it's safe to say that no one's getting near you without Molly's permission. I might have to offer her a bribe," he smiled disarmingly. When Mac failed to laugh at the joke, he grew serious again. "Mac, my only explanation for my behavior this evening is that I was protecting my own heart. When I saw you at the house, I was still under the impression that you were married and had a child." He looked away as he nervously dug his toe into the sand, "I uh…I didn't want you to think I was still pining away while you'd moved on. Last September, when I saw you at the restaurant I knew I'd finally done it this time…you wouldn't be coming back. I wasted my last chance. So tonight, I tried to pretend that I was OK, that it didn't matter. It wasn't until after you left that Mom, Evie and Mattie gave me an earful," he smiled and rubbed his still sore earlobe, "…literally and figuratively." His smile grew, "Oh yeah, one word of advice, don't ever cross Evie…she tougher than she looks."

Mac returned the first smile since his arrival, "I know what you mean. She doesn't take no for an answer, and she finds a way to make you think that her ideas are really yours."

He took a few tentative steps in her direction and she retreated a step in response, "What do you want Harm? Why are you here?"

He took another step and she stood her ground, "I want you."

She shook her head as her tears glistened in the moonlight, "I don't think I can do this again. You nearly destroyed me the last time you walked away. I can't start that dance again."

He advanced another step and whispered, "But what if I'm offering you every dance on my card, and the chance to tango forever?" When she didn't respond, he took one more step and stared into her eyes, "Mac?"

She stood silent, eyes flicking rapidly from him to the house and back. Finally her voice cracked as she became unnerved by the intensity of his gaze, "What do you see when you look at me that way?"

He continued to stare, "I see…a desirable woman."

She realized her mistake almost immediately; she didn't want to have that discussion, again. Turning away from his gaze, "I can't do this."

He stepped closer, "That's not the right response."

She shook her head pleading with him, "Please, don't make me live those words again."

He stood resolved, "I believe your next line is…and I see a man who's so afraid to lose control." She swiped a hand over her cheek to wipe away the tears.

He took another step in her direction, "And my response back then, was…in my world, you lose control you die." She inhaled a shuddering breath and closed her eyes.

One more step, "But I've learned something about control in the last year, Mac. When you hold on so tight to your emotions, because you're afraid to let go…you might as well be dead, because you lose all the things that make you feel alive."

As he took one final step, she opened her eyes. He extended his arms in invitation and whispered, "I have a new life creed, Mac. For the rest of my days, I plan to lose control…to live life with abandon…and to love you to the point of insanity."

_To Be Continued…_


	9. Chapter 7a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN: **Here's what you've all been waiting for**…Merry Christmas! **Let the MUSHY STUFF begin!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxxx

**Part 7a of two parts**

06:55

Monday, Christmas Day

25 December 2006

Mac's House

San Diego, California

She came awake slowly and stretched languorously like a cat before the fire. As she arched her back away, a pair of firm strong arms pulled her determinedly back into the warmth of his side. She smiled in that twilight place that rests between wakeful consciousness and dream-induced slumber. She didn't want to open her eyes, what if it all turned out to be just a fantasy? It was Christmas after all, sugarplums fairies and such.

Testing the reality of her senses, she opened her hand and lightly ran her fingertips up the soft t-shirt clad wall of chest that served as her pillow. Smiling at the reassurance of the tactile sensation, she mused that Santa must have been kind to her this year. After a decade of wishing, and bargaining, and pleading, he'd finally brought her a flyboy…and oh, what a magnificent specimen at that. She tilted her head back and cracked open an eye…the visual confirmation was even more satisfying. Oh yes, she must have been a very good girl this year.

Sliding a leg between his, she wrapped her arm over his chest and nuzzled her face more deeply into his neck. This was definitely as close to heaven as you could come on earth; she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander back over the events of the glorious eve.

"…to lose control…to live with abandon…to love to insanity," she smiled in her daydreams; when her sailor finally decided to let go, he really let go. Next thing she knew, she was tightly folded into his arms' embrace; it felt like coming home. She couldn't remember when she'd ever felt so safe and secure. Her world seemed to right itself with that one simple act.

They had danced in the moonlight, accompanied by the orchestra of ocean waves and the music of the wind. Neither one wanted to break the magical spell of the holiday eve. She wouldn't have been the least bit surprised to spy Santa and his reindeer circling overhead, beckoned by the glittering fairy dust sprinkled from the hand of a mischievous elf called Evie. For the first time ever, she believed in the magic of Christmas. Seems miracles didn't just happen for children on this special night.

Molly sat watching from her perch on the deck, tilting her head from side-to-side, as though listening to the holiday greeting from the retreating St. Nick. She wasn't quite sure whether to attack or bark for joy. Her master was surrounded by a tall handsome stranger, but she'd never sensed her more calm and serene. Sniffing once into the air, she howled with the wind, adding voice to the lovers' symphony of sounds.

Harm's lips grazed her temple in a contented grin, as arms drew her more securely into the circle of his embrace. She pulled back slightly to study the emotions on his face. Even in the dim light of the moon, she could see the mirth reflected in his eyes. Reaching up to run the back of her fingers over his cheek, she asked, "What's so funny?"

He broke into a full flyboy grin, "Even Molly can feel the magic tonight." Growing serious, he whispered, "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie," then leaned in to lay a gentle kiss upon her waiting lips.

Breathless, she whispered back, "I love you too, my shining knight," returning the caress to that inviting mouth.

After several more minutes, she shivered in the cool night air. He briskly rubbed his large hands up and down her back, "You're freezing…let's go back inside."

She reached for his hand, tugging him up the beach toward the house. Molly trotted dutifully behind, collapsing with a satisfied sigh before the warm flames lapping in the fireplace. Guard duty accomplished, it was time to enjoy the people comforts of the night.

Harm laughed at the dog's antics, "I'm surprised you got another four-legged friend. I figured after you gave up the last one to Chloe…you wouldn't have wanted another?"

She took his dress coat and hung it in the closet, "I don't know…I guess I just wanted some company. Besides I don't have to travel quite as much now…you know, no investigations and the like."

He nodded and placed his suit coat over a dining room chair. "I know what you mean…I don't know what I would have done without Mattie. She was the only thing that kept me sane."

She gestured toward the kitchen, "Would you like some coffee or tea?"

He tried valiantly to suppress a yawn, "Sure, coffee would be great. I'm back on London time…jet lag's gonna be a bear."

She frowned, "Maybe you should go home and get some rest?"

He threw her a sly grin and waggled his brows, "Not a chance, marine…besides, who's going to protect you from Santa's elves and all?"

She laughed, "I appreciate your concern for my safety, but don't you think you'd be better off going home and getting a good night's sleep?"

He sobered and stared into the fire, "I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I was home. I seldom do."

She walked over to him and placed a hand on his back, "I know what you mean…it's been…." She shrugged her shoulders in weary resignation.

He pulled her into his arms, "Yes, it has…but I think things are looking up now." He sighed in contentment at the contact and leaned over to rub his cheek against her hair.

The coffee maker emitted a loud gush signaling completion of its task. She pulled back to retrieve their beverage, and he followed on her heels, unwilling to be too far from her side. She arranged a plate with an assortment of holiday cookies and grabbed for the decorative Christmas mugs.

He reached for the carafe of the aromatic liquid and inhaled deeply, "This smells great…what kind is it?"

She handed him the mugs, "It's a holiday blend I picked up…hazelnut praline I think?"

He placed the mugs on a large tray, and she added some plates, the cookies and napkins. He hefted the edible goodie laden tray into his hands and motioned for her to lead the way.

She started to sit in a chair in the dining room, but he continued on to the living room, sitting down on the floor before the fire. When she raised a brow in question, he shrugged with a smile…he'd be darned if he was going to let her sit that far away. He wanted to be able to touch her and hold her. She acquiesced and followed suit.

Molly raised her head and sighed at the commotion, people were such peculiar animals…she eyed the cookies, but decided it would require too much effort to move. Lying back down, she returned to her dream world of Santa Dog, squeak toys and gingerbread treats dancing around in her head.

Harm toed off his shoes and removed his tie. She handed him a cup of coffee and a plate of cookies. He took a bite of the decorated sweet and a large gulp of the flavorful brew. Closing his eyes in pleasure, he hummed a loud 'mmmm' at the enjoyable tastes. Mumbling with mouth still full, he asked, "You made theses?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I've been working on my cooking skills of late." She smiled, "Evie's given me some tips," the smile grew larger, "…and recipes."

His eyes shot open, "Not for the roasted vegetable salad? 'Cuz she refuses to even talk to me about that recipe."

She shook her head and laughed, "No, not your salad…she said she might leave it to 'US' in her will, but not before. She did, however, give me a fabulous recipe for stuffed French toast for breakfast."

"Breakfast, huh?" His eyes twinkled in delight.

She blushed, "I huh…I didn't mean to imply," she looked away.

He reached for her hand and squeezed, "I figure we have a lot to talk about, so breakfast will probably be in order." He winked and grinned at her embarrassment. Taking another sip of coffee, he pointed to the trinkets on the floor, "What's all this?"

She blushed again at the sight of her hope chest and secret treasures. "Oh nothing, I'll just put this stuff away." She scurried to rise from the floor and clear the mementos.

He reached out and tugged on her arm, pulling her off balance. She fell backwards, landing between his legs. Eyes huge, she blushed again. He laughed and pulled her into his arms, placing a kiss on the back of her neck, "That's much better…you were too far away."

She pointed at the trinkets, "But I just want to put those away."

He reached past her and picked up the pen, "What's this? I remember losing it after our first case…and I distinctly remember you telling me, you hadn't seen it?"

She reached for the pen, but his reach was longer, "No, no…spill, marine."

She crossed her arms and huffed, "I, ah…I just wanted a…."

He handed it back to her, "A memento of our first case together?" She nodded in response. He pulled her back against his chest and whispered in her ear, "It's OK, I have a few mementos of my own that used to belong to you."

She looked back puzzled, "Like what? I'm not missing anything that I know of."

He smiled slyly, "That's my secret."

She sighed back, "But that's not fair, you know mine."

His smile grew with his sing-songy response, "It's for me to know and you to find out."

She leaned into his ear and whispered, "I have my ways."

He kissed her nose, "I was counting on that," he waggled his eyebrows, "…and looking forward to your powers of persuasion." She ducked her face into his shoulder. He laughed in response, "Since when are you so shy?"

She shrugged, "Since I'm afraid…."

He hugged her tight, "Never again, Mac. I promise…you never have to be afraid again. I'll always be here, no matter what." She nodded in acceptance, and he tipped her face to his and kissed her lips. Pulling her back into his arms, he pointed to the trinkets again, "You don't have to tell me right now, if you don't want to…but someday, I'd like to know."

Subconsciously she reached into the pocket of her jeans and withdrew the nickel. Rubbing her thumb over the smooth surface for support, she screwed up her courage and proceeded to tell him the meaning of the old cigar box and each of the treasures inside. He listened intently to each tale, fighting the urge once again, to throttle the miserable bastards that inflicted such pain on a vulnerable little girl. By the time she was finished, he had to add himself to the list of those individuals who had inflicted pain on his Sarah…and he vowed with everything in his power to avoid that hurt again.

When she was finally finished relating her memories, he pulled her to his chest and ran his hands down her arms. Bringing her left hand to his lips, he placed a kiss on the palm, but as he attempted to duplicate the action with her right, he found her hand fisted. Leaning his head over her shoulder, he took her right hand into his and gently pried open her fingers. Finding the nickel inside, he pointed with his index finger to the tarnished coin, "What's this?"

She ran her thumb over the lucky five-piece, "It's my nickel of fate," she shrugged her shoulders, "…you, know three chances for a nickel." When he creased his brow in question, she continued to explain, "When I was a little girl, my grandmother gave me the coin. We used to play a game…she gave three chances to accomplish any task." She turned the coin over in her hand, "Grandma always made sure I got it right by the third chance…I never had to give up my nickel…until tonight." She grew quiet as she closed her hand back into a fist.

He closed his hand around hers and held on, "What was different about tonight?" She looked away as tears appeared in her eyes. He placed a finger under her chin and pulled her face back to him, "Sweetheart, you can tell me. What was different about tonight?"

She swallowed hard, "I was going to throw it in the ocean," she wiped away the first tear to fall, "…because I used up all my chances."

He ran a finger down her cheek, "Tell me how, please?"

Her lip quivered, "One in Sydney…one at McMurphy's," she drew in a shuddering breath, "…and the last one tonight at your mother's party."

He drew her head to his shoulder and placed his lips upon her forehead, "They were the chances for an us?" She barely nodded her head. "The times you laid it all on the line to let me know how you felt?" She turned into his side and buried her face in his neck. He could feel the dampness of tears on his skin. He hugged her tightly, "I'm so sorry, Sarah." He rocked her in his arms until her body stopped shaking with silent cries. When she'd visibly calmed, he pulled her away to look in her eyes, "But sweetheart, the thing is…you didn't fail. You succeeded on your third try."

She shook her head puzzled at his reply. He nodded affirmation, "You may have left the party tonight thinking you'd failed…but actually, we finally worked it out. At least, I think we did?" He gazed at her for assurance. She took his hand and smiled in return. He released a sigh of relief, "OK…and although, I'm on London time…I'm pretty sure you were in my arms before midnight?"

She smiled back, "I was."

He leaned in to kiss her, "Soooo…since it was still the same night, you didn't fail…you succeeded on your third chance." He closed her fingers over the coin, "The nickel is still yours…you beat fate."

She laughed at his machinations, "It's a little convoluted, but I'll take it. We need all the luck we can get."

He chewed on his bottom lip, "Actually, we have more luck than that." She wrinkled her brow and stared back. He raised an index finger to request patience and then reached into his back pocket, withdrawing his wallet. Opening the worn leather, he pulled out a small square of heavy cream paper. Setting the wallet aside, he placed the paper in her palm, "Open it."

She turned the square over and noticed the folds, "What is it?"

He leaned over her shoulder to watch, "You'll see…just open it." She carefully unwrapped the old paper to reveal a dime. She placed the paper aside and held the coin up to light. He sighed, "It's my dime of fate."

She turned around to look at his face, "Your what?"

He shrugged, "Grandmas everywhere must think alike. My Grandma Sarah tried the nickel thing with me too. Problem was I rarely accomplished the goal with three chances." She chuckled at his embarrassed rosy glow. He cleared his throat, "You called it right. You once told me I make simple things complicated. My Grams would probably agree with that assessment. I was always trying to find the faster…the better…the unique way to accomplish a task. I always took more tries…and a longer time…than conventional wisdom held. But," he held up a finger, "…I will say, my ways were often times better in the end."

She rolled her eyes and snickered back, "Uh huh, whatever you say."

He grinned in response, "You know I'm usually right." She rolled her eyes again. "Anyway, when I lost most every nickel, Grams decided to give me ten chance for a dime. You can be assured I never had to give away my dime."

She rested her face in her hands and laughed, "Harm, I swear…if our kids end up like you…." She grew quiet and paled as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

He pulled her back close, "Hey now, don't you give up on me. One way or another, I promise we'll make that dream come true."

"But…."

"Sarah, I promise."

They sat quietly for several minutes just holding on tight to one another. Finally Harm pushed her away enough to see her face, "There's one more thing I promise."

She looked up nervously, "What?"

He held up a finger, "Just give me one minute to explain…and don't say anything until I'm through." She nodded back in response. "Okay," he sighed and held her hands out in front of him and opened them supine, "…I need to explain my lost chances with you."

She shook her head, "But you don't have to."

"Yes, I do…I want you to understand what I really meant all those times." He touched the tip of his index finger to hers, "First, there was the deal to have a baby…I didn't just want a back-up plan; I wanted it all…marriage, kids, home."

He touched her next finger, "In Sydney, I didn't say 'no'…I said 'not yet.' I want to make it clear that I wanted you, but I thought I needed to work some things out in my life before I could fully commit."

Touching the next finger, "At your engagement party, when I said you would always have someone who loves you…I meant me."

Moving to the fourth finger, "When I followed you to the Guadal Canal and you asked if I would give up Renee…I said 'yes,' but you'd already left the room. Banking on a future note…you need to give me a moment to articulate the answer in my head, before I can say it out loud."

He moved to her thumb, "During the Singer trial, I should have leveled with you about my suspicions with Loren and Sergei. I know, I hurt you by closing you out."

He exhaled loudly as he moved to her other hand. Pointing to the first finger, he continued, "In Paraguay, looking back…I should have clearly stated my intentions. I expected you to interpret my actions, without all the facts, and while we were both under physical and emotional duress. You asked me why I did it…it was because I loved you…and I wouldn't have survived if I didn't do everything in my power to keep you alive."

Pointing at the next finger, "That last night at McMurphy's before our transfers…I need you to understand why I walked away." He felt her shrink against him, but held tightly to her hand. "The reason I left was because I didn't think you should have to give up the marines to take on Mattie and me. I needed to stay in the military, to ensure that Mattie got the appropriate medical care. I didn't think I could guarantee that to Mattie if I gave up my insurance or the income associated with my career. I was afraid if I let you resign…you would ultimately resent me for the loss of your career…especially if we couldn't have children. I'm sorry Mac, but I just couldn't take everything away from you. I thought you'd be happier without me."

She turned back to look in his eyes, "But you didn't ask me what I wanted. You took away my right to choose…and guess what, I was prepared to choose you…all you had to do was give me the chance."

He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, "I know that now…my Mom told me the same thing, but at the time…I just couldn't ask you to make that sacrifice. I didn't want you to have to give up anything for me."

She cupped his cheek with her hand, "News flash sailor, that's what love is all about. You want the best for the person you love, just like you resigning your commission to come rescue me. I didn't want you to give up the Navy for me, but it was something you felt you had to do. I would have done…and still will…do the same for you. Love and family are more important than a career, than where we live, than how much money we have…than everything." She leaned in to kiss his lips, "Got that?"

He kissed her back, "I do now, and I promise to discuss the big decisions together…from now on." He turned her back around and opened her hand again and pointed to the third finger, "This Christmas…I should have asked questions before I made assumptions. I almost blew our last chance to get this thing right. I'm sorry for how I treated you and made you feel. I love you and I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you just how much."

She leaned back against his chest, "I love you, too…and I plan to spend the rest of my life telling you…and showing you just how much." She looked into his eyes, "And Harm, for each of those missed chances of yours, I played a part in most all of them as well. From now on, we need to be honest and upfront about what we mean…and I will try to give you the time you need to express yourself…if you'll try to speak in more than 4 or 5 word sentences."

He smiled back, "I promise to try…no more, 'you know the reason' or 'I think you know why'."

He reached out and placed both coins in her hand. Picking up the nickel, he wrapped the coin in the cream paper and placed in into his wallet, "Mac, I promise to try with all that is in me…to accomplish my tasks with a minimum of chances." He turned her face to his, "I promise to never use up my three chances again. You keep the dime…and I'll keep the nickel. From now on, the three chances of your nickel will always trump the ten chances of my dime in the fate of our life. No more 8 and 10 chances to get it right…we do it the first time." He gave her a sly smile, "Or on a rare occasion the second or third."

They spent several more hours openly and honestly discussing the misunderstanding of their past, before falling asleep together in the early hours of Christmas morn. She stretched again and opened her eyes wallowing in the pleasure of sleeping beside her sailor. They were both going to be sore, their bodies paying the price for sleeping on the floor. The fire was still burning warmly, thank goodness for gas logs, and the Christmas tree lights and ornaments sparkled in the dim light of the rising sun.

Molly popped open an eye looking for the first stirring of her master. At Mac's quiet shush, the dog stretched long and returned to sleep.

Mac took the opportunity to study her flyboy in slumbered repose. Pulling away slightly, she raised her head and rested it onto her palm. She mused that she'd never had the uninhibited chance to look her fill at his beautiful face. She smiled as she extended a finger to trace the lines on his forehead. The last year and half had been rough on both of them. The lines of worry had deepened to frame his handsome face. Even in sleep, he didn't completely relax. She traced his eyelids to his temple and into his hair. He had just the hint of gray beginning to peek through. She ran her finger up and through the cowlick that stood at attention and marveled at the softness of the short locks. Trailing the finger down to his ear, she ran the tip around the shell of the crooked wonder that had provided hours of entertainment in the quiet musing of her dreams. She leaned in to place a kiss on one of the rare peculiarities that kept her sailor from pure perfection. She leaned in further to touch her lips to the fullness of his. He responded in his sleep and leaned into the caress.

Pulling back away, she ran a hand down his chest and over his sides. He was thinner again, almost like when they first met. The nickname 'stickboy' echoed through her mind, clearly their separation had affected more than just sleep. She smiled in scheme; maybe…just maybe she could talk Evie into that recipe yet. Her sailor needed to replace a few pounds to his lean physique. Reaching for his hand, she placed a kiss upon each finger before interlocking their grasp and settling back onto his chest.

**Continued in Part 7b**


	10. Chapter 7b

**Part 7b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 7a first)**

She felt the mass vibrate under her cheek as he inhaled deeply. She was startled from her morning activity by a light carefree voice, "When is it my turn to investigate the wonder that is you?"

She blushed at being caught, "I thought you were still asleep."

He cracked open a eye, "So that gives you permission to have your way with me?"

Her face contorted in shock, "I wasn't having…."

He laughed at her ardent defense, "My back is going to scream at me for this, but what a wonderful way to wake-up." He pulled her more tightly into his arms, dragging her onto his chest; he kissed her soundly to quiet her arguments. Blinking both eyes in the morning light, he asked, "What time is it anyways."

She looked into his eyes, perplexed, "I don't know exactly."

He raised a brow amused, "You don't know what time it is?" She shook her head as she ducked her face into his neck. "Is this a permanent thing or a temporary annoyance?"

She mumbled into in his neck, "Temporary…it will wear off as soon as…."

He held her close and rolled them over, tucking her beneath his large frame. Peering down into her face, "As soon as what?"

She blushed, "As soon as you stop kissing me. You tend to throw of my internal clock."

His smile grew in proportion to his ego at that declaration, "How long has this gone on?"

She frowned back, perturbed at revealing her weakness, "Since the first time you kissed me on the docks of Norfolk."

He arched his head back and laughed aloud, "You never told me."

She sighed in defeat, "Why would I tell you about your," she rolled her eyes, "…extraordinary powers of persuasion?"

He leaned in and bumped her nose with his, "To even the score…you constantly keep me off kilter."

She smiled back, "Oh yeah." He leaned down to take her lips once more. Pulling back, his brow rose in challenge, "This could work to my advantage…I can make both of us late for work."

Her mouth hung agape, "You wouldn't."

He grinned mischievously, "Oh but I would…think of the possibilities." He pulled back slightly and ran his fingers through her hair, brushing it away from her face. "You cut your hair?"

"Yeah, it took too much time to fix it when it was long. Plus it's warmer here, the shorter cut is cooler." She tipped her head to the side, "Why? Did you like it better long?"

He ran his fingers through the soft shiny strands, "Nope, this is actually my favorite haircut on you. You wore it like this when we were in Afghanistan, right?"

Her eyes widened in shock, "You noticed how I wore my hair back then?"

He shook his head at the absurdity of the question, "Mac, I noticed everything about you back then. I was quite serious…you were never my sister," he leaned in for a quick peck to her lips, "…and I always thought of you as a desirable woman."

She reached up to caress his cheek, "So you like the shorter hair? I thought guys liked long hair on a woman?"

He studied her face with an expression of appreciation, "Nope, I always liked it short…like this, off your face. I want to see all of your beautiful features. Besides," he leered back,"…it exposes one of my favorite places." She raised a brow in question, he laughed and dove in to nuzzle and kiss her neck below her ear.

She giggled and scrunched up her shoulders. He bested her maneuver and moved in to feast some more. She sighed in contentment and ran her fingers through his hair, holding his head in place. Oh yes, Santa truly granted her every wish this year, she snickered once more at the thought.

He pulled back, rolling them onto their sides, "What's so funny?"

She reached up to run the back of her fingers over his cheek, "Nothing really, I was just thinking that Santa was very good to me this year."

His eyes grew wide, "Today's Christmas…I have strict instruction to bring you home for the festivities!"

She laughed at his expression, "And what if you hadn't won me over?"

He shivered at the thought, "I don't even want to think about it. The idea of facing the female trio again," he touched a finger to his ear.

She noticed for the first time that it was mildly red. Reaching up to caress the earlobe, she asked, "Why's your ear all red?"

He shook his head, "Don't mess with Evie. She may look fragile and small, but she strong as an ox. Add her to Mom and Mattie, and let's just say that last night was not particularly pleasant. Frank was the only one to bail me out…but I had to promise to bring you home with me this morning."

He slipped his fingers under the bottom edge of her shirt and slid them over the soft skin of her back. He counted the ribs as he ascended. She'd lost weight in the last year. He was going to have to work on that predicament. As if challenged to action, her stomach growled in protest of last night's meager repast. She blushed in response, "Sorry, I haven't eaten all that much lately."

He nudged her face back to his view, "I can tell…you've lost weight. We need to remedy that…at least a little."

She ran her own fingers under his t-shirt and up his side, "I could say the same for you." He nodded in agreement. "Well then, we need to start taking better care of each other." She lightly pinched his skin, "How about some breakfast? You can take a quick shower, while I get started. I don't suppose you have any clothes with you?"

He stood to his feet and pulled her up to his side, "Actually I do; I never took my suitcase out of the rental car."

She pointed him in the direction of the bedroom, "The bathroom is that way…I'll get started on the French toast."

As she collected the ingredients for breakfast, he ran out to the car. He reappeared a minute later with suitcase in hand and wandered back toward the bedroom. She looked up from the kitchen and called, "Harm, I think my dress is on the bed. I'll be in a minute to move things out of the way."

He yelled back, "Don't worry about it…I hung your dress up last night."

She frowned, "When was that? I don't remember you leaving my side."

He stuck his head around the door and answered sheepishly, "I ah…kind of came in looking for you when I first got here. You weren't around, but the back door was unlocked. I ah…let myself in."

She shook her head and giggled, "I wasn't here so you cleaned up my room?"

He ducked his head and laughed, "No, not exactly. I was just…admiring your dress and hung it up on the door so it wouldn't get wrinkled."

She smiled at his embarrassment, "OK, I guess I'll have to keep you around. It's hard to find a guy who likes to hang up his own clothes, much less mine."

He motioned toward the bathroom, "Ah, I'm gonna take that shower now." She nodded with a smile and went back to work. He stuck his head back around the door, "Oh by the way, we're going dancing for New Year's Eve…and you are definitely going to wear that dress again."

She tipped her head and smiled with glee, "So, you liked the dress?"

He winked back, "In case you didn't notice my response at the party…oh yeah, loved the dress. You'll wear for me for New Year's Eve?"

She nodded back with a laugh, "I'll wear the dress just for you. Now, how about that shower so we can eat breakfast." He winked again and ducked back into the bedroom.

She pumped her fist and whispered a soft, "Yeesss," under her breath. As she was scurrying around the kitchen, the phone rang. She grabbed the headset and continued to work. "MacKenzie residence."

"Sarah darling, it's Trish. I just wanted to check-up on you and make sure you're OK."

Mac ran a hand mixer through the cream cheese filling. "Merry Christmas, Trish. I'm just fine this morning…in fact I couldn't be better. Santa left me an incredible present under the tree."

Trish laughed, "I see, should I guess what that might be?"

Mac set aside the mixer and moved on to slice the French bread, "Oh, I don't know…it was really unusual; although, I've been requesting it for years."

"Well, the reason I called was to see if you've seen my son…and to ask if he's still alive? We seem to have misplaced him."

Mac giggled, "Actually, I have seen him…and last I noticed he was very much alive."

"Alive is a good thing…how about injured? Is he still in one piece or should I head to the nearest hospital?"

Mac laid the slices of bread on the counter and began making the maple sauce for the French toast, "Well, Molly did growl and bare her teeth, but I don't think she removed any skin from his hide. I did notice a red earlobe, but I promise I didn't lay a hand on himmm…ah, his earlobe."

Trish laughed aloud, "I'm sorry to hear that. I think Evie is the party responsible for the bruised lobe. She was umm…leading him to the woodshed."

Mac howled through the phone, "I would have paid money to see that. The image of a 4ft-10 gray-haired grandmother dragging a 6ft-4 muscled sailor through the house…I definitely left the party too soon."

"So, is my son around or should I send out the National Guard?"

Mac poured the remaining ingredients into the saucepan with the maple syrup. "Actually Trish, he's in the shower right now. I can have him call you back."

Trish clicked her tongue, "I see…in the shower…alone?"

Mac rolled her eyes, "Yes, alone. We spent most of the night talking and clearing the air. We fell asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace, and he's moving a little slow this morning. I'm not sure either of our backs with be the same ever again."

"I'm glad the two of you are working things out. I hope to see both of you for our Christmas dinner today…say about 2 o'clock?"

Mac looked up to see Harm entering the room dressed in a casual shirt and jeans, "Actually Trish, Harm just walked into the room…let me give you to him, while I finish making breakfast." She handed off the phone to Harm and watched while he blushed brightly at his mother's conversation.

She was just flipping the French toast when he came up behind her and placed his arms around her waist, "That looks good…what did you say it was?"

She scooped up a dollop of the cream cheese mixture and extended her finger. He grabbed her hand and engulfed the finger with his mouth, licking it clean. Releasing her finger, he leaned in to place a kiss on her neck, "That tastes great. How about we forget the toast part and I'll just eat the filling and you?"

She captured his lips with hers, and then pulling away, pointed with the spatula, "Go sit down, it's almost ready."

He wrinkled his nose, "Spoil sport." Stepping away, he asked, "Do you need any help?"

She pointed toward the back counter, "If you want…you can pour the coffee and juice. The cups are already on the table."

He grabbed the beverages and started toward the dining area. She filled two plates with large helpings of French toast and fresh fruit, and followed close behind."

With the first bite his eyes glazed over, "Mmmm, what's in this…it's amazing?"

She swallowed her bite and smiled at his obvious rapturous enjoyment. "Evie gave me the recipe. The toast is stuffed with a cream cheese mixture and fresh strawberries then dunked in an orange custard."

He loaded up another forkful, "This isn't regular maple syrup?"

"No, it's maple sauce. You start with maple syrup and spruce it up with heavy whipping cream among other things."

His eyes widened, "When you said you were gonna fatten me back up, you weren't kidding. I may have a coronary just looking at this stuff. I hope you have plans for us to work off the calories," his eyes twinkled with delight.

She shook her head and pointed at his plate, "It's not like we eat this everyday. Now be quiet and eat your breakfast."

He ducked his head and chuckled, "Yes, ma'am…although, if you don't have any ideas for exercise; I can think of a few." He stole a quick glance in her direction.

She laughed at his antics, "Are you gonna be like this from now on?"

He crossed his arms in challenge, "Hey, you're the one that wanted me to let go. This is Harmon Rabb…wild and crazy." He reached for her hand and placed a kiss on her palm, "And in love, so you better get used to it."

They ate in comfortable silence for several minutes before he asked, "So what's on the docket for today? I know Mom wants us there by 14:00 for dinner. I figure we can spend the afternoon and evening with Mom, Dad, Mattie and Evie."

"I need to get cleaned up then I thought we could spend a quiet morning together. Maybe take a walk on the beach, listen to Christmas music…open presents," she placed a large gift box on the table.

He deflated, "Oh Mac, I didn't know…I didn't expect…"

She reached for his hand, "It's OK, don't worry about it. I understand that you didn't think you'd see me this Christmas." She smiled, "Open your present."

He sighed, upset that he didn't have anything for her, "Mac, maybe we could wait…I can pick something up tomorrow?"

She pushed the gift box toward him, "I already got my present from Santa," she kissed his hand, "now open yours."

He carefully removed the ornate paper and lifted the lid. Inside was a beautiful soft blue cashmere sweater. He ran his hands over the luxurious knit, "Mac, it's beautiful…thank you, I love it." She reached out to place a second smaller box on the table. He shook his head, "No Mac…I feel bad enough; I can't accept a second gift."

She chewed on her lip, "I um…I wasn't sure where we'd…how we would be." She exhaled a shaky breath, "I bought two gifts, because I wasn't sure which would be more appropriate to give you. The sweater was for a close friend. This one is for…the man I love."

He picked up the box and rotated it in his hands, "Mac, I…"

"Please, I want you to have it."

He began to unwrap the gift and looked up to see her nervously chew on her fingernail. Wondering what could possibly make her so uneasy, he threw aside the wrapping paper and opened the box. Inside he found an expensive gold watch with a leather band. He removed the watch from the mounting and studied it closely. The back was engraved with the inscription, 'Love for all ETERNITY, Sarah.' "Mac, this is amazing…I wish you hadn't," he saw her face fall at his verbal response. He reached for her hand, "Sweetheart, I love the watch…I just wish I had something for you. I mean…I had no idea we'd see each other…and last year, we weren't even." He scrubbed his fingers through his hair, "I…the last time I bought you a gift was…two years ago," his eyes brightened as he jumped from the table.

She looked up confused, "Harm, where you are going?"

He hurried to his luggage on the living room floor. Throwing his leather satchel on the couch, he tore it open and pulled out his shaving kit, "Just a minute, Mac…I forgot." He rummaged through the bag filled with toiletry items and pulled out his dog tags. Walking back to the table, he squatted down beside her chair and extended the chain, "I do have a gift for you. I bought it two Christmases ago."

She stared back puzzled, "You want me to have your dog tags?"

He shook his head and held the chain closer, "No, look closer…your gift is on the chain with the dog tags. I've been carrying it with me, ever since…."

She reached out her hand and pushed the tags aside with her finger. Buried between the tags, was a sparkling diamond solitaire engagement ring. Her eyes widened, "When did you get this?"

He shrugged, "I bought it two years ago, right after your…accident. I thought…I hoped we were moving in that direction, but then things kind of fell apart…Mattie's accident…our transfers." He shrugged again, "All the things we talked about last night."

She pulled her hand back, "Harm, I can't…"

She watched him deflate and shrink away. She kneeled on the floor before him and took his chin in her hand, "No, no…that's not what I meant. Sweetheart, listen to me." She pulled his face up to hers, so she could meet his eyes. Rubbing her thumb over his cheek, "Harm, what I meant to say is…I'm not ready to rush into wearing a ring. I did that once before, and once people see that ring…they take over your life." She reached down and took the ring, with the chain still attached, and held it up in his sight. "Harm, this is where I want…where I expect, this thing between us to go. But I want us to enjoy being an 'us', first. I want us to talk about and make decisions between ourselves, before other people butt into our lives and force us to make plans and decisions that we're not ready for. I'm not saying no. I want this to happen; I just don't want to make it so public, so quickly. Does that make sense?" When he didn't answer, she pulled him into her arms, "Harm, I love you and I don't want to lose you, again." She kissed his cheek, "If this is what you want right now then I'll wear the ring…but whether I wear it on my finger or not, I want you to know that I'm yours and I always will be."

He wrapped his arms around her body and held her tight, allowing his thoughts and emotions to calm and coalesce. When he was settled enough to speak, he pulled back slightly from her embrace. Taking the ring from her hand, he held it up, "I think I understand what you said. You love me and you want us to work toward marriage." She nodded her head in agreement. "You just want to take the time to make appropriate decisions for our life together, before," he grinned, "…say my Mother and Evie take over?"

She sighed with relief and threw herself back into his arms, "Yes, that's it exactly. Harm, they are a force to be reckoned with. I love them both, but I don't feel like I have any control over my life once they start planning." She pulled back to gage his reaction, "And don't even get me started on Mattie…she's even more," she held up her hands, searching for the right non-derogatory word.

He smiled at her attempts to be diplomatic, "Pushy…manipulative…conniving…teenagerish. Mac, I understand…I've been living with her for three years. When she decides something is in my best interest, nothing…and I mean nothing, stands in her way…even me." He sat down on the floor and pulled her into his lap, "I was thinking…maybe you could wear the ring inconspicuously," he reached up and tugged at the gold chain around her neck. "I've worn the weight of that ring around my neck for two years. And to be honest, weight is the right word. That small trinket of jewelry was like a millstone around my neck, especially once we were separated by over five thousand miles."

She pulled his hand into hers and played with his fingers, "Five thousand four hundred…."

He squeezed back, "and eighty nine miles of disappointment, failure and longing." He removed the engagement ring from his chain and held it up, "So what do you say, maybe you can wear it for a while?" He reached behind her neck and unfastened her necklace, sliding the ring onto the chain. He lifted the chain back to her neck.

She leaned forward and nodded for him to fasten the clasp. Once he was done, she looped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "I don't think it's heavy at all…I think it feels just right." She kissed his ear, "I love you, and I can't wait for us to figure all this out, so we can get married. I don't want to be separated from you for any longer than is necessary."

He placed his lips lightly against hers, "Soon, I promise it will be soon."

_To Be Continued…_


	11. Chapter 8

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 8**

13:05

Monday, Christmas Day

25 December 2006

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

Mac watched the house come into view as Harm maneuvered the car into the driveway. She rested her head back against the seat; the activities of the last 24 hours were fast catching up with her. They'd stopped at the Worthington home before traveling on to the Burnetts. Harm discovered that he inadvertently still had Julia's suitcase in the trunk. Apparently when Julia left the night before, she'd forgotten to ask for her luggage…or more likely didn't want to interrupt the heated discourse occurring in the study. Luckily she had a family member of similar size and had survived nicely without her packed clothing.

They decided to swing by the house to give Julia her things and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. On second introductions, Mac had to admit that Julia was a lovely person. In fact, if she lived closer, Mac would have found her a wonderful friend. Julia made sure that Mac understood, in no uncertain terms, that she and Harm were just friends. Harm only ventured out of the house for social occasions when required by office. Julia had served as his date for those rare occasions. He'd made it perfectly clear he wasn't interested in anything more.

As they were leaving the house, Julia pulled Mac in for a hug and told her to hold on tight to her sailor, he was a one in a million kind of guy. Releasing Mac, she moved on to Harm and gave similar advice. Mac was a beauty who clearly was worth the effort and wait. She wished both of them luck and requested an invitation to the wedding with a mischievous wink and a grin.

As they drove toward La Jolla, Harm had reached for her hand, "Mac, I just want to make sure you understand about Julia?"

She smiled with reassurance, "Harm, I understand she was nothing more than a friend. Besides, even if she had been, I didn't have a hold on you. You were free to see whomever you wanted."

He rolled his eyes in animated disbelieve, "Mac, you've always had a hold on me, whether I wanted to admit it or not. I always belonged to you, even when I was actually with someone else." He brought her hand to his lips for a kiss, "How about you? Did you ever consider seeing someone else?"

She smiled at his attempts at nonchalance, "Harm, there was no one for me either. In the event that I had a social engagement associated with work, I was lucky enough to have one of our D.C. friends around."

"Like who?"

"Well, once Bud was working a case in San Diego and was able to act as my escort. A couple of times Sturgis was around." She turned to look at him more fully, "You knew he and Varese are getting married, right?"

Harm shook his head, "I had no idea. He and I kinda lost touch?"

Mac grinned, "You should see him…he's practically ecstatic. I can't remember ever seeing him more animated and bubbly. I think Varese is really good for him…she got him out of his funk or whatever his problem was in the last couple of years." Her eyes lit up, "And then there's the Admiral, he happened to be in town for a few baseball games and attend a couple of receptions with me."

"How is AJ? I haven't heard from him since his dining out?"

She laughed, "I think he's in love."

Harm's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Really? With whom, I mean after Meredith, I didn't think he'd ever go that route again."

"Weelll, as a matter of fact…it's with someone who's an old flame. I don't think he ever really got over her." Harm took his eyes off the road and glanced over in question. "AJ seems to be spending a lot of time in Italy."

Harm shrugged his shoulders, "His daughter lives there."

Mac shook her head and grinned impishly, "Francesca spends most of her time traveling between Milan, Paris or New York. No, this someone happens to be his ex-wife…although, I suspect, not an ex for much longer."

Harm chuckled, "He got back together with his ex?"

Mac nodded, "Yeah, and you should see him…he's almost giddy. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. You know, those last two years at JAG were really tough on him. The SecNav came down hard after the Lindsey report, then you went on trial, I went on that fiasco to Paraguay, you resigned your commission. I think he felt he lost control of his people…that he failed us all in some way. He said, he knew it was time to move on, but he wished it had been on better terms."

He winked, "Wait until he hears about us, he'll never believe it."

She laughed, "Don't be so sure…I think he had us figured out long before we did. Remember, he's the one that told us not to get too close way back in the Rose Garden."

Harm stared ahead, "Yeah, and he did ask me what I would do to keep you."

She shook her head, "Harm, we were idiots…or blind fools, I not sure which. At least we got it right now."

He placed their joined hands on his thigh and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, "Yeah, we did…we may be slow, but at least we didn't settle for less than the best."

They spent the remainder of the ride in comfortable silence. When they stopped in front of the house, he ran around the car to open her door. Extending a hand, he pulled her out of the car and into his arms, "You look exhausted, Marine." He held on tight, rocking them to and fro in a soothing motion. When he heard her yawn, he pulled back and smiled, "Let's get you inside. Maybe after dinner, we can both take a nap." His grinned, "I'll even show you my old bedroom…I'm sure Mom won't mind in the least that I have a girl in my room." He leaned in for a quick kiss then tugged on her hand to drag her up the drive.

The engrossed couple failed to notice the parted drapes and the three smiling faces celebrating their moment of victory. Frank snuck into the room and barked, "That's enough you three…can't you give them a little privacy? And don't hit them up with 20 questions as soon as they walk in the door."

Dinner was a lively affair. Everyone took the time to catch-up on the latest news. After a brief gift exchange, all parties scattered in opposite directions. Mattie headed out to spend the evening with Jen. Frank and Tom Johnson retreated to the study to catch the football game. Trish and Evie retired to the back patio to exchange the latest, well everything. And Harm dragged an exhausted Mac up the back stairs and into his old childhood haunt.

She smiled as they walked into the room, "Your mom didn't change much in here." She ran a finger over the top of the dresser, taking in the row of sports trophies and ribbons. Turning around in a circle, she was met by posters of Tomcats being catapulted into flight, landing on carriers, glowing in afterburn. She laughed at an old Academy photo of a young cadet Rabb with Keeter and Sturgis.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the bed, "I thought you were tired?"

She stifled a yawn, "I am, but this all so enlightening. I can't wait for your mom to show me the old family photo album." She laughed when his eyebrows hit his hairline, "I don't suppose there are any pictures of a naked baby Rabb?"

He pulled her to his side and tucked her in tight, "I don't know about baby pictures, but…" he leaned over to whisper in her ear. He laughed when she ducked her face into his neck with a blush. Kissing the top her head, he whispered, "Let's get some sleep…I'm exhausted."

Trish found them tangled together in slumber an hour later. She watched her son smile in his sleep as he slipped his hand beneath Mac's sweater and ran his fingertips along the skin of her lower back. Mac snuggled in closer and slipped her leg between his. Trish grinned in delight at the scene; her son finally had what he loved most. She tiptoed into the room and laid her bundle on the bed. Turning to leave the room, she noticed Mac's necklace laced between the fingers of her left hand. Trish tipped her head back and released a silent 'hallelujah' into the air. Walking out the bedroom door, she whispered to her partner in scheme, "Now for those grandkids."

Mac awoke slowly and stretched into the warmth at her side. She wrinkled her brow in concentration. Shaking her head, she swore she remembered something about grandkids in her dream. Looking around the room, she caught sight of an album resting at the foot of the bed. Wiggling out of Harm's embrace, she reached for the album, suppressing a giggle with her hand. Ask and ye shall receive, she mused as she flipped through the pictures of a little boy sailor.

Harm found her with tears in her eyes several minutes later. Instantly concerned, he sat up and pulled her into his arms, "Mac, what's wrong?" She ran her fingers over the photo of a chubby angelic faced cherub, the baby version of her sailor. He looked over her shoulder at the album in her lap. "Ah, I see Mom has struck again." He teased in her ear, "I know the thought of me as an out of control toddler is a scary prospect, but I promise that I don't act like that anymore." When his joke failed to relieve the emotional distress, he sobered, "Sweetheart, what is it?"

"This is how I always imagined my child would look," she whispered in despair.

He took her hand, "Funny, when I imagine my child, she always looks like a miniature version of you."

She looked into his eyes, "You imagined our child?" He leaned his forehead against hers and nodded. She stroked his cheek, "When?"

He pushed the album aside, "Well, the easy answer would be when I proposed the baby deal on the steps of JAG…but, the honest answer is about two seconds after you pulled me into that helo in the deserts of Arizona."

"You imagined our child back then?"

He shrugged, "Mac, you blew me away from the start. At first, it was because of who you reminded me of, but that only lasted a heartbeat. When you put me in my place and told me my smile didn't work on you, I was intrigued…you were a challenge that made me want to know more. But it was your unwavering commitment to your uncle and your willingness to put your life and career on the line that won me over. That's who I wanted my daughter to be…strong, independent, intelligent, loyal, loving and kind." He smiled, "The beautiful part didn't hurt either. I don't know, I could just see her in you."

She placed a kiss on his cheek and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I've got a confession to make. If you think your kiss throws off my internal clock, you don't even want to know what that smile of yours does to me."

He grinned, "Oh yeah…what about the dress whites and gold wings."

She shook her head, "No those don't do it…not that you don't look good in them." She ran her fingers through his hair, "No, my shining knight showed up in a rose garden wearing dress blues with his cover pulled low over the most amazing eyes…granted the ride on the Tomcat came later, but that real life version of my fairy tale image will always be my favorite."

He ran his lips over her cheek in a gentle caress, "You set some pretty high expectations for a guy, Marine." He kissed her closed lids.

She leaned into his touch, "Maybe…but you usually exceed them."

He whispered over her lips, "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, "Harm…Sarah…we were just about to make dinner. I thought you might like a moment to freshen up."

He rolled his eyes at the interruption, "We'll be right down, Mom."

He stood up from the bed and tugged on her hand. Pulling her into his arms, he hugged her close, "Mac, don't give up on those dreams of our children. Things have a way of working themselves out." When she started to protest, he shushed her with a kiss, "I know the doctor told you the chances were small; but I promise you, we'll make it work. If not by natural means, then we'll adopt. If Mattie has taught me nothing else, it's that you love your kids no matter how they're given to you." Interlocking their fingers, he winked, "Come on, let's go get something to eat and socialize with the family for awhile."

They arrived in the kitchen to find Trish and Frank heating up leftovers from the Christmas dinner. Harm glanced around the kitchen and family room, "Where's Mattie and Evie?"

Trish pointed to the outside deck, "Evie's sitting outside enjoying the view and Mattie's still gone with Jen. I don't expect her back until late."

Harm grabbed Mac's jacket and a chenille throw, "Hey Marine, why don't you go keep Evie company while I help with the food."

"That's OK, I can help…maybe Trish or Frank would prefer to sit outside."

Trish came over and gave her hug, "Nonsense dear, you're a guest, and besides, Evie has hardly had time to visit with you today. Now go on and enjoy the evening. We'll be out with dinner before long." Once Mac had left the kitchen, Trish nudged her son, "Anything you'd like to tell us?"

He began to cut up the loaf of crusty bread for turkey sandwiches, "What do you mean? I think you already know that Mac and I have finally worked things out."

Trish placed her arms akimbo, "Harmon Rabb, don't tell me you expect to keep that ring a secret."

His mouth hung agape, "How did you…I mean, I don't know what you're talking about." At her look of incredulity, he acquiesced, "Mom, please don't say anything. Mac wanted to keep it a secret between us for now."

"Why the heck for," she threw up her hands. "Harm, I've been waiting forever for the two of you to figure out, what the rest of us saw in an instant. It's not like you're getting any younger, mister. I would think you would want to move things along…I would like more grandchildren sometime in the near future."

He cringed, "Mom, this is the exact reason why we want to keep this quiet. You, Evie and Mattie are a bit…overwhelming. We need some time to work out logistics and to just enjoy being an us, before we think about more."

"But Harm…."

"Mom, I love you, but please just give us some time. And don't say anything to Mac about the ring."

She wrinkled her nose, "How much time? You know a wedding doesn't just happen…it takes planning and scheduling and ordering."

He sidled up to her side and placed an arm around her waist, "Mom, we'll let you know. As for all that planning and stuff, the wedding that Mac really wants doesn't require a lot of work." At Trish's frown of question, he explained, "She once told me her dream wedding would be a simple ceremony on a hillside with goats." He laughed at her shocked expression and leaned in to kiss her cheek, "It's OK Mom…I imagine we can forgo the goats, but I'm thinking a simple ceremony on the beach with a few close friends would be just about perfect."

Trish shook her head and chuckled, "Whatever it takes to get you two married is fine by me. Now about those grandkids."

He hugged her close, "Mom, I love you, but subtly was never one of your fine points. Remember when I told you that Mac has problems with infertility? Well, subtle suggestions like that photo album just serve to remind her of what she can't have. So for both our sakes, please don't mention grandchildren."

She turned to caress his cheek, "But dear, there's other ways."

He leaned into her hand and whispered, "I know Mom, and we're talking about them. But accepting those other alternatives, means giving up on a dream…and Mac's not quite there yet. Please, give us some time to work through it, before you push the grandmother angle."

Frank walked up behind the pair, "We understand, Son. And just so you know, you don't have to contribute genetically to a child to love them like they're your own." Frank squeezed his shoulder.

Harm placed a hand atop Frank's, "Thanks, Dad…and I love you, too."

Trish blinked back tears and smiled at her two guys, "Well, I guess we should get this food out to Mac and Evie." Handing a couple of plates to Harm, she asked, "So are you going to be staying with Sarah again tonight?"

He shook his head, "No Mom, I'm gonna drive her home and then come back here. I thought I'd spend the day with Mattie tomorrow. She and Tom will be leaving in a couple of days and I want a chance to catch-up before she goes. Besides, Mac has to work tomorrow, I plan to have dinner with her after work." He leaned in to place a kiss on Trish's cheek, "Remember…subtle, don't overwhelm…that goes for me too."

xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxxx

17:00

Tuesday

2 January 2007

Mac watched the scenery fly past the car window. She couldn't believe how fast the week had flown by. She and Harm had spent every evening together following Christmas. True to his word, he'd taken her dancing on New Year's Eve. They'd rung in the New Year in style…together for the first time ever at the stroke of midnight.

Now they were on their way to the airport. He had a red-eye flight out to New York, before connecting on to London. She chewed on her lip trying to keep the tears at bay, while she silently contemplated the weeks until they would be together again. This was more difficult than when they weren't talking. At least then, she didn't have to think about what she was missing. Back then, she could only imagine, but now she knew how it felt to be in his arms to….

He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, "Hey, you're awfully quiet. What are you thinking about?"

She played with the ring on the chain around her neck, "I don't want you to go." She closed her eyes, failing to prevent the tears from sliding down her cheeks.

He lifted her hand to place a kiss on her palm, "I know…I don't want to leave either. But we'll see each other again in a few weeks, you're still coming for Valentine's Day, right?"

She licked her lips, "Yeah, but that's too far away." She swiped at her eyes, "I'm sorry…I'm not making this very easy on you." He pulled the car up to the terminal in the flight departure lane. She looked up in a panic, "No, I don't wanna drop you off here. I want to park the car and come in with you."

"Mac, it'll be easier if we say our goodbyes here."

She shook her head, "No, you still have at least an hour. I wanna spend every minute I can with you, please?"

He reached out to wipe away a tear, "Alright, if you're sure, but I…"

"I'm sure…I just wanna wait with you."

They parked the car and checked his luggage at international check-in. Wandering down the terminal, they stopped at a coffee shop close to the final security clearance. Sitting at a table, they exchanged small talk and held hands, neither one wanting to break the physical connection until forced.

When the announcement came overhead for pre-boarding, he led her into an alcove and pulled her into his arms. He held her tight and felt her body shaking. "Sweetheart, we'll talk on the phone, exchange e-mails…you'll see, the time will fly by…we'll be back together in a few weeks. In the mean time, we can both contact our detailers about other billet options. I know at our pay-grade that will take some time, but other military couples do this long distance relationship thing and survive just fine."

She hung her head, "I know, but we just took so long to get to this point. I don't want to be separated anymore."

He stroked his hands up and down her back, "I know…I don't wanna be apart anymore, either. But we'll make this work, I promise…I plan to marry you, Sarah MacKenzie. And the sooner the better!" That won him a small smile. He leaned down to place a kiss on her lips, "I love you."

She returned the kiss with ardor, "I love you, too."

He pulled back slightly, "I have to go…drive home safely."

She nodded, "Call me when you get in?"

"Sure," he kissed her once more, before continuing past security.

She stood watching out the window until his plane departed the gate and taxied to the runway. Taking a deep breath, she stepped away from the glass, convinced that this separation was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life. She was finally given back her flyboy, only to have him taken away again by duty…their careers, once again, standing in the way of their dreams.

_To Be Continued…_


	12. Chapter 9

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 9**

**Part 9**

07:20 (15:20 London)

Saturday

10 February 2007

Mac's House

San Diego, California

Mac stumbled through the clutter on the floor, stubbing her toe on the portable crib on her way to the couch. She bit her bottom lip to suppress the cry as tears filled her eyes from the pain. Freezing in place, she breathed a sigh of relief when the room remained mercifully calm. Hobbling to the couch, she dropped into its welcoming depths and sighed when her head hit the pillow. She threw an arm over her eyes to block out the morning sun and fell into a long overdue slumber.

Ten minutes later, the blaring of a ringing phone dragged her toward semi-wakeful consciousness. Reaching for the offending object, she knocked the handset to the floor with a loud thud. She cursed at the interruption and felt around the floor in clumsy swiping circles until she located the device. Pulling the receiver to her ear, she mumbled an unintelligible, "Lo?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line then a tentative voice asked, "Mac? Mac, where are you?"

"Who dis?"

"Sweetheart, it's Harm…I'm wondering where you are?"

She snickered still in a sleepy haze, "I at home…where you?"

She could hear him sigh, "I'm at the airport waiting for you. What's going on, Mac?"

"Wha…"

"Look, I haven't heard from you in over a week, and now I'm at the airport to meet a flight that you're obviously not on. Is there something going on? You're not backing away and having second thoughts are you?"

That brought her awake as assuredly as a bucket of ice water tossed in her face. She sat up and blinked away the sleep. "Harm?" Her voice trembled, "Oh no, what did I do?"

He could hear her sniffling through the phone, "Sarah, calm down and tell me what's going on."

She scrubbed her fingers through her hair, pulling it back away from her face, "I messed up everything. I'm so sorry."

He felt his stomach churn, "What do you mean messed everything up? What did you do?"

Her voice became distorted by tears, "I forgot…I didn't mean…there's so much going on…I just wanted to see you." The next few sentences were unintelligible between the sobs. He finally understood the words, "I need you."

He dropped into the nearest seat in the terminal and released a sigh of relief. "Mac, sweetheart," he soothed, "…take a breath and tell me what happened."

He heard her shuddering breath, "I'm sorry."

He pulled the phone closer to his mouth and whispered, "It OK honey. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together." He paused, "I love you."

He heard her inhale deeply, "I love you, too."

He smiled, "I'm happy to hear that. Now, I'm gonna hang up…."

"No!"

"Mac, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere, but I think you need a moment to compose yourself. Now, I'm going to hang up and call back in five minutes. Why don't you go get a drink and run some cold water over your face."

"'kay."

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

"I'll call right back. Bye, Marine."

The line disconnected and she set the handset aside. Tears continued to cascade down her cheek, she'd been waiting for weeks to see him, but with all the commotion she'd forgotten her flight. How could she forget her trip to him? She'd been desperate to see him again…she needed him now more than ever. She threw her hands into the air in frustration as reality set in, who knew when they would have a chance to get together again?

She stood and maneuvered through the mess to get to the bathroom. Throwing water on her face, she attempted to stop the tears and calm her breathing. She filled a glass with water and walked into the bedroom awaiting his call.

The phone rang two minutes later, "Harm?"

"You doing better now?"

"No, I'd be better if I were there with you. I'm so sorry I screwed everything up."

He could hear the tears threatening in her voice again, "It's OK, just tell me what's got my squared-away marine so flustered?"

"The baby's had me up ever since he came home from the hospital. Plus I had to make all the arrangements…."

He gasped, "Wow Marine, back it up a minute. What baby? Last I knew you weren't pregnant…in fact, according to my sixth grade health teacher it takes a little more than kissing to get in that predicament and unless I missed something…."

That made her smile, "He's not my baby…at least, he wasn't before…but I guess he is now…I just…."

His head was spinning. There appeared to be a problem in the transmission somewhere between her speaking and his hearing, "Mac? Mac! Hold on a second, I'm a little confused about what's going on here. Why don't you start at the beginning?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "OK, it all started five days ago. There was a car accident and…."

"Are you OK…you weren't hurt or anything?"

"Harm, I wasn't in the accident…wait a minute, let me explain everything before you ask questions."

"I'm listening," he sighed.

She smiled at his barely controlled frustration, "First of all, I'm physically fine…or as fine as I can be when I'm not with you. Anyway, you know my godson, Benjamin? Well, he and his parents were in an automobile accident last Tuesday. A drunk driver hit them head on."

"Is he OK…he wasn't injured or anything?"

She fell backwards onto the bed, the exhaustion about to do her in. Rubbing a hand over her eyes, she continued, "No, not seriously anyways. He was restrained in his car seat…thankfully, in the back of the car. He was banged up and bruised a little, so the doctor wanted to keep him in the hospital a few days for observation."

"I'm glad he wasn't hurt, but I don't understand…why do you have the baby?"

She teared up once again, "Harm, Benjamin's parents were both killed in the accident. Dan, his father, was dead at the scene. They worked on Bernice for two hours in the ER, but she didn't survive."

"Sweetheart," he soothed, "…I wish I were there to help you. How long will you have Benjamin…any chance, the rest of his family will come get him before the end of the week."

Her voice trembled, "Harm, there is no one else. Dan grew up in the state foster care system and Bernice was an only child. Her parents died several years ago. That's why I've been so stressed. I've had to deal with the police about the accident, the legal issues related to Benjamin, all the funeral arrangements for Bernice and Dan. The funeral was yesterday morning, and they released the baby from the hospital yesterday afternoon. He's been really fussy. I think he misses them, plus he's still a little sore from the bruising."

"So you're all he has?"

"Yeah," she sniffed, "…I guess I'm his guardian, now."

He smiled, "So, I guess that means we have a baby?"

She frowned, "Well, I guess I do…you don't have to…."

He interrupted, "Hey, what's all this 'you' and 'me'? I thought we were a 'we'?"

"But…"

"No but's darlin…I promised you we'd have a baby together, he just came a little ahead of schedule." He could hear her crying into the phone. "Sarah, I know this is all a little overwhelming; and after the week you've had, you're probably exhausted. Where is the baby right now?"

"He's sleeping…he was up most…of...the night. I'm sorry, I'm just…"

"Hey, it's alright. I want you to hang up the phone and go take a nap. You need to take advantage of any chance to sleep, while the baby's down. I'll phone you later today…on second thought, I want you to sleep as much as you can. Don't worry about talking to me, just take care of Benjamin and yourself…and I'll call back in the morning. I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too Harm. I'm really sorry I'm not there." She cried into the phone, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. Now go get some sleep and quit worrying about everything."

She placed the phone on the nightstand and curled up on the bed, her tears of exhaustion and disappointment taking her back to dreamland.

Between a couple of brief respites for sleep, she spent the rest of the day tending to the baby. By evening, she'd discovered the cause of Benjamin's fussiness…he'd apparently picked up a cold from the hospital. Funny thing, everybody goes to the hospital to get better, but no one considers that it's the place with the most germs. She placed a phone call to the pediatrician, who recommended fluids and Tylenol. After a trip to the drugstore for formula, Pedialyte, Tylenol drops and diapers, she bathed Benjamin and got him settled for the night. She fell into bed herself by 21:00, unshowered and still fully clothed.

Benjamin slept fitfully, waking several times during the night. The two settled for a long nap, snuggled on the bed at around 10:00 on Sunday morning. Mac shook her head as she drifted off to sleep. She was still wearing yesterday's clothes and was covered in stains of Tylenol, formula and Pedialyte compliments of one Benjamin Michael Carter. She had to admire Harriet's patience and maternal fortitude all the more.

A knock at the door roused both the slumbering pair by lunchtime. She picked up the baby with an anguished cry and headed to the front door to curse out the unwelcome intruder. Opening the door, the curse died on her lips as her eyes took in the most beautiful inviting sight of her life.

_To Be Continued…_


	13. Chapter 10

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 10**

13:05

Sunday

11 February 2007

Mac's House

San Diego, California

Mac stared at her visitor with mouth agape. Benjamin tucked his face into her neck playing shy at the visitor's greeting, "Hey, little man."

When Mac still failed to utter a word, Harm maneuvered her away from the entrance and closed the door. Reaching in to tickle the baby's chubby cheek, he asked, "Mac, aren't you gonna introduce me to my son?" Still no response, "Hey Marine, you better close your mouth before you catch flies."

She blinked, "Harm, what are you doing here?"

He smiled, "You sounded like you could use some help. Besides, I could have sworn you said you missed me?"

Tears glazed her eyes, "But you didn't call…and the place is a mess…and I'm a mess." She tugged on her filthy shirt.

He raised a brow, "Well, I don't know about the house, but the vision of the woman I love carrying our baby on her hip looks pretty inviting to me." He cocked his head, "Any chance I can get a proper hello?"

As the tears spilled down her cheeks, she threw herself into his arms. He pulled the beleaguered pair into a warm embrace and whispered, "It's good to be home, sweetheart. I missed you."

She buried her face in his neck and inhaled his scent. She'd never been happier to see anyone in her life. She pulled back just enough to look at his face, "Thanks for coming."

He kissed her cheek, "Hey, we were supposed to spend the week together. You didn't think I was going to pass up that opportunity did you? If you couldn't come to me then I needed to come to you. I wasn't going to last another minute without you in my arms."

She leaned up for a kiss, "I know the feeling. I love you."

He met her halfway, "I love you, too."

Benjamin broke their tender reunion with a squeal. Mac laughed at his antics, "Harm, I'd like you to meet Benjamin Michael Carter."

Harm reached out and took the baby from her arms, swinging him up in the air. Benjamin squealed in delight as a line of drool dropped straight onto Harm's clean shirt.

Mac retrieved the burp cloth from her shoulder and wiped the spot, "I'd be careful Harm…I'm wearing most of last night's dinner and this morning's breakfast. He picked up a cold, compliments of the hospital. I think that's part of the reason he's been so crabby."

Harm tucked the baby into the crook of his elbow and studied Mac a little closer, "That would mean you're still wearing yesterday's clothes?"

Mac deflated, "I told you I was a mess…he hasn't given me a second to myself."

Harm pulled her to his side with his other arm, "Why don't you go take a long hot shower, while Mr. Carter and I get better acquainted."

She shrugged, "Actually, it's time for his lunch."

He pushed her toward the kitchen, "You show me where his food is and I'll take care of feeding him. By the time you get out of the shower, I'll have lunch prepared for the two of us."

She raised her brow in question, "Are you sure you want to tackle a fussy, ill 7-month old? I think he's due for a diaper change?"

He winked back, "Mac, I've got it under control. Just show me where everything is and go enjoy your shower."

Forty minutes later, she reappeared still fatigued, but feeling wonderfully human and clean once again. She wandered into the kitchen wearing a comfortable pair of sweats. Harm was scrubbing at a stain on his shirt. Looking around, she asked, "Where's the baby?"

He pointed to the portable crib, "He went down for a nap already."

"You got him to eat lunch that fast?"

Harm dumped the remains of the bottle down the sink, "He wasn't all that hungry. He would only eat a few spoonfuls of the applesauce and took about half the formula."

She sidled up to him, squeezing between him and the counter. She smiled and pointed to his shirt, "Looks like he initiated you, too."

He shook his head, "Who knew applesauce could fly that far when a baby sneezes."

She laughed, "You have to learn to duck." She wiggled in closer.

He put his arms around her and grinned, "Did you want something in particular?"

She pulled his head down to hers, "Yeah, my proper hello."

He smiled against her lips, "I guess I gotta give the lady what she wants." Deepening the kiss, he pulled her flush against his body. They both sighed at the contact.

Releasing his lips, she tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his waist. When he pulled her tighter, she closed her eyes and smiled, "I could stay in this one spot forever."

Harm rubbed his cheek against her damp hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. He loved that smell; how Mac could make a simple shampoo smell erotic was beyond him. Of course, she made an oversized t-shirt decorated with baby spit-up look good too. He smiled to himself; he had it bad.

When her stomach protested in hunger, he pulled away with a laugh. She blushed, "Hey, I haven't had a chance to eat all day."

He pushed her toward the dining area table, "Good thing, I made lunch then."

She studied the feast laid out before her, "I had all this in my cupboards?"

He pulled out her chair, "You'd be surprised what I can do with a few odds and ends. A can of chicken breast, a little celery and pineapple, a few bags of cashews from the plane, some mayo and a hint of strawberry yogurt…voila, Rabb's chicken salad. I warmed up the croissants from the pantry and made some fresh raspberry iced tea. Anything else the lady would like?"

She turned back around and hugged him again, "I don't know where I found you?"

He kissed her cheek and whispered, "In a rose garden, Miss MacKenzie…and like it or not, you're stuck with me. There's no turning back." He turned her around to the chair, "Now sit down and eat, then you're gonna take a nap."

As she enjoyed her first peaceful meal in a week, she studied him a bit closer, "Harm, you look exhausted yourself. How did you manage to get here?"

He tried to stifle a yawn, "After I talked to you on the phone, I made a reservation for the 20:30 flight out of London and ran back home to pack. I made it back to Heathrow at 18:00, and arrived San Diego just before noon."

Her eyes grew, "Did you get any sleep on the plane?"

He shrugged, "A little, they didn't have any seats in first class, and coach is a little snug for a guy my size to catch much sleep on 23 hours worth of flights and layovers."

She stood up to collect the dishes, "I have an idea…why don't you go take a hot shower to loosen up your back and then we'll both take a nap. Hopefully, Benjamin will give us a few hours of peace."

He picked up the glasses, "I should help you with these, first."

She shooed him away, "Go on, the quicker you get cleaned-up, the quicker we can both get some rest."

He reappeared 20 minutes later in sweat pants and a soft white t-shirt with the words, 'Property of the U.S. Marine Corp.' blazoned across the front. She laughed, "I like the shirt."

He grinned back, "Mattie sent it to me after Christmas."

She tugged on his hand, heading back toward the bedroom, "Well, it's not quite accurate…you better be the property of just one marine, not the entire corp."

He pulled her down to his side on the bed. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he groaned, "Man, I'm tired."

She wiggled closer, placing her head on his shoulder and throwing an arm across his chest. Her leg slid between his, as she released a contented sigh, "I haven't felt this comfortable since Christmas Eve. Harm, we need to figure out the logistics of our life. I don't like being separated from you."

He slipped his fingers under her shirt until he found skin and mumbled, "I have some ideas, but let's," he released a yawn, "…talk about them later." They were both sound asleep before he finished the thought.

xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxxx

Over the next couple of days, they stuck close to the house just enjoying being a family. Trish and Frank ventured over, with dinner on Tuesday evening, to meet the newest addition. Trish could hardly contain her excitement; she finally had a grandbaby to spoil.

Harm and Mac breathed a sigh of relief, Benjamin was finally returning to his cheerier self. The initial phase of his cold passing, they only had to contend with a drippy nose and an occasional cough. The trio settled down to bed by 21:00 on Tuesday evening with hopes for a full night's sleep.

Mac blinked awake in the still dark hours of Wednesday morning. She swiped her hand across the bed and came up empty. Sitting upright, she consulted her internal clock and came up with an early 05:00. Peering around in the dark, she failed to detect any movement or noise from the general vicinity of the crib. Donning her slippers, she shivered in the chilly morning air and crept quietly toward the living room. The view from the bedroom door stopped her in her tracks.

From across the room, the lamp on her desk provided a faint glow of illumination. Early morning shadows danced across the wall in the rosy light. The house was quiet save for a soft rhythmic musical sound. And in the middle of the floor rested an image that she thought could only occur in her most private dreams.

Harm lay flat on the rug with Benjamin sprawled prone against his chest, both of her guys quietly snoring away. She closed her eyes and committed the picture to memory in that special place in her heart reserved for those wishes she thought would never come true.

She couldn't suppress the smile of happiness that tugged at the corners of her mouth. Creeping on tiptoes, she crossed to the picturesque pair and quietly dropped to the floor at their side. She extended a hand hovering just above the baby's soft head. Just as she warred with herself whether to risk waking him, Harm batted open his eyes. She grinned at being caught, so much for marine reconnaissance training. Although what did she expect, trying to sneak past the eyes and ears of a fighter jock…a fighter jock, who also happened to be the parent of a teenager. Maybe parenthood really did endow you with magical powers, like eyes in the back of your head and supersonic hearing. She clamped a hand over her mouth trying to stifle the giggle that fought to erupt. She wanted to throw her arms around her chest and hold in all the happiness that she felt at that moment. Somehow inexplicably, a MacKenzie was being granted their dream.

Harm watched the emotions flutter across her face and couldn't help being drawn into her joy. He extended a finger and caressed her cheek, "Hey, what's that smile all about?"

She reached out to run her fingers through his hair, "Just realizing that all those dreams that I'd given up on are finally coming true." She leaned in to kiss him before settling in at his side, her head finding that perfect place on his shoulder that seemed to be made only for her.

He placed his hand around her side and hugged her close, "That makes two of us." He sighed heavily, "It might have taken us ten and a half years, but I think we've finally gotten it right, Marine."

She ran the back of her finger over the Benjamin's rosy cheek, "He's so perfect." Resting her hand on the baby's small back, she scrunched her brow, "What are the two of you doing out here, anyways."

"He woke up around 2 a.m. and wouldn't go back to sleep. I didn't want him to wake you, so we came out here." Harm ran a hand over his face and yawned widely, "We walked the floor for a couple of hours. I think he might be running a fever, and he's been tugging on his ears."

She felt the baby's head, before placing her lips against his forehead, "He is warm…did you give him any Tylenol?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago. I think that's why he finally conked out again. He's only been asleep for the last 30 minutes or so."

Stroking the baby's back, she whispered, "You should have woke me up…you didn't need to be up by yourself all night. I could have taken him for a while, so you could sleep."

He patted the baby's bottom, as he whimpered in his sleep, "You need your sleep, too." He continued on in silent recrimination, I'll be leaving in a few days and you'll have to deal with this all alone. His heart already ached at the thought of leaving his small family behind. Reaching up to her neck, he tugged on the chain, freeing the ring from her pajamas. "Any idea on when you'll move this to a more visible location?"

She fingered the ring, "In all the commotion, I kind of forgot about it." At his crestfallen expression, she continued, "Not the idea of getting married…just about moving the ring. It's kind of comforting having it close to my heart."

At that moment, Benjamin lifted his head and looked around the room with a frown. Mac stroked his head, "Hey baby, how are you feeling? You want to come see me?"

Benjamin laid head back down and jabbered, "Dada."

Mac's eye widened as she looked at Harm. He shook his head, "Don't look at me, I didn't put him up to that." He sighed, "Although I wouldn't put it past my mother…besides, isn't that one of the first words babies usually say?"

She stared at him unsure and extended her arms again. "Hey Benjamin, you want to come see Mac?"

The baby wiggled further into Harm's grasp, "Dada."

Harm beamed, "OK, so maybe he did mean it."

Mac leaned toward the baby and tickled his side, "You rascal, don't tell me the two of you are going to start ganging-up on me."

Benjamin lifted his head and reached out to grab the ring dangling from her neck. Giving it a good hank, he pulled Mac closer to his face.

She tried to pry the baby's fingers off the ring, "No, no baby…you're gonna break the chain. Harm, could you help me here. I can't really see to pull his hand away."

Harm lifted her hair away but still couldn't see past her head, "Mac, I can't see either. You need to move a little out of the way."

"I can't move; he's got the chain pulled taut."

Benjamin giggled at the harried adults and tugged harder. "Mama," he grinned and dropped the ring.

Mac sat back up in shock, "Harm, did he just say?"

Harm nodded to the affirmative, huge flyboy smile in place, "Mac, I think we've been claimed." Benjamin reached for the ring again as Mac moved away. "Marine, I think he's trying to tell us something. That ring doesn't belong around your neck anymore." He pulled Benjamin closer, "We think you should move it to your finger, where it really belongs…isn't that right, little man?"

She reached behind her neck to undo the clasp. Pulling the ring off the chain, she slid it onto her left hand, "Who am I to argue…2 out of 3…majority rules."

Harm kissed the ring on her finger and then pulled her down to place a kiss on her lips. Benjamin squealed in delight, then laid his head back down on Harm's chest and closed his eyes. His thumb went into his mouth as he drifted off to sleep, task complete. Harm and Mac both swore they could see the words, 'Sometimes kids just have to take control,' written all over his face.

"So," her brow raised in question, "How exactly are we going to make this family thing work? We're five thousand miles apart."

He squeezed her hand, "I told you; I already have a plan."

"Oh yeah…what plan?"

Benjamin squirmed in his sleep. Harm lowered his voice, "Maybe we should put him down in the other room, so he can sleep and we can talk."

She nodded and leaned forward, "Here, let me take him." He placed a kiss on the baby's head before releasing his hold. She lifted Benjamin off Harm's chest and carried him into the bedroom.

Reappearing a few minutes later, Harm handed her a mug of coffee, "Here, I thought we could both use the caffeine."

Taking a sip, she closed her eyes and allowed the hot liquid to swish around her mouth, before swallowing with a satisfied groan. She followed him to the couch, settling in at his side. "So, what's this plan of yours?"

He took another sip of coffee, steeling himself for the fireworks ahead, "I um…I retired my…um, commission." He grimaced waiting for the response.

She didn't disappoint, "You what? Harm, we're supposed to make decisions like that together. You didn't even discuss it with me."

"I know…I just…I had other reasons."

"What other reasons," her voice raised in decibel level. He pressed a finger to his lips, to shush the volume, and pointed toward the bedroom. She shrunk back into the sofa, "Harm, you resigned last time…this time it was my turn. You didn't have to give up the Navy again."

He set his mug aside and took her hand, "In the first place, sweetheart…I don't intend to keep score in this marriage. There is no my turn, your turn…we do what's best for our family as a whole. In the second place, I don't feel like I'm giving up anything that I really want."

"But Harm…"

He stroked her hand, "Let me explain my reasoning, before we get pulled too far off track. First of all, my primary reason for resigning is so I can be with you and the baby. Sweetheart, we've put our wants and wishes on hold for over 10 years, I don't wanna wait anymore. As for me sacrificing my career, you can't sacrifice what you don't want in the first place. I hate the job that I have now. I loved the courtroom, the investigations, everything we used to do back at JAG. This promotion has been nothing but a headache. I spend my day trying to keep cocky young guys, like I used to be, in line; while playing politics with the SecNav, international dignitaries or various Flag officers who don't really care what the law says, if it interferes with their agenda. I've already made my 20, and by the first of July, I'll have two years in the rank of Captain. I can retire as an 0-6 with my pension intact."

She couldn't meet his eyes, "But what about flying, you'd be willing to just give it up?"

He cupped her cheek with his hand and pulled her face up to his, "I already did, Mac. The SecNav took my wings away over a year ago. He didn't think the Navy needed to be responsible for keeping a lawyer and the future JAG qualified to fly. He was right…it was a waste of the Navy's dime. I was never gonna fly with a squadron again. And given the future of our relationship, I wouldn't want to."

"So when did you decide all this?"

He shrugged, "About 24 hours after I got back to London and had to face the prospects of being alone. I turned in the paperwork the next day. Mac, I was thinking about getting out, long before we got together at Christmas. I'm just not enjoying having my own command. And after dealing with the SecNav for the last two years, I know I didn't want the position of the JAG." When she remained quiet, he became worried, "Sweetheart, aren't you gonna say something?"

Her voice trembled, "But what if I wanted to give it up for you?"

"But you don't have to, you have a promising career in the Marines. You were promoted to full colonel last year…Mac, you have a great chance at becoming the JAG in your own right. Why would you want to give all that up?"

She shrugged, "For all the same reasons you just said. I hate my job…I miss the courtroom, the investigations…working with you."

"But you only have 2 more years to get your 20. Why would you want to retire now?"

She stood and turned away, "You're right…I need to stop whining and suck it up…be the strong marine that I'm trained to be."

He reached for her hand and tugged on her arm, pulling her into his lap, "Wait a minute…we're not gonna do this again. Hiding behind what we think the other wants has never served us well in the past. We wasted ten and a half years trying to be strong, ducking our own wishes and desires, afraid to lose control, afraid to appear weak. You can be the strong marine colonel for the rest of the world; but with me, I want you to be as weak or as strong as you need to be." He pulled her around to face him, "Now, I want you to tell me what Sarah MacKenzie, the woman I love, wants to do with her life…not what, Mac the Marine colonel, thinks I want to hear."

"But it's crazy to throw away my pension…."

"Mac, that's not what I asked. Forget the pension for a minute, what do you want?"

"I wanna get out. I know I should tough it out another two years, but I don't want to run the risk of getting transferred away from you. I don't want to spend days and weeks on end flying across the country for meetings and conferences. I don't want to be away from you or the baby…and I want to work on that 4 miracle."

He stroked her face, "Then that's what you should do."

She chewed on her lip, "But what about the money?"

He released a indulgent laugh, "Sweetheart, last I looked, we were both attorneys…I think we can find a way to make a living. Besides, we'll have my pension…and," he rubbed a hand over his face, "…we're not exactly broke, I have a fairly sizeable trust fund that I've never touched."

She looked up shocked, "Wha…what are you talking about?"

"I always swore, I'd never touch the money, but Mattie's taught me a thing or two in the last few years."

She shook her head, "I still don't understand?"

He played with the diamond ring on her finger. That symbol alone was enough to force him to work out the roadblocks to their future. "When my dad was shot down, I qualified for survivor benefits. At the time, my mom and I lived with my maternal grandparents. They were well off, so my mom didn't need the money to take care of me. My grandfather started a trust fund with the monthly payments. I guess he thought Mom could save it for my education. When my grandparents died, I received an inheritance that likewise went into the trust fund. When Mom married Frank, they continued to add to the fund and Frank's financial advisor took over investment control of the money. He was really quite astute at knowing when to stay put and when to get out…to make a long story short, the fund has grown quite substantially. I had decided that I didn't want the money for several reasons. First, as you know, I didn't believe that my father was dead…if I took the money from the government; it was like acknowledging that his death was real. I just couldn't make myself accept that fact. Even after we proved it was true…I still didn't want that money." He ran a hand over his face again, "I think you can guess why I didn't want the money from Frank."

She pulled his hand away from his face, "Because that would mean admitting that your dad was gone…and that it was OK for your mom to move on." She ran her fingers through the hair at his temple; he closed his eyes, savoring the touch. "But Harm, they only did all of that to ensure your education…your future, because they loved you."

He opened his eyes, "I know that now, but it took Mattie to make me really understand."

She frowned, "How so?"

"Well, she forced me to see that a parent…any parent, natural or otherwise, only wants what's best for their child. When Mattie first came to live with me, I thought I might need those funds for her education…then she went back to live with her father and I didn't pursue the matter any further. When she was injured, I was forced to deal with the medical bills not covered by my insurance. I refused to allow anyone to put limits on her care or recovery options, just because insurance said they wouldn't pay. As such, I depleted my savings to a large extent. When she improved and we started talking about college again; I knew I didn't have the money to pay for her full tuition at the university much less graduate school. At that point, I looked into the principal balance of the trust fund."

She nodded, "So you've got the money to pay for Mattie's education? We won't have to worry about our income covering that expense?"

He chuckled, "Ah, yes…and no. The money to pay for Mattie's education is there…we just don't have to worry about covering it."

"What?"

"Well," he sighed, "…turns out, Frank set up an account for Mattie's education as well. Between those funds and her father's input, she doesn't need my help from a financial standpoint."

"Tom is helping with Mattie's school bill?" she questioned.

"Yeah, surprised me too. He insisted, as her father, that he help out with expenses. He's covering her room, board and spending money…and Mom and Frank are covering her tuition. That's kinda what got me thinking. I mean…I expected Mattie to accept my help without question, even though I'm not her real father. I wanted to help because I loved her." He shrugged, "So, if I expect Mattie to accept my help given out of love…how can I deny that same right…those same emotions to Frank. He's always been there for me. Even when I made his life miserable and refused to accept him, he never gave up on loving me."

She stroked the back of her hand over his cheek, "No he didn't. It's funny, when he looks at you or talks about 'his' son…you can see the pride he has in all your accomplishments. No one would ever think that you weren't his real…no, 'natural'…son. It's obvious to anyone who watches the two of you together, that Frank views you as his real son."

He took her hand, "And now, I get to experience that with Benjamin. I may not be his genetic father, but I intended to be his Dad in everyway that counts. And just like Frank always did with me, I want to make sure that Benjamin never forgets his first father. When we get to officially adopt him, what do you think about changing his name to Benjamin Carter Rabb? By keeping the name Carter, he'll always have a link to the parents that gave him life and loved him first?"

She leaned forward and kissed him, "I think that's a wonderful idea, and I know Dan and Bernice would have loved the sentiment." She settled back against his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. "Now, back to our career and financial choices…what are we gonna do?"

"Mac, I told you we have my pension plus my trust fund."

She shrugged, "Your pension is a start for day-to-day expenses, and the trust fund can help assist with our other kids' educational expenses."

"Mac," he sighed indulgently, "…the trust fund, well let's just say we're set for life. Of course, that's not to say I don't want to have a career…I want our kids to grow-up thinking, you have to earn your own way in life. But the money will certainly come in handy for say…buying a home…setting up a law practice…etc., etc."

She sat back up, "I have a little something put away, as well. I'm sure it's nowhere near the sum you have, but it's no small potatoes either."

"Really? I didn't think your family…."

"A small portion came from my grandmother and from Uncle Matt. Most of it, I saved and invested over time. Harm, when you grow-up living hand-to-mouth," she shook her head, "…half the time, my father would drink away his paycheck before it could make it home for groceries and bills. Once I got away from all that, I wanted to make sure I never had to live that way again. Between military benefits and working, I covered my way through school. Once I started to earn a decent living, I began investing a percentage of my income every month. I never really had any expensive hobbies…I pay cash for most everything…and I don't really travel outside of work. My expenses have been kept to a minimum. Plus, I have this buddy from law school who's a whiz with investments…my little nest egg has done very well."

He pulled her back into his arms, "So, we don't have to worry about losing your pension...we're well taken care of. If you want to resign then I say go for it. In six months, we can both start our lives as civilians." He grinned, "Besides, I have a plan for that too."

She was intrigued, "Oh yeah…do tell?"

"Well, it turns out I have a buddy of my own from law school. I caught up with Howie when I was home last fall. He's been working for this big firm that specializes in family law. Problem is…the firm is more about the adult side of family law than protecting the little ones. He wants to start his own practice involving child advocacy cases. He says there's a huge void, here in San Diego, of attorneys willing to get involved in that area of the law. He and I want to open our own legal practice, specializing in children's rights." At her smile of approval, he continued, "So, what do you think, Marine? Want to go into practice with a couple of guys looking out for the munchkins of society?"

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. As they pulled away, he grinned, "I'll take that as a yes?"

Her eyes twinkled, "I can't think of anything I'd enjoy more, except for marrying you."

He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "So, how about later today, when we take Ben to the pediatrician…we stop by your office and submit your letter of resignation. That way you can be out by middle to end of August. My last day should be the beginning of July; but if I save up for terminal leave, I can be out in June. I figure if I don't take leave; I can be home to the both of you all that much sooner."

Her expression fell, "But I don't wanna wait another 4 months to see you again."

"You won't have to. If you use some of your leave time to come to London for long weekends, we can still see each other. Plus, I figure you'll need a week off for our honeymoon the end of June."

She frowned, "Who said we're getting married in June?"

"I just figured you would want to get married as soon as possible. I mean…we don't have to, if you don't want to," came his tentative reply.

She grinned, "Oh, I want to. I'd marry you today if we could, but it takes time to plan a big wedding…and I'm sure your mother wants…"

He shook his head, "It doesn't matter what Mom wants. It only matters what you want. We can wait and have the big church wedding, but I didn't think you wanted anything that extravagant. I thought I remembered something about a hillside and goats," he teased.

She rested her forehead against his, "I'm all for the private hillside affair, but what about your family?"

He brushed his cheek against hers and whispered, "Already taken care of…I told Mom last December that we wanted a small ceremony. What do you think about a hillside overlooking the ocean?"

She closed her eyes, "Sounds like heaven to me."

He ran his hands up her back, "Good, because I already have a backyard all picked out. I have it on good authority that the owner would love to see her son and future daughter-in-law married there." He pulled her in for a gentle kiss, "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie."

"I love you, too. Happy Valentine's Day, Sailor," was whispered as she deepened the kiss.

_To Be Continued…_

_**AN:** I know some of you might question Mac leaving the military before her 20 years, but this time I decided Harm and Mac had waited long enough…this time, family comes first. Private practice here they come…I think the small and disadvantaged of society will benefit nicely from the 'never quit' spirit of our dynamic duo._


	14. Chapter 11

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN:** Well folks, we're halfway there. I'm pleased you're having as much fun reading the story as I did writing it. And for the individual who asked…I'm not military, but I did have a friend 'in the know' who advised me on some of the military issues. I'm actually a neonatologist…what's that you ask? That means I'm a physician who practices newborn intensive care._

_Thank you for all your wonderful reviews._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 11**

07:15

Thursday

15 February 2007

Mac's House

San Diego, California

"Damn…."

"Harm, I told you…you can't swear in front of the baby. I don't really want that to be one of his first words."

He wiped the applesauce off his shirt, "I swear I'm wearing more of this food than he has in his stomach." He turned around and grinned, "Besides, I believe his first word was Dada."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever." She couldn't suppress the smile that appeared on her face at the sight of her sailor making airplane noises while flying spoonfuls of apple sauce and rice cereal into Benjamin's mouth. Just as they'd suspected, the baby had an ear infection; the pediatrician started him on an antibiotic with the caveat that it would take 48 hours before the fever dissipated and Ben started feeling better. In the meantime, they continued to push fluids, give Tylenol, wipe the never-ending trail of goo and drool that dripped from his nose and mouth, and walked the floors with the fussy infant. She poured another bottle of formula and turned around just in time to see the last bite of applesauce fly from Ben's mouth, as he mimicked the sound of an airplane engine in the form of a 'raspberry.'

Dam…Doggone…ah, the dog's gone…have you seen Molly lately, Mac?" Harm wiped the applesauce off his cheek. "Maybe she can lick-up all the baby food on the floor."

Mac shook her head, "Nice save, flyboy…I'm not sure I've ever heard your repertoire of pseudo-curses. Does it include dagnabbit and sick-a-fricka?" She walked over to the pair with a clean rag, "I keep telling you, you gotta duck, Dada."

He grabbed the rag and wiped off his face, "Come on, Mac…don't you think he's had enough already?"

She stirred the spoon through the bowl of rice cereal, "Few more bites of cereal, Harm…then you can quit."

He sighed and looked back just in time to watch Benjamin bring his fist down on the handle of the spoon. The cereal-filled implement flew into the air with a huge dollop of the pasty glue landing in Harm's hair. He pushed himself away from the highchair, running his fingers through his hair, "Oh yuck…Mac, this is disgusting."

She released a short chuckle followed by, "Harm, watch out…he going to…."

He turned back around and grimaced at the image of the stunned infant with a bowl of cereal turned upside down on his head. Rivers of the thick pasty goo dripping down the sides of his small face, "Oh man, sicka…a…frick…dag…dollburn…"

Mac strolled over laughing at the sight, "Harm, one of the first rules of baby feeding, is to never…ever relinquish control of the bowl and spoon unless they're empty." She removed the bowl from atop Benjamin's head and began scooping the cereal remains from his hair. Running a damp cloth over the baby's face and hair, she sighed, "Never mind, Harm. Thanks for trying."

He stood up, still trying to rake the sticky substance from his own hair, "Are we even now?"

She tugged at the bottom of her nightshirt, taking inventory of the colorful artwork painted by the morning's doses of Tylenol, Amoxicillin and formula. Then running her hand over the spots of dried baby drool on the back of her neck, announced, "Not even close, Sailor. It's your turn to give him a bath."

"But Mac…."

She waved a finger, "Don't even start, I cleaned up the last mess from when he got sick early this morning." She loosened the tray from the highchair then stood back for him to pick up the baby.

He lifted the kicking infant from the seat and pulled him into his arms. As Ben got close, Harm scrunched up his face and held the baby at arm's length, "Oh Mac, remember when the doctor said the antibiotics might cause diarrhea?" He held the baby out to her, "Well, I think it's safe to say, he's now exhibiting that undesirable side effect."

She backed away waving her arms, "No way, flyboy…I changed the last messy pants; this ones all yours."

"But Mac, I think it's in his toes," he whined.

She relented, "I think the only viable option here, is for both of you to hit the shower." She took the baby from his hands, and motioned with her head toward the bedroom, "Go on and get in the shower…I'll get him out of this sleeper and hand him into you." She blew the hair out of her face, "Is it too much to ask that we start parenthood with a healthy child…this is like trial by fire…basic training isn't this hard!" Benjamin grinned at the adults' facial expressions. "I'm glad you find this so amusing, mister." When he giggled outright, both parents had to join in at the happy sound.

Once he was out of the filthy sleeper and diaper, Mac handed the baby off to the large arms protruding from the shower. "Harm, I'm gonna try and scrub all the…'yuck'…out of this sleeper. Call me if you need anything."

Ten minutes later, she stuck her head around the door, "Are you two about done?"

"No way…we're not prunes yet," came the jovial response. Harm was buried in a tub full of bubbles with Benjamin sitting on his chest.

She smiled at the sight of her two sailors engulfed in bubble heaven, "I thought you two were gonna take a shower?"

Harm raised a brow, "Mac, have you ever tried to hold onto a wiggling soapy baby in the shower? I thought this was a safer alternative. By the way Marine, your tub is woefully undermanned for us sailors…there's not a toy boat in sight." Ben slapped at the bubbles, sending splashes of water in every direction.

Mac laughed as Harm turned his head away from the torrent, "I'll get right on that, Captain. In the meantime, this will just have to do," she filled a plastic cup with water and handed it to the baby. Benjamin squealed in delight as he shook the cup, flipping water in Harm's direction.

"Thanks a lot, Marine," he wiped a hand over his face. "You know, you could always join us…the more the merrier," he grinned.

She waved a dismissive hand, "No thanks, the miniature sailor there isn't too bad, but that tub is barely large enough to hold you…no way I can fit too." She tapped a finger against her lips, "Hmmm, note to self, in our next house we need a huge whirlpool tub in the master bathroom.

Harm's eyes twinkled, "Sounds good to me." He watched the baby's eyes blink shut as his little head bounced forward, "Mac, I think our little guy here is ready for a nap. You want to take him so I can finish getting cleaned up?"

She lifted the baby from the water and wrapped him in a large fluffy towel. As she turned to leave, she threw over her shoulder, "Hurry up Harm, I need a shower too." When he failed to appear 10 minutes later, Mac stuck her head back into the room, "Harm, are you getting out anytime soon?"

He pointed a finger, "Mac could you hand me that towel over there." When she got close, he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the tub. She landed on his chest, with large waves of bubbles and water cascading over the side.

Pushing her wet hair out her eyes, she gasped, "Harm, what do you think you're doing?"

He grinned unrepentantly, "You said you needed to get cleaned up…I just thought I'd help."

She tugged at her soaked nightshirt, "Harm, my clothes are all wet."

He waggled his brow, "I can see that, Marine. I would say that's an added bonus."

She crossed her arms over chest and glared, "Listen Sailor, you're gonna clean up this entire mess!"

His smile widened to a full flyboy grin, tongue peaking out, "That's OK, Marine…this was worth whatever punishment you meter out." As she tried to maneuver out of the tub, he pulled her back into his embrace and kissed her senseless. "Oh and Mac, that requirement for a huge tub in the new house," he kissed her again, "…definitely a brilliant idea." She blinked away a dazed expression as he helped push her from the watery depths of the tub.

Once the fog lifted, she tossed a stack of towels at him. "Swab the deck, Sailor…then hit the laundry."

As she exited the door, she heard him mutter, "I guess we're even now."

Twenty minutes later, she was still sitting on the bed, in an oversized chenille robe, waiting for a shower. He finally emerged with a towel wrapped around his waist and a mountain of wet terry cloth in his arms. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he tipped his head, "Showers all yours, Mac."

She released a loud yawn, "Thanks Harm."

He returned the yawn, finding the behavior infectious, "Tell you what…you go take a nice hot shower. I'll get a load of laundry going, then we can meet back here for a much deserved nap…while the boss over there is still fast asleep." He yawned again in reply.

She nodded to the affirmative and shuffled into the bathroom. Energy stores now depleted; she couldn't muster the where with all to speak.

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06:00

Sunday

18 February 2007

San Diego Airport

San Diego, California

Harm placed a kiss on the soft silky head of the infant sleeping peacefully on his right shoulder. He couldn't believe how fast the last week had flown by. In one week's time, they had become a family and those memories of the two people now in his arms, needed to sustain him for the next seven weeks. Mac snuggled tighter against his left arm trying to fight the whisper of sleep that tugged at her eyelids.

An elderly woman stopped before the serene trio and smiled in admiration, "Beautiful family you have there. Remember to take the time to enjoy them while they're young."

Harm nodded a thank you, "Oh I intend to," he whispered back, "…I waited much too long to get to this point…to not enjoy every moment."

The women reached out a shaky hand to stroke Benjamin's dark hair, "God bless you, little one." She winked at Harm, "Have a wonderful day."

He smiled back, "Same to you." As Mac stretched beside him, he laid his cheek against her hair, and whispered lazily, "Go back to sleep…I don't need to board for another hour."

She tilted her head up, "I don't wanna sleep." She gently kissed his lips, lingering and enjoying the feel of his warm breath on her face, "I don't wanna miss a single minute with you." Tears ringed her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

He kissed her back, "We'll see each other again in a few weeks. In the meantime, we'll talk everyday…I don't want Ben to forget me."

She reached up to stroke her fingers over his cheek, "I won't let him forget. I promise to show him Dada's picture everyday and you can talk to him on the phone." She saw matching tears appear in his beautiful blue-green depths. As she studied the emotions displayed in those eyes, she realized for the first time that his eyes said everything his words never could. If she'd just paid closer attention to the message in his eyes, they might have gotten to this wonderful place so much sooner. She ran her fingers over his lips and smiled, "I promise to take pictures everyday so you don't miss anything. That's the nice thing about e-mail…you won't have to wait to enjoy the special moments."

He fought the tears, "But I'd rather be there in person."

She closed her eyes as the tears spilled over, "Soon…we'll all be together, soon. I love you, Sailor."

He laid his head back against hers, "I love you, more."

Closing his eyes, he thought back over the events of the last two days. After a long restful nap on Thursday morning, they'd discussed housing plans for their family. Mac's bungalow was just too small to accommodate the baby and all his paraphernalia. They were tripping over toys, clothes, the portable crib, high chair, and the stroller and playpen had yet to make an appearance. They decided to pursue buying a home before Harm relocated from London. They made a list of necessary housing features required by both, and a second list of desirable options. They both agreed that they would like to live close to, but not on the beach. Both feared a wee one escaping undetected to live the dreams of riding a wave. Other essentials included three preferably four bedrooms, a study, fireplace, formal and casual living spaces, a play yard and that luxurious romance-inspiring whirlpool tub in the master suite.

By Friday, Ben was returning to his former loveable happy self. They contacted Frank about a realtor and found themselves looking at houses by noon. The last house toured on Friday evening proved to be their dream come true. Located on a setback from the beachfront homes, it had a small private path leading directly to the shore. The dwelling itself had four bedrooms and met all their demands and more. There was a backyard pool secured behind a privacy fence. A grassy side yard provided space for gardens, an elaborate swing set with all the works, and a barbeque. They were shocked at the ridiculously low asking price and submitted an immediate bid for the full list price. They celebrated the acceptance of their offer over lunch on Saturday. They toured the home a second time with Trish and Frank, before enjoying dinner at the Burnett home.

It was over dinner that he and Mac discovered the secret to their real estate treasure…the house was owned by Frank. He and Trish had wanted to offer the home as a wedding gift, but knew neither of the kids would accept the offer outright. So, they had priced the house at an irresistible level, hoping Harm and Mac would bite. When the betrothed couple started to protest, Frank merely shook his head…after all, the inheritance would all be Harm's one day, why not enjoy the benefits now. Frank refused to take a higher sale price, shrugging his shoulders in nonchalance…take it or leave…the offer would stand. Unable to budge the astute businessman from the terms of the deal, Harm accepted the gift in the spirit of love that it was intended. Harm and Frank had finally mended all fences; they each reveled in the new father-son relationship.

After dinner, Trish and Frank fawned over Benjamin, while the soon-to-be separated couple took a moonlit stroll along the beach. Everyone retired early for the night, in preparation for a predawn trip to the airport. Harm had suggested taking a cab, but Mac insisted on spending every precious minute together before his flight departed.

He was roused from his musings by the overhead announcement to board the flight for London. He nudged the sleeping marine at his side, "Hey beautiful, time to wake up." As she stretched, he explained, "They're calling for pre-boarding…I need to get through security."

She rubbed her face against his arm and whispered, "I'm awake…I just…."

"I know, sweetheart. I wish I didn't have to leave either."

He handed off the baby into her arms. Benjamin stirred awake and began to whimper, "Dada…Dada."

Mac patted his back, settling him back to sleep on her chest, "It's OK, baby…we'll see Daddy again, soon."

Harm gathered his things and they strolled to the security checkpoint. Pulling up short, he pulled his most loved treasures into his arms. Placing a kiss on Ben's cheek, he whispered, "Be good for Mama, little man. I love you." He leaned in to kiss Mac, lingering to enjoy a second.

As he turned to walk away, she called him back, "Harm, I almost forgot…Benjamin has something for you."

She handed him a gift-wrapped box. Quickly dispensing with the paper, he opened the box to find a tri-fold picture frame holding three different poses of one giggling, soon-to-be Benjamin Carter Rabb. He looked up with tears in his eyes, "How did…."

She wiped away the tears, "Your mother had a photographer friend of hers shoot the pictures on Friday afternoon, while we were away. We thought you should have a reminder of your son to put on your desk at work…until the real thing can come for a visit."

"I don't," his voice cracked, "…know what to say…they're beautiful. I'll make sure they have the most prominent position on my desk." The overhead speaker announced the second boarding call. "I gotta go, sweetheart. I love you…take care of our son. I don't know how I'm gonna survive the next seven weeks away from you both."

She leaned in for one last kiss, "We love you, too. See ya at Easter."

_To Be Continued..._


	15. Chapter 12a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Thank you for all your wonderful reviews._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 12a of two parts**

10:30

Thursday

5 April 2007

FJA Office

London

He was doing it again. He shook his head in frustration and turned the picture frames, face down on his desk. He'd never had trouble concentrating before, but somehow those pictures of Mac and the baby reached out to him, drawing him into their dreamy reality. Picking up a pen, he tried to concentrate on the documents in front of him, reading and rereading the same paragraph over and over. His hand snaked out to touch the frame. Freezing in place, he chided himself at his complete lack of self-control. Counting to ten, he gave up the fight and righted the pictures once again. He ran his finger over the shiny surface of Benjamin's face and then laughed out loud. He had it bad…he had become the very same hopeless sap that he'd teased countless others about.

He picked up a frame containing the latest picture of Ben. It was a ridiculous studio portrait with his 'little man' perched atop a large green frog. Ben was holding on for dear life and laughing merrily at the camera.

He set the photo back in its rightful spot and snatched up the next frame. Mac had a portrait taken of her and the baby. She was casually dressed in jeans and a white cotton oxford with bare feet. Ben was wearing denim overall shorts and nothing else. The photographer had caught the pair laughing in delight as Mac lifted the baby over her head. Harm bit his bottom lip and wished away his soul to be in that picture with the rest of his family.

His intercom buzzed to life, "Captain, I have an overnight package just delivered for you."

He set the picture aside, "Thanks, Alice…you can bring it in."

The door opened a second later, as the petty officer dropped the box onto his desk. "Sir, an Admiral Chegwidden just called. He said he was in town for a brief layover and hoped to meet with you in about an hour. I can move your 11:00 appointment with Commander Newman to this afternoon, if you'd like?"

Harm nodded to his yeoman, "That would be great, Alice…Dismissed." As she turned to leave, he added, "Let me know when AJ…ah, Admiral Chegwidden arrives."

"Yes Sir."

As soon as the door closed, he picked up the package from his desk, smiling immediately at the return address. Grabbing a letter opener, he tore into the box and grinned at the contents. The note on top simply said, 'Thought you might be ready to start a new book. See ya soon. Love, Mac and Ben.' He reached back into the box and withdrew the next book in the Winnie the Pooh series. Inside the cover was a new DVD.

Mac had purchased a DVD camcorder for both of them. She used hers to send frequent videos of Ben's latest antics and achievements. His had served an entirely different purpose. Despite daily phone calls, she thought Ben would feel more connected to Dada if he could see his face, as well as hear his voice. So Mac had suggested that Harm talk to Ben through the video. In addition, he had decided it would be fun to share bedtime stories with his son…the Winnie the Pooh books had served just that purpose. Initially, he felt a little silly reading to an empty room; but with Mac's encouragement, he became more animated…adding voices and sound effects to highlight each of the fictional characters.

He placed the book on his desk and walked over to the television set in the corner of his office. Cuing up the DVD player, he hit the play button and settled into an adjacent chair to watch. As the video came into focus, he saw Ben sitting on the rug playing with his stuffed Piglet and Pooh Bear. Mac appeared before her TV and hit play on her own DVD recorder. Harm's face appeared on the screen, calling Ben's name. Mac called out to their munchkin and pointed to the TV, "Benjamin, who's that?"

The baby looked up and squealed, bouncing up and down on his bottom, "Dada…Dada...Dadadadada." He tucked a leg under his body and drew up an all fours, then rocked back and forth on his hands and knees."

Harm grinned at the new trick displayed on the video, "That's my big boy. Come to Daddy."

Ben reached out a hand toward the TV and jabbered, "Dada…bye-bye." He then rocked forward and propelled his body, crawling toward the screen. Harm's eyes widened in amazement at the feat. Crawling right up to the front of the TV, Ben reached up to grab hold and pulled himself to a stand. He patted the screen over Harm's face, happily babbling on, "Dada…Dada…Dada."

He watched another 20 minutes until the scene changed, then hit stop. He would need to wait until he was home to watch the rest. Scrubbing his fingers through his hair, he sighed and muttered to himself, "Two more days…they'll be here in two more days." He walked back to his desk; he needed to get some work done, if he had any hope of spending time with his loved ones this weekend.

Ten minutes later, he was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Enter," was his barked response.

The door opened to reveal AJ, dressed in casual clothes and smiling brightly in welcome. "Harm, it's good to see you."

Harm jumped up from his desk and walked to the door, extended his hand, "Sir, it's good to see you too. What brings you through London?"

AJ frowned in that commanding way that made Harm stand a little straighter. "Harm, I'm retired now. Let's dispense with formality…it's AJ."

Harm nodded back with a smile, "Alright AJ…what brings you here? I can't imagine London is a normal layover on the way to Italy."

AJ laughed, "Guess Mac told you about Marcella and me. So, how are things here in London…enjoying your command?"

Harm sobered, "Not exactly, but then I expect you already know that."

AJ nodded, "So, I've heard." He gestured toward a chair, "Mind if we sit down and talk?"

They both took a seat in front of Harm's desk. "So, the SecNav send you my way?"

AJ shrugged, "Something like that. What's going on, son? I thought for sure you'd stick it out all the way to the JAG?"

Harm looked away, "Other things come along. I'm not interested in pandering to politicians."

AJ raised a brow at that, "I hear you there…can't say I disagree, and I lived through it." He reclined back into the chair, "So, you're getting out? Have any plans?"

Harm's expression brightened as he reached out to retrieve a picture frame. Handing it to AJ, he smiled, "Only the same ones I've been waiting for, for ten and a half years."

AJ took the frame and studied the picture of Mac and Ben, "So, you two are finally getting it right?" He shook his head, "I knew you two were headed in that direction clear back in that rose garden. How it took you ten years to figure it out is beyond me…I've never seen two people dance around each other so long." He handed the frame back, "So, who's the baby…I didn't think…well, back at your promotion party…ah," he scratched his head, "…ah, when I saw Mac, she wasn't…."

Harm laughed at the flustered attempt to sort things out. "That's Benjamin Carter Rabb…our son." As AJ's eyebrows rose to his absent hairline, Harm grinned triumphantly, "He was Mac's godson, but his parents were killed in a car accident two months ago." He shrugged, "So, now he's ours."

AJ pursed his lips, "Wow, so you're starting with a ready-made family. You OK with that?"

Harm ran a finger over the picture, "I couldn't be more OK with it, if I'd planned it myself. He's absolutely amazing, AJ. I don't think I've ever fallen in love so hard and so fast in my life…well, except for Mac. Besides, with Mac's health problems, we may not be able to have any of our own."

AJ sat up straight, "Mac's sick?"

Harm shook his head, "Nothing serious, it's just that…she has a…" he was unsure how much to share.

AJ waved him off, "Don't worry about it…as long as she's going to be OK, that's all that's important. So you're a father now? How's that feel?"

Harm beamed, "Incredible…I just wish I could be there with them right now. Actually, they coming for a visit in a couple of days…any chance you'll be around?"

"Nah, I'm only in town for a few hours. I'll have to catch you stateside. Any idea on the wedding date?"

Harm placed the picture back on his desk, "End of June sometime…we plan to firm up the date this weekend. It's going to be a small private affair, outside at my folk's house. We'd be happy to have you attend."

"I just might." AJ looked around the office, "So, any way I can talk you into staying in the Navy?"

"I've made my choice," he declared firmly.

AJ leaned forward, "Are you sure about that? When you came back after that CIA nightmare, I thought for sure you were a lifer."

Harm stood and motioned for AJ to follow him, "AJ, if the last few years have taught me nothing else…it's that…if I keep chasing my past, my future's going to walk right out that door. I'm tired of putting off what I really want," he hit the play button on the recorder. The playful images and happy sounds of Benjamin and Mac filled the room. He pointed to the screen, "That's what it's all about now, AJ…they're all I need to make me happy. The Navy doesn't even come close."

AJ clamped a hand on the younger man's shoulder, "You're right, son…and I'm glad you figured it out a whole lot sooner than I did. Don't let anyone talk you out of that piece of heaven…there's nothing that can compete with what you have there." At Harm's questioning gaze, AJ grinned, "I said the SecNav sent me…I didn't say I agreed with him. Good luck, Harm. Give my best to Mac and the baby, and stay in touch…I can't wait to see what the next generation of Rabbs is up to."

"We will, Sir…don't be a stranger, Mac would love to see you again." He escorted AJ to the door, "We'll make sure you get that wedding invitation."

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He managed to rein it in for the next four hours, and accomplish what seemed like a week's worth of work. Rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, he glanced at his watch. Already 16:30, he shifted the files to the side and contemplated calling Mac, then remembered she was in the middle of a meeting in D.C. Resting his head against the back of the chair, he wondered how Ben was fairing in the chaos of the Roberts' household. So they could travel directly to London from D.C., Mac had taken Ben along to Washington. Harriet had offered to baby-sit with the caveat, 'Who'll notice one more when we already have four.' He chuckled, Ben was probably overwhelmed by the four 'whirling hurricanes'; a term that aptly described Bud and Harriet's kids.

The ringing of his cell phone roused him from his thoughts, "Rabb."

"Hey Sailor, ready for some company?"

Suddenly revitalized, he grinned, "Hey sweetheart. I can't tell you how ready I am. I spent half my morning staring at the pictures on my desk…I've decided I'm a hopeless sap."

She laughed, "We miss you too, Harm."

"So you're still coming? No delays or anything?" He heard Benjamin jabbering in the background, and his heart ached at the sense of longing.

"Well…"

He deflated, "Oh Mac…I don't think I'll survive…"

"Hold on, Sailor…Ben wants to tell you something."

He tried to suppress his disappointment, "Hey little man, what'cha doing? Daddy misses you." A knock at his door interrupted the conversation. "Hang on, Mac…I just need to…." His mouth dropped open at the sight of his visitors, "Mac, how…" was voiced into the phone.

She smiled at his expression, "You can hang up now, Harm. You don't need the phone, when we can talk in person." She came around his desk and stopped before her still stunned and speechless fiance.

Benjamin lunged toward Harm. Screeching in loud voice, "Dada…Dada," he threw his chubby arms around Harm's neck in a stranglehold.

Harm closed his eyes and held on tight. AJ was right; this was heaven and he didn't intend to ever let go.

Mac stood back smiling at her of guys. After several moments, Harm opened his eyes and extended an arm in invitation. She stepped into his embrace and fell willingly into his kiss. As she tried to pull away, his lips followed hers for a second more dazzling kiss. When they parted to catch their breath, she gasped, "Harm, you're in the office…what if someone comes in."

He shook his head, "I don't care…I've missed you, both of you."

She reached up to caress his cheek, "We've missed you, too. That's why we stole away early from D.C." He nuzzled his cheek against hers and refused to release her from his embrace. "Harm? Sweetheart, is something wrong?"

He whispered into her ear, "No, everything is perfectly, wonderfully right." With a deep sigh, he finally let her go and collapsed into his office chair with Benjamin still hanging on for dear life.

She leaned back on the top of his desk and studied his face. "Harm, what's going on? I've never seen you this…" she waved her hands at a loss for words.

He ran his hand up her leg and then grabbed her hand. "AJ stopped by today." Ben turned his face toward Harm and placed a slobbery open-mouth kiss on his cheek.

At Harm's wary expression, she chuckled, "That's one of his new tricks…they're supposed to be kisses." She wiggled a finger in his direction, "Just wait until he gets you with his mouth full of food…those are even messier."

He turned to place a kiss on Ben cheek in return, "I can't wait. I want to see all of his new tricks. I can't believe how much I've missed already." An expression of sadness and regret overshadowed his handsome face.

She grew more concerned, "Harm, something's going on…what is it?"

He shook his head, "Nothing really…I'm just being," he shrugged. "Did I tell you AJ stopped by? The SecNav sent him…."

Her hand flew to her mouth, "Oh no, he's not going to let you go in June is he? The Navy's going to delay your retirement?"

He tugged on her hand to pull her closer, "No, no…it's nothing like that. Relax…I'm still getting out when we planned." When she released a breath of relief, he continued, "The SecNav did send AJ to talk me out of retiring, but I told him…my future was more important than the Navy." He lifted her hand to place a kiss on her palm, "And you and the baby are my future. You know what's funny? AJ agreed with me. He said he was glad I'd figured everything out a lot sooner than he did, and that I should hold on tight to my piece of heaven."

Mac grinned, "I have a feeling that's not exactly what the SecNav had in mind, when he sent AJ to talk to you."

"No…in fact, AJ's exact words were, 'I said the SecNav sent me…I didn't say I agreed with him,'" Harm parroted in an Admiral tone of voice.

She stroked his cheek, "So, you're retirement is still a go…and we showed up early. Why the sober expression, Sailor? You're not having second thoughts about leaving the military, are you?"

"No! It's just been one of those days. I spent the majority of the morning trying to convince myself, I could survive the next two days until you arrived. AJ appeared out of the blue, at the request of the SecNav. And finally, you and Ben showed-up two days early. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed."

She pointed her thumb toward the door, "I guess Ben and I could leave and come back on Saturday as planned."

He placed an arm around her waist and pulled her to his side, "Oh no, you don't…you're not going anywhere. How did you happen to get away early, anyways?"

"I guess everyone wanted a jump start on their holiday weekend. I've never seen a room full of officers agree on legal matters so quickly, even Cresswell was impressed." She sighed in exasperation, "You won't believe who he's sending to San Diego as Bernice's replacement." At his expectant look, she threw up her hands, "Vukovic…I managed to avoid that low-life, lying scum for two years. Why do I have to put up with him now?"

Harm laughed, "Tell me how you really feel. Sweetheart, it's only for four months then he can't bother you anymore. Besides, it's been two years…maybe he's changed. I heard they paired him with Sturgis, if anyone could make the lieutenant toe the line…it's Sturgis."

She picked at her nail, "I don't know about that. If the leering insubordinate looks, he threw my way the last few days, are any indication…I'd say he's the same old slimy lecherous weasel."

That got Harm's hackles roused, "If he tries anything with you, he'll have to deal with me."

She smiled at her fiery protector, reaching up to caress his cheek, "You really are my knight in dress blues, aren't you?" She leaned in for a quick kiss, and winked, "It's OK…I'm sure I can handle him. After all, I can always feed his as…" she glanced toward Ben and amended, "…ah, six to the crabs."

He leaned in smiling against her lips, "That's my Marine…he'll never know what hit him. Besides, I'll never tell where we hid the body." His smile faded as he kissed her slow and sweet.

Ben pulled back to study his parents and then squealing with delight, placed a loud wet smacking kiss of his own on Dada's cheek. Harm reached up and wiped away the slobber to Mac's utter enjoyment. Throwing her a glare, he held the baby up face-to-face, "Benjamin, my son…we have got to work on your kissing technique. The girls will never…."

Mac cleared her voice, "Harm, do you really want to lecture our son on his kissing prowess, because I have no intention of allowing him to utilize it any time soon."

He returned a sheepish look, "I ah…I guess not. What do you say we get out of here?" He glanced around the room, "Where's all your stuff? How'd you get here, anyways?"

She reached for the baby, but Ben buried his face in Harm's neck and held on tight. She shook her head; clearly she was going to be second choice for the next few days. "We took a cab, Harm. Our luggage and other odds and ends are with Alice." She waltzed through the door, "Is Mattie still coming?"

He shifted Ben in his arms, "Yeah, her plane gets in on Saturday. She's really excited to meet her little brother." He closed the door on the way out, but circled back to grab the Winnie the Pooh book. "I think we're going to need this." His eyes grew wide with excitement, "I actually get to read to Ben in person, tonight."

"Coming flyboy?"

"Right behind you, Marine." He threw his own leer her way, muttering, "And oh, what a fabulous sight it is."

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**Continued on in Part 12b**


	16. Chapter 12b

**Part 12b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 12a first)**

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21:30

Thursday

5 April 2007

Harm's Flat

London

Mac walked into the bedroom to find Harm and Ben sprawled out on the bed. Ben was lying on his stomach, sound asleep, while Harm hovered at his side watching every breath. "What are you doing, Harm?" she whispered.

He never took his eyes off the baby, "He finally conked out. I don't think I've ever seen anyone with that much energy before."

She began unpacking their luggage, "He slept most of the flight over…plus this is when he usually takes a nap at home. We should set up the portable crib. I don't want him to roll off the bed…he likes to move around in his sleep."

Harm rolled onto his side and propped his head in his hand. "We can move him later. I just wanna lay here with him for awhile." He reached out to push a lock of dark hair off Ben's forehead. The baby snuggled a little closer to his Daddy's side. Harm smiled and ran his finger lightly over Ben's chubby cheek and down to his lips. The baby instinctively sucked harder on the thumb in his mouth. Leaning over to kiss the soft cheek, he whispered, "He's so perfect, Mac. It's like he was made for us...he even has your eyes and my hair," he fingered the cowlick that made the baby's soft hair stick up in front.

She came over and sat on the bed next to the baby, "I noticed that," she reached out to run her fingers through Harm's cowlick, "…think we'll have to cut his hair like yours."

Harm laid his head on the bed next to Ben's, "He can wear it any way he wants," he paused for a moment in reflection, "…except long…no long hair on our sons. Our daughter can wear it long."

She laid down on the bed and turned toward Harm, with the baby sandwiched between them, "So, you're planning on having at least three? I noticed you said sons and daughter."

He rested a hand on the cute little diaper clad bottom, "Sounds good to me…I'll take as many as we can have." He saw the saddened expression take over her face. "Mac, I didn't mean…."

Her eyes glistened, "I know…it's just that we may never have any of our own." She laid her hand on the baby's back and rubbed it in gentle circles.

He placed his hand on top hers, "Mac, our children will always be our own whether we give birth to them or not. Can you tell me you would love Ben more if you'd carried him for nine months?"

She looked up and met his eyes with determination, "Of course not…I love Ben because of who he is not where he came from."

He smiled back, "Exactly…that's exactly how I feel about both Mattie and Ben. So it doesn't matter whether they have our genetic make-up, we'll love them no matter what. And yes, I would like to have at least a couple more…but only one daughter." At her confused expression, he continued with a grin, "It takes a lot of work to keep hormonal teenage boys away; I don't think I can handle doing it more than once. I'd rather be the father of the boys…that way, I can keep them in line."

She grinned in challenge, "Oh yeah, by teaching them kissing techniques?"

He rolled his eyes, "Rookie mistake…it won't happen again.

She pondered aloud, "I think you might be right about only one girl." He raised a brow encouraging her to continue. "Harm, if we have a daughter, she'll have you wrapped around her little finger. She'll get whatever she wants just by batting her eyes."

"Probably," he leaned in to kiss her, "…especially if she looks like you."

Benjamin stirred in his sleep and Harm gently patted his back to settle him again. When he looked back toward her, his expression had sobered, "Mac, tell me about Ben's first parents?"

She propped her head on her hand, "Bernice and Dan…they were really special people. I met Bernice when I was stationed in Bosnia. She was assigned as my legal assist. I guess she decided she liked the law, because she applied to law school a couple of years later. She was subsequently assigned to Pearl, which is where she met Dan. He had just finished six months sea duty." She turned to him with a huge grin, "I did mention that Bernice was a marine and Dan was Navy, right?"

Harm chuckled, "No, but that makes our getting Ben that much more appropriate."

"Anyway, they got married a year later and started trying to have kids, right away. They weren't too concerned for the first couple of years, because Dan was at sea six months at a time. When Bernice got transferred to San Diego under my command, they started looking into infertility options. She was started on an oral medication of some kind and was able to get pregnant within a few months. Actually she found out she was pregnant on Halloween." She grinned, "You won't believe how she told Dan. She asked him what he wanted for Halloween…a trick…or a treat…then she handed him the positive pregnancy test. The pregnancy progressed without problems, and Dan was supposed to return to port two weeks before Bernice's due date. His carrier got delayed due to mechanical problems and he missed the delivery."

Harm frowned, "That's why I wouldn't want to fly again…I couldn't imagine missing my child's birth. It must be amazing to see them take their first breath, to count all their fingers and toes, to hold them in your arms that first time."

Mac stroked a finger over Ben's cheek, "Yeah, it really was. Since, Dan couldn't be there, Bernice asked me to step in. Harm, it was so incredible. I think part of the reason, Bernice and I got so close again, was because of the infertility issues. You know…kind of like kindred spirits. I think that was also why they asked me to be Ben's godmother. If something happened to them, they wanted Ben to go to someone who really understood what an amazing gift he is."

Harm reached up to caress her cheek, "He is a gift…and we'll never let him forget how much he's loved and treasured by all four of his parents." He rested his hand on the baby's back once again, as the shadow of his earlier melancholy mood returned.

"Harm? What's wrong, you've been in a weird mood, off and on, all evening?"

"It just that," he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling, "…I've missed most of his life. I mean, we didn't get him until he was 7 months old…and since then, I've hardly been around. When I watched that DVD today and saw him crawling and standing for the first time, I realized how much I've missed out on. By the time I get home, he'll be almost a year old."

"Would you rather I not send so many videos and pictures. I thought you would enjoy them, but if they just upset you."

"No," he declared and then lowered is voice, "…no, I want to see every 'first time.' I just hate missing the first year of my son's life."

"Harm," she reached for his hand, "…he knows who you are…we've made sure that he has that connection to you. Shoot, he threw himself into your arms today and didn't vacate that position until he fell asleep. I know you want to be with us all the time, but we have to be patient. In two months, you'll be home and you'll never have to be away from him ever again."

"I guess," he yawned, "…it's just that I waited a really long time for all of this, and I don't want to wait any longer."

"I understand…believe me I understand, I was the one there waiting right along with you." She tugged on his hand, "Now give me a goodnight kiss and get some sleep, Sailor…I think you're starting to get punchy."

He closed his eyes and yawned, "Love you, Mac."

"I love you too, Harm…and so does Ben."

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11:00

Saturday

7 April 2007

Harm's Flat

London

"Mac, what the heck is taupe?"

She stuck her head around the corner, "It's a color, Harm. If you'll wait a minute, I'll come in there and explain it all to you. Just let me finish changing Ben and get him settled for a nap. By the way, what time does Mattie's flight get in?"

"Um 14:00, I think…I'll need to head to the airport by 12:30."

She walked through the room with Ben nestled on her shoulder. "Don't you mean, 'we' need to head out?"

He yelled back, "Mac, if Ben's napping, I don't wanna wake him. I can pick-up Mattie and bring her back home."

She walked back into the room and sat next to him on the sofa, "Harm, I don't want Mattie to think, we didn't want to be there to welcome her home. I worry that she'll think we're replacing her with Ben."

"It's OK…I already told her it would probably just be me at the airport. I'd rather Ben take a good nap and be happy later on, then go to the crowded airport and be crabby all night. His schedule has been thrown for a loop as it is."

She snuggled into his side, "We'll see…if he's awake, we all go. Now, let me explain these samples."

"Mac, why do we have to repaint the house? I thought the white was a nice neutral color…you know, goes with anything?"

She took the sample book from his hands, "Harm, the house has some amazing architectural details, but you don't really notice them because everything's the same color. Plus the white makes the rooms feel cold. I want to paint the walls one color and the trim work, columns, etc. a second." She pulled out paint samples, "This is the taupe color for the walls and I want to paint the trim a pearl white."

He flipped through the cards, "Can't we just wait until I get home to decide?"

"No Harm, I want to get everything painted before we move in. So unless you want to spend your first couple of weeks home, painting and remodeling, instead of say…oh, I don't know…going on your honeymoon! I say we get professional painters in to do all the work in the next month."

He rolled his eyes, "Those are my choices? Painting or honeymooning? Gee, I don't know," he held up a hand, "…painting the house or," he held up his other hand, "…spending a week alone with my beautiful wife on an island paradise. I say let the painters have at it."

She grinned mischievously, "I thought you'd see it my way. And who says, we're gonna be alone on that island paradise? I thought for sure you'd wanna take Ben along?"

He pushed her backwards onto the couch and covered her body with his, leering hungrily, "Not a chance, sweetheart. Except for Christmas, we haven't been alone for one minute since we got engaged. I love my son, but he is not coming along on our honeymoon. Grandma, Grandpa, Evie and Mattie will spoil him rotten in our absence." He moved his face closer to hers, "For one week you are all mine…and trust me, you won't have the time or the inclination to miss anyone at home."

She placed her hand on the back of his head, pulling his closer. "Promise?"

He hovered just above her lips, "Absolutely…and I don't make promises I don't intend to keep." He kissed her lips then worked his way down her neck.

"Kitchen Appliances!"

He pulled back, "What?!!!"

She smiled and flipped a page in the sample book that had fallen to the floor. "Kitchen appliances…I thought you might want to upgrade to some of the high-end European models."

He stared at her, "Mac, I'm kissing you and you want to discuss kitchen appliances?"

Her smile grew, "I thought you would enjoy cooking in a gourmet kitchen. Evie suggested Thermador or Viking, but…."

As he dipped back in to feast on her neck, his eyes caught sight of the brochure for the commercial grade Viking cooktop. He paused mid dip, "Incredible! If I let you paint the house taupe…can I have that?" he pointed to the picture.

She laughed, "You flyboys are all a like…show you a new toy and you're easily distracted. Did you see the picture of the Thermador double convection oven?"

He grinned, "I love it when you talk kitchenware…how about refrigerators?"

"Don't need one, already have a built-in Sub-Zero…but there is an interesting Bosch dishwasher available."

He rubbed his cheek against hers, "You really have gotten into this cooking thing."

She ran her foot down his calf, "Yep, think of all the possibilities…cooking together can be so…."

He kissed her ear, whispering, "Absolutely."

"Now about furniture?!"

He threw his head back and laughed, "Mac, this book is so NOT going on our honeymoon, either!"

_To Be Continued…_


	17. Chapter 13a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 13a of two parts**

Saturday

16 June 2007

Somewhere over the Atlantic

Harm leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. Although he had a novel opened before him, he hadn't read a single word. He was finally heading home for good. After 22 years in the Navy, he was now going to be a civilian. He shook his head…22 years, he'd spent more than half his life in uniform. The first twenty had been everything he'd ever imagined; with a few exceptions, he loved most all of them. It was the last 2 years that left something to be desired; those last two, made retirement an easy decision. He was more than ready to start the next phase of his life…a new career, a new father and a new husband.

Husband…marriage…those two words made him smile. A week from today he would be saying 'I do.' He would finally be connected to Mac for all eternity…not that they hadn't been connected in one form or fashion since that fateful meeting in The Rose Garden. They had decided on a simple outdoor wedding. It had taken some fast-talking to keep the guest list under 50; his mother had still hoped for an elaborate affair. But in the end, the ceremony would be simple and sincere…an outward tangible display to family and friends of a love that had silently existed for 11 years. He couldn't wait to be the Mr. MacKenzie to his Mrs. Rabb.

One week…there was a lot to do in one week. He needed to put the finishing touches on their new home and move all their belongings. It had taken longer than expected to complete the painting and remodeling. Mac had given up her lease on the ocean front bungalow, the first of June, thinking the house would be long since completed. Due to delays, she and Ben had to move in with his parents. He would be joining them and Mattie in his old childhood abode. The presence of his entire family in one house would make for some tight quarters before the wedding, but in the end the shared experiences from parents, to bride and groom, to grandchildren would make the day that much more memorable.

His mind wandered over the events of the last two months. The Easter visit to London had been brief but fun. Mattie and Ben had hit it off from the start. Ben was a little unsure of the wheelchair, at least until he had his first ride. Once he experienced going fast in the park, Mattie became his new favorite person. He spent the rest of the holiday, pulling to a stand beside the chair, extending an arm and issuing the order, "Up…weeeee," in true military fashion. Mac and Mattie had to create a restraining harness out of one of his old belts, to keep the miniature speed demon strapped in for safety. Mac just knew Ben would be the next generation of Rabbs to seek the thrill of speed from the cockpit of a fighter jet. Ben had struggled with Mattie's name. Every time someone would call "Mattie," Ben would point to Mac and say "Mama." On the one occasion, he'd yelled "Mattie Grace" to get her attention; Ben picked up on Harm's use of the name Grace and from then on she was christened "Gace" in Ben-speak.

Originally they'd planned for Mac and Ben to visit London again in May. However the effects of the first visit had thrown Ben's schedule into such a tailspin, it took over a week to re-acclimate him back to California time. In deference to Mac's dual responsibilities of career and motherhood, they'd begrudgingly decided that the California portion of the Rabb family should stay put. He'd been able to sneak in a surprise visit of his own the middle of May. His presence had been requested, by the top brass at the Pentagon, at a conference on the continued terrorist threats in Europe and the Middle East. The conference was to last from Thursday through the following Monday, encompassing the Mother's Day weekend. Several of the organizers decided to break from meetings at noon on Saturday to recommence early Monday morning. He decided on a whim to surprise Mac with a Mother's Day visit of his own. Airline tickets had been limited, resulting in his beleaguered arrival just before midnight on Saturday night.

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Mac opened the door to find one exhausted but happy sailor. His smile grew at her shocked utterance of, "Harm, what are you doing here?" When he'd threatened to leave, she grabbed hold of his arm, refusing to let go. His heart-felt explanation of wanting to spend her first Mother's Day together resulted in the tearful marine throwing herself into his arms. The dozen perfect red roses in his hand became the unwitting casualty in the frontal assault. Of course, he'd have sacrificed the entire White House Rose Garden just to have her in his arms once again. The pair had collapsed into bed, exhausted but content to be in each other's arms, for the first time in a month.

The following morning, he'd been awakened by a cheerful babbling baby voice. Ben peeked between the rungs of his confinement from the crib across the room. The early morning chant of 'Mama' quickly turned to squeals of 'Dada' when his 'little man' spied the beloved visitor reclining on the bed. He'd barely caught the flying monkey as he vaulted from the crib into Daddy's waiting arms. The two Rabb men snuck from the bedroom to prepare a breakfast feast befitting their fair queen on her first celebration of motherhood. Returning with a tray of food, drink and flowers, the pair woke their sleeping beauty with a morning kiss…one wet and messy…the other tender and warm.

Mac blinked her eyes in the early morning sunlight. "Harm?"

He and Ben settled beside her in bed, "You were expecting someone else? Should I be worried?" He grinned at her confusion, "Morning, sweetheart…Ben and I made breakfast."

She maneuvered into a sitting position to take in the feast. On the tray before her stood a plate piled high with chocolate chip pancakes. She dragged a finger through the berry syrup and popped it into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip, "Mmmm, fresh raspberry sauce…" her eyes twinkled.

He pulled the finger from her lips, "Stop that…not in front of the kid," he panted.

She grinned mischievously, "What's the matter, Dad?"

He exhaled loudly through his nose, "Never mind, Marine…just eat your breakfast."

She cut into the fluffy cakes, savoring every bite. As she washed down a morsel with a large gulp of freshly squeezed orange juice, she asked, "Harm, aren't you and Ben gona eat anything?"

He turned the baby around to face him, "We ate while we cooked…didn't we, little man? Did you like the chocolate chip pancakes?"

Ben nodded his head, "Mmmm…pantate…chtip."

Harm leaned in to whisper something to Ben. At Daddy's voiced encouragement, "Go ahead buddy…give it to Mommy."

Ben extended a hand, "Mama."

Mac accepted the beautifully wrapped gift, "Thank you, sweetie…did you go shopping all by yourself?" She glanced at Harm as she unwrapped the package. Inside, she found an intricately engraved gold locket with the letter 'R' scripted delicately in the center engraving. It was displayed on a beautifully ornate chain, allowing the rather large treasure to hang to mid-chest at the level of her heart. She turned the necklace over, studying the detail, "Harm, this is exquisite. It looks really old…is it an antique?"

"It belonged to my Grandmother. Actually it's been passed down through several generations of Rabb mothers." He peered over her shoulder, "Open it."

She opened the delicate catch to revel several folding frames. The first two contained pictures of Mattie and Ben. The next couple were empty, and the frame at the back of the locket contained a picture of the two of them. Tears glazed her eyes, "It's beautiful…I don't know what to say." She ran her finger over the picture of them, "If it's an heirloom…are you sure I should have it?"

He took the locket from her hand, "This locket has displayed the pictures of each generation of new Rabbs. I guess…it kind of served as a way for each mother to hold her children in safekeeping close to her heart." He latched the heirloom around her neck, "Sarah, who better to have this family keepsake than the mother of my children." He leaned in to place a gossamer light kiss upon her neck. When she shivered in response, he smiled against her skin and nuzzled his lips more firmly, working his up to her ear. He whispered, "I love you," and she collapsed into his arms.

As she pulled his face down to her, Ben bounced on the bed and clapped, "Kissy…kissy!"

He pulled back and laughed, "What did he just say?"

Mac smiled, "Kissy…it's his new word when he wants a kiss. I guess he's feeling a little left out."

He reached for the baby, "I'll give you a kiss, little man," echoed through the room with Ben's laughter, as he blew kisses and raspberries against the baby's chubby belly." Molly ran into the room and flew onto the bed to investigate the shenanigans involving her miniature master. Soon shrieks of laughter and barks of delight filled the air, as two adults, a baby and a dog rolled around on the bed. The noise died to contented gasps and sighs, "Mac, I can't wait until I'm home for good. I want to start all my mornings just like this…in the arm's of the people I love."

She snuggled into his embrace, "Soon Sailor…soon. When do you have to go back?"

He sighed and brushed the hair away from her face, "Tonight, I have a 22:30 flight back to D.C. The meeting only broke for today…it resumes at 09:00 tomorrow and I fly back to London on Tuesday." He watched Ben crawl over Molly, as the dog patiently allowed the bundle of energy to poke, prod and hug her. He grinned, "Those two seem to be getting along. I can't believe Molly doesn't protest."

Mac shook her head, "I think it's an even trade. Ben gets to torment her, and she gets all the food that hits the floor. It's a win, win situation."

He crossed his legs and created a barrier to prevent the rambunctious duo from tumbling off the bed, "I'm glad Ben will have a four-legged friend to grow up with…I always wanted a dog." The pair finally called a truce and settled down; Ben sprawled across Molly's chest. Harm laughed at their antics, "So, what do you want to do today?"

She sighed in contentment, "I'd love to stay in this spot and never move," she had everyone she needed right here with her. "But I guess we should get up and call your folks…it is Mother's Day after all; we need to take Gummy to lunch."

He frowned, "Gummy…who's Gummy?"

She giggled, "Your Mom…it's another one of Ben's new words. Your folks are now Gummy and Papa. At least, we think that's what he's saying." At his bewildered expression, she shrugged, "Ask your son…although, your Mom loves the new endearment."

They spent the afternoon with Trish and Frank, celebrating the special day. After an evening stroll on the beach, he gave Ben a bath and rocked him to sleep. They whispered goodbyes and 'I love you's' before he departed for the airport at 20:00 on Sunday evening. A much too rushed visit, but a welcome respite from the sea of responsibilities that awaited him in London.

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He scrubbed a hand over his face, bringing his attention back to the present. Flipping through several pages in his book, he came to a photograph tucked inside. He'd taken the picture of Mac and the kids during their Easter visit. The trio was huddled together in a tight embrace, giggling at the camera, as they chimed in with the requested 'cheese' timed to the flash. This was his future and he couldn't wait to embark on all that lay ahead.

The flight attendant stopped next to his seat, "Would you care for something to drink?"

He smiled at the pretty blonde, "Sure…water would be great."

She handed over the requested beverage and pointed, "Is that book any good?"

He closed the cover and held it up, "I'm not sure I'm a very good judge. I've read the same page ten times, and I still don't know what it's about. My mind seems to be somewhere else."

She offered him some munchies, "So you're headed to San Diego…is that home or just a visit?"

He declined the snack food, "I'm actually moving back to San Diego. I just retired from the military. I'm gonna be starting a law practice there."

Her smile grew as she noted the absence of a wedding band, "Really…I have frequent layovers in San Diego; maybe we could…." She left the invitation open.

His smile tensed, "Well, I know my wife and kids like to meet new people." He opened the book and withdrew the photograph. Handing it to her, he continued, "My wife's a marine lawyer, but she will be retiring in a couple of months. We're starting a legal practice together. My daughter is just finishing her first year at the University of Virginia," his smile increased reflecting pride, "…she wants to be a lawyer too. My son, Ben…well, he'll turn one next month. I guess he still has time to decide what he wants to be."

She handed him back the picture dismissively, "That's a lovely family you have. I guess I better see to the other passengers." She quickly advanced down the isle.

He grinned at the exchange. Mac would have gotten a kick out of that conversation. My wife, that was the first time he'd called her his wife. Well that was something he would certainly enjoy getting use to. He stared at the photo. Life was finally falling into place. The wedding was in a week. They would move into the new house as a family after the honeymoon. Ben's adoption would be final the first of July, the same week as his first birthday. He and Howie were going to scout out office space next week. They hoped to be in practice by the beginning of August, just in time for Mac's retirement. Then, there was that pesky matter of working on their 4 miracle; his smile grew, that was one 'job' he would relish working overtime on. He leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep with a smile of contentment on his lips.

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12:35

Saturday

16 June 2007

San Diego Airport

San Diego, California

Harm disembarked the plane and headed down the concourse to customs. Once he'd made it through the declarations and searches, he exited the international concourse looking around for his family. As the crowds began to thin, he located Mac and Ben standing off to the side. With a wide grin of welcome, he started toward the pair. Halfway to his destination, Mac held up a hand to halt his progress. Confused at the command, he stopped and watched as she set Ben down on the floor and pointed in his direction. Ben's eyes lit up as he screamed "Dada" and ran, in a tipsy gait, toward Harm.

He caught his breath as he watched Ben traverse the floor, Mac following close behind. Ben had mastered another first in his absence. With a sigh, he muttered to himself, "Never again…never again will I miss another 'first time' in my son's life." As Ben drew close with arms extended, Harm picked him up, throwing him into the air with a laugh. When the toddler was firmly ensconced in his father's arms, he hugged him close, "That's my boy. You're walking…I'm so proud of you."

Ben lifted his arms in the air, "Up…up!"

Harm swung the boy onto his shoulders to squeals of delight and leaned in to kiss Mac, "Hey, I missed you. It's nice to finally be home for good."

She kissed him again, lingering for a moment, "I missed you too. I can't believe you never have to leave again." As tears appeared in her eyes, she buried her face in his shoulder.

He pulled her in tight, "Hey, what's with the tears? This is supposed to be happy not sad." She nodded against his shirt, but didn't move from her spot of comfort. He stood in place for several minutes, basking in the moment of contentment, his soon-to-be wife in his arms and his son on his shoulders. The blonde flight attendant walked past; he nodded a 'hello' that communicated so much more. She released a sigh that said 'the good ones are always taken.'

Ben broke the moment of silence with an issued command, "Go…Papa…Gace," he pointed a little finger, "…owside…caw."

Harm looked to Mac for interpretation. She smiled, "He said Papa and Mattie Grace are outside in the car."

He frowned, "Why didn't they come in?"

She put on arm around his waist, propelling him forward. "Mattie has a surprise for you." At his raised brows, she continued, "Harm, she's worked really hard, so don't get all overprotective. Frank's been wonderful with her."

"What's the surprise?" came his weary reply.

She smiled, "No way, she'd kill me if I told. Just promise not…to say anything…too critical."

He sighed, "Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?"

She leaned up to kiss his cheek, "It's not bad, I promise. Just let her know that you're proud of her."

"I'm always proud of her!"

"I know…just let her know again," came the gentle reply. "Come on, Sailor…I want to show you the new house today."

He stopped in place, "Mac, I'm not a sailor anymore."

She caressed his cheek, "You'll always be my Sailor and my Flyboy, no matter what else you do for a living or how old and rickety you get."

He leaned forward, hovering just above her lips, "Old huh? I'll show you old."

She pulled back slightly and grinned, "Promises, promises," then captured his lips in a dazzling kiss.

Ben interrupted them, with a clap, "Kissy…kissy…no…caw."

Harm laughed, "Mac, this kid of ours has incredible timing."

The trio exited the terminal and Harm searched the curb for Frank's Chrysler. When he didn't see the car, he asked, "Mac, where's the car. I don't see Frank or Mattie?"

Mac pulled him down the walk to a Range Rover SUV, "This way, Harm. They're right over here."

His eyes widened in question, "Frank got a Range Rover?"

Mac shook her head, "Not Frank…Mattie."

His voice raised several octaves, "Mattie? But she can't…"

Mac placed a finger against his lips and shook her head, "Harm, remember…calm…not overprotective or critical. She's worked really hard for the last month, so listen to what she has to say."

He approached the car and opened the back door, "Hey Mats, what's going on?"

She beamed with pride, "Do you like my new car, Harm?"

"It's nice, but…ah, how…."

She pointed toward the console, "Hand controls…get in, I'll explain."

They stowed Harm's luggage in the back and the two adults and Ben climbed into the back seat. Before he could form a question, Mattie began her spiel, "Harm, I bought the car myself with the money from my insurance settlement."

He sighed, "Mattie, that money was for your future…it was supposed to go into the trust."

"It did, except for the money to buy this car. Dad already made all the necessary changes to the house in Blacksburg, and Mac took care of the house here." He looked at Mac with a raised brow. She smiled back and nodded in confirmation. "Anyway, I want to start taking care of myself, again. Grandpa Frank offered to buy me a car, but I wanted to do it myself. He helped me investigate all my choices. I didn't want a wheelchair accessible van…I wanted something a little more in keeping with an adult my age. We checked out cars and SUVs…turns out the Range Rover is a good alternative. This car lowers in height when you shut down the ignition and raises up when you engage the key. I can maneuver myself into the driver's seat without difficulty and stow my wheel chair behind the seat. Grandpa made sure I've had proper instruction and driving time. I'm gonna get my license next week." She finally took a breath and beamed with pride, "So, what do you think?"

He nodded, "Sounds like you've really investigated things. I'm proud of you…now, let's see how this thing handles." He winked at Mac, who squeezed his hand in approval.

They arrived home without incident and everyone unloaded the vehicle. Mac took a sleeping Ben into the house to settle him for a nap. Frank carried in the luggage, giving Harm a moment with Mattie.

Before she could transfer out of the car, Harm came around to the driver's side and reached in, engulfing her in a hug. "Mattie, I'm really proud of you. You took on this whole initiative with maturity and responsibility…investigating car choices, learning to drive all over again, even taking on the financial responsibility." His eyes were shining with tears, "You could have let your accident limit your future, but…you've worked really hard to gain independence. I'm just…."

She hugged back, "Thanks Harm…for being there and believing in me, even when my own father gave up. I couldn't have gotten to this point without you or Grandma and Grandpa. I love you."

He hugged her tighter, "I love you too, sweetie."

She pulled back and wiped away her own tears, "Now, why don't you go get something to eat, and then you and Mac can head over to the house. I know she's anxious to show you all the changes. It's so awesome, you won't believe what she did." She bit her lip before she gave away the surprise. She gestured toward the back of the car, "Could you grab my wheelchair? We had to stow it in the back to make room for everyone to ride to the airport." Once he brought the chair to the side of the car, she expertly transferred from the car with a grin of satisfaction. "Come on, let's eat some lunch. I'll watch Ben while you and Mac get some time alone."

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**Continued in Part 13b**


	18. Chapter 13b

**Part 13b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read Part 13a first)**

Thirty minutes later, Harm and Mac headed back out to the garage. He glanced around for her corvette, "Mac, where's your car?"

She chuckled, "Harm, a sports car is hardly practical with a baby. I had to trade it in on something that would safely fit a car seat and haul around all the other required paraphernalia." She walked over to a new SUV and tossed him the keys.

He caught them midair, "A Chrysler Aspen, Mac? You traded in a Corvette for a Chrysler?"

She shrugged, "I had to throw Frank a bone. He really wanted to equip a Chrysler van for Mattie, but when they did all their research, they both decided the Range Rover was the way to go. The least I could do was humor him with my car choice. Besides, it's actually a great car." She raised a brow, "As for you, flyboy…what are you gonna do about a car? You can't exactly put Ben in that vintage Corvette of yours."

He put the car in reverse and started to back out of the drive, "I guess now that I'm a family man…the Corvette will have to go. I'll have to look into a new SUV. I really liked the Lexus I had before."

She shook her head, "No way, Sailor…the Corvette stays. You'll just have to get a second car and save the sports car for when we go out for adult-only dates."

"But Mac, you got rid of yours…why should I keep mine. I need a family car for the same reasons you do."

"In the first place," she interrupted, "…you poured your heart and soul into that car. And in the second, I still want the chance to ride with the top down…wind blowing through my hair…going fast. You keep the car for both of us. We'll just get two SUVs for everyday boring stuff," she grinned.

He reached for her hand, "Mac, my heart and soul are in my family now." Placing a kiss on her palm, he grinned mischievously, "But…the mental image of us riding in a convertible with the wind blowing through your hair," his eyes twinkled, "…you're right the Corvette stays."

She winked, "I knew you would see things my way. How was your flight home?"

He briefly glanced her way, before returning his eyes to the road, "No complaints I guess. I brought along a book, but I couldn't really concentrate…I was too anxious to get home to you." He smirked, "Oh…and I made a new friend." At her look of question, he continued, "The flight attendant wanted me to know she lived here…I told her my wife and kids are always happy to met new people."

She rolled her eyes, "You just make sure the rest of the female population knows to keep their hands off my man."

"Your man, huh…well, I'll just tell them my wife's a marine that should keep them at bay."

Her face lit up, "Your wife…I like the sound of that. For awhile there, I didn't think I'd ever hear you say those two words in conjunction with me…your wife."

He reached for her hand and placed it on his thigh. Rubbing his thumb over her engagement ring, he asked, "The wedding is in a week…are there any last minute details I can help you with?"

She shook her head, "Not really…your Mom and Evie have it pretty much wrapped up. I barely had to lift a finger. They presented me with samples and I picked the ones I wanted. All you need to worry about is showing up on time."

He stroked her hand, "Sarah, I've been waiting for this forever…wild horses and F-14 quals couldn't keep me away from this wedding. I can't wait to be Mr. MacKenzie."

She laughed, "Mr. MacKenzie, that has a nice ring to it…although, Mrs. Harmon Rabb sounds better."

"Are you gonna change your name?"

She turned her hand over and threaded her fingers through his, "Professionally, I think I'll do the hyphen thing, but personally…it's Mrs. Rabb all the way. I've waited too long for us to belong to each other…I want everyone to know we're a family."

He pulled the car into the driveway of their new home, "Well, here we are…I'm anxious for the full tour. Mattie said you made some changes especially for her?"

She nodded, "Of course, she's one of ours…we needed to make accommodations so she's comfortable. What would you like to see first?"

He shrugged, "You're the tour guide; you decide." He opened her car door and reached for her hand, helping her from the seat.

She tugged him up the front walk, "OK, I say lets start with the garage."

"The garage," he frowned, "…what's the big deal with the garage?"

"You'll see, come on." She pulled him through the front door, past the kitchen and out the service door. They were perched on the top landing of a long ramp as they exited the garage door. "I thought this would be the easiest entrance for Mattie. We have plenty of room with the exaggerated depth of the 3-car garage. This way she can park her car here and maneuver up the ramp into the house. She'll never have to get wet or cold trying to get out of the car."

She led him to the base of the ramp, "You know that workshop space at the far end of the garage? Well, I hope you don't mind that I used some of the floor space."

They walked around a new walled-in partition and stopped before a set of metal doors. He glanced her way, puzzled, "Mac, what's with the new doors?"

"You'll see," she pushed a button and the doors opened to reveal an elevator hoist way. "You know how we had that finished area above the garage that we planned to use as a rec room or play area? Since Mattie is older and use to some privacy, I thought she might like her own space. I gave her the choice of a bedroom on the main floor or a small apartment up here. She thought the apartment idea was great. We talked back and forth over the phone and sent e-mails…and finally came up with this idea."

They exited the elevator and walked into a studio style apartment. His eyes grew wide as he took in the modifications, "Wow…you did all this for Mattie?"

She nodded her head and pointed toward the far wall, "I thought we could use your old leather furniture to make a living area over there. The half-wall separates a space for a small bedroom. Her twin bed and dresser should fit perfectly." She took his hand and led him to a wall adjacent to the elevator. There was a wide door that opened to a bathroom. "The space was already plumbed for a bath…it was easy to add the sink and commode. Frank has an architect friend who specializes in adapting buildings for the disabled. He suggested the vanity be left open under the sink, that way she can roll her chair under the counter to wash up, apply make-up, get to the electric plugs or whatever she needs to do. The shower is flush with the floor, so she can roll her wheelchair directly into the shower or transfer into the seat on the wall." She studied his shocked expression, "Harm, are you OK…you haven't said a word? I know I didn't talk to you about all this, but I wanted it to be a surprise. You're not upset are you?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, remaining silent for several minutes. When he finally regained control of his emotions, he pulled back, "Upset…why on earth would I be upset. This is amazing, Mac. I can't believe you did all this for Mattie. I can't begin to express, how much it means to me that you…."

She leaned forward and kissed his lips, "Harm, she's part of our family too. I want her to know she's always welcome here…that she's one of ours just like Ben."

He placed his lips against hers and whispered, "Thank you," before kissing her back.

She caressed his cheek, "Your welcome and I love you. Come on, let's go look at the rest of the house." They rode the elevator back to the main floor and entered the kitchen. Her eyes twinkled, "Now for the new toys for us."

As she showed off the new kitchen appliances, his eyes blazed with excitement. He caught her off guard by the new cooktop and backed her into the counter. Nuzzling down her neck, he demonstrated the future fun that a shared love for cooking could create. She shared her own form of fun in the family room by the fireplace.

As they walked through the living and dining rooms, he stopped to study the ornate trim work, crown moldings, columns and fireplace. "Mac, you were right…the two tone paint scheme really does show off the details. I hadn't even noticed half this craftsmanship when we toured the house before."

She pulled on his hand, "Come on, I want you to see Ben's room."

He wrinkled his brow, "Why? What did you do in Ben's room?"

She shook her head and grinned, "Not me…your Mom, but it's as much for you, as for Ben."

She opened the door to the nursery and stood back, allowing him to enter first. He stopped in the middle of the room and turned in a circle, taking it all in, "Wow, Mom did all this?"

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, "Yeah, I knew she appreciated art because of the gallery, but you never told me she could paint."

He tugged on her arm and pulled her around into his embrace, "Actually, the painting itself has always been her passion. Her degree is in art history…her parents didn't think that an art degree was a marketable skill. So, she earned the art history degree, they wanted and opened a gallery…she saved the love of painting for her own enjoyment. I haven't seen her paint like this in years."

She stared into his eyes, "I guess she just needed the proper inspiration…she really does love having grandchildren. What do you think of the theme? She wanted to come as close as possible to your love of flying, while keeping it appropriate for a little boy."

He smiled, "I think it's absolutely perfect." Each wall displayed a different landscape scene…the ocean and beach…a grassy meadow…a perfect summer afternoon sky complete with fluffy white clouds. And somewhere in each scene a biplane was perched in flight. The final wall depicted a larger rendition of his yellow stearman, the nose and propeller in full view, as if flying into the room. He gazed overhead, the ceiling had been painted sky blue and intermixed with clouds. Suspended from the ceiling by clear fishing line, were miniature biplane models poised in flight.

He looked back at her with a grin, "Are you sure you want to encourage the love of flying in Ben? I thought my flying gave you nightmares?"

She caressed his cheek, "I've learned to live with your passions, because they make you who you are…and I love you…all of you. I fully expected you to teach Ben how to fly."

His expression clouded over, "I'm not sure I want to encourage my son in that passion…not after what happened to Mattie."

"Hey, what happened to Mattie wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped her from wanting to fly, anymore than I could prevent you from stepping into an F-14 or Sarah. You're alive and free when you're up in the heavens. If Ben wants to share that love with you, then a I say go for it. I just want you both to be happy."

He leaned in closer, "You make me happy. I could give up all the rest…but never you…I was miserable without you."

She met him halfway, "Same here," she teased his lips with hers, "…but now, you've got me for forever. No turning back, Sailor…this is for keeps."

"Mmmm, a life sentence…I like the sound of that, Marine." He kissed her deeply then pulled back, but didn't release her from his embrace, "So, was the furniture a gift from Gummy as well?"

"Not the Gummy you think." He raised a brow, and she continued, "Great Gummy Evie insisted on buying the furniture for Ben. I couldn't have refused if I wanted to…the crib converts to a regular bed when he's ready to be a big boy."

He frowned, "Don't make him grow-up too fast. I missed so much of his first year; I want to keep him little for a while longer. I can't wait to enjoy every experience with our next baby." She started to pull away, but he held her close and tilted her face up with his finger, "Sarah, there will be a next baby. Even if we have to adopt…there will be more than just Ben and Mattie. Besides," he grinned, "…I'm looking forward to all the 'work' involved in achieving that 4 miracle. Practice makes perfect you know."

She shook her head, "Well then…I guess I better show you the next gift from your parents." She pulled away from his arms and ushered him toward the master suite. "I couldn't stop her, Harm. If Trish had her way, she would have furnished our whole house. I did manage to limit the purchase of furniture to our bedroom. I think it's her idea of a subtle hint at more grandbabies."

She opened the door to the master bedroom and waited for him to enter. His eyes widened in wonder, "Well, she certainly didn't hold back, did she?"

"Harm, I'm sorry…I know we were gonna use my furniture until we could decide what we wanted, but she insisted and…please, don't be upset. She meant well…I know you prefer more modern, clean lines, but with the house…a traditional style…huh, if you don't like it…."

He waved a hand to calm her down, "Mac, it's OK…I'm not upset. It's just…I don't think I've ever seen so much furniture in a bedroom before." He walked toward the king-sized four-poster bed, "We've got plenty of room…I was kind of looking forward to cuddling in a smaller version."

She walked over to his side and placed her arm around his waist, "We can still cuddle…who says we have to use all the space. Besides, there's plenty of length for your long legs, your feet won't be hanging off the end."

He pulled her into his arms, "Good planning, Marine. I only have one question…do you like the furniture?"

She looked up with a huge smile, "I love it, Harm. I've never had anything so beautiful. It's from a company called Baker. They make handcrafted furniture…I love the carvings and detail. Most furniture produced today has pressed trim work, but this…it's amazing. It's all hand carved and reproduced to perfect specifications."

He ran a hand down the turned spindles of the post, "It is incredible, Mac. I know the furniture in my loft was more modern and clean, but this really goes with the architecture of the house." He looked around the room at the highboy chest, triple dresser, nightstands and armoire, "But what are we going to do with all this furniture…we'll never fill it all up?"

"Oh don't you worry about that," she grinned.

His eyes grew wide, "But we have two walk-in closets?"

"Harm, you're used to living in the military. All you needed were uniforms and a few civilian suits and some leisurewear. Now that we're going to be living and working in the real world…we're gonna need a greater variety of clothes," her eyes twinkled at the possibilities.

His eyes widened further, "Oh no…I don't think, I like that look in your eyes. I see shopping in our future," he cocked his head to the side, "…let me guess…suits, dresses, casual…."

She patted his chest and laughed, "Don't forget the shoes!"

He shook his head, "Lots and lots of them."

She leaned up to place a quick kiss on his lips, "You're learning, flyboy. So, you're really OK with all of this?"

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her between his legs, "Actually, I like the idea of starting out with new things…no history, we get to make our own memories."

"I agree," she ran her fingers through his hair. "I thought we could move my old stuff into one of the spare bedrooms. Plus, we have a bedroom suit from Bernice's house. She inherited it from her grandmother…it's a beautiful cherry four-poster set. I thought Ben might like to have it one day…a bit of history from his first family."

He pulled her closer and ran his fingers along the bare skin of her back, "I think that's a great idea…he'll have a tie to his past. Now," he bounced on the mattress, "…have you tried out this bed yourself. We need to make sure it's comfortable."

She laughed at his less than subtle antics, "As a matter of fact, I have…Trish wanted to make sure we had the right firmness."

'Well, I'm not sure you can really tell without both of us trying it together," he lifted her onto the bed and rolled her beneath him. He waggled his eyebrows and tipped his head down to hers, "Hey, I've missed you, my soon-to-be Mrs. Rabb."

She ran her finger through the hair at his neck, "I've missed you too. I can't believe we're finally in the same place, at the same time…for forever. I love you."

He whispered, "I love you, too." As his lips touched hers, a distant cell phone began to ring. "Ignore it," was murmured against her lips as he deepened the kiss. When the ringing persisted, he pulled back, "Is that your phone?"

"Yeah, it's in my purse in the kitchen."

When the ringing stopped, he nuzzled her neck, "Now where were we?" Moments later, the ringing resumed at a louder volume from within the bedroom, he pulled back with a sigh and muttered to himself, "This better be important."

Pulling the phone from his pocket, he answered, "Rabb."

"Harm, it's Mattie. I'm sorry to bother you, but Mac didn't answer her phone."

He rolled onto his side, "Her phone's at the other end of the house. What's up Mattie?"

"You need to come home…we can't get Ben to stop crying. He woke up from his nap and keeps asking for Mama and Dada. We've tried everything…food, toys, outside…nothing works."

Mac sat up and silently mouthed, 'What's wrong?'

He held up a finger to gesture 'just a minute,' and responded back, "Put him on the phone so I can talk to him."

Mattie sighed, "Just a minute, Grandpa took him in the other room so I could hear." She covered the mouthpiece and yelled, "Grandpa, Harm wants to talk to Ben."

He could hear Ben crying 'Dada' in the distance. Moments later, the crying could be heard in the phone. "Ben, it's Daddy. Hey little man, what's wrong?"

"Daddda…Dadddda," wailed into the phone.

Mattie pulled the phone away, "See, I told you…I think he's upset that both of you are gone. Can you come home, now?"

"We're on our way…be there shortly, Mats." He disconnected the line and stood up from the bed, tugging on Mac's hand, "Come on, Mama…we need to go home. Ben's not happy we're gone."

She stopped their forward motion, and wrapped her arms around his waist, "One week, then it's just you and me and that island paradise."

He leaned in for a quick kiss, "Can't wait. I don't know what's gotten into Ben…I've never heard him cry like that before?"

She followed him down the hall to the kitchen, "I think it's because he was anxious to see you. We've been telling him everyday for the last week that Daddy's coming home. We finally pick you up at the airport…he falls asleep in the car…and when he wakes up, you're gone again. I think he'll be fine when he realizes you're home for good."

They climbed into the car, "Mac, do you think he'll be OK when we're gone next week? I mean…it's not like we can run home from the Bahamas."

She shook her head, "No way, flyboy. The kids are not coming on our honeymoon. Just you and me…by ourselves for a week…remember?"

He sighed, "I know, but…."

"Harm, he'll be fine. You and Ben can spend most of the next week together; once he knows you're home for good, it won't be a problem. Next week he's all yours, babysitting, dirty diapers, formula, naps," she grinned, "…you can do it all."

He smiled back, "It's a deal. Ben can help me organize the new house. By the way, did I tell you what a good job you did? I really appreciate all the time you put into everything. And thanks for thinking of Mattie, I still can't believe you designed that loft space for her."

"Like I said, she's one of ours. I want her to feel welcome there, even after she's moved out on her own. The loft will give her some personal space when she comes for visits."

He reached for her hand, "Still, you didn't have to…thank you." He kissed her hand, "And I love our room, I wouldn't want to change a thing."

"Good," she winked, "…then you won't mind helping me pick out linens and draperies."

He choked, "Linens…come on Mac…you don't need me to…."

"All right then, guess you won't mind that I want frills and lace?"

His eyes widened, "No way am I sleeping in a frilly room."

"Then I guess you'll have to help choose the linens. I have some pictures and fabric swatches in my sample book back at Trish's."

He pointed a finger, "That sample book stays at home with Ben, too!"

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06:45

Sunday, Father's Day

17 June 2007

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

Harm tried to block out the soft noises that danced at the edge of his consciousness. The last week had been hectic what with completing his responsibilities in London, packing up the last of his belonging for shipping and yesterday's flight home. Was one morning of quiet rest too much to ask? He pulled a pillow over his head to block out the early morning sunlight. He had stayed up late last night trying to adjust to the differences in time zones and visiting with his family.

As he was drifting back to sleep, he heard the door open, followed by Mac's soft whisper, "Go on, take it to Daddy."

He heard the scurrying of nails across the floor and felt the tickle of a warm breath against his arm. He blinked open one eye and peered out from beneath the pillow, coming nose to wet nose with Molly. She used her snout to push a paper gift bag closer to him on the bed. When he retreated back under the pillow, the dog growled and then released a series of short barks to get his attention. As he slipped from beneath the pillow, he heard a chorus of giggles as the bedroom door closed.

Sitting up in bed, he grabbed the gift bag and peeked inside. Molly jumped up to join him on the bed, staring at the bag. He laughed at the dog's silent message to share the gift. "Well, what do we have here, girl?" He pulled out an envelope and opened the card to reveal a message from his four-legged furry child. 'Happy Father's Day from the Dog…Can't wait to play…I love you,' signed with a very large paw print. Inside he found a retractable leash, a can of tennis balls and a Frisbee. Turning to Molly, he scratched behind her ear, "Thanks girl, it's just what I always wanted." She barked in response and nosed at the tennis balls. He laughed, popped open the can and tossed a ball to the floor. Molly flew from the bed in fast pursuit.

Mac opened the bedroom door and stuck her head in, "You decent in here?"

He raised an eyebrow and stared down at his boxers, "Who wants to know?"

She glanced back behind her and quickly came into the bedroom, "Pull up the covers, no one gets to see you in those but me." She laughed at his expression and then opened the door to invite in the troops.

Mattie wheeled in with Ben in her lap. Trish and Frank stayed by the door, happy to watch this first Father's Day celebration from the periphery. When Mattie and Ben got close to the bed, Mac picked the baby up and sat him next to Harm. "Go ahead Ben, give it to Daddy."

Ben flashed a toothy grin and handed over the big box with a little help from Mama. Harm reached for the baby and the box, hauling them both into his lap, "What'cha got there, little man."

Ben smacked at the box, "Dada…ere."

Harm removed the wrapping with Ben's assistance and opened the box to find a t-shirt. Lifting the white shirt into the air, he laughed at the saying written in childlike print, 'If Mama says NO, just ask Dada!' Ben pointed to the hand and footprints positioned all over the shirt with red and blue paint. "Ben, is that your hand on Daddy's shirt?" Ben grinned and jabbered away in response.

Mac sat down beside them on the bed and stroked the baby's hair, "Ben, tell Daddy you made that for him with a little help from your big sister."

Ben grinned and pointed toward Mattie, "Gace." He then reached back into the box and pulled out a piece of paper, crinkling it into a ball. He handed the wad to Harm, "Dada."

Harm took the ball and smoothed out the paper, "What's this?"

His eyes widened as Ben poked his finger at the picture, "Dada…wide…owside!"

Mac laughed at Ben's excitement, "Daddy will take you later." She turned to Harm, "It's a jogging stroller. I thought my two guys might like spending time together outside…getting some fresh air and exercise." She pointed to a spot on the picture, "And if you look closely, there's even a hook attachment for Molly's leash…you can all go running in the park."

"Ah, the other part of 'MY' present from Molly?"

Mattie cleared her throat, "All right, now for your other gifts." She handed him two boxes, "Open the smaller one first." He opened the box to find a ridiculous tie with palm trees and a hula dancer. Mattie laughed, "Every Dad is supposed to get a funny tie for Father's Day, right...since, it's your first I thought I'd oblige."

He shook his head, "Thanks Mats…I hope you don't mind if I save it for special occasions…like Halloween."

She pointed at the other box, "That's your real gift. Happy Father's Day…I love you, Harm."

He opened the package to find a light blue Egyptian pinpoint-cotton dress shirt and a burgundy tie. He rubbed his fingers over the soft weave of the shirt, "Mattie, it's beautiful…but you shouldn't have; it's too expensive."

She beamed with pride, "I've been working for Grandma Trish at the gallery. I wanted to save up for something special."

He leaned over the edge of the bed to give her a hug, "Thanks sweetie, I love it. I'm gonna need more of these, now that I'll be going to civilian court…no more uniforms."

She kissed his cheek, "Your welcome…I thought you'd look good in that color, plus it will go with," she place a hand over her mouth, "…never mind."

Mac rolled her eyes and pulled out another large gift box, "I think this is what she's referring too. This is from me and the kids, Happy Father's Day, Harm." She leaned in to place a kiss on his lips, "Love you."

He looked a little overwhelmed, "Mac, this is all too…I didn't get you this much for Mother's Day."

She caressed his cheek, "Sure you did…you brought yourself to me for Mother's Day. That was the best gift of all." She winked, "Go on, open your present."

He removed the ribbon and then turned to Ben, "Hey little man, you going to help Daddy open the package." He and Ben managed to tear off all the paper and lift the lid. He gasped at the contents, "Oh Mac." He ran his hand up the front of the expensive gray suit.

She laid her head on his shoulder and touched a finger to the jacket, "It has just the barest hint of a light blue pinstripe. From across the room, you can't really tell it's there…but I thought with your eyes…and Mattie's shirt, it would set the color off perfectly. You'll look really handsome, Sailor. In this, I can't see a judge denying any of your arguments," she grinned, "…especially, if she's a she."

He turned his head to place a kiss on her forehead, "Thank you, sweetheart…I love it."

She picked her head up and leaned in to kiss him, "Your very welcome, and I love you."

As they closed their eyes and held each other close, Trish spoke up, "All right kids, what do you say we go make Daddy a special Father's Day breakfast? He and Mommy need to put away the gifts." She winked at the couple in conspiracy, as she grabbed Ben from the bed, "See ya downstairs in a few minutes. Happy Father's Day, darling."

_To Be Continued..._


	19. Chapter 14

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 14**

13:35

Sunday

23 June 2007

Somewhere over the Continental USA

Mac shifted in her sleep, settling her head more firmly against his shoulder. Harm smiled and placed a kiss on his wife's hair. 'His wife'…Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Junior…Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb, the name rippled through his mind and rolled silently off his tongue. She was finally his…for all eternity…forever…his Sarah. He wanted to tell everyone that after 11 years of waiting and wanting and wishing…that she was finally his! He reached for her hand and rubbed his thumb over her wedding band.

Lifting her hand to place a kiss on her finger, she stirred to nuzzle her face into his neck. Blinking her eyes, she whispered, "Harm?"

He placed a kiss on her cheek, "Sssh, go back to sleep, sweetheart." She inhaled deeply and her breathing evened out once again. He smiled in satisfaction at her exhaustion; he'd worn her out last night. Of course, it didn't help that she'd had to work right up until the wedding. Cresswell had insisted that her XO be prepped on all pending cases, meetings, and every other bit of minutia he could think of, before her departure Friday evening. He could have sworn that the JAG was paying them back for their retirement requests. Since he was already out, that left Mac to bare the brunt of the backlash.

She'd barely made it home for their rehearsal dinner. Thankful, the ceremony was simple and his mother and Evie had taken care of most of the wedding details. The last week had flown by. Somehow, he'd managed to move all their belonging, arrange for delivery of the new furniture, set-up service for the utilities, and organize and unpack the various boxes and essentials. They would be able to come home to 'their' house after the honeymoon. No more sharing with his folks. Not that he minded spending the last week with them, his mom and Frank had been great, but he wanted 'his' family to be in 'his own' home to start their new life.

The wedding yesterday had been perfect. The weather reports had predicted rain; but as if someone from above was smiling on them, the sun had shone with nary a cloud in the sky. Their vows were exchanged beneath a pergola perched high on the bluff overlooking the ocean outside his parents' home. They both decided to wear white linen in keeping with the simple unpretentious ceremony. Mac had looked beautiful in a sleeveless linen dress, while he wore a short-sleeved shirt and linen trousers. She said it was as close as he could come to summer Naval attire without all the pomp and circumstance.

Mattie had served, as Mac's maid-of-honor, and was dressed in periwinkle blue. Frank was his best man, a privilege he had gladly bestowed on the older man, who had served as his father in one form or fashion for over 25 years. When Mattie asked Mac, who was going to give her away, his Sarah had replied, 'No one…I've been looking out for myself for 20 years. Who's better qualified to give me away to the man that I love than me.' She carried Ben in her arms down the aisle instead of flowers. Their son being the best wedding gift they could give each other. When it came time to exchange the rings, they had simply untied the satin bow on the baby's linen sailor suit to remove the golden wedding bands. Even Ben had an integral role to play in his parents' matrimonial festivities.

They kissed before the small crowd of well-wishers and enjoyed a light luncheon on the back terrace, before cutting the cake and escaping in a limousine for their wedding night celebration. The flights to the Bahamas had been timed such that, they would have had to spend their wedding night in the air. They opted for a celebration at the Ritz Carlton on Laguana Niguel before catching the Sunday morning flight to the Burnett cottage on the islands. Finally after an eternity of waiting, they were alone…no family or friends…just two lovers, a husband and wife, united to love and in love…no interruptions, no phone calls, no knocks at the door. He'd finally made her his in every way…loving her as he'd always dreamed and wanted.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, happy beyond his wildest imaginations and dreams. His last wakeful thought was that even winged in flight high above the heavens, he'd never felt this degree of rapture.

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09:30

Monday

24 June 2007

The Burnett Cottage

The Bahama Islands

Harm hung up the phone after ordering a breakfast feast to be delivered to their private bedroom patio over looking the beach. Mac had been pleasantly surprised at the sight of the dwelling, he and his family euphemistically called their 'cottage' in the Bahamas. In all honesty, the cottage was more aptly termed a villa. The house contained several bedrooms and baths, formal living spaces, outdoor patios and rested on a beautiful private beach. They had a team of caregivers at their disposal for the week; people to attend to food preparation, chauffeuring, shopping, cleaning, and the like. The property also included a sailboat, which he intended to put to good use during their honeymoon vacation.

They had arrived late last evening and after a midnight snack, had retired to the master suite to enjoy other pleasurable activities. He grinned at the thought of said activities, if they kept this up…Mac would be in no shape to return to work the following week. At least, he had the advantage of being currently unemployed, as they looked for office space for the new law practice.

He had just finished talking with his mother, both Ben and Mattie were fairing well in their absence. Ben had taken an immediate liking to Evie, and the surrogate great grandmother was living up to her current role as spoiler and indulger. He shook his head; Ben might never want to come home.

He wandered back into the bedroom area of the master suite and sat down on the edge of the bed. Mac was still sound asleep much to his extraordinary delight. He had the advantage of being somewhere between London and San Diego time…perfect for their current jump of three time zones. Mac, on the other hand, was firmly on California time, minus several hours due to a 'flyboy layover' compliments of Airline Rabb. He grinned at the euphemism; he'd have to share that one with Mac…later, much later.

He rolled onto his side and watched his wife in sleep. She'd had the opportunity to study him at Christmas, now it was his turn to 'investigate the wonder that was her', as he'd so aptly commented on that holiday morn. He moved cautiously forward, trying not to shift the mattress. Resting his head on his hand, he ran a finger in a feather light caress down her bare skin. He was amazed at its softness. The sheet rested low on her back, exposing her sun-kissed skin. He drew lines to and fro, along her ribs and spine, enchanted by the goose bumps that appeared in his wake. He shifted closer still and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder; she shivered in response and turned her face toward him. Running his foot down the edge of the blanket, he lifted the bedding from her leg. His foot caressed her calf as each inch of skin was revealed. He smiled when her toes came into view; her nails were painted a deep red. He mused that he'd been right…red really was his favorite color on her. As his hand dipped under the sheet and trailed up her back, he changed his mind…bare skin was new his favorite color, with red a close second.

He brushed his fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. The side of her face came into full view. Although she was relaxed in sleep, he could still detect the contentment and joy that lay hidden in the hint of a smile that tugged at the corners of lips. He laid his hand softly on her cheek and rubbed his thumb over her full lips. She pursed her mouth in response then smiled as she wrapped her hand around his, kissing his palm in return.

She tucked their joined hands under her chin and released a musical satisfied sigh, "Morning Sailor, have you finished your investigation of me, yet?"

He rolled onto his back, pulling her atop his chest, "Nope," came the laughing reply, "…I'm just getting started. I figure it will take at least another 40 or 50 years before I fully map out all your wonders."

She looked up and smiled, "Only 40 or 50, I was thinking at least 100 years or eternity, which ever comes last." She ran her hand along his abdomen, "So, how's Ben handling our absence?"

"How would I know," he feigned ignorance.

She shook her head with a grunt, "Harm, I know you've already called home this morning. You're worse than me when it comes to leaving him behind."

He sighed at being found out, "He's just fine. Evie's spoiling him rotten…he may never want to come home."

"Don't worry, Daddy," she reached up to smooth the worry lines, "…when we walk out of that terminal next Saturday, he'll being throwing himself into your arms…he always does. Besides, I thought this week was supposed to be about you and me."

He ran his fingers down her back and under the sheet, caressing her skin, "Oh don't you worry Mrs. Rabb…there will be plenty of you and me this week." At her happy sigh, he leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "I ordered breakfast to be served on our patio…it should be here in a few minutes."

She frowned, "What time is it, anyway?"

He raised a brow, "You don't know what time it is? I knew my kisses suspended your clock for an hour or two, but I haven't kissed you since," he contemplated the time, "…well, a few hours, anyways."

She buried her face in his chest and muttered, "Apparently other activities have longer lasting effects."

His smile grew to the full-blown cocky flyboy variety, "Oh this has definite potential." He laughed, "How long a delay are we talking?"

She shrugged, but kept her face buried, "Don't know…the last time I knew the time was before our wedding. Your Mom kept us apart after the rehearsal dinner, so I didn't kiss you until the ceremony…since then, I have no idea." She chanced a glance in his direction, "And you can wipe that egotistical grin right of your face, mister."

His smile dimmed, but only slightly, "Well then, I guess my wedding gift to you is more appropriate than I imagined." He sat up in bed, resting his back against the pillows and pulled her to his side. Reaching into the drawer of the nightstand, he withdrew an ornately wrapped box, "This is for you, sweetheart…thank you for becoming my wife."

She took the gift and removed the wrappings. Opening the square box, she found a gold wristwatch with diamonds encircling the face. As she traced the smooth surface of the band, she whispered, "It's beautiful, but you didn't have to…."

He removed the watch from the case, "Yes, I did," he turned it over to reveal the inscription on the back, "…I thought we should have a matching set." The engraving matched the inscription she'd placed on his, 'Love for all ETERNITY, Harm.'

She leaned up to place a kiss on his lips, "Thank you and I love you…for eternity."

He whispered the words in return then fastened the watch around her wrist, "There…now you're dressed for breakfast."

She raised her brow and laughed, "Wearing only a watch?"

He grinned, "Works for me…I wouldn't want you to be overdressed."

She lifted the edge of the blanket and peered beneath, "Well, seeing as you're wearing boxers, it would appear that you're the one that's overdressed."

He wrinkled his nose and settled the sheet back in place, "Mere technicality." Pulling her into his arms, he kissed the back of her neck, "So, you like the watch?"

"I love the watch…and apparently, I'm going to need it," she reached for his hand and rubbed her finger over his wedding band.

"If I have anything to say about it…you'll need that timepiece from now on. I guess the eternity has more than one meaning."

She leaned more heavily into his embrace, still stroking the surface of his ring, "Harm, do you like your ring?"

He rested his chin on her shoulder, watching her movements, "I love my ring…why?"

She sighed, "I wasn't sure you would like the inset diamonds." She ran her finger over the channel cut in the gold, which housed three diamonds. "I know you usually like something simpler, but these have special meaning."

"How so?" he whispered against her ear and felt her shiver in response.

"The three diamonds are for our three chances of fate…you know, three chances for a nickel. I wanted to remember that magical Christmas night when we both finally got it right." She lifted his hand and placed a kiss on the ring.

He tipped her head back and whispered against her lips, "Your nickel trumped my dime of fate…I'll never forget, Sarah," before opening his mouth to deepen the kiss.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, "Mr. Rabb, your breakfast is here…I was wondering if you'd like me to set it up on your patio?"

Harm winked at his bride, "Just a minute, James…I'll be right there." He got up from the bed and tossed a robe at Mac, before pulling on his own.

She grinned mischievously, "But, I thought I was adequately attired in my new watch?"

He shook his head, "For me, yes…but I have no intention of sharing your beauty with the chef." He tugged on her hand, pulling her from the bed and wrapped her in the silk robe. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm famished. I worked up quite the appetite last night."

Her stomach growled on command, "Right back at you, Sailor."

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They spent the day aboard the sailboat, riding the waves and sunbathing off the deck. Once aboard, she removed her cover-up with a flourish and a smile, to reveal a bright red swimsuit, the perfect match to her lacquered pedicure. His eyes danced with delight at her obvious selection of attire in deference to his desires. They applied sunscreen to one another with a teasing touch, interspersed with caresses of lips and words of love.

Dinner was enjoyed at one of the local restaurants, which specialized in fresh seafood, caught off the coast, and prepared according to local island cuisine and custom.

Returning to the cottage, they took an evening stroll along the beach. Hand in hand they chased the waves that advanced and retreated onto the shore. The night air was warm and humid, but the fragrant breeze carried the delicious scents of the island floral vegetation all around.

He pulled her down to sit in the sand, wedged between his legs and held firmly in the circle of his arms. Tipping her head back against his shoulder, she closed her eyes and relished in the touch of the wind as it fluttered through her hair. He smiled against her cheek and touched his lips to her skin in a softly spoken whisper of love. They rested against each other in silence, enjoying the moment of solitude, serenaded only by the sounds of nature, and bathed in the light of the moon and the stars.

After several minutes spent pondering paradise, he interrupted the quiet of the night, "Sarah, can I ask you a question?" She nodded her assent still leaning in relaxation against his wall of strength. "We can put off this discussion until after we're home, but…I was wondering about…."

She stroked his hand, "Harm, what is it?"

"I was wondering what our options are in regard to your endometriosis and fertility treatments?" She tensed in his arms and he stumbled over his words, "I'm sorry…I should have waited. I don't want this to ruin our vacation."

She chewed on her lip to control the tears that threatened, "No…no, it's OK. You know the chances are low that we'll be able…."

He squeezed her arms, "I know, but we're still going to try…right?"

She sighed, "Yes, but…I think we should hold off on pursuing fertility options right now."

He frowned, "But I thought…."

She rolled her head to the side, so she could study his face, "Not forever…just for six months or so…to the end of the year."

"Why?"

"Harm, I still have a commitment to the military to complete…that will take another two months, then we have to set up the new law practice. I don't want our marriage or Ben to be short-changed, while our sole focus becomes the creation of another baby. If we take six months to settle into our lives, our family, the new house, and to start our new careers...that will take us through the holidays." She stroked his cheek, "We let nature take its course for six months…then if we're not pregnant, we contact a fertility specialist to pursue other options. What do you say, Sailor? Six months of fun and hard work," a smile played at her lips, "…you said, practice makes perfect." She leaned forward to kiss him, "I'm up for a lot of training…how about you?"

He stroked her cheek and smiled back, "You got it, Marine…six months, all fun…no pressure. What do you say, we head back to the cottage and have some of that fun?"

Her grin widened, "Let the games begin." She stood and tugged on his hand, pulling him into a hug, "I love you, Sailor."

"I love you, too…Sarah."

_To Be Continued…_


	20. Chapter 15

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 15**

18:15

Wednesday

8 August 2007

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Harm was busy cutting up vegetables for the salad when Mac stormed in from the garage. Ben and Mattie both looked toward the back hall to assess the commotion. Harm grimaced at the slam of the door and dumped some more cheerios on the tray of Ben's highchair to quiet the toddler. Mattie maneuvered her wheelchair toward the front of the house, hoping to miss the confrontation.

As she rounded the back hall and entered the kitchen, Mac tossed her brief case and keys onto the utility desk in the corner. Kicking off her pumps, she headed toward the refrigerator and grabbed a mineral water from the top shelf.

Harm studied her behavior; she'd yet to utter a word of welcome or a cry of anger. He dumped the vegetables into a salad bowl, tossing them with the dressing. As he turned to remove the chicken from the oven, he pensively asked, "Hey sweetheart, how was your day?"

She slammed the refrigerator door and glared, "Lousy, how about yours?" Ben's lip quivered as the first of the tears began to fall. She turned toward the toddler, "I'm sorry, baby…Mama didn't mean to yell." She lifted him from the seat and cuddled him to her chest.

Harm threw a wary smile, "So ah, what happened today? Was there a problem at work?"

She lowered her voice, "More than a problem…when's dinner going to be ready?"

He set the chicken on the counter to rest and placed the French bread into the oven to warm, "Probably another 20 minutes or so." He reached for her arm, "You want to talk about the office?"

She pulled away and walked toward the family room, "No, not right now…and why's dinner so late tonight? I still have work to do?"

He sighed; they hadn't had a disagreement yet…he supposed they were due. "I ah…I got tied up with the renovations at the office. I can fix a quick appetizer if you're hungry?"

"Don't bother," came the terse reply. She set Ben down on the family room rug and walked back into the kitchen.

He tried to halt her progress, "Mac, maybe if you tell me what's wrong, I can help."

She pushed past him, muttering, "How could you help…you're already out?"

"Mac…"

"No Harm, I said not now!"

Mattie wheeled back through with a load of clothes, "Mac, what time is it? I need to pick my Dad up at the airport by 8:30?"

She responded without thinking or glancing at her watch, "It's 5:53…and I don't like you driving by yourself to the airport at night. Do you want me to ride along?"

Mattie hurried through the kitchen toward the garage, "No that's OK, Mac. I'm picking Dad up out front, then we're gonna go somewhere for dinner. He's gonna spend the night at a hotel, before we leave tomorrow."

"Mattie, you know Tom can stay here tonight," she offered.

Mattie smiled back, "I know…but he doesn't wanna be in the way. I think he feels a little funny staying with you and Harm. Besides we're all still getting together for breakfast tomorrow morning, right?"

"Sure sweetie, can't wait…we wouldn't miss your send off."

Mattie yelled, "Thanks Mac," as she rolled through the garage door.

Harm watched his wife deflate when the door closed behind their teenaged daughter. He sighed internally…ah, so their daughter leaving the nest to return to college was one of the problems. This was the first time Mac had to live through the loss, temporary as it was, of one of their kids. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, "Sweetheart, I know it's hard to let go, but she'll be back. It's just college…not forever." She melted into his embrace as the tears began to fall. "Mac, what's going on? I know this involves more than just Mattie."

She released a shuddering breath and pulled away, "I need to go change out of my uniform."

He shook his head in frustration, "I'll have dinner on the table when you come back."

"Fine," was yelled back from the front hall.

They ate dinner in relative silence. She picked at her food, rearranging more of it on her plate than made it to her mouth. Finally she softly spoke, "I have to go D.C. tomorrow…my flight leaves late afternoon out of San Diego."

He looked back puzzled, "But I thought this was your last week, why are you going to D.C.?"

She threw up her hands, "'Thought' is right…some of us don't get to retire when we planned." She pushed back from the table and fled to their bedroom.

He scrubbed his fingers through his hair and muttered, "Oh boy…come on, Ben let's get you ready for bed."

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After changing the baby into pajamas and rocking him to sleep, he returned to clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher. Tasks complete, he retired to the family room with a cup of coffee. Something was definitely not proceeding according to plan.

The six weeks since their marriage had been hectic. True to Mac's predictions, Ben had hurdled himself into their arms upon their return. They celebrated his first birthday in grand style the following day, deciding the flexibility of a weekend trumped the actual birth date of July 2nd. The court proceeding to finalize his adoption occurred 5 days later, Benjamin Carter Rabb was finally their son according to the law. Of course, in their minds that transformation had occurred some four months prior.

Mac had returned to her duties at JLS, while he'd gone real estate hunting for an office building. He'd happened upon an old Victorian house that had previously been remodeled for office space. He'd fallen in love with the potential for the property and signed a contract of purchase almost immediately. With only minimal renovations required, he opted to perform the work himself, enlisting a decorator to help with design options. The three future partners decided the pretentious custom of naming a law firm after the lawyers, defeated the purpose of catering to the needs of their small vulnerable clients. Thus the 'Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm' was born. The project had proved to be exhausting, but the official opening was slated for the first of September. Mac was supposed to tour the new office with him tomorrow, although the theatrics of this evening might serve to alter those plans.

He set his mug aside and reached for the phone. Some old retired, but still connected, colleagues just might have the inside information needed to shed the light on Mac's current mood. Placing the first call, he waited for the commanding voice to answer the phone.

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Twenty minutes later, he was in possession of the required info and headed tentatively toward their bedroom with a peace offering in hand. Knocking on the bathroom door, he asked, "Mac, you in there?"

"Yeah," came the soft reply.

"Mind if I come in?"

He heard a sniffle, "Sure."

His voice reflected a smile, "You're not gonna launch any missiles at my head are you?"

He paused until he heard a soft chuckle, followed by, "You can come in, Sailor. I promise not to launch an attack." He peeked his head around the door in a reconnaissance maneuver, she laughed, "The coast is clear, I promise not to lob anymore insults or unreasonable requests."

He grinned, "Can't be too careful when you're married to a marine." He watched her demeanor fall as she sunk further into the water. He quickly entered the bathroom and set his tray of goodies aside, "Sweetheart, we need to talk. Mind if I get comfortable?" He pointed to the hot tub, "That is why we bought the house, right? The huge hot tub, big enough to share?"

"Sure," she leaned forward and watched while he removed his clothing. Sliding into the water behind her, he pulled her into his arms and felt her sigh in relief against his chest. She closed her eyes and tucked his arms around her waist, "Where's Ben?"

He placed a kiss on her glistening shoulder, "I tucked him into bed…he was out like a light. We had a busy day at the office, today. You should see that kid swing a hammer…luckily it was of the Fisher-Price variety." She laughed at his joke and he relaxed further into the water, "That's better…I'm glad to see my wife has returned; I wasn't sure who that woman was in the kitchen earlier." He began to massage her shoulders and neck. Her head fell forward as the tension in the muscles started to melt away. When he thought she might have fallen asleep, he whispered, "Mac…you still with me?"

"Only for forever," came the soft reply. She laid her head back on his shoulder and smiled for the first time all night. "I'm sorry about earlier, Harm. I shouldn't take work related issues out on you."

He wiped away a tear as it escaped from her lash, "It's OK, sweetheart…that's what I'm here for. Now before we get into any heavy discussions, I just need to check out one thing, first." At her questioning look, he captured her lips in a deep soul-searching kiss. When he pulled back to look in her eyes, he asked, "What time is it?"

She frowned somewhat dazed, "I don't know…I don't have my watch and there's no clock in here."

He smiled a flyboy grin and whistled, "Ssswwhh, I thought I'd lost my touch." When her eyebrows climbed, he laughed, "When Mattie asked you for the time earlier, you didn't need to check a clock…you just knew. By the way, your internal clock was functioning accurate as ever; I checked my watch."

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know…maybe it only works when I'm mad, because I haven't been able to tell time since our wedding."

His smile grew cockier, "I'm glad I still have it…I like keeping you off balance…it tends to even the score. Besides," he waggled his brows, "…it buys us a few extra minutes in bed every morning. I don't need a marine precision timepiece interrupting our morning greetings."

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, I've yet to figure out this evening the score thing…I don't see what I have over you."

"Do you think I'm gonna let you in on the effects of your secret arsenal? A husband has to have some defenses." He reached for the mesh sponge and squeezed out a generous dollop of her bath gel, running the netting over her arms and back, he began to tease away the layers of issues responsible for her earlier foul mood. "I say we start with the easiest discussion…Mattie."

She slumped forward as her face fell, "Harm, I'm not ready for her to leave yet. We just started living together as a family. I don't want to lose one of my kids."

He used his palm to pour water over her back, rinsing away the soap, "I know it's hard to let go, Mac. I've been down this road before; but she's not leaving forever, she'll be home in a few months for Christmas. We have to let her grow-up. It's just that it's hardest the first time you watch them walk away."

"I guess," she ran her hand down his leg, "…but can you promise me that Ben will never grow-up."

He chuckled, "You know I can't…they eventually all grow-up."

She pouted, "Well, I don't have to like it."

He kissed the back of her head, "No you don't…we just have to survive it. Besides, they'll eventually give us grandkids."

She sat up and glared, "I am NOT ready to be someone's grandmother."

He waggled his brow, "I'll second that…you don't look like any grandmother I've ever seen." He pointed toward the shampoo on the side of the tub, "Do you want me to wash your hair?"

She smiled, "That'd be nice."

He tipped her head back and began to pour water over her russet locks, "Now, on to the work related issues." When she started to tense, he leaned over and kissed her nose, "Relax, I've got you." When she finally leaned back against his arms, he added shampoo and began to massage her scalp. She sighed at the comforting sensation, "I ah…I called some old friends this evening." She cracked open one eye, "I talked to Tom Boone and AJ about what's going on in Washington."

When she started to sit up, he held on tight, "Harm, I don't…."

"Hey, it doesn't hurt to have some inside information. Now settle back here and let me tell you what I found out." When she leaned back again, he rinsed the suds from her hair and added conditioner. He leaned forward and whispered, "Close your eyes, relax and just listen. Apparently the SecNav is in trouble with the Administration…they want him out. In turn, he's trying to parlay political support from the other side to keep his job. As a concession to his new backers, the SecNav agreed to keep certain female officers in positions of power…your name is key on that short list. Some very influential people in Washington would like you to go all the way to the JAG…you're not just strong, successful and capable…you're also a woman…key ingredients to the other side. They would like to shake-up the military…make it more gender neutral, especially in key command positions."

"But Harm, I don't want…."

"Sssssh, I know, and it's not gonna work. AJ and Tom expect the SecNav to be bounced in the next month or so. They think if you can just hold on for another couple of months, you'll be able to retire before the end of the year." He reclined her body further into the water to rinse out the conditioner. Running his finger through the wet strands, he pushed the hair away from her face and helped her to sit back up. Once he had her back in his arms, he reached over the side of the tub and grabbed the first of the peace offerings, "Here, I thought you might like this." He handed her a champagne flute and grabbed a second for himself. At her questioning look, he explained, "It's sparkling grape juice…I thought you could use something to cool off."

"Thanks," she leaned her head back against his shoulder and sighed, "Harm, I hate all this political nonsense, that's part of the reason we both wanted to get out. Plus, we're supposed to be opening our law office next month."

"Don't worry about that…it's gonna take a few months to get established and build up our client base. Howie and I can handle things to the end of year. You just concentrate on your responsibilities at JLS. It's all gonna work out, sweetheart. As for your trip tomorrow, we can still have breakfast with Mattie and Tom before they leave to drive cross-country. After breakfast, you and I can head to the new office…I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the renovations I've made, then Ben and I can take you to the airport in the afternoon."

She turned her face into his neck, "That means I have to leave both of my kids and you in the same day. Do you know how hard that's going to be?"

He kissed her forehead, "I do…I did it for six months, remember?"

She nodded, "Yeah, and it wasn't easy."

"No it wasn't, but we survived. Now, is there anything else we need to talk about?"

She pulled her head back and smirked, "Yes, can you kill Vukovic for me?"

He laughed, "Well, seems we've had this discussion before, and if I remember correctly…I did volunteer to help take care of him…and to never reveal the location of the body. What did he do this time?"

"Harm, I caught him…" she tried to sit up.

He pulled her back to his chest, "Where do you think you're going?"

"But I…."

He smiled and held her tighter, "You're right where you need to be. Now, tell me what that moron did this time?"

She picked up his hand and brought it to her lips, placing a kiss on his palm, "It's OK, I can handle it. I just can't believe Cresswell blew me off. Let's forget about work and just enjoy being here together."

"I agree…but just so you know, Cresswell's been under the gun with the SecNav, too. Apparently the slimy Lt. Weasel, as you so aptly call him, has some friends in high places. Those friends have put pressure on the SecNav, who in turn pressured Cresswell…well, let's just say the Lieutenant's days are numbered once the SecNav's out. Cresswell isn't any happier about this political nonsense than you are, so how about we cut him a break. We both realize the job of JAG isn't an easy one…it certainly isn't one either of us wants to take on."

She turned her head and raised her brow, "Wow, you really were a busy little beaver tonight. You learned more in 30 minutes, then I've been able to figure out in 6 months."

"Connections, my dear…it helps to be friends with high-ranking admirals. Now, if there are no further problems to be ironed out," he reached over the side of the tub, "…I have another treat for you."

She craned her neck to follow his hand, "Oh yeah…what's that?" He grinned and lifted a battle ship over her head. She laughed, "A boat, Harm? I thought those were for you and Ben to play with at bath time."

He cleared his throat and glared, "It's not a boat…it's a destroyer. And I'll have you know, girls can play in the bathtub, too."

Her smile took on a lecherous quality, "Oh, I intend to play in the tub…but why do I need a boat, when I already have a sailor?"

When her fingers began to snake their way up his thigh, he fixed her with a stare, "Behave Marine, or you won't get your surprise." He lowered the ship into the water and grinned victorious when her eyes grew to the size of saucers. He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered, "I told you it was fun to play with ships in the tub."

"But where did you…."

He reached out to snatch a chocolate covered strawberry from the bowl perched in the middle of the destroyer. Bringing the berry to her lips, he murmured, "I made them myself…I thought you could use a special pick me up."

She took a bite of the chocolate confection and closed her eyes to savor the sweet treat. Swallowing with ecstasy, she groaned, "Sailor, you're the absolute best."

He whispered into her ear, "And don't you forget it," before his lips worked their way down her neck.

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11:15

Thursday

9 August 2007

The Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm

San Diego, California

Harm jumped out of the SUV and ran around to the passenger side. He retrieved Ben from his car seat then helped Mac from the car. As they started up the walk, Ben raised his arms in the air, "Up, up…fwy." Harm lifted the boy to his shoulders and Ben extended his arms, as Daddy twirled in circles making 'vroom' noises. Ben giggled in delight.

When he stumbled to a stop, Mac grasped his arm, "You OK there, flyboy?"

Steadying himself in place, he smiled, "Sure thing, Marine. Those 'G's' will get you every time."

She grinned, "They never got to you in an F-14."

He pulled Ben from his shoulders and back into his arms. Turning to her with smug grin, "Mac, an F-14 is a well-tuned technical marvel…my little aviator here is into the Daddy Training Model; the balance is a bit off."

She laughed, "Well, you just make sure our little aviator doesn't get more than 6 or 7 feet off the ground until he's a few years older."

"Hey Ben," he prompted, "…you wanna show Mama what we've been doing here?"

Ben jabbered up a storm, throwing out vowels and constants in random order, in an unintelligible directive. Finally the toddler pointed toward the building and barked, "Bang…Bang," as he made a pounding motion with his hand.

Harm chuckled at Mac, "See, I told you the kid was a whiz with a hammer." He extended a hand and Mac grabbed hold, intertwining their fingers. "Come on, Marine…let me show you what we've done. As they walked up the stairs and unto the porch, he unlocked the door and stepped aside. "Go ahead, sweetheart…I can't wait to see what you think."

She walked into the main reception area, which had 14-foot ceilings, and stopped in awe, "Oh Harm, this is fabulous. I can't believe…how did…."

He leaned over her shoulder, "So you like it?"

"I love it. I can't wait until we're working here together, full time. The kids are going to…oh Harm, it's amazing."

He pointed to the murals on the walls, "Mom did the painting. I can't believe how lifelike everything is."

Mac walked around the room studying the details, touching the walls, the furniture. The theme of the room was Noah's Ark in keeping with their name. The walls displayed multiple species of animals, trees, vegetation, and water in the form of ponds and waterfalls. Standing out from the wall was a 3-dimensional re-creation of an ark. The wide gangplank door opened to the ground forming an elaborate slide. Stairs, snaked their way up two sides of the structure, giving way to window shaped openings that served as entrances to the ark. Around the room were child-sized tables and chairs, a small jungle gym and large 6 to 8-foot stuffed animals in the shape of gorillas, lions and giraffe.

She turned to him with glistening eyes, "Harm, I can't believe you did all this." Throwing her arms around his neck, she pulled his face down to hers, "Thank you." She placed a kiss on his lips, "I can't believe how great this is gonna be."

He kissed her back, "If this is the response to the reception area, just wait until you see the next surprise." He placed an arm around her waist and motioned with his head, "Come on."

He led her from room to room. There was one formal office for meetings with adult clientele, but the remainder of the space was designed with children in mind. He directed her to the back of the house where he'd kept the full working kitchen. When she asked about the need for a kitchen, he winked and said, "You'll see."

Taking her hand, he pulled her down a back hall and into a room that connected with both their offices. As he opened the door, her eyes widened in wonder, "What's this space for? I don't understand why we need…."

He pushed her into the room and put Ben down on the floor. "Mac, this is a nursery-playroom so we can keep Ben with us. Actually all of our kids can stay here during the day. Since Howie's wife is gonna manage the business end of things, they need childcare for their three kids…plus, our other staff may have children. Howie and I thought we could hire a licensed childcare provider; but as it turns out, the former owners of the building had the same idea. They released the woman who used to provide daycare for them. She's a wonderful middle-aged woman with years of experience and excellent references. We've already offered her the job." When Mac remained stunned and speechless, he turned her around in his arms, "Sweetheart, this way we won't have to be away from our kids all day. We've waited so long to have them that I don't want to miss out on any part of their lives. Shoot, I already missed out on the first 10 months of Ben's. What do you say? Are you willing to give it a try?"

She nodded her head as she tried to control her tears. He pulled her in for a hug until she regained composure. When she could breath normally, she reached up to caress his cheek, "Thank you…I love the idea of having our children with us. You're right, I don't wanna miss out on any of this anymore." She stared into his eyes, "How did I ever survive without you…how did I ever think I could move on when you left?"

He leaned his forehead against hers, "I don't know…I ask myself that question in reverse, everyday. I'm just glad we finally figured it out and got it right." He leaned in to kiss her.

They we're interrupted by the miniature cheering section, "Kissy…Kissy…me."

The adults laughed as they retrieved their first miracle. "You wanna share too, Ben?" Harm lifted him overhead and brought him in for a loud exuberant kiss. Ben giggled and returned the favor with an equally loud, but oh so wet and messy sweet baby variety.

_To Be Continued…_


	21. Chapter 16a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 16a of two parts**

19:20

Monday, Christmas Eve

24 December 2007

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

Harm found his wife on the back deck, staring off into the horizon. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She sunk backward into his strong chest and closed her eyes, enjoying the difference a year could make.

He whispered into her ear, "I've been looking for you. I wondered where you'd escaped to."

She turned her face into his neck and smiled, "I was just thinking how different this year is compared to last. A year ago this time I was nervously awaiting your arrival," her eyes darted away, "…only to have my hopes dashed in a matter of seconds."

He kissed her cheek, "But in my defense, I hadn't been cued in on the script to follow the plot. I was thrown into the deep end before I knew my lines. I think I did a pretty good job of making up for my missteps before the night was through."

She turned in his embrace and reached up to caress his cheek, "With flying colors, I couldn't believe that Santa had finally granted my wish…do you have any idea how many times I asked for you? You were that one present I always wished and prayed for, but never got."

"Same here," he leaned down to kiss her lips, "…but you have me now and forever."

She ran a fingertip over his lips, "Yes…forever."

The noise from the house interrupted their thoughts. Glancing through the window at the house full of partygoers, he grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the stairs leading to the beach, "Come with me."

She followed close behind, "Harm, where are you going? I'm not exactly dressed for a stroll on the beach."

He stopped on the final step and turned back around, raising a brow in appreciation, "That is a fabulous dress, Mac." He lifted her hand and spun her around, "How is it, you can find so many different shades and styles of red? Not to mention, each of them is more alluring than the last?" Pulling her close to his body, he asked, "You don't want to take a walk on the beach? It's where everything turned to magic last year?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed deliriously, "It's not that I don't want to…but these heels are hardly made for the sand."

He glanced at her feet and then flashed her a smug grin, "I can fix that my lady." He lifted her into his arms and walked toward the water. Stopping midway, he twirled her through the air, laughing into the wind.

She held on tight, but joined in the fun, giggling to the imaginary music of his dance. Laying her head against his shoulder, she whispered into his ear, "You're crazy, but I love you anyways."

He stopped in place and whispered back, "I promised you didn't I?" At her look of question, he moved his lips closer to her, "To love you to the point of insanity. I'm just getting started, Mrs. Rabb."

"Me too," she whispered against his lips, "…me too."

He gentled the kiss before pulling away and carried her to a bench near the cliff. Sitting down, he settled her into his lap, "Is it alright if we stay out here for awhile?"

She placed her head against his shoulder, "I'd like that…it was getting a little too crowded in there. But you don't need to hold me, you'll get your suit all wrinkled."

He hugged her closer, "Nonsense, I want you just where you are. Besides, my suit can go to the cleaners, but that dress…that dress is a masterpiece, not to be spoiled."

Running she hand up his lapel, she asked, "Where's Ben?"

He grinned, "With Evie, she's letting him eat whatever he wants."

She lifted her head with mouth agape, "Harm, he's gonna be on a major sugar high; between that and Santa Claus, we'll never get him to sleep."

"That's OK, it's our first Christmas together as a family. I don't care if anybody goes to sleep tonight. I can't wait to see Ben's face when he sees the present I made him."

"It'll be his favorite, you know," she sighed with contentment.

"You're so much more relaxed…I take it you're glad to finally be done with JAG?"

She laid her head back down, "Yes, now I can concentrate on my family and our new practice. I can't wait until the first of the year, when we get to start working together, again. I think that was part of the problem with my job here in San Diego…I missed working with you. It's hard to break a habit you've had for nine years…plus, you're not exactly a habit I want to break."

"I know what you mean…London wasn't the same without you." He reached into his front pocket and withdrew a box, "I have a gift for you."

"But Christmas is tomorrow, you don't wanna wait until we're all together?"

He placed the gift in her hands, "No, this has special meaning for Christmas Eve, and I wanted to give it to you when we were alone." She took the gift and studied the wrapping paper for a moment. He smiled at her apprehension and traced a finger down her cheek and around the back of her neck. He gently drew her face to his and whispered into her ear, "You know, you actually have to open it to see what it is. I didn't think your powers included x-ray vision."

She laughed at his silliness and countered, "Oh, that they did," running a finger down his chest, "…think of all the possibilities." She nuzzled her face against his, "Maybe it wouldn't have taken us over ten years." Placing a soft kiss on his cheek, she removed the wrappings and opened the box, to find a thin gold medallion surrounded by an intricately weaved delicate braid of gold. "What does it mean?"

He withdrew the necklace and held it up in the dim moonlight, "If you look closely, you'll see that it's actually a reproduction of a nickel. I had it designed and cast in gold. I wanted to celebrate our three wishes of fate from last Christmas Eve…and to reaffirm the promise I made you that night."

She ran her finger over the necklace, "It's beautiful." She sighed deeply and reached into her own pocket, pulling out a black velvet pouch and handing it to him, "I guess great minds think alike. I was going to give this to you later, but I think now is absolutely perfect." She reached up to caress his cheek, "Thank you for remembering our wishes of fate."

He opened the pouch and dropped out a pair of silver cufflinks into his palm. Turning them over, he smiled when he saw the design, "Nickels Mac, I guess we do think alike." He leaned forward to kiss her, "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too. Think we should get back to the party?"

He wrinkled his nose, "I suppose, but I'd rather stay out here with you."

"Me too, but we need to retrieve our kids…Santa still needs to get the gifts under the tree." She waggled her brows, "And if he's very good, I just might have another surprise for him."

"Oh yeah," he lifted her into his arms and stood up, "…your sleigh awaits, Mrs. Claus." He bumped his nose to hers, "And just so you know, I've been a very good boy this year."

She caressed his cheek, "Yes, you have…you more than eclipsed my wishes and expectations. I never imagined it could be this good."

He turned his face into her palm and kissed the delicate skin, "We're just getting started, sweetheart…there's so much more to come."

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09:30

Tuesday, Christmas Day

25 December 2007

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Mattie sat on the couch watching Harm and Ben race around the room. Molly nipped at their heels, barking with the fun. The Christmas tree was a blaze of glory with miniature white lights. She chuckled to herself, as she once again noticed that the tree's decorations started 3-feet from the bottom. Ben had tried to redecorate the tree so many times that Mac had resorted to placing the ornaments out of reach. They left a few unbreakable items on the lower branches for Ben to enjoy. She shivered in the cool morning air and pulled her robe tighter around her shoulders. They needed a fire to complete this perfect picture of a Christmas morn. Perfect, she mused, this really was a perfect holiday for her. It had been years ago, a decade it seemed, since she remembered a Christmas like this with her mom and dad. She was brought back to the present by a loud squeal from Ben of 'gain Dada.'

She was so absorbed in the father-son activities that she missed Mac's approach until she'd settled down beside her on the couch. Turning toward the woman who had become a substitute mother, she pointed to the pair across the room, "Ben really loves his present."

Mac placed an arm around the girl and pulled her close, "Yeah, he does…I figured it would be his favorite thing from Santa. Harm could hardly sleep last night; I think he was more excited about the gift than Ben."

Mattie smiled, "I can't believe Harm made that…it's an almost perfect replica of the real thing."

Mac laughed as her pair of guys slid around the corner and took off down the back hall, echoes of purring engines and 'vrooms' followed in their wake, with Molly in fast pursuit. "Harm saw an ad for a toy car kit in one of his wood-working magazines. He decided to buy the mechanical parts…the chassis, wheels, pedals, and such, from the model company…but changed the outer body from a car to a stearman bi-plane. He knows how enthralled Ben is with planes, so he thought he'd recreate 'Sarah' just like the painting on the wall in Ben's nursery." Mac saw 8 legs fly through the kitchen and toward the front of the house. "Harm can hardly wait to show Ben the real thing. I suspect, he's gonna want to fly Sarah out here come spring." Mattie slumped at her last statement, "I'm sorry, Sweetie…I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

Mattie shook her head, "No, it's not that…I just wish I could help him fly his plane out to California."

Mac pulled the girl's head onto her shoulder and ran her fingers through the curly hair, "I'm sure Harm would have loved that as well. I think Frank might go with him for the trip. But once they get the plane back here; there's nothing to stop you and Harm from flying around the valley this summer."

Mattie's voice cracked, "But I can't…."

"Nonsense," Mac cupped her chin and looked in her eyes, "…just because you can't walk doesn't mean you can't fly with Harm in Sarah. We'll just have to be passengers…we'll let him do all the work, while we enjoy the landscapes and his acrobatic stunts."

Mattie laughed, "But I thought you were never gonna step foot in a plane with Harm again. He said you lost your lunch…and something about the two of you always having hard landings?"

Mac huffed, "I only lost my lunch in an F-14, not his stearman. Besides, they were NOT hard landings…he crashed the plane." At Mattie's snicker of disbelief, she added, "The wings got torn off…and the MIG," Mattie's eyes grew wider, "…ah never mind, that's classified."

Mattie laughed out loud, "Mac, you and Harm sure have had some wild adventures."

Mac pulled her back into her arms, "Yes, we have, but we always had each other's back. I wouldn't have wanted to go through them with anyone else."

"Aren't you two going to miss all that excitement now that you're out of the military?"

Mac shook her head, "No, we're more than ready to move onto other adventures." She grinned, "Besides, adventure seems to find us…I doubt our lives will be any less exciting. It's just a different kind of excitement. In fact, I'm fast learning that these other kinds of fun can be very…."

Mattie held up a hand, "Stop…that's more information than I need!"

Mac laughed, "Well Missy, if I recall…it was you and your partners in crime that started that fun in motion."

Mattie wiggled her index finger, "That doesn't mean I want to hear about it. No one wants to hear about their parents," she made a sour face, "…eww, yuck!"

Harm came back into the room with Ben and stopped before the pair, "What's that face all about?"

Mac grinned mischievously, "Mattie doesn't want to hear about you and me," she waggled her eyebrows, "…and all our fun."

Harm frowned in question, "What fun would that be, Mac?"

She ran her hand up his leg and then grabbed his hand, "You know Harm…fun."

He winked back and tugged on her hand pulling her into his arms, "Oh you mean…FUN." He dipped her back over his arm and leaned in to place a passionate kiss on her lips.

Mattie crossed her arms over her chest, "Oh gross, that's enough...not in front of the kids."

When they didn't break for air, Ben clapped his hands loudly and scolded, "Kissy, kissy…NO…fwy pwane!" Molly threw in a few barks of agreement with her little master.

Harm moved his lips down to her neck and continued to feast. Mattie sighed in animated exasperation, "Would you listen to the kid…either that or find a room. I don't think he needs his first lesson in sex education at his age…and on Christmas no less!"

Harm and Mac stood back up and howled with laughter. Mac patted his chest, "Actually, Harm tried to give him his first lesson in sex education when he was 9 months old. He wanted to lecture him on kissing techniques!"

When Mattie's eyebrows hit her hairline, he shook a finger at Mac, "Now, I told you that was just a rookie mistake. I have no intention of teaching my son how to kiss." Mac leaned forward and whispered something into his ear. As the blush spread from his neck to his cheeks, he huffed, "That's enough, Marine." Backing up a step, he cleared his throat, "I think I better get back to flying." When Mac started to open her mouth, he held up a finger, "Don't say it…I'll take care of you later, MacKenzie!"

She rolled her eyes, "Promises, promises."

He started to walk away, but turned back and flashed a wink at Mattie. Pulling Mac back into his arms, he grinned, "Be prepared, sweetheart…I always keep my promises." He then leaned in for another kiss.

"NO!" Ben clapped his hands, "Fwy now, Dada!" Molly howled in support.

Harm nipped her lips one more time, "Gotta go, bosses' orders."

Mac fell back onto the couch, laughing merrily. She pulled Mattie back into her arms, "Did we embarrass you?"

Mattie shook her head, "No, not really. You and Harm are kinda cute. I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as he's been this last year." She sobered, "Mac, I'm not sure you realize just how miserable he was in London without you."

Mac grew serious, "Yes, I do…I was just as lost without him. I can't believe we got a second…or a third…chance to get things right. Now that I have, I can't imagine my life without all this…you, Ben, Harm…you're all I need to make me happy."

Mattie laid her head back on Mac's shoulder, "Thanks, Mac…I love you, too."

Mac reached under the couch and hauled a large box into her lap, "I have one more present for you, sweetie."

Mattie sat back up, "But…you and Harm already got me enough."

Mac shifted the gift into Mattie's lap, "This is something special I wanted to make for you." Once Mattie opened the box, she lifted the heavy book out and placed it in her lap. She ran her fingers over the leather-bound volume, rubbing the embossed letters that read 'Mattie Grace Johnson Rabb.' Mac reached for her hand and squeezed, "I saw you looking at the scrapbook I was making for Ben last summer. I contacted your Dad early in the fall and had him send me some special mementos. He went through the attic in Blacksburg and found all the things I needed. I think it was good for him to go through things and remember as well."

Mattie settled the album between them and flipped through the pages. Inside were intricate and ornate illustrations of her life...her whole life…her parents, grandparents, friends and family…birth to present. There were pictures, birth certificates, marriage licenses, graduation diplomas, a bonnet of hers, a headpiece from her mother's veil, locks of hair, baby footprints, everything to celebrate her life. As she turned to the last completed pages, she found photos of her two families. On the left a studio portrait of her and her father mounted on an elaborate paperwork design with the heading of 'The Johnsons.' On the right, a portrait of Harm, Mac, Ben and herself from their wedding, was surrounded by smaller photos of Grandma and Grandpa Burnett, Molly, Harm and Mattie, and Ben and Mattie…all beneath the title of 'The Rabbs.' Mattie stared down at the album with tears in her eyes, "I don't know what to say."

Mac hugged her close and kissed her head, "I just wanted you to know how special you are, where you come from and where you belong. We love you very much, Mattie…all of us…the Rabbs and the Johnsons."

Mattie buried her face in Mac's shoulder and let the tears fall. After several minutes, she pulled back with an emotional smile, "I guess I'm lucky to have two Moms and two Dads. I love you, Mac."

"I love you, too Mattie." She pushed the curls away from Mattie's face and swiped a finger under her eyes to dry the tears. Placing a kiss on her forehead, she pointed back to the scrapbook, "This can be extended to add more pages. You can add more life events…or we can do it together."

Laying her head back against Mac, she responded, "Together, I think."

Harm peeked his head around the corner, "Can I come back in?"

Mattie nodded, "Yeah…did you see what Mac made for me?"

Harm joined them on the couch, "I did…she wanted to make sure you knew Ben wasn't our only child. We love you, Mats."

"I know…I love you guys, too." The phone rang on the end table next to the couch. Mattie answered and proceeded to make plans with Jen. Hanging up the phone, she explained, "Jen's on her way. She wanted to come early to exchange gifts, before Grandma and Grandpa get here for Christmas dinner. Would it be OK if I spent the night at Jen's apartment? We won't leave until after dinner?"

Mac smiled, "Sure, that would be fine. Did you call your Dad and wish him a Merry Christmas yet?"

Mattie transferred herself back into her wheelchair, "Not yet…I was goinna go call him now, before Jen arrives. I want to tell him about the scrapbook." She paused, "Would it be OK if I take it back to school with me…so Dad can see it too?"

"Sure, in fact, maybe you and I could make one for your Dad. All of the documents and picture in there are duplicates; I didn't want to use the originals. Everything has to be on acid-free paper, so it doesn't deteriorate with age. I think I have copies of just about everything in the book. We can go shopping for supplies and paper that are a little more masculine in design. What do say," Mac raised a brow,"…are you up for some scrapbooking after Christmas?"

Mattie's eyes danced, "That'd be great! I got Dad something small, but I still wanted to get him another gift. Do you think he would like a scrapbook like this?"

Mac reached for her hand, "I'm sure of it, Mats. He was so excited, nostalgic almost, to go through all the memories in your old attic. I think he enjoyed getting to relive some of those moments with you and your Mom. Maybe you can think of some other things to add?"

Mattie eyes grew, "I've got the letters from my Mom…I gotta go dig them out and see what else I can find." She wheeled off toward the garage to head to her room.

Harm pulled Mac into his arms, "Thank you for doing that for her, Mac. She's spent too much time running from her past…I think it's great that she's reconnecting with her other family."

She leaned up to kiss him, "Where's the boss?" At his look of confusion, she added, "Ben? Last I saw, he was directing you to the nearest airfield."

Harm began to laugh, but yawned instead, "He went down for a nap. I think we were all too excited to sleep last night." Yawning again, "And we got up way too early this morning. What do you say…want to take a nap with me?"

She yawned in response to his tiredness, "Harm, we need to get dinner going."

He shook his head, "Mostly done, Marine. Turkey is ready to go in the oven, potatoes are peeled and ready to start, and the pies are done. We have at least an hour before we need to get started." He reclined back on the couch, taking her with him. Once he had her situated, draped over his long frame, he grabbed the throw from the back of the couch and shook it into the air, allowing it to fall over the top of them.

She looked up into his face with a smile, "Do I get a say about this?"

He kissed her forehead, "Nope, I sleep better with you in my arms. Now shush…naptime."

She wiggled until she found her perfect cuddling spot and sighed with contentment. Her last thought as she drifted off to sleep was that this was pure heaven…Santa really had granted her every wish.

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Later that evening, Harm wandered into the family room to find Mac curled up before the fireplace reading a book. He plopped down on the couch, "What'cha reading?"

She turned the front cover toward him, "Did you finally get Ben into bed?"

He smirked, "Yeah, after I bathed off all the holiday goodie guck that was stuck to every surface of him. I don't think there was an inch of skin or hair that wasn't sticky." He took the book from her to flip through the pages.

She rolled her eyes, "Not that I was reading that or anything. How'd you get him out of the plane? I thought for sure he'd want to sleep in that thing?"

Harm looked up and smiled, "I had to promise to leave it in his room. When I left, he was sound asleep with his hand snaked through the slats of the crib holding onto the handle. Molly had her paw on the front wheel to make sure I didn't break my promise and abscond with the thing." He handed the book back to her, "What's this about anyways…this isn't your usual intrigue or mystery book."

She shrugged, "I found it at a second hand bookstore the other day when Mattie and I were out shopping. I read the previous book by this author; it was a war based love story…I thought this one might be similar."

He smirked, "A love story, Mac?" He flipped his legs up onto the couch and placed his head in her lap, "I didn't think you liked those sappy things. Although, " he tapped the dust cover, "…at least this one's about a lighthouse, it must have something to do with the sea."

She flicked the top of his head with her finger, "Hey, if you're gonna insult my book, you don't get to lay here. Besides, this one revolves around World War II…the love story is just a portion of the book."

He shrugged, "_'The Lighthouse Keeper'_ by James Michael Pratt…I'm game, why don't you read it to me?"

She frowned, "What? Since when do we read books to each other?"

He snuggled his head further into her lap, and she obliged by running her fingers through his hair, "Since I get the best seat in the house…shoot, if you keep doing that thing with your fingers, you can read me one of those grocery store romance novels."

She stared at him to assess whether he was serious, "OK, on two conditions…first, no interruptions or obnoxious comments from the peanut gallery," she smiled, "…and second, next time it's your turn to read to me, and not Tom Clancy either."

He considered the terms and nodded, "You're on…next book is my choice, but you get veto power." As she began to read, he held up a finger, "You promised to continue that finger thing with my hair."

She glared, "Harm, you promised, no interruptions." When he gave her a lost little boy look, she relented and began to stroke his hair, "Fine…but that's it, flyboy."

For the next several hours they enjoyed the quiet of a holiday evening and each other…a new Rabb husband-wife tradition was born.

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_**Continued in Part 16b**_


	22. Chapter 16b

**Part 16b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 16a first)**

13:30

Tuesday

1 July 2008

The Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm

San Diego, California

Mattie maneuvered her wheelchair down the hall toward her parents' offices. Hearing their voices coming through Mac's partially opened door, she asked, "Hey Ben, wanna ask Mommy if you can come shopping with me."

Ben bounced in her lap, "Yez, me go wif Gace."

The pair knocked once before pushing into the office, only to find their parent locked in a passionate embrace. "Oh come on guys give it a rest. We see enough of this at home…do we have to watch it in public, too." She looked down at her brother, "Tell'em Ben."

The toddler made a face and scolded, "Kissy…uck," and wiped his hand across his mouth.

Mac reached out and lifted Ben into her arms, "Hey little man, don't you like Mama's kisses?"

Ben grinned and threw his arms around her neck, "Yez, me wike Mama kissy." He then swooped in to lay a loud wet smack on her mouth.

Harm laughed when Mac pulled back and wiped the slobber from her mouth. Pulling the duo into his arms, he leaned in close to Mac, "I guess mine are a little more appealing, huh?"

As he tried to kiss her, Ben pushed him back, "No Daddee…Mama wike me."

Mac howled, "Harm, I guess you have some competition…I told you not to give him kissing lessons."

Harm growled and took Ben into his arms, "Alright you two, what are you doing in the office? Mattie, aren't you supposed to be working at the Gallery? And Ben, isn't it naptime?"

Ben clapped his hands, "NO nap…me go wif Gace."

Harm shook his head and turned to Mattie, "Well?"

Mattie held her arms up to take Ben, "I have the afternoon off. Jen's coming by to pick us up…we need to go shopping for Ben's birthday present."

Ben jumped up and down, "Me bifday mowow…two." He held up two fingers to demonstrate his new trick.

Before Harm could respond, there was a knock at the door. Victor Galindez walked into the office, "Sir…Ma'am…I've completed that investigation…." He stopped mid-sentence, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company…Claire said you were both free."

"It's OK, Vic…and it's Harm and Mac. None of us are in the military anymore, we're all just colleagues." Harm pointed toward his kids, "Vic, I'd like you to meet Mattie, she's our oldest…and you already know our little toot."

Ben scowled, "Me no twoot, Daddee."

Vic laughed and ruffled the toddler's hair. Turning his attention to Mattie, he extended his hand, "It's nice to meet you, Mattie. I've heard a lot about you from your folks…all good, I assure you." He smiled revealing his dimples, and then turned back to Harm, "I'll just leave this report with you, Si…ah, Harm. Again, I'm sorry if I interrupted anything." As he walked past Mattie chair, he extended his palm to Ben, "Give my five, little guy." Ben giggled and slapped his hand.

Once the door had closed, Mac reached for Ben, "Come on punkin, it's naptime."

Ben rubbed his eyes, "No…go wif Gace."

Mac sighed, "Mattie, are you sure you want him to tag along? He's past his naptime and already pretty cranky?"

Ben snuggled into Mattie's arms. She kissed his dark hair and nodded, "Yeah, we'll take him. I promised him, he could go. Besides, we'll put him in his stroller…he'll probably be out for the count before we hit the mall." She pointed her thumb behind her, "Is that the new guy? The one you knew from JAG…Gunny is it?"

Harm walked over toward Mac, "Yeah, we knew Vic from JAG HQ among other places. He decided not to re-up when his last term was expired. We ran into him, while we were in D.C. last month. He needed a new job, and we needed a good investigator…perfect fit. Gunny's a great guy."

Mattie's eyes twinkled, "And cute, too."

"He's too old for you," Harm glared back.

Mattie shook her head, "Oh, I wasn't thinking of me." She wheeled her chair closer to Mac and lowered her voice, "Hey Mac, did Jen and Vic know each other back then?"

Mac frowned in concentration, "Nooo, I don't think so. Jen came to HQ after Bud's accident…and Gunny was gone by then."

Mattie chewed on her lip, "I see. Hey Harm, do you think we could grill out by the pool tonight? I thought I'd see if Jen wanted to come…and maybe…you could invite Vic, make the new guy feel welcome."

Mac nodded her head, "That's a great idea…Harm, you can pick up some chicken and steaks on the way home."

Harm crossed his arms, "I see where you two are going with this, and I don't think it's a good idea to get involved."

Mac's mouth hung agape, "Don't look at me…I'm not the matchmaker here. We were match-mated remember? I had nothing to do with it." She pointed toward Mattie, "She's the one that's a member of the infamous Rabb matchmaking trio."

Mattie's eyes danced, "That's an idea…maybe I could get Grandma Trish and Evie to help. Do you think they could come for dinner? Or better yet, we let Jen and Vic get acquainted tonight…then invite Vic back for Ben's birthday party tomorrow…Grandma and Evie can start working their magic then."

Harm shook his head, "I'm not hearing this. For the record, I think this is a bad idea."

Mac sauntered up to him and ran her hand up his chest, "What's the matter, Sailor? Don't you think everyone deserves to be as happy as us?"

He exhaled loudly, "Fine, I'll stop by the meat market and pick up chicken for dinner."

"And steak," Mattie added.

"Filet mignon," Mac corrected.

Harm rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll pick up a couple of filets."

Mac caressed his cheek, "Harm, you're the only one that eats chicken…the rest of us want steak."

He huffed, "Fine, I'll get a couple of chicken breasts and the rest filets. Are you happy now?"

She ran her hand behind his neck and pulled his head down. Placing a kiss on his lips, she whispered, "Very happy."

Ben clapped his hands, "NO KISSY!"

Harm harumphed, "Mattie, did you really have to teach him to do that!"

_To Be Continued…_

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_**AN #1: **The Lighthouse Keeper by James Michael Pratt, St Martin's Press, 2000._

_**AN #2: **As I stated in a previous author's note, Harm & Mac did not adopt Mattie. I included the name Rabb on the scrapbook, so Mattie would feel like she's a part of two families. It was not a true legal name change. I don't want anyone to think I suddenly changed the storyline._


	23. Chapter 17

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 17**

10:30

Saturday

12 September 2009

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Harm breezed into the master bedroom bellowing, "Mac…Mac, you in here? Ben and I are gonna run to the store. We're out of milk and peanut butter. Do you need any..." he stopped cold in the bathroom door, when he saw Mac sitting on the edge of the tub with a tear-stained face. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Her lip quivered, "Could you pick up some more of these…I'm out." She turned the empty tampon box upside down to demonstrate her quandary, just before the dam broke and the tears began to fall in earnest.

He walked into the room and knelt before her, taking her into his arms. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. I know we hoped it would work this time."

She held on tight to his arms and buried her face in his shirt, "I just thought…I mean…I can't do this anymore, Harm. I just can't go through the disappointment anymore."

He slumped to the floor and pulled her into his lap, holding her for long minutes as she cried, and sobbed and shook. When the tears finally started to lessen, he pulled back, "Sweetheart, I know this is hard, but we can still…."

"No, no more…I can't…."

He cradled her face in his hands and wiped away the tears with his thumbs, as they broke free from her lashes. Leaning forward to kiss her cheek, he felt the shaking sobs rack her body again. At that moment, he heard the shuffling of tiny feet behind him, and pulled Mac back to his side, so Ben wouldn't be frightened.

Ben stopped a few feet away and stared at the scene before him. Wrinkling his brow, he pondered his parents sitting on the bathroom floor, "Daddee, why you sitdin on da fwoor?" He took two steps closer and peered over Harm's shoulder, "What da madder wif Mama?"

Harm cleared his throat as Mac hid her tear-stained face from the toddler, "Uhm Ben…Mama's got an owie…she got hurt and Daddy's trying to make it better."

Ben frowned and nodded, "I kiss it aw bedder?"

Harm smiled and took Ben's little hand, "Hey little man, you always make it all better, just by loving Mommy."

Ben crept to his Daddy's side and placed his hand on Mac's head, stroking her hair, "I sorrwy Mama…can I kiss it aw bedder?"

Mac rubbed her face against Harm's shirt to dry the still flowing tears, and then looked up to Ben, "Mama would like that, sweetie." She lifted her arms and Ben flew into her embrace. She held on and rocked him slowly, her tears falling onto his soft hair.

The trio sat on the bathroom floor, the house quiet except for occasional sniffles and shuddering breaths. Harm finally tapped Ben's shoulder, "Hey Ben, why don't I see if Gummy and Papa wanna spend the day with you?'

Ben shook his head, "But Daddee…Mama neez me."

Mac took a deep breath and pasted on a smile, "I'm OK, baby…Mama just needs to take a nap and get some rest. Why don't you go play with Papa today, while Mama rests."

Harm pushed his two loves to their feet and stood up from the floor, "Ben, why don't you go pick out some toys, and Daddy will be there in a minute to help pack your bag?"

Ben pointed to Mac, "But, Daddee…."

Harm kneeled down to his level, "Mama, needs to take a shower real quick. You know how Mama loves to take showers and baths. Maybe you can go pick out a ship from your bath tub for Mama to use."

Ben's eyes lightened and he nodded in agreement, "I be wight back." He raced from the room in pursuit of his goal.

Harm pulled Mac back into his arms and laid his head atop hers, "I need to go call Mom. I'll be back in a minute with a cup of tea. In the meantime, why don't you jump in that shower. I'll try to head Ben off at the pass."

She nodded and began removing her clothes. He watched her a moment more until she disappeared into the hot steam, and then turned to retrieve the phone.

"Burnett residence."

"Mom, I was wondering, if you could take Ben for the day."

"I don't know, darling. I was just leaving for the Gallery and Frank's getting ready to head out to the Club to play golf."

"I know it's last minute, Mom…but Mac's not feeling well, and I need to concentrate on her."

The worry crept into her voice, "Harm, what's wrong with Mac?"

He sighed, "It's not physical so much as…sadness, disappointment. I just need to spend the day with her, and Ben doesn't need to be around everything that's going on."

"Alright darling, let me catch Frank. I'm sure between the two of us…we can entertain Ben for the day. In fact, why don't you pack a bag and we'll keep him until tomorrow."

"Thanks Mom…listen, I gotta go…Ben just ran through here with a boat in his arms."

"Alright dear, we'll be there soon."

"Mom, wait….." Harm pulled the phone away from his mouth, "Ben, come here a minute, sweetie."

Ben stopped at the bathroom door, "But Daddee, I neez to gibe dis to Mama."

"I know buddy, but Mama's getting undressed…come here a minute and I'll take you in to see her." Ben pouted, but came toward his Dad. Harm brought the phone back to his mouth, "Mom, could you stop by the store on your way here?"

"What for dear?"

"Ah, Mac needs some…supplies."

"Supplies? What kind of supplies?"

He glanced toward Ben and scrubbed a hand through his hair, "Umh, female supplies?"

Trish voice dropped in concern, "Oh Harm, I'm so sorry…I'll be there as soon as I can. What does she need?"

"Ah…."

She chuckled, "Pads or tampons?"

"Ah, the second…and umm, blue box."

Trish sighed, but a smile was reflected in her voice, "You men…I'm sure I can figure it out. We'll be there in a few minutes. I love you, darling."

"Thanks Mom, love you, too."

He hung up the phone and lifted Ben into his arms, "Hey buddy, what did you do…pick out your biggest ship for Mama?"

Ben grinned with pride, "Yez, it's da bestest. Can I take it to Mama now?"

Harm patted his bottom, "Sure, but can you help me make her a cup of tea first? Tea makes her feel better, too."

Ben sighed as his shoulders slumped, "Otay, if I habe to, but den can I gibe her da ship?"

"Sure thing, Ben. Why don't we leave the ship by the door until we come back?"

The father-son pair returned five minutes later with a cup of mint tea and knocked on the door, "Mac, can we come in for a minute?"

"Sure," came the muffled response over the sound of pounding water.

Ben carried his toy to the shower stall and banged on the door, "Mama, I got somepin for you."

Mac wiped her face and cracked open the shower door, "What'cha you got, sweetie? Is that boat for me?"

Ben held the toy high in his arms, "It's a ship, Mama…not a boat."

She reached down to take the monstrosity, "Thanks punkin."

Ben stared, "Mama are you cwyin?"

She wiped a hand over her eyes, "No, must be the shower water. Now, why don't you go pack a bag with Daddy?" When his face fell, she leaned down and kissed his cheek, "I love you, punkin."

"Wuv you, Mama."

Twenty minutes later, Mac was clean, dried and dressed in a pair of comfortable cotton knit pajamas. She climbed into bed with a heating pad and a large bottle of Motrin. Arranging the pillows for comfort, she'd just settled down to sleep, when there was knock at the bedroom door.

Trish poked her head inside the door with a smile, "How are you feeling, Sarah?"

Mac shrugged, "Hanging in there…I'm not sure which hurts worse, the cramps from my period or the," her voice cracked, "…the pain in my heart."

Trish walked over and sat beside her on the bed. Running the back of her fingers over Mac's cheek, "I know, darling. The disappointment can be hard to bare."

Tears threatened to fall again, "But you don't understand…I wanted to have a child…to give Harm a child."

Trish reached for the tissues on the nightstand, "Oh but Sarah, dear…I understand more than you know." She stroked her fingers through the younger woman's hair, and Mac closed her eyes at the comforting gesture, "Sarah, let me tell you something Harm doesn't even know. We…I never planned for him to be an only child. Of course back in my day, we didn't have the sophisticated fertility treatments that you have now. After Harm was born, I became pregnant a year later, but I lost the baby early on. It was a tubal pregnancy, and they had to perform surgery to remove the fetus and the fallopian tube. That diminished, but didn't end my chance for a successful pregnancy. Still, no matter how hard we tried, I never got pregnant again. We blamed it on Harm Sr.'s deployments and limited time home. Once I married Frank, we tried again…we even went in for evaluations and treatments, such as they offered back then…still, no pregnancy. We finally gave up and accepted that Harm was all we were meant to have. Frank, bless his wonderful loving heart, accepted Harm as his son, long before my son accepted Frank as his father."

Tears began to trickle down Mac's temples toward her pillow, "So, you're saying it's possible to just accept never having a child, her voice cracked as the tears increased, "…that you can just move on and forget?"

Trish dabbed at the tears, "Never forget, dear…you never forget. But if you don't begin to accept, you run the risk of missing out on all that you already have." She smiled, "Don't let Ben get lost in the quest to achieve what might never happen. You have a beautiful son, anything else is icing on the cake."

Mac closed her eyes, "I understand Trish…I just need a little time to mourn the loss of my dream."

Trish leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek, "Of course, dear…I wouldn't suggest you do anything else. Now, you get some rest and let that handsome son of mine take care of you. We'll keep Ben for the night. Trust me, Papa will keep him so busy, he won't have time to fret over you. Maybe by tomorrow, you'll start to feel better."

"Thanks Trish."

She stood and leaned over to give her a hug, "We love you, Sarah…all of us."

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Two hours later, Mac awoke to the clinking of dishes. Harm placed a tray on the dresser and walked over to sit on the bed, "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

She grimaced, "Uncomfortable, but at least I got some sleep."

He snaked his hand under the blanket to feel the heating pad, "The automatic shutoff must have kicked in…this thing's ice cold. You want me to turn it back on?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Did Ben get off with your folks OK?"

He shrugged, "A few tears, but they called a little bit ago…they were taking him to Evie's for lunch and he was bouncing off the wall with excitement."

She smiled, "He sure loves her…given the choice, sometimes I think he'd pick her over me."

"Never, Mama's always first choice…well, except for Molly and his plane," he grinned, "…I think they win out over everyone else." He held up the heating pad, "Where do you want this…stomach or back?"

"Back this time, I think," she tried to lean forward but grimaced in pain.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa tiger…you lay still and let me do the work." He gently leaned her forward onto his chest, then fluffed the pillows and set the warm pad on top. When he tried to lay her back, she held on tight in protest, "What's the matter, Mac? Am I hurting you?"

She snuggled a little closer into his arms, "No, I just want to be here for a few minutes."

He gently wrapped his arms around her and placed his cheek against her hair, "Take as long as you need…I could hold you like this all day." He kissed the top of her head, "However, I will warn you that your soup is getting cold."

She shook her head against his chest, "Not hungry, except for you."

He grinned, "I'm glad to hear that I'm such a culinary delight, but you need to eat something before your pain meds make you sick."

She sighed, "Fine, but you'll stay here?"

He leaned her back against the pillows, "Brought a sandwich for me, can't eat lunch without my best girl." He reached for the tray and set it between them, "I brought you homemade chicken noodle soup…easy on the stomach, with just enough carrots and celery to satisfy me. You OK to feed yourself?"

She picked up the mug and tasted a tentative spoonful, "Mmmm, just the way I like it…no one makes it like you." She eyed him with suspicion, "Are you sure Evie didn't give you her recipe…this tastes suspiciously like hers?"

He chuckled, "Busted, I called the restaurant this morning and begged her. She only let me have it because the soup was for you. I had to promise to share the recipe with you, and only you. I still couldn't get her to budge on the roasted vegetable salad one, though."

Mac sipped another large spoonful of soup, "I told you…she said she'd bequest it to us in her will. And I don't know about you, but I'm not ready for her to go away just yet…certainly not for a recipe."

He reached for some buttered French bread, "I agree wholeheartedly, I don't want to even think about Evie not being around. Do you want some of this bread, Mom brought it when she came?"

She wrinkled her nose, "No, I think I'll just stick with the soup."

They ate in comfortable silence, before he lifted the tray of dirty dishes from the bed, "Be right back, I'm just gonna drop these in the kitchen. I thought I could lay with you for awhile…unless, you don't want me…."

She tipped her head and smiled, "Hurry back Sailor, this bed is way too big for just me."

He returned a few minutes later, "I brought you some tea…Vanilla Chai, I think? Don't know if it tastes any good, but it smells like heaven…spicy with just a hint of vanilla." He handed her the mug and climbed in beside her.

She sipped the tea, "Mmm, this is good…want to try a sip?"

He sampled the tea and nodded his head in approval. Wiggling to the center of the mattress, he asked, "You want me to hold you or are you better the way you are?"

She grinned, "Do you have to ask? I'm always more comfortable in your arms, just go easy."

He gently shifted the pillows onto his chest, careful not to disengage the heating pad. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he delicately rubbed his thumb back and forth across her lower abdomen, "How's this…comfortable?"

She laid her head back against him and closed her eyes, "Very, can we stay like this forever?" Her voice took on a dreamy quality.

He tipped his face against hers, "Mac, about what you said earlier…do you really want to stop trying?" When she tried to pull away, he calmed, "Sssh, easy does it…no heavy discussions. I just want to understand how you feel?"

She relaxed again, "Harm, it's not that I don't want to try for a baby of our own. It's just that I can't take all the procedures and disappointment anymore. I mean, first there were the oral meds," she sighed, "…my body just laughed at those. Then there were the injections…and in the last year, we've done six cycles of _in vitro_. I've been poked and prodded, scanned and stuck, retrieved and implanted. My body feels like a pincushion and don't even get me started on the side effects from the meds."

He continued to stroke her stomach, "I know all of that has been really rough on you. And I know my part in all of this is nothing compared to yours…but I just…."

"Sweetheart, the procedures I can take. Yes they hurt and they're time consuming. But," her eyes became glossy with tears once again, "…the hardest part is the feeling of disappointment, and sadness, and overwhelming failure. That's the part I can't take anymore."

"What if we wait six months and try again? That will get us past the hustle and bustle of the holidays."

"She shook her head, "Harm, I'm sorry, but I just can't. I think we need to concentrate on Ben…and maybe in six months, we can look into adoption or foster care. But I just can't…" her tears tracked down her cheeks in torrents.

He held her tighter, trying to control his own emotions, "It's OK, baby…sssh, don't worry about it. Whatever we need to do, we'll figure it out later…no more procedures." When he thought she'd drifted off to sleep, he whispered in a tearful voice, "But I just wanted a little girl that looked like you…she's all I've ever dreamed of." He closed his own eyes, falling into a deep slumber.

She lay against him, shining eyes open wide. Sleep didn't come for her.

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13:30

Wednesday

23 September 2009

The Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm

San Diego, California

Mac looked up from the legal brief she was preparing. There was a crying sound in the distance. She shrugged returning to work; Harm or Howie must be interviewing a new client. Settling back to her computer, she was distracted once again as the crying grew louder. Tilting her head to one side, she noted that the cries seemed more likely to be from someone quite young…an infant, even a newborn. She slumped forward in her chair, resting her head in her hands. Breathing deeply in and out, she tried to suppress the tears that stung at the backs of her eyes.

A rap at her door caught her attention and she quickly swiped a hand over each eye. This was ridiculous, she couldn't break down in tears every time she saw an infant, or inhaled the delicate scent of baby powder, or heard the soft cooing of a newborn voice. No, she needed to pull herself together. She'd promised Harm that she wouldn't dwell on the disappointment anymore. It was time to move on; Ben was all that mattered now.

There was a second knock and then a tentative opening of the door. Harm stuck his head around the corner and opened his mouth to speak, only to be drowned out by the aforementioned high-pitched screams.

She grimaced at the volume and pitch of the staccato squeals. Harm threw her a sheepish look, "Mac, can I…ah, we come in for a minute?"

"Sure," she squinted her eyes at the noise, "…but could you close the door. Howie's client must have an impressive set of pipes. You can hear the cries all the way down the hall."

Harm's expression grew more nervous, "Well Mac, that voice actually belongs to my client…ah, our client…ah, our ah…." He opened the door further, "Can we come in? I'd like you to meet someone."

She stood and motioned for them to enter. Harm extended an arm, allowing his guests to precede him into the room. Mac smiled when she saw the other adult in Harm's company. Extending a hand to the woman, she smiled, "Josephine, it great to see you again." She raised her voice above the ruckus, "I see you have a new client…and a loud one at that."

The CPS worker shifted the infant carrier to her left hand and accepted the handshake with a warm embrace, "Sorry about all the noise, this little one is easily riled and once worked up, hard to console."

Harm reached for the carrier and set it down on Mac's desk, "Let me take him…maybe I can get him to settle down." He extracted the small infant from the elaborate restraints and brought the baby to his chest. When the crying continued, he began to bounce the infant in his arms. Unappeased the screams intensified further, Harm tried rocking the infant to and fro while he cooed in a soft voice.

In the meantime, Mac and Josephine shifted to a far corner of her office. Shaking her head to clear the deafening noise and regain hearing, Mac continued to question the social worker from the Department of Child Services. "What's the story with this one? He seems awfully irritable?"

The CPS agent shuffled closer still in an attempt to be heard, "We think he's about a week old. His mother turned him over to one of the fire stations last Wednesday, under the Safely Surrendered Baby Law. He still had a fresh umbilical stump, so we think he was probably born within the previous 24 hours. The mother left without giving any further information. He was taken to the UCSD neonatal intensive care unit for evaluation. His exam at that time was normal and he appeared to be full term."

Mac watched while Harm continued to try and assuage the newborn. "You don't know anything about him? Why doesn't he calm down when he's held?"

Josephine sighed, "They performed several test on him, including a CT scan of his brain…everything checked out except for his drug screen." The social worker shifted from one foot to the other as she sifted through her pockets, finding a pacifier she tossed it to Harm. Returning her attention to Mac, "As I was saying, his drug screen was positive for cocaine, methamphetamines, and marijuana…that's why the doctors think he's so irritable."

The pair turned back toward the frustrated giant, who at that moment was tossing the useless pacifier into the infant carrier…attempt number umpteen at mollification failed. Mac pointed toward her husband and the screaming baby, "So this is all because he's withdrawing from drugs?"

Josephine shook her head, "Not really…at least not the withdrawal part. Only babies exposed to narcotics withdraw in a physical sense. Cocaine and amphetamines are psychologically addictive, not physically addictive. Addicts may crave the drugs, but they don't have actual physical symptoms if they don't get them. Babies on the other hand, tend to have problems with calming mechanisms…state control, as it's referred to. They have difficulty finding self-soothing behaviors, such as sucking a thumb or bringing their hands to midline to quiet themselves. They also tend to overreact to external stimuli."

Mac glanced back toward Harm, who was pacing the floor and jiggling the baby in his arms. She chuckled at the sight and walked over to relieve him of his burden. "Here Harm, give him to me." He transferred the flailing infant and ran a hand over his face to clear the sweat.

Mac hugged the baby close to her chest. He stopped crying almost immediately and snuggled his face into her neck. Harm stood mouth agape and arms akimbo, "How'd you do that…I tried everything?"

She held a finger to her lips and whispered a soft 'Ssshh' sound. The infant sighed deeply, closed his eyes and fell asleep. As she tried to lower him to his carrier, he began to whimper. She hugged him close once again and he drifted off in slumber. A slight smile played at her lips, as she placed a gentle kiss on the baby's dark silky hair. Inhaling deeply, she closed her own eyes and reveled in the scent of baby lotion.

Josephine stepped closer and whispered softly, "Ah, you seem to have the magic touch. I haven't seen him that quiet in days."

Mac mouthed, "What's his name?"

Josephine shrugged, "We don't know…we've been calling him Baby Boy Kalmia, because that's the name of the fire station where he was surrendered. I guess his adoptive parents will get the pleasure of naming him."

Mac rubbed her cheek against the soft head and smiled, "So what now? Do you already have an adoptive family lined up?"

Harm came up behind Mac and stroked his finger over the sleeping infant's chubby cheek. The baby opened his mouth and grabbed on, sucking vigorously. Harm glanced at Mac with eyes big as saucers. She grinned in return and mouthed, "Instinct…rooting reflex."

Josephine crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head to the side, "That's right it's instinct." She then smiled shrewdly and muttered under her breath, "…it's all about instinct."

Mac looked up and frowned, "What was that?"

Josephine shook her head, "Oh nothing…you were asking about an adoptive family? I actually have one in mind," she raised her brow at Harm, "…but he'll have to go to foster care first."

He cleared his throat, "Ah Mac, about that…I was thinking…ah, maybe we could take him."

Her expression changed for pleasure to hurt in the blink of an eye, "You want us to be his foster parents? Harm, we talked about this last week…we were going to wait until next year before we pursued other options. I don't think I'm ready to be a foster parent just yet."

He pleaded, "But Mac, he's just waiting for us. I know we agreed to wait six months, but he might not be available then. Besides, I don't want to miss out on the early stuff this time."

Tears ringed her eyes and she blinked to hold them back, "Harm, I can't…I can't care for and love a child and then just give him up. Everything's still too fresh…I couldn't walk away. I know you want to do this, but I'm sorry, I just can't." The baby stirred in her arms and began to cry, responding to her emotional distress.

Josephine reached out to take the wailing bundle, but his cries intensified at the transfer. Mac's eyes flicked to the door, seeking a path of escape as the tears overflowed her lashes. When the baby arched backwards in protest, nearly flipping from the caseworker's arms, Mac responded on instinct and gathered him back in her embrace. His cries demurred to soft staccato whimpers before falling silent once again. Her eyes pleaded with Harm for sympathetic understanding.

His voice cracked with emotion, "But Mac, he's ours. If we want him, we can have him…for forever." Her eyes flicked to Josephine for confirmation. The social worker's face shone with scheming enthusiasm, as she nodded in corroboration. Harm practically danced in place with excitement, "What do you say, Sarah? Do you want to take him home? Can we give Ben a baby brother?

_To Be Continued…_


	24. Chapter 18

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 18**

13:50

Wednesday

23 September 2009

The Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm

San Diego, California

Mac stood dumbfounded staring off into space. She didn't move a muscle, blink an eye or utter a sound. When seconds turned into minutes, Harm became increasingly nervous, "Mac?" No response. "Sarah…Sarah, did you hear me?" Still no response, he swallowed hard and looked toward Josephine for guidance. The caseworker shrugged her shoulders in response. Harm drew his wife into his arms, "Marine, you have to help me out here. I'd yell 'attention,' but I'm afraid I'd upset the baby."

Finally, her eyes began to dance from side to side, before landing on the expectant, fearful face of her husband. He waited patiently for her to say something…anything. The first reaction to the news was the single tear that tracked lazily down her cheek. He caught the drop with his thumb as he lovingly caressed her face. Continuing to watch her expression for signs of her answer, he tentatively asked, "Sweetheart, what do you think…should we make him ours?"

A jubilant smile spread across her face as the dam broke and tears dropped one after another from her lashes. Never uttering a single vocalization, she vigorously nodded her head and threw herself into his arms. The baby woke on impact with his Daddy's chest and released a short whimper; but quieted immediately, as if realizing he was finally home…safe and secure, wrapped in the arms of love.

Harm released a gasp and pulled back slightly, "I didn't hurt him, did I?" He rubbed his fingers through the baby's hair and over his soft spot. Assured that the newest Rabb family member was indeed fine, he looked up with awe, "What should we call him?"

Mac finally found her voice, "I don't know." She placed her lips against the tiny warm forehead and reveled in the feel of soft baby skin. Running her lips across the smooth satiny surface, she whispered, "But I think it should be something that reflects his personality and where he came from. A name that proclaims his strength and his fighting spirit."

Harm's smile grew as his face shone with pride and happiness, "We have time to figure that out…all that matters now, is that he's ours. We can take him home."

Mac looked to Josephine with concern, as the events of the last 15 minutes, finally sunk in. Swallowing down her fear, she inquired, "He's ours now, right? You're not going to take him back? I mean…he doesn't need to go to foster care, first or anything…while we wait for the evaluations and paperwork?"

The social worker smiled, "No, of course not. The two of you completed paperwork with the department a year ago. We've had your name on file, as potential adoptive parents, since that time. We were just waiting for you to be ready to proceed." Although her smile reflected joy, her eyes belied the wisdom of someone with a deeply held secret, "I just knew when I saw this little one that he was meant to be yours." At their duo looks of confusion, she explained, "He reminded me so much of your other little guy…Benjamin, right?"

At that moment, the baby sandwiched between them, opened his eyes and gazed into the astonished faces of his new parents. Harm grinned, "He does have Ben's hair coloring and complexion."

Mac nodded, "And the shape of his nose and mouth is similar. Although," her laughter bubbled up from that place of satisfaction somewhere deep inside, "…his eyes are all yours, Sailor. I guess he was made just for us."

He leaned forward to place a kiss on the top of the baby's head then trailed upwards, to take her lips in a loving joyful embrace. Resting his forehead against hers, he sighed, "We did good, Marine."

She turned her head to the side, brushing her cheek against his, "Yes we did, Sailor. I love you," she giggled, unable to suppress the joy, "…and I love our family."

Josephine cleared her voice, "Not that I want to break this up," she laughed, "…because heaven knows, I don't get to experience this kind of sentimental, gratifying moment very often…but I need to get going. I take it from your response, that you don't want me take the little guy back to the agency with me?"

A simultaneous chorus of resolute 'no's' rang out.

"I didn't think so," laughed Josephine, "…well, I only brought limited supplies. You can keep the car seat for a couple of days; I'll be back to pick it up end of the week." She handed over a small diaper bag, "There's a can of formula and a few bottles, as well as, a handful of diapers and a change of clothes. I'm sorry I don't have more, but the department's resources are limited."

Harm took the offered supplies and shook his head, "Don't worry about it, Josephine…you already gave us more than we could ever hope. We'll stop on the way home to do some limited shopping."

The caseworker shook her finger, "Now, here's the thing about newborns…you really shouldn't be taking him out in public for the first 4-6 weeks; you don't want him to get sick. He should be seen by your pediatrician sometime in the next 2-3 days," she pulled a business card from her pocket, "…and here's the name of a good developmental specialist; she can answer a lot of your questions about the drug exposure. You know…put your mind at ease. Some pediatricians are really comfortable dealing with these babies, and others…well, it's not really their cup of tea, so to speak." She reached for her purse and walked toward the door, "Any other questions?"

Mac shifted the baby slightly and extended her hand, "Yeah, what about his legal paperwork?"

Josephine pointed to the diaper bag, "Everything that you need is in there. I know you two are used to the system, but I'm around if you need anything. I'll still be," she grinned with knowing delight, "…Baby Boy Rabb's caseworker until the adoption's complete."

Harm followed her to the door and reached for her hand, pulling her into a hug, "Thanks Josephine," his voice cracked, "…I can't begin to tell you how much this means to us."

The caseworker kissed his cheek and then leaned back to wipe away the lipstick, "You're very welcome…and I think I have some idea of how you feel. This is just as gratifying for me, as it is for the two of you. Enjoy your son."

A series of 'goodbyes' and 'we'll be in touch,' filled the room, before the door quietly slipped shut.

Harm turned back to his family and exclaimed, "We have a new son…I can't believe it!" His eyes grew wide with wonder, "We have to tell Ben…and Mattie…and Gummy and Papa. We have to go shopping and get a crib…and diapers and formula…and undershirts and clothes…and bibs and a car seat…and toys…what kind of bottles do you think he likes? And a new pacifier…he hates that one…and…."

Mac laughed, "Harm, slow down…we don't have to do everything in one day. Besides, we have a lot of those things at home from Ben."

"But Mac," he countered, "…the baby should get his own things."

She grabbed his arm to calm his movements, "The baby won't care, as long as he's clean, dry, fed, warm and loved…he won't mind that they're hand-me-downs."

"But still, Mac…he deserves…."

She caressed his cheek, "I know, Sailor…but we don't have to do everything today. I say we stop by that baby place on the way home. All we need for now are some diapers, formula, a package of onesies and some changing gowns." She paused to mentally count through items in her head, "We will need a car seat…Ben's still using his. As for a crib, we can use Ben's old one, until we decide on furniture and a theme for his nursery. Besides, I'd like to get a portable bassinet so we can keep him in our room for the first few weeks. Ummm," she pondered chewing her lip, "…the rest we can figure out at the store."

Harm ran for the door, "Let me just get my things and we can be on our way!"

"Harm, wait…what about work? Don't you have clients to see?"

He turned back with a flyboy grin, "I already talked to Howie, and Claire is changing appointments and clearing our schedules for the next week. After that, we can take turns staying home…or we can keep junior in one of our offices here at work. I think if we trade off; we can keep him away from people. I don't want to put him in the childcare center, for at least two months." He opened the door and walked through, throwing over his shoulder, "Oh yeah…Claire said, she would drop Ben off at home after work. I thought it would be better if the two Rabb boys got acquainted at home…rather than in the office or the car." He grinned, "Chop, chop, Marine…we've got places to be."

She stood stunned for a moment, but gathered her bearings quickly, "Hold it right there, Navy! You had this all planned out before you ever came in my office this afternoon…didn't you?"

His grin slipped a notch to sheepish, "Ah well, Josephine called me this morning to see if we were interested." He held up his hands in surrender, "I didn't agree to anything…I promise. I told her, it would depend on how you felt, and that we had planned to wait a few months before we considered adoption." He walked back to her, "Sweetheart, if you had said no, I would have agreed. I would never push you into something that you're not ready for." His expression changed to wary, "Are we OK?"

She remained quiet and solemn for a moment, as she laid the baby back in his carrier. Walking up to her husband, she lifted her arms around his neck and brought his face down to hers. Giving him a radiant smile, she whispered, "Best idea you ever had, Sailor…right after the 'loving me to the point of insanity'." She placed her lips against his, "I love you…for now and forever."

He whispered back, "I love you too, sweetheart," before drawing her in for a deep contented kiss.

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15:35

Wednesday

23 September 2009

Babies "R" US

San Diego, California

Harm looked on with flustered exasperation at the wailing bundle in the car seat secured to the shopping cart. He glanced around the store and whispered, "Mac, I can't get him to stop crying…people are going to think we're beating him or something.

She continued to peruse the selection of bottles, "Maybe if you pick him up, he'll settle down."

He huffed, "OK, I'll try, but he wasn't too happy with me back at the office." He released the restraints and lifted the squawking infant into his arms. When the cries failed to lessen, he bounced the baby against his chest. "Mac, this isn't working…I think he hates me?"

She rolled her eyes, "He doesn't hate you. Maybe he's wet, did you check his diaper?"

He eyes grew wide, "How? We're in a store."

She grinned, "I forget you weren't around for Ben's earlier days. Just stick your finger through the leg hole of his outfit and under his diaper, check to see if it feels wet."

"Do what? What if there's something besides…well, you know," he shrugged, "…in there?"

She huffed, "Harm, does he smell bad?" He lifted the baby up to his nose so he could smell his diaper, and shook his head. "Then just use your finger to check."

He made an unpleasant face, but completed the task. Pulling his finger back out, he commented, "He's dry…what now?"

She handed him a wet-one to wipe his hands, "Maybe he's hungry…didn't Josephine say there was a bottle in the diaper bag? Here, give him to me and check the bag."

He gladly handed over the wailing child and searched the tote. Coming up with the requested item and a cloth diaper, he smiled in triumph, "Here Mac, I found one and a burp cloth, too."

She smiled, "Do you want to feed him?"

He shook his head in panic, "No, go ahead."

She settled the baby in her arms and rubbed the nipple across the side of his mouth. He opened wide and greedily began to suck. She looked up with pride, "I guess food did the trick." Glancing toward the shelves once again, she motioned with her head, "Harm, I only have two hands, either you need to do the shopping or take the baby."

He puzzled for a moment, before reaching for various nurser sets, "Mac, these bottles all look alike to me…which ones do you want?"

"I think Bernice used the Advent nursers when Ben was little. Why don't you grab the starter set and a couple more packages of the smaller-sized bottles. That way we can see if he likes them, before we buy too many." When he dropped the requested items in the cart, she pointed back to the shelf, "Get some extra nipples too."

Harm turned around in the aisle and froze before the massive display of pacifiers, "Ah Mac, what…how do we decide?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, just pick out 2 or 3 and we'll try them out. I'm going to walk over a couple of aisles to look at the onesies and gowns."

He reappeared 10 minutes later and dropped an armful of pacifiers into the cart. She shook her head, "Harm, I said 2 or 3, not the whole store."

He ginned sheepishly, "I couldn't decide…they're all a little different. Besides, some of them had planes or baseballs or basketballs on them."

She chuckled, "Whatever, the duty of pacifier experimenter is all yours, Sailor." She shifted the baby up to her shoulder and rubbed his back, once he'd released a loud burp that embarrassed even his sailor father; she glanced back to Harm. "OK, he seems to have settled down, now that we've taken the hunger edge off. Do you want to continue feeding him or doing the shopping?"

Harm peered down the long aisle of undershirts, layettes and dressing gowns and quickly reached for the baby, "I'll finish feeding him…you pick out what you want."

She laughed, "It's OK, Daddy…mostly, it's trial and error. I know a little bit from caring for Ben, but I didn't get him full-time until he was 7-months old." She reached up to caress his cheek, "This newborn stuff is new to both of us, sweetheart…we'll just have to figure it out together."

He turned his face in her hand and kissed her palm, "I can't wait. I missed out on all this before; I'm looking forward to it this time."

She winked, "Let's see what we can find."

She tossed several packages of onesies in the cart, explaining their superiority over simple undershirts. Next came the dressing gowns and sleepers. Selecting several trios of gowns, she tossed them into the cart. His expression puzzled, "Why did you pick those?"

"Because the gowns are easier to use when they're small…no snaps, the elastic at the bottom lets you pull them up to change diapers."

"Ah, " he nodded, "…that makes sense." He paused a moment, "But what about the car seat? How do you get the strap between his legs?"

She stopped and puzzled herself, "Good thought, flyboy." She reached for a set of sleepers and tossed them into the cart, "Guess we use the gowns at home and the sleepers for when we go out."

He beamed with pride at getting one right. Shifting the now sleeping baby onto his shoulder, he used his free hand to push the cart, "Mac, these are all boring…can't we pick out something fun?"

She interlinked their arms to help propel the cart and leaned against his side, "Sure, I think the little boy things are around the next aisle." She looked into his eyes and saw her twinkle of excitement reflected back in his, "This is kinda fun don't you think?"

He grinned, "I don't remember having this much fun picking out tools for the house at Home Depot. Come on Mom, let's see what we can find."

Between the two of them they selected several soft, warm boyish outfits. When she tried to push the cart forward, he stopped in place and stared. "Harm? Aren't you coming, we still need to get diapers and formula?"

He remained stationary and reached out to stroke a finger down the front of a small pair of denim overall shorts, "Mac, can we get these?"

She backed-up to his side, "Harm, those are shorts…it's fall already; they'll probably be a little cold. Besides, as a newborn, he'll be more comfortable in soft stuff for a while."

The spark in his eyes dimmed, "Sure, I guess you're right."

As he walked forward, she grabbed hold of his hand, "Wait up, Sailor. What's going on? I sense there's some special significance to those shorts."

He shrugged, "It's just that…you know that picture of you and Ben? The one where you're holding him over your head and you're both laughing? You were wearing jeans and he had on denim overalls." He shuffled from foot-to-foot nervously, "I just…ah, well it was one of my favorite pictures…and ah," he sighed, "…I would sit in my office in London, staring at the photograph and wishing I were in it. Never mind, it's stupid."

She blinked back the tears in her eyes, "No it's not…I think we should get those shorts. Maybe we can have a family picture taken with all of us. What do you say, Daddy?"

He pulled her into an embrace, "I think that's a wonderful idea. We need to document our new family."

She wiped her face against his sleeve and dropped the denim shorts into the cart. "Come on, formula and diapers are next."

They loaded up the cart with half a dozen packages of diapers and several cans of Similac Advance baby formula. He pointed across the store, "Car seats?"

She nodded and pushed the ever growing pile of baby supplies toward the far end of the store. A clerk helped them select a car seat with the caveat that, 'more expensive doesn't mean better.' They selected a model with duo bases, so they wouldn't need to move one from his car to hers. He nixed the cute pastels in favor of navy blue, reasoning 'the dirt won't show as much.' When she pointed out the model in marine drab green, he countered that the buckle was easier to work in the navy…ah, the blue model. She acquiesced with a giggle and a nod, he wasn't pulling anything over on her…it was the navy that was the selling point. After finding a suitable bathtub, wash clothes, towels, bath products and a rubber duck, they headed for check out. He found a display of socks, booties and bibs and tossed several into the burgeoning heap.

Walking toward checkout, Harm stopped to study the cribs. He ran his hands over the rails and slats, studied the designs and the woods. When he found one he especially liked, he called Mac to his side, "Mac, what do think about this one?"

"Harm, I thought we were going to use Ben's old crib until we decided about the nursery décor?"

He shrugged, "I know…I just like this one. The design, the finish, the color."

She located a pamphlet on the furniture set, "Here…this will tell us what's available. Trish and I designed Bens' room, maybe you want to do the new baby's?" His grin of excitement answered the question without words. "Alright, Baby Boy Rabb's nursery is all yours. Luckily we have time to decide, since he'll be sleeping in our room for a while." She spied the display of bassinets at the end of the aisle, "I see just what we need. She located a portable 5-in-one bassinet, "Harm, what do think about…" she paused mid-sentence when she realized he was nowhere around. "Harm…Harm?"

"Over here," came the quiet reply.

She rounded the bassinet display, to find him gazing with awe, at a traditional cherry cradle. "Harm…sweetheart, that's beautiful, but it's not very portable. I wanted something we could move from room to room. I found one on wheels, with storage underneath and the bassinet is detachable from the base. We can take it all over the house…that way the baby will always be close."

He didn't budge from his trancelike state in front of the cradle. She rubbed his back, "Harm, did you hear me?"

He glanced in her direction, "Mac, I want this one."

"But Harm, I just explained that…."

"I know, but this one," his eyes begged her to understand, "…I just always imagined rocking our babies in a cradle like this. It's about strength and family and love…it's like the one my Grandmother used for my Father and me."

She inwardly smiled at her impractical dreamer…the sailor who could stand for hours on the fantail gazing at the waves and the stars and the sea. The gentle soul, who steadfastly defended the disadvantaged, small and weak. She laid her head against his arm and sighed, "How 'bout we get both. The cradle can stay in our room and the bassinet can travel around the house."

His eyes drank her in with appreciation and love. No one understood him or indulged his passions or returned his love like his wife and best friend. "Thank you, Sarah."

She reached for the merchandise request slip and gave him a quick squeeze, "Your welcome." Giving him a moment to compose himself, she asked, "About ready to go, Sailor?"

He unloaded the mountains of merchandise at checkout, pretending not to notice when she slipped a book about names and their meanings into the mix.

He signed away his life to the credit card receipt, as Mac laid their sleeping tot back into the carrier. The clerk peered on with interest, "He?" at they're nod of affirmation, she continued, "…he's a little cutie. How old is he?"

Harm beamed, "A week."

"I thought he looked brand new. What's his name?"

Mac grimaced, "We don't know yet." At the clerk's look of surprise, she quickly explained, "We just got him today…we're adopting him and he was kind of a surprise."

The clerk smiled at the proud new parents, "That would explain the sudden investment in enormous quantities of baby stuff. He must be your first?"

Harm returned the credit card to his wallet, anxious to leave before they exposed Baby Boy Rabb to anymore germs. "Actually, he's our second…Ben was adopted as well, but we didn't get him until he was older. We don't have the stuff for a newborn." Turning toward Mac, "Sweetheart, don't you think we should be getting home. I don't want the baby to catch anything."

"Yeah, we should…Ben's going to be there soon and we need to get things settled." Smiling at the clerk, "Thanks for helping us today."

She waved, "It's our pleasure. I'm sure we'll be seeing you again soon…kids really seem to go through that stuff fast. Congratulations on your new son."

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17:45

Wednesday

23 September 2009

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Harm unpacked the car and sorted through the new purchases, while Mac laid the baby down to sleep in Ben's crib. Together they unwrapped and loaded the dishwasher with bottles. Baby clothes were the next item on the agenda; they hit the laundry with extra special care. He built the cradle and bassinet, while she prepared the formula.

They had just completed their tasks, when Ben burst through the door. Unhappy to have been left behind, he grumbled, "Why dinit you waited for me? You weave me there wif Clairwe."

Harm picked him up, "Well little man, Mama and I have a surprise for you. Remember when your friend Brandon got a new baby brother?"

Ben nodded solemnly, "Yeah, he habe da wait a wong time for him to come."

Mac chuckled, "Yes, he did…but sometimes, God lets you pick out a special baby to bring home sooner."

Ben frowned, "I donnit know what you mean?"

Harm continued, "You know how Mama and Daddy got to pick you…and how you picked us?" The little boy nodded, "Well today, Mama and Daddy got to pick another little baby to love too. We brought him home this afternoon."

Ben's lower lip began to quiver, "You donnit want me no more?"

Mac pulled him into her arms, "Oh punkin…Mama and Daddy will always want you. We love you. Just because we get a new baby, doesn't mean that we don't want you."

Harm leaned over to kiss his head, "Ben, Mama and Daddy have enough love for you and the new baby. We just thought you would like to have a new brother."

Ben glared a little unsure, "Do I getta to be da big brover and tell him what to do?"

Mac laughed, "Well, you do get to be the big brother. But the job of the brother, is to show the baby how to do things that you already know how to do."

His little eyes flicked from side to side in thought, "Where will he sweep?"

"He'll have his own room," Harm explained, "…but first, he's going to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room, because he's so small. When he gets bigger, he'll move to his own room."

"Will he take my toys?"

Mac tickled his tummy, "Not right now, silly boy…the baby's too little to play with toys. But when he gets older, you can play with him and share toys."

Ben wrinkled his brow, "What's his name?"

Harm took the boy from Mac, "He doesn't have a name yet…Mommy and Daddy have to pick one out for him."

"Can I hewp?" the toddler held his Daddy's face between his hands.

Harm nodded, "We'll see little man…Mama and Daddy will pick and you can help decide."

"Otay," he leaned forward to kiss Daddy on the lips.

Mac caressed his cheek, "Do you want to see the new baby now?"

He nodded his head in a big sweeping gesture like a little soldier going to war. The trio walked down the hall and entered Ben's room. His lip quivered once again, "But you said he woudnit take my bed."

Mac picked the tiny infant up from the crib, "It's OK Ben…he's not going to take your bed. Daddy was putting the baby's bed together, so he took a nap in yours. Is that OK?"

"Yeah buddy, I'm almost finished…do you think you can help me?" Ben nodded his head. "I was thinking, since you're such a big boy…would you like to make your bed into a big boy bed?"

"You not giben it to da baby?"

Harm chuckled, "No Ben, Grandma Evie got this bed just for you. But this is a special bed. If we take these sides off…it turns into a big boy bed."

Ben pondered that statement, "Wike Daddee and Mama's bed?"

Harm nodded, "Just like Daddy and Mommy's bed. It will be a big brother bed."

"Otay." He reached out to touch the baby's hair, "His hair is wike mine."

Mac stroked the baby's face, "Yes it is. He has a nose and mouth like yours too…but he has eyes like Daddy's."

Ben grinned, "Betuz I habe eyes wike you, Mama."

Mac reached up to cup his chin, "That's right, punkin…your eyes are just like Mama's. She pulled his face down to hers and gave him a kiss, "I love you, doodlebug."

He wrapped his arms around her neck, "I wuv ya, Mama. Can I gibe da baby a kiss."

Mac nodded, "Yes, just be careful."

Ben leaned over to place a feather-light kiss on Baby Rabb's forehead and whispered, "I wuv you, baby."

_To Be Continued…_


	25. Chapter 19a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN: **Well, I seem to have lost a few of you. Maybe this will wake you up? (smile) Thank you for your wonderful reviews._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 19a of two parts**

10:05

Friday

25 September 2009

Wee Care Pediatric Clinic

Harm paced the colorful exam room trying to calm his screaming son. He felt worn and haggard. How did parents cope with this degree of sleep deprivation, he mused. Even when flying sorties of the Patrick Henry, he at least got an occasional respite for sleep. He looked at his new son, red-faced, wrinkled and scrunched in the latest crying stint. He sighed and rolled his eyes, maybe it was better he didn't live through this with Ben…he wasn't sure he was going to survive the week. Chancing a glance toward Mac, she seemed oblivious to the noise or at least more tolerant of it. Of course, the baby didn't scream like this for her. He contemplated, not for the first or third or fiftieth time, that his new son hated him.

He grabbed a pacifier from the diaper bag on his thirtieth lap around the room. Offering it to the baby, the little one paused mid cry and sucked once, twice, three times before tonguing it out onto the floor. Wails resumed with gusto. Harm kicked the pacifier under the desk; experimental device number 13 bites the dust. He had yet to find a pacifier that did the trick. Sighing in frustration, he whined, "Mac, you wanna take him…I can't make him stop?"

She smiled in sympathy, "Sure, give him to me." She tucked the baby up against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He settled almost immediately…finding his fist and chewing away.

Harm slumped in the adjoining chair, "How do you do that Mac? I can never get him to stop…except for food, and he can't go through life with a bottle in his mouth."

She ran a hand down his arm and grabbed his hand, "He's just sensing your nervousness, Harm. He doesn't deal well with stress and excessive activity…he's just responding to your cues."

"Was Ben like this?" his insecurity was reflected in his voice.

She squeezed his hand, "You have to remember that neither of us were around Ben at this age, but from what I remember Bernice describing…no, Ben was a really good baby. He would eat, sleep, wake and start all over again. But Ben didn't have the same start in life that," she sighed in frustration, "…Edgar…William…Fredrick…Matthew…whatever his name is…did. This little one's responses and behaviors are exaggerated due to his early drug exposure, just like Josephine explained.

"Mac, that's another thing…we have to come up with a name for this little guy. He can't go through life as Baby Boy Rabb."

She smiled, "I'm working on it. You nixed my first few choices and Ben hated the last one. We'll figure it out, but it has to be something that meaningful for him." Harm reached out to stroke the baby's head, now that he was sleeping peacefully once again.

A short rap on the door announced the pediatrician's arrival. Dr. Joseph Chadford was a tall young bundle of energy himself. He'd come highly recommended by Trish and Frank's internist. Harm and Mac loved the fact that he was young and had finished his training in the last five years. His knowledge base and skills were fresh and modern, state-of-the-art so to speak. But his bedside manner was the true selling point, he took time for his patients and their families. He joked and played with the kids to put them at ease. Ben loved the 'Big Clown' as he called Dr. Joe.

Flipping through the chart in his hands, the doctor smiled at the exhausted parents. "Morning folks, looks like we have a new addition to the Rabb clan. What's this little guy's name?"

Harm blushed, "We can't decide. Every time we think we have it figured out, Ben rejects the choice."

The doctor laughed, "So the 3-year old gets veto power?"

Harm looked guilty, "Something like that…we thought it would help with sibling rivalry, if we let him decide, too. The baby was kind of a surprise. We didn't have time to prepare Ben for a new brother…we just kind of sprung it on him."

"So how is Ben taking all this?"

"Actually, pretty well I think," Mac added. "He likes to help with feedings and giving baths, but runs to the other side of the house when the crying begins."

"Ah, well I guess that brings us back the baby's history." The physician studied the paperwork from CPS and the hospital stay, "Let's see…Baby Rabb was relinquished under the Safely Surrender Law and admitted to the UCSD Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for the first week. We don't seem to know anything about his prenatal history except for the drug exposure. I see that the neonatologist did an extensive work-up during his hospitalization…and everything came back normal, except for the positive drug screen." He set the chart aside and extended a hand toward the exam table, "Why don't you get him undressed and I'll take a look at Mister Rabb.

Mac removed the baby's clothing, careful to leave the diaper tightly secured. Harm hovered at her side, watching the doctor's movements. By the time he'd finished with his exam, Baby Rabb was in full voice once again.

Harm grimaced, "He does that all the time, except when he's eating," his shoulders slumped, "…or when Mac's holding him."

Dr. Joe smiled with insight, "Harm, why don't you get the baby dressed and then we'll chat." The physician watched while Daddy changed the diaper and clothed the infant, before settling back into the chair with the wailing imp. Harm patted and jiggled and bounced in an attempt to console, before finally handing the tot off to Mac. Once in his Mommy's quiet peaceful arms, Baby Rabb settled down to sleep.

Dr. Joe nodded, as the behaviors of Mom and Dad, confirmed his suspicions. Wheeling his chair closer to the seated family, the pediatrician began to explain. "First of all, I think you're both doing an incredible job. These drug-exposed infants can be a bit trying at times. The good news is…the baby wasn't exposed to narcotics…that means opiate drugs, like heroin, morphine, Demerol, Fentanyl and such. Those drugs can cause real problems with physical withdrawal. You actually have to treat the babies with an opiate drug and slowly wean the dose over weeks to months. If you stop an opiate too quickly, the baby can have seizures and brain damage."

Harm's eyes widened in concern, "But our baby won't do that, right?"

Dr Joe smiled with reassurance, "No, we don't see that kind of response from cocaine or methamphetamines. The babies exposed to those drugs tend to be a little more irritable and difficult to console, but it's not from physical withdrawal. The babies like little Mister Rabb here…have what we call poor state control. They tend to overreact to external stimuli and have difficulty finding ways to soothe themselves. For example…Harm, when you hold the baby, you try to calm him by patting him on the back or bouncing him in your arms. But look at Mom over there, what do you see her doing?"

Harm studied Mac and the baby, "I don't know…she just holds him."

The doctor smiled, "Exactly, she cuddles him close and hugs him tight. That's how he's most comfortable. When you bounce or jiggle him, he gets over excited and he doesn't know how to calm himself back down. When I was doing my exam, did you notice that I startled him? When you startle a newborn, they have a normal neurological response called a 'Moro Reflex.' That means the baby's arms open wide and then they bring them back to midline, as if they want to grab hold to something. In your little guy's case, that normal reflex is exaggerated. He opens his arms, but then gets stuck in repetitive jerking movements as he comes back to midline. Think of it, like he has trouble reigning his motions back in. Harm, the same is true when you bounce or jiggle him. He can't manage to get those rapid movements back under control."

The physician pointed to Mac, "Now look at Mom, when she holds the baby, she keeps him close and tucks his arms and legs to his body. Little Horatio here, feels safe and secure in that position…Mac is actually helping him to maintain his state control. Does that make sense?"

Harm nodded, "Yeah, I see what you mean. We need to handle him slowly with calm and quiet movements."

Dr. Joe nodded, "Exactly."

Harm pointed a finger and laughed, "But we are not calling him Horatio!"

The pediatrician chuckled, "Hey, I needed a name and Baby Rabb wasn't cutting it, anymore. Do you have any other questions about the prenatal drug exposure and it's effects on Horatio?"

Mac chimed in, "Ah yeah, what will it mean long term? Is there a higher risk for mental retardation and learning problems?"

"Not really…it's that old genes versus environment thing. The drugs cause the temporary problems that you're experiencing now, but those improve over time. As for long-term developmental issues, those aren't related to the prenatal exposures. The good randomized controlled studies, show these kids aren't any different than their peers. The learning problems, if they exist, are due to genetic and environmental causes not the drugs. Since we don't know about Horatio's genetic potential, we'll just have to concentrate on his environmental potential. With you and Harm as parents, I know he'll get the best educational chances possible. And who knows, the experts are still debating which is more important…genetics versus environment…when it comes to intellectual potential. I say give Horatio the best you can…and love and nurture will most likely win out."

Harm exhaled loudly, "Thanks Doc, that's just what we wanted to hear. We'll make sure he gets what he needs. Do you recommend any special learning programs?"

"Nah, he's too young at this point. Let's just see how he develops. We'll track all of his major milestones; and if I see any delays, I'll make a referral then. Any other questions?" Harm and Mac both shook their head 'no'. "Alright, let's talk about normal baby stuff. His birth date near as we can figure was September 16th and his birth weight was 7 pounds 10 ounces. Today, he weighs 8 pounds…so, he's regained his birth weight and then some…that's just what I want to see. Any problems with feedings?"

Harm jumped in, "Yes, he eats a lot and all the time. He'd never stop if we let him."

"Well, newborns do tend to eat a lot…every 2 to 3 hours is pretty normal. How much is Horatio eating?"

"Ah, let's see," Mac did the calculations in her head, "…he takes 5 to 6 ounces every 2 hours or so."

Dr. Joe's eyebrows rose, "I bet he has a lot of loose stools."

Harm vigorously nodded, "Oh yeah, I think we own stock in Pampers by now…if he's not eating then he's pooping…or doing both at the same time."

"Alright, here is what's going on folks. For babies, sucking is a comforting behavior…it makes them feel good, whether they get food or not. Horatio is overfeeding because it calms him. He wants to suck, but he's not necessarily hungry. He should be taking about 3 ounces every 2-1/2 to 3 hours, so you need to cut him back."

Harm's frustration shone through, "But what if he keeps crying?"

The pediatrician waved him down, "You give him other avenues to utilize the soothing behavior of sucking. Have you tried a pacifier?"

Harm rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. Mac chuckled, "Daddy bought the store out, but junior's not interested."

Dr. Joe opened the sample drawer and pulled a wrapped pacifier, "Here, why don't you try this one. This is the kind we use in the NICU. It's from a company, called Children's Medical Ventures; they specialize in products for premature and sick infants. The pacifier is called a Soothie, and the design is in compliance with American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines." He unwrapped the pacifier, "You want to make sure that the pacifier is formed in one solid piece, so the components can't come apart when the baby is sucking. There have been reports of babies aspirating the end of a pacifier when it falls apart."

Harm glanced down at the baseball pacifier he'd dropped earlier and kicked the damning evidence further under the desk. Taking the pastel green device offered by the physician, Harm studied the design. "It's made from silicone instead of latex, and they impregnate the silicone with vanilla…the kids seem to like the taste. In fact," the physician mused, "…if little Horatio likes that particular brand, I recommend you go on line and buy a dozen. Once the kids get used to them, they won't take anything else…and they're not sold in stores. You wouldn't believe how many parents call the NICU in a panic at 2 a.m. when they can't find the pacifier."

The baby began to stir in Mac's arms, so Harm reached for his son. Cuddling him in his arms, he tried the new sucking-device and Baby Rabb took it without complaint. Daddy sighed in relief, "Yes, it works…how do I get more of these?"

The physician handed them a brochure on the company, "They sell a few of their products, including the Soothies, on-line. Now as I said, I want you to cut back his feedings to about 3 ounces every 3 hours. In between using the pacifier, or in a pinch, your finger to allow Horatio to soothe himself. I'm also going to switch him to a soy formula. The soy products are lactose-free, and it's the lactose that's causing the diarrhea. Mister Rabb is eating so much sugar that his intestine can't manage to break it all down. Prosobee," he handed Mac a sample can, "…contains glucose instead of lactose, he can eat more of this formula without getting himself in trouble. It should help relief the diarrhea."

The doctor stood up and prepared to leave, "Alright, that's a lot to absorb on a first visit, do you have anymore questions."

The duo expressions of overwhelmed shock said 'no', even before the simultaneous, "That's enough information for today," rang out.

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21:45

Sunday

27 September 2009

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Two nights later, Mac sat reading in bed while Harm tried to calm the squealing beast inside his son. Reverting back to old behavior when the pacifier failed, he bounced the infant in his arms.

Mac looked up from her paperwork, "Harm, that doesn't work…quiet slow movements, remember?"

He glared back at her, "I tried that Mac, it didn't work…neither did the pacifier or rocking him gently against my chest. He's not due to eat for another 2 hours…AND before you ask, he's clean and dry."

She pondered for a moment, "Take all his clothes off…sleeper, onesie, everything but his diaper."

He gawked back at her like she'd lost her mind, "Won't he catch cold?" His eyes grew with suspicion when she removed her own nightshirt, leaving her naked from the waist up. "Ah Mac, what'cha doing?"

"Harm, take off his clothes like I asked."

He began to comply with wary reservation. "Sweetheart, what's going on? You know you can't breastfeed or anything, right? It doesn't work that way."

She rolled her eyes and reached for the nearly naked infant, "I was doing some research on the internet." She settled the baby, face down, skin to skin against her chest. "Anyway, that Children's Medical Venture site that sells the pacifier…they have all this documentation on handling premature and sick babies. I read what they posted and linked into some additional sites. Babies who are stressed and prone to over-stimulation, tend to relax and feel more secure when they're held skin to skin. They call it 'Kangaroo Care' and all the NICUs utilize it as a way for parents to bond with and calm their sick babies." Her words grew quieter with each sentence, ending in a whisper, as she gazed at her now sleeping son. The baby had wiggled himself until he was lying up against her heart and collapsed in exhaustion. She looked at Harm and whispered, "It worked." Shivering in the cool night air, she pulled the blanket up around the both of them and reclined to enjoy the moment of silence.

Harm sat mesmerized, watching his wife, "Did you save the web sites so I can read them?"

She smiled and handed him her paperwork, "I printed out the articles so you could study them too." When he leaned back in bed to begin reading, she interrupted him once more. "Connor Jefferson."

He stared back puzzled, "What?"

"His name," she stroked her finger over the baby's dark hair, "…Connor Jefferson Rabb. Connor means 'strong willed and much wanted'. I think it describes his current personality. Jefferson means 'peace'…that's what I hope he finds."

He tipped his head and considered the name, "Connor Jefferson Rabb, I like it. It suits him…strong, wanted and eventually peaceful. It's perfect, Mac." He grinned, "Now we just have to convince the boss, His Royal Highness, Benjamin Carter Rabb."

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The convincing proved to be easier than expected over breakfast the following morning. Ben considered his brother's new name, "Connor Jeffrasin?"

Mac giggled, "Connor Jefferson Rabb…what do you think, Ben? Is that a good name for the baby?"

The younger Rabb rolled his eyes and chewed his lip, "Connor souwns wike Carter…wike my name."

Mac pushed his cereal bowl back from its precarious position on the edge of the table. "Yeah, it kinda does…Connor and Carter…what do you think?"

Ben grinned, "I wike it…Baby Conner and Big Brover Ben."

Harm picked up his older son and swung him around in the air, "My Rabb boys, Ben and Conner."

He blew raspberries on the little boy's cheek. To Ben's squeals of laughter, "No Daddy…stoooop!"

Harm hugged Ben to him, "Ben, do you think Connor would like raspberry kisses?"

The little one's eyes grew wide, "Nooo Daddee…Connor will cry." He placed his index finger to his lips, "Mama says to be qwiet and carewful…no woud noises."

Mac chuckled, "You tell him, Ben."

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The Rabb family finally settled down to some semblance of normality. Connor continued to be temperamental, but they'd discovered the secret to calm the salvage beast. Connor loved to be skin to skin. While this was fairly easy to manage at home, outings on the town proved to be adventuresome. His parents learned to wear button-up shirts and invariably Little Prince Connor was found hiding under one of them. Evie had even helped Mac to design a sari of sorts from colorful fabric to strap Connor safely to his Mother's chest.

At bedtime, one or the other would hold the wee one until he fell asleep. His tiny fingers rooted in the hair at the back Mama's neck or on Daddy's chest.

The holidays passed without incident. Mattie met her new baby brother and Conner found a soulmate in his not quite perfect big sister. Everyone was content and happy until a dark rainy day in the middle of March.

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_**Continued in Part 19b**i> _


	26. Chapter 19b

**Part 19b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 19a first)**

14:30

Wednesday

17 March 2010

The Noah's Ark Child Advocacy Firm

San Diego, California

Mac was busy on the computer when a knock at her door roused her attention. Josephine Vaughn entered the office with a look of trepidation on her face. Mac tensed immediately, "Josephine, what brings you here…I didn't see your name in my appointment book?

The caseworker pointed at a chair in front of the desk, "Mind if I take a seat?" Mac shook her head, unable to speak as the sense of dread built in chest. "I ah…I have some news about Connor. Maybe Harm can join us?"

Mac lifted the receiver to her ear and pushed the necessary buttons. He answered on the third ring, "Harmon Rabb, may I help you?" She sat silently, willing herself to find her voice. "Hello…hello…can I help you?"

"Harm," came the soft emotional reply.

"Mac? Mac, what's wrong?"

"Can you," she paused to clear her voice, "…can you come to my office."

"Sweetheart, I'm kind of tied up right now. Can this wait 20 minutes?"

"You need to come now," the tears now evident in her voice, "Josephine's here…it's about Connor."

"Be right there," was the hurried response as the receiver hit the desk.

Harm entered the office and came to stand behind Mac. Noting his wife's emotional duress, he stared at CPS worker, "Josephine, what brings you by?"

"I thought we could sit and talk for a moment," the caseworker fidgeted. "Well, I guess I best get to the heart of the matter. A man showed up at CPS a couple of weeks ago claiming to be Connor's father. We had a DNA sample obtained from Connor when he was hospitalized in the NICU. We tested it against a sample from this man…and it matched."

Mac gasped and sniffed back tears. Harm's posture grew rigid, "They don't have that right anymore. Under California law, the mother has 14 days to change her mind, after that it's irrevocable."

Josephine nodded her head, "Yes, in most cases that's true. But Mr. Smith, let's call him for the purposes of discussion…he's hired an attorney to fight the time constraints of the law. He's sworn that he didn't know he was Connor's father until recently; and as such, he didn't have the chance to make a paternity claim on the boy."

Mac could no longer restrain the tears that now flowed freely down her face, "They can't take him away from us…not now…not after all this time."

Josephine attempted to placate the situation, "First of all, there's no precedent for Mr. Smith's petition to regain custody under The Safely Surrendered Law. The judge in the case as agreed for the department to do a thorough investigation of Mr. Smith; and from what I've seen, he doesn't have much of a chance."

Harm relaxed as the tension eased with the last statement, "What do mean…doesn't have a chance?"

"I can't go into all the details, but Mr. Smith has a rather sordid past…including arrests, other abandoned children. I think he's just out to get money from the state, and he has one of those slick oily attorneys supporting him."

Mac inhaled a deep breath and wiped away her tears, "What do we do now, Josephine?"

The social worker smiled tentatively, like a kid about to ask their parent for a wish they know there was no chance in hell of achieving. "I have an idea for how to move this procedure along."

Harm frowned, "I'm listening."

Josephine shifted in her chair, "While we're doing the background work, I suggest we let Mr. Smith meet his son."

Harm barked, "Are you crazy? There's no way I want my son around that creep."

"Just hear me out guys. The fella has absolutely no patience for a baby like Connor. I suspect, if we let them meet, Mr. Smith will at the least show his true colors and more probably run screaming from the room."

Mac's voice cracked, "You want to give him the chance to hurt my baby?"

The caseworker interrupted, "No, no, no, the meeting will take place at the department and I'll be in the room to monitor the situation. There's no way we'll let him hurt Connor, but I suspect with Connor's predisposition to fits of inconsolable irritability…Mr. Smith will run screaming from the room. What do you say? The faster I can show he's unsuitable…the faster the judge will terminate paternal rights."

Harm massaged the back of Mac's shoulders, while they carried out one of their infamous silent conversations, "Josephine, we'd like to discuss this between the two of us, but we're inclined to go along with your plan. We'll let you know by tomorrow."

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15:30

Tuesday

22 March 2010

Department of Children's Services

San Diego, California

Mac sat at the table in a small visitation room of The Department of Children's Services. She nervously picked at her nail as she prayed for the safety of her son.

Harm paced the length of the small-enclosed room, huffing his breath with each turn for the round trip. He glared at the door, willing it to open and return his son to his waiting arms. Looking around the four plain walls, he made a mental note that he preferred rooms with windows and light and a view to escape to the outside.

She looked up as he lapped the room for the fiftieth or sixtieth time, "Harm, can't you sit down…your pacing is driving me crazy."

He scrubbed a hand over his face, "I can't Mac…I'm too nervous. I like being in control; the one of action…I hate being the passive participant."

At that moment, they heard a voice shout, "Leave me alone…I just want to get out of here." A door slammed in the distance, and then they heard their child's cry.

Mac jumped for the door, "Harm, that's Connor."

He came up behind her, "I swear if that piece of scum hurt my son…I'll…" he paused as the cries grew louder.

Josephine entered the room with a red-faced squawking babe. Mac pushed forward to take Connor into her arms. Josephine soothed, "There, there little one…Mama and Daddy are here."

Mac cradled him close as the cries continued. She tried his pacifier and a bottle but nothing calmed the hysterical tot. Harm nervously hovered, "What did he do to him?"

The caseworker shook her head, "Nothing, I was next to Connor the whole time. Mr. Smith didn't know how to handle a baby, so I wouldn't let him get an arm's length away. Connor, bless his little heart, put on the performance of his lifetime. Mr. Smith had no idea how to deal with a crying infant. He stood up to shake the baby, but I grabbed Connor away before he could act."

Mac nestled the infant to her chest and cooed into his ear, "It's OK baby; Mama's here." Connor wiggled and snatched at her blouse with his tiny hand trying to find a way through the impediment.

When his son continued to scream, Harm glared at Josephine, "Are you sure, he didn't do anything to my son?"

"No, I promise, Connor wasn't harmed. I think he's just reacting to the stress of the situation." She smiled like a Cheshire cat and held up a document, "Mr. Smith signed over his paternal rights." At Harm's questioning expression, she explained, "I threatened to charge him with intent to harm a minor and he caved like a house of cards." She shrugged, "I think he was just looking for a way to get out this mess. He fled the room as soon as he signed."

Mac looked up hopeful, "So, it's over…there's no one left to fight the adoption."

Josephine grinned, "Nope, I expect the court's final decree in the next 3 to 6 months. Connor Jefferson Rabb is all yours."

Harm wanted to shout for joy, but settled for a handshake and a hug, "Thanks Josephine…as bad as the last few days were, at least we're through. I wasn't sure about your suggestion, but you know your clients…I'll give you that."

Connor's wails grew more desperate. Josephine turned to leave, "You can stay in this room until you get him back under control. I'll be in touch with the paperwork."

Mac waved goodbye and shifted the baby once again. Conner reached his hand inside the collar of her shirt and rubbed his face against her neck. She sighed in frustration, "Harm, do you want to take him?"

His eyes widened, "But Mac, he always settles better for you."

She looked on with pleading eyes, "Sailor, I can't exactly strip off my blouse for him here. You can open your shirt and let him snuggle with you."

He released his buttons, while Mac removed Connor's shirt. Harm reached for the baby, "Come here little man, Daddy's got you."

Connor sighed on contact with his father's chest and maneuvered his head around until he heard Daddy's heartbeat. The cries quieted to be replaced by deep shuddering breaths, as tiny fingers raked through chest hair. The two adults breathed a sigh of relief at the completion of their journey; their son was home.

Ten minutes later, Harm attempted to place Connor in his car seat. The baby stirred and whimpered at the movement. Harm shrugged his shoulders at Mac, "What do we do? We can't drive home like this?"

She rubbed a finger over the baby's cheek and chuckled at the little smile that resulted from the gesture. Well Sailor, we can't sit in this room all night and they're going to close the building down soon. How about we pack up and move to that specialty coffee place down the block?"

Harm looked down at his and Conner's naked chest, "What am I supposed to do about this?"

She grinned and reached up to run her fingers through his hair, "I don't see the problem…my two guys have beautiful chests."

He rolled his eyes, "I didn't figure you'd want to share me with all of San Diego; besides it's March, don't you think we'll get a little cold?"

"No problem," she secured the bottom half of the buttons around the baby and reached for his blanket. "We'll just tuck this blanket around the two of you for now. You'll keep him warm with your infamous 'shared body heat.'

He shook his head and chuckled at the return of an old phrase, "OK, but you get to order at the coffee shop. Connor and I are going to find a place in the corner to hide."

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They entered the coffee shop twenty minutes later; Conner still blissfully asleep, having worn himself out from his earlier performance. Harm spied a table against a back wall tucked into the shadows of the early evening light. He settled in the chair furthest from the noise of the other patrons and relaxed for the first time in a week. He closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of contentment.

Mac brushed her finger against his cheek to rouse him, "Hey Sailor, looks like Conner's not the only one that's exhausted." She handed him his coffee, "I think you'll need the caffeine if you're gonna make it home tonight."

He gave her a sleepy smile that reflected absolute peace and joy, "Thanks Mac, I think I'm finally letting go after the rollercoaster of events we've lived this last week. I'm not sure I've slept more than a couple of hours a night."

She nuzzled her head against his arm, "I know what you mean. I think blissful slumber will come easy tonight." She paused in contemplation, "I was so scared, Harm. I don't think I would have survived if they took him away from us. I need all of my family…you, Ben and Connor…to feel alive."

He kissed the top of her head, "It's alright, sweetheart. We're all here…your Rabb guys aren't going anywhere."

They sat in silence watching the sun set, the people scurry home, and the beginning of dusk…and whispered a prayer of joyous thanks for protection of their son and the preservation of their family.

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18:30

Friday

2 July 2010

The Burnett Home

La Jolla, California

"Mom, are you sure about this…I mean the boys can be a handful?" Harm's expression was wary as he unloaded the overnight bags and the portable crib.

Trish waved a dismissive hand, "We'll be fine. Besides, Mattie and Frank are here to help. I think we can handle two little boys."

"But Mom…."

"Harmon, you act like I've never taken care of a child before. I think I did a pretty good job of raising you." She tapped her foot against the floor, "When was the last time you took your wife out for a quiet adult evening?"

He ducked his eyes to the floor and muttered, "I don't know."

Trish sighed in exasperation, "Well, if you can't even remember then you're long overdue. Now put that stuff in the kitchen and go romance your wife. I don't expect to see the whites of your eyes until at least noon tomorrow." She grinned mischievously and shook a finger, "And 'said' eyes better look radiant with satisfaction."

He stood stunned with mouth agape before coughing out, "Mom, please…I…we…."

Trish laughed at his embarrassment, "Oh for heaven sake Harm, I may be a grandmother, but I'm not dead. Now go enjoy your wife!"

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22:00

Saturday

3 July 2010

Evie's Bistro

La Jolla, California

The happy couple sat in a quiet secluded table in the corner of the bistro, enjoying a dinner free from whining and crying and food fights. Harm studied his wife with an appreciative eye, drinking in her beauty as it was illuminated by the candlelight's soft reflection. As he considered her face, he thought she looked more beautiful now than she had 14 years ago in a rose garden. How was it that she'd grown younger and more vibrant with age?

She reached out to stroke his hand, "Hey Sailor, where'd you go? You're awfully quiet?"

He shook away the fog and smiled, "Just thinking about how lucky I am." He picked up her hand and kissed the back of her wrist, "This is nice…do you remember the last time we went out alone?"

She considered the question a moment then shook her head, "You know I really can't. I know it was before we got Connor. What is that…over ten months, at least?"

He tugged on her hand, drawing her closer to him. Leaning in he placed a sweet kiss on her lips, "We shouldn't wait so long next time."

She caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers and leaned in for a second more lingering light touch, nibbling at his bottom lip. The sound of a clearing throat forced the kiss to an end. Looking a bit sheepish as being caught, they fell into the dancing eyes of their very own cupid sprite. "Hey Evie," Harm grinned.

The older woman's eyes sparkled with delight, "Trish told me the two of you were finally getting out for a night on the town."

Mac's expression slipped just a touch, "We weren't to sure about leaving the boys…Connor still has trouble when he's away from home."

Evie waved a hand in the air, "The wee ones will be just fine with their Gummy Trish. Trust me, they'll appreciate a mom and dad who are refreshed and content. The kids can sense those things…I should know, I raised six of my own." She leaned closer to the table and whispered, "Besides, how do you think my husband and I got those six kids?" She laughed at their shocked expression, "I may be a great grandmother, but I'm not dead you know."

Harm chuckled, "Did you and my mom rehearse that speech? Because I've already heard it once tonight?"

She gave them a sly wink, "I'll never tell my secrets…us mothers and grandmothers have to stick together. Now what dessert can I fix for you tonight…it's on the house."

He demurred to his wife, "Mac, what do you want?"

She rolled her eyes considering the delicacies, "Mmmm, chocolate mousse I think…with two spoons."

Evie chuckled, "You know you can have two desserts…it's not like you're going to break the house."

Mac shook her head, "No, one is enough…it's more fun to share." Under the cover of the table, her hand ran up her husband's thigh.

Harm jumped at the contact and croaked back, "One will be fine."

Evie threw him a puzzled look, "Something wrong Harmon?"

He grabbed his wife's hand to stop the advance, "No, I'm fine…just thinking about enjoying my dessert."

Mac turned her head to the side with a sly grin and whispered into his ear, "And which dessert would that be…the one now…or the one later?"

His hand did some covert maneuvering of its own, as he whispered, "Later…definitely later."

Evie shook her head, "I'll get that dessert right out here, before the two of you embarrass yourselves and everyone around you." A few steps from the table, she turned back, "And I'll be sure to let Trish know to expect that satisfied gleam."

He ducked his now blushing face into Mac's neck. She ran her fingers through the hair at the back of neck and whispered, "What was that all about?"

He muttered, "Never mind, I'll explain later."

They enjoyed sharing spoonfuls of the decadent chocolate delight. When Mac licked the final dollop from the spoon; his eyes dilated at the seductive gesture. Throwing a wad of cash down on the table, he reached for her hand and tugged her toward the door. "Come on, let's get out of here. I'm ready for the second course of dessert."

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14:25

Friday

20 August 2010

San Diego Court House

Judge Michaelson cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention, "Alright, shall we get started?"

Harm couldn't suppress the smile of satisfaction and pride at the momentous events of the day, "Yes Sir, we're all here." He pulled Mac closer to his side and encircled her and his newest son in his arms.

Mattie sat a few feet away with Ben perched in her lap. Trish, Frank and Evie stood behind her wheelchair, each smiling with joy as the final legal document was signed declaring Connor Jefferson Rabb as their second grandson.

The judge addressed the small crowd, "You know folks, it's days like this that make my appointment to the bench all the more worthwhile. I'm pleased to decree that this court recognizes Connor Jefferson Rabb as the legal son of Harmon and Sarah Rabb. As such…."

Mac leaned over to Harm and whispered for him to take the baby. As he reached for Connor, she began swaying on her feet. Harm grabbed for her arm and immediately noticed her ashen face, "Mac…Sarah, what's wrong?"

She mumbled in a stilted voice, "Feel funny…need to…sit…dow…." She collapsed to floor before finishing the sentence.

Harm passed the baby off to Trish and kneeled beside his wife, "Mac? Mac, are you alright…talk to me, sweetheart?" He looked up in a panic, "She's unconscious…someone call 911!"

_To Be Continued…_


	27. Chapter 20a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN: **Just thought I'd let you know…only 2 more chapters after tonight. Monday will be the last post of 'A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate.' Not to be disheartened though, I've already completed several more short stories involving my Rabb family…so stay tuned! As always, thank you for your wonderful reviews._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 20a of two parts**

16:25

Friday

20 August 2010

UCSD Emergency Room

Harm paced the small exam room scrubbing his fingers through his hair, "Mac, why didn't you tell me you did this twice before?"

She shifted on the exam table trying to sit up, "Harm, calm down. It was once before…the second time I was just light headed. Once I sat down, I felt fine. Besides, I thought it was just low blood sugar. I've been so busy lately that sometimes I forget to eat."

His eyes widened, "What do you mean you forget to eat. Since when do you go around missing meals?"

She clutched at the small sheet trying to cover her body. "I hate these hospital gowns…I swear they make them this way just so you show your six off to the world."

He stopped his pacing and grinned, "And that is one cute six, Marine." He shook his finger at her, "And no trying to throw me off…since when do you miss meals?"

Shrugging in resignation, she muttered, "I just haven't been hungry lately, especially for breakfast or lunch."

He hopped up on the table next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, "Sweetheart, you have to take better care of yourself. What if you'd fainted with Connor in your arms." He reached up to run his finger through the hair at the back of her head, "How's the goose egg? I bet your gonna have one heck of headache."

She laid her head on his shoulder, "But you'll take care of me, right?"

His hand slid down her back, "Forever and always." Leaning down to kiss her forehead, his hand slipped lower still, "And that is one beautiful backside…."

With one brisk knock, the doctor quickly entered the room. Stopping to watch with a grin, he murmured, "I think that's what got you in trouble in the first place."

Harm panicked, "Trouble…what trouble?'

Mac echoed, "What? Is something wrong? I thought it was low blood sugar from not eating."

Dr. Gonzales waved a hand, "Whoa folks…nothing's wrong. At least I assume it's not wrong…most people are actually kind of excited about it."

Harm's eyes widened further, "Excited? Why would we be excited that she passed out?"

Mac attempted to clarify the situation, "Harm, wait…I think we're missing something here. Doctor, what exactly are you talking about?"

The physician approached the anxious pair, "You're pregnant...but you suspected that, right?" When matching looks of disbelief remained the only response, he continued, "I mean…the loss of appetite, nausea, fainting." No response except gaping mouthed astonishment. "Excuse me, folks…are you still with me?"

Harm slowly nodded his head, mouth still agape. Mac stuttered, "Pregnant, but…pregnant? Are you sure? I mean I wasn't supposed to…all those months of IVF and nothing. Now, you're saying…are you sure?"

Dr. Gonzales chuckled, "I take it this wasn't planned…you know if you don't want…."

Harm finally found his voice, "No! No, we do want…it's just that we weren't supposed to be able to have children. We even went through almost two years of infertility treatments…six cycles of in vitro…and still no pregnancy. How…well, I mean I know how, but we weren't trying…."

The doctor laughed harder at the father's flustered response, "So, let's start with the easy part…you're both excited about the pregnancy?" Two heads bobbed up and down in the affirmative. "You weren't trying to get pregnant…but I suspect you weren't NOT trying either."

Mac shook her head, "We weren't using birth control if that's what you mean…I mean, who would have thought we needed to." She paused and grinned, "What difference does any of that make." Turning to her husband, her face was radiant, "Harm, we're gonna have a baby!"

He caught her as she leaped into his arms, "I can't believe after all this time." He quickly turned to the doctor, "But what about the fainting…there's nothing wrong is there?"

"No, of course not. It's not uncommon early in pregnancy as the circulating blood volume expands rapidly. In addition, Sarah is a little anemic…also very common. I want her to start taking prenatal vitamins to increase her iron stores that will help with the anemia. And you should see your obstetrician within the next two weeks."

Mac reached for Harm's hand, "When do you think I'm due?"

Dr Gonzales pulled a wheel from his pocket, "Based on LMP…I expect your EDC to be March 26th."

Mac frowned, "My ED…what?"

"Your EDC, that stands for estimated date of confinement," the physician smiled, "…that's just a fancy term for due date. I expect you got pregnant around the 4th of July weekend."

Harm leaned into Mac's ear with a devious grin, "It must have been that second…or third, course of dessert."

She playfully smacked him, "Behave! Is there anything else I need to know?"

"No, not at this point. Here's a brochure on pregnancy, a prescription for the prenatal vitamins and some suggestions for ways to deal with the nausea. You really do need to eat regularly…skipping meals won't help."

The physician left the room and Harm gathered their belongings while Mac dressed. As she turned back around, he pulled her into his arms, "Wow…a baby! Can you believe it? We're really going to have a baby."

She reached up to kiss his lips and snuggled in closer, "Do you have a preference…boy or girl?"

He leaned his head against hers, "I don't really care as long as it's healthy. That's most important," he sighed with contentment, "…but I wouldn't mind that little girl…with your looks and my brains."

She smiled against his chest, "That wasn't the deal…she's supposed to have your looks and my brains…a future Marine."

Caressing her cheek, "I don't mind…she can have your looks and your brains. Besides," he ran his fingers through her hair and grinned, "…I think she'd prefer your hair to mine…this cowlick is trouble enough on a boy. I can't imagine my hairstyle on a little girl!"

She giggled at his silliness, "Whatever, we don't even know if it's going to be a little girl."

He grew serious and placed his hand over her lower abdomen, "Yes, I do…I've already met her…in my dreams."

Laying her hand atop his, she whispered, "Tell me."

"She has big brown eyes, soft russet hair, and delicate features…but she's strong, just like her mother."

She gazed into his eyes and noticed a glaze of tears, "She sounds perfect…I can't wait to meet her."

Placing a kiss on her cheek, he whispered in her ear, "Neither can I…I love you."

She pulled back slightly, "I love you, too. Should we go tell the rest of the crew in the waiting room our wonderful news?"

He pulled her back in close, "In a minute, I just want to enjoy it between the two of us for a few moments more."

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21:30

Friday

20 August 2010

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

Later that night, Mac sat in bed reading a book while waiting for Harm to come to bed. As she flipped the page and began to read, she realized she had no recollection of the content of the last 10 pages she'd perused. Setting the book aside, she leaned her head back against the pillows and closed her eyes. She was exhausted from the events of the day. A glorious day filled with the completion of two dreams…the legal formalization of her son…a son who her heart long since recognized as her own, legal or otherwise. And the chance for another child…a child for whom she had longed and prayed…the fulfillment of a deal made some 11 years prior.

The creaking of the bedroom door roused her from her thoughts. Harm walked over to the bed and dropped into its welcome depths, closing his eyes and sighing in relief. She reached over to caress his cheek, "Are the boys both asleep?"

He opened one of his eyes, grunting in response, "Yeah, but not before 3 books, two drinks of water for Ben and a bottle for Connor." He chuckled with mirth, "You should have heard Ben explaining to Connor that he was 'fficial' now…the judge 'beceed' it; he's a Rabb. I don't know where he gets this stuff."

Her fingers slid into his hair and rubbed in a soothing gesture, "It was a momentous, wonderful day. We got two gifts…I can't believe we're going to have a baby?"

He rolled to his side and placed a hand over her flat belly, "I never gave up…I knew she would come."

She frowned, "Harm, you keep talking about a she…I don't want you to be disappointed if the baby's another boy."

He rubbed his thumb back and forth, "I could never be disappointed, Mac. But trust me, this is our daughter…and her name is gonna be Elizabeth. He smiled serenely, "But we'll call her Ellie…and she's gonna be something special."

She gazed at him quizzically, "But Harm, what if…."

He pushed her pajama top up out of the way and lowered the elastic of the bottoms. Placing a kiss on the smooth skin of her lower abdomen, he laid his head against the place that housed his daughter, safe and sound. "Mac, I just know…I can't explain it. I guess it's kind of like your visions or your infallible clock. I've seen her in my dreams…I already know her." His expression grew more serious, "Her name is Ellie and she's gonna be beautiful and intelligent and strong…everything we ever wanted."

Running her fingers through his hair, she studied his face for several seconds before nodding, "Alright, Ellie it is."

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11:30

Tuesday

31 August 2010

UCSD Women's Center

San Diego, California

Harm and Mac sat in the office of perinatologist Dr. Rosalyn Sherman. Mac had been referred by her regular OB/GYN to the high-risk specialist for pregnancy care. They nervously shifted in their seats as their eyes flitted around the room studying the various diplomas and certificates of the obstetrician. Finally, Mac's eyes fell on the large display frame that filled the entire length of one wall. She squeezed the large hand that engulfed hers, "Harm look…there must be hundreds of pictures there."

He smiled and felt the tension ease slightly, "Well, I hope she saves room for one of Ellie." He turned to look at his wife, "I don't care what your regular OB said, Mac. You and Ellie are gonnna be just fine."

Mac chewed on her bottom lip trying to control the unshed tears that stung her eyes. Dr. Karinski, her regular GYN, had cautioned against the success of this pregnancy. The excitement and wonder, bestowed in the ER by the announcement that she was with child, had quickly faded to one of fear and trepidation. She'd given up on the very idea of having a biological child after the failed attempts at in vitro. She'd resigned herself to never carrying an infant with Harm's looks and her brains or vice versa. She'd found comfort and joy in the gifts of her sons…gifts granted at the expense of another mother's loss. Precious offerings for which she would be forever grateful; no one could replace her boys. But still, she had been given a tiny glimpse into the rapturous possibility of a miracle…a child for whom she'd dreamed so long. A little girl…a daughter…if Harm's assertions were correct. How could she be granted such an unexpected gift only to have it snatched away by the cruelty of fate.

Harm watched the emotions play across her face and knew she was lost again in that place between hopelessness and despair. Somehow he just knew things were going to be okay…maybe not easy…but their daughter would be born and would survive. The conundrum was in trying to convince Mac to embrace his beliefs, when they were based on little more than feelings and dreams. How do you persuade someone to trust a premonition when there's no fact or science to support the belief…especially when their very heart and soul stands to be destroyed if the dream is lost. He'd experienced first hand the power of the unexplained…Mac had rescued him with those haunting visions. Now it was his turn to rescue her.

Reaching out to wipe away a tear, he stroked her cheek trying to erase the worry. "Hey Marine, I thought we weren't going to give into those fears until we talked with Dr. Sherman?" When she shrugged, a few more tears followed the first. "Come on now, sweetheart…we need to be strong for our little girl. I know you don't believe me, but I know she's gonna be fine…just like I know you…."

The door opened to reveal a tall thin woman with auburn colored hair and a warm smile. Extending a hand in welcome, her demeanor exuded a quiet confidence and charm, "Good morning, I'm Dr. Sherman…and I'm…." She stopped in her introduction, as she took in the heartbroken face of her patient, "Why the sad face? Most of my patients are excited at the prospect of a new baby."

When Mac had trouble speaking, Harm interceded, "Ah, her regular OB wasn't very encouraging…and we so desperately want this child. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant through fertility treatments, including IVF, but were never successful. We have two beautiful adopted sons and never expected the chance to have our little girl."

The physician nodded through the explanation and then searched the chart in confusion, "I understood you were only 10 weeks along…that's too early to tell the gender. How do you know…."

Mac finally responded with a chuckle, "He says he…never mind, he swears this is going to be a girl. I just want a healthy baby, but Dr. Karinski said I'd be unlikely to carry the baby to the point of viability." The tears began to fall once again.

The physician settled behind her desk, "Well, I've reviewed your records…and while I do expect this to be a high-risk pregnancy, I don't see any reason to give up hope."

Mac's eyes widened, "Really…we have a chance?"

Dr Sherman smiled, "A good one…I'm not saying it will be easy, but…."

Mac shook her head, "I don't care…I'll do whatever you say." She reached for Harm's hand and he winked in support.

"Alright, let's talk about your baby. Your EDC is March 26th, placing you currently at 10 weeks gestation." She looked at the couple, "Do you understand what I'm talking about?"

Harm shrugged, "Kind of…Mac's due date is the 26th of March, and you're saying she's currently 10 weeks into her pregnancy. I've always heard that a pregnancy lasts 9 months…so is that 36 weeks?"

"Actually a full term pregnancy is 40 weeks in gestation. In Sarah's case, I don't expect her to make it all the way to her due date."

Mac tensed, "Why not…you said we had a good chance."

Dr. Sherman nodded, "Yes, I did…but a baby can do quite well even if it's delivered before the full 40 weeks. In your case, with the endometriosis and prior abdominal and uterine surgeries, I want to deliver the baby slightly early…probably at 36-37 weeks. I'm concerned that an expanding uterus will put tension at old scarring sites in the uterine wall. The risk is that the uterus could rupture at one of those sites. If that were to happen, I'd have to do an emergency caesarean section to delivery the baby and repair the uterus. There's also a risk for uterine rupture if you go into labor, so I'll plan to perform a caesarean no matter what…probably at around 37 weeks."

Mac's shoulders fell, "But I wanted to deliver naturally…there's no way I could…."

"No, not in this case. The risk for rupture with contractions is just too high. And if a rupture does occur, I would need to get you delivered within a few minutes or we run the risk of losing both you and the baby. I'm sorry…I hope you understand, but a natural delivery just isn't possible."

"We want to do whatever is safest for Mac and the baby," Harm adamantly stressed, "…if that means a caesarean delivery or that she needs to spend the next 9 months flat in bed, we'll do it. Whatever you tell us…if it will ensure the survival and safe birth of our baby…we'll comply."

The physician chuckled, "I don't know about nine months in bed, but it's not uncommon for a mother in a high-risk situation to have to spend some time on bedrest. Now, before I go into the other concerns, do you have any other questions about delivery?"

Mac shifted in her chair, "Umm, if I have a caesarean can I still do other normal baby things…like breastfeeding and the like?"

"Absolutely, in fact we strongly encourage breastfeeding as the most optimal form of nutrition. Any other questions?" At the simultaneous negative replies, she continued, "Alright, now to discuss some of the other concerns we see with high-risk pregnancies. First of all, Sarah…you are at risk for premature labor and a preterm delivery. Again, this is related to the scarring from the endometriosis. The uterus expands to accommodate the fetus…in your case, the scar tissue may interfere with the uterus' ability to allow growth. If we have concerns with preterm labor, I may need to put you on bedrest and use medications to stop the contractions. You may also have to be hospitalized for a period of time before the delivery to monitor the baby's well-being and your contraction patterns. I'd like to get you to at least 32 weeks and preferably 36-37 weeks before we have to deliver."

Harm fidgeted in his chair, "But 32 weeks is 2 months early, will the baby be OK?"

"Oh yes, my neonatal colleagues do an excellent job in providing care for our preterm population of babies. The survival at 32 weeks, as well as, the chance for a normal outcome is over 95. The drawback is the baby will probably be hospitalized for 1-2 months, but that's a small price to pay for a normal child."

Mac smiled for the first time since she arrived in the physician's office, "I don't care if she has to stay in the neonatal unit as long as I eventually get to take her home." She glanced toward Harm and saw him grin as he mouthed the word 'she' in return. She threaded her fingers through his and rested their hands in her lap.

"Well, if that should appear to be necessary, I'll have a neonatal colleague speak with you ahead of time so you can be prepared for the typical course of a premature infant." The physician smiled, "I noticed you said she as well…I take it Dad's optimism is catching on?"

Mac leaned her head against Harm's arm, "It's hard not to get excited when you've wished and dreamed of this child for over 10 years. What else should we know?"

Dr. Sherman lifted a folder from her desk and handed it to the Rabbs, "I've put together some information about normal milestones in pregnancy, when you can expect to have lab work and procedures performed, and some of the complications that can be anticipated. The few things left to consider are related to your advanced age and your status as a first time mother. You're at increased risk for high blood pressure, particularly during the end of the pregnancy. We tend to see this complication more often with first pregnancies and elderly mothers."

Mac's eyes widened, "Elderly…but I'm only 43?"

The doctor chuckled, "I'm not talking elderly in a societal sense. When it comes to pregnancy, we consider any woman over the age of 35 to be elderly. The risks related to pregnancy increase after that age. As far as the high blood pressure goes, we'll monitor you with each visit. If your pressure starts to increase, I may need to start medications or place you on bedrest…worst-case scenario, I would need to deliver you early in order to ensure the best outcome for both you and the baby."

Harm nervously shifted in his chair, "What about other problems? I read somewhere that babies have an increased chance for genetic problems when either parent is older." He glanced at Mac with an expression that begged for indulgence at his request for worrisome information.

"That's a good question…there is an increased risk for certain chromosomal abnormalities when either one or both parents are of more advanced age at conception. The most common is Trisomy-21 or Down's Syndrome. There are also a few other syndromes that can occur more frequently with advanced age. To evaluate for those possibilities, we'll draw screening blood work today. Further into the pregnancy when the baby is more developed, I'll perform a detailed ultrasound looking for abnormalities. I also recommend we perform a procedure called an amniocentesis at 18 weeks gestation. By inserting a needle into the sac surrounding the baby, I can withdraw some of the amniotic fluid and send it for chromosomal analysis. That way we can rule out the most common abnormalities before your little one is even born."

Both parents looked overwhelmed by all the information being dispersed and assimilated. The physician smiled in understanding, "I think that's probably enough for today. Sarah, I'm going to do an initial comprehensive physical examination on you today, and then we'll perform your baby's first ultrasound. You won't be able to make out a lot of detail, but you will see the body, the head…some rudimentary arms and legs." She grinned with knowing excitement, "And of course, hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time."

A well of tears appeared in Mac's eyes with the last announcement. As they stood to proceed to an exam room, Harm paused a moment and pulled her into his arms. Giving her a hug, he whispered, "We're gonna get to see Ellie."

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Later that evening at the beach near their home, Mac wandered along the water's edge deep in thought. She could still hear the steady 'whooshing' sound of the strong heartbeat echoing through her mind. It sounded like music to her battered soul. She'd spent the last several days trying to reign in her excitement at the thought of a child. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Karinski, had managed to crush her spirit just as it had started to soar…she'd been afraid to hope. She smiled into the warm breeze coming off the ocean. She wanted to yell to the world that she was going to be a mother again…but this time she would be a partner in the creation of that life. She'd never imagined that the simple sound of her child's heartbeat could resonate with her own heart in such a perfect pitch to revile the most beautifully written symphony.

Removing her sandals, she skipped through the waves as they rolled onto the shore. Laughing at the tickling sensation of the cresting water, she realized that she felt alive and whole for the first time in days. She giggled with ecstasy as a feeling of happiness covered her with a sensation of warmth like a blanket in the cold of dawn.

She glanced around thankful to note that no one was close enough to notice her giddy behavior. Kicking the water once more, she retreated back up the beach to sit in the dry sand. Placing her sandals aside, she reached up to massage the muscles of her face…her cheeks hurt from smiling, but she couldn't suppress the exuberant grin.

Harm slowly walked down the path to the beach in search of his wife. When he found himself skipping along, he had to make a conscious effort to suppress the childish behavior that he associated with happiness and fun. Shaking his head, he realized that his galloping steps were in time to the chant of the heartbeat that rang through his mind. He was going to be a father again, only this time he had played a part from the beginning. Thinking back to that night in July, his smile grew to a full-fledged grin…who knew dessert could be that much fun…or have such an overwhelming and magnificent consequence. He suspected that the satisfied gleam now evident in his eyes outshone the radiant brilliance of that night…he was going to be a father again! He wanted to shout to the world that against impossible odds they had created a life.

Exiting the path, he spied Mac sitting on the beach. She looked serene and beautiful backlit by the glow of the moon and the stars. He snuck up behind her and settled at her back. When she startled, he pulled her into the safety of his arms and leaned in to kiss her neck. She reclined against his chest with a hum of contentment that vibrated in perfect tune with his heart. They sat in comfortable silence and enjoyed the sounds of nature and replayed the events of the day.

Finally after several minutes, she broke the quiet, "Are the boys asleep?"

His hand slid down her stomach and wormed its way under her shirt. When he reached the softness of skin, his fingers caressed her lower abdomen as though communing with his future offspring. She smiled at his loving touch and slipped her hand atop his. His breath tickled her neck, as his lips teased her ear with a smile. Placing a kiss upon her cheek, he whispered, "Connor was out like a light when his head hit the pillow. Ben's watching a movie with Mattie…I told him he could stay up a little longer. He's a bit melancholy over the idea of his big sister leaving for college in the morning."

She pulled his other hand to her chest and placed a kiss on his fingers, "This is nice isn't it? The weather's perfect, the breeze calm, water warm, and I'm in the arms of the man I love…I couldn't picture a more perfect day."

His hand moved to caress her cheek, "It really has been perfect. I can't believe we got to see our daughter for the first time." He turned her face toward his and kissed her lips.

She rubbed her cheek against his, "This is really going to happen isn't it? Ellie's is the fulfillment of our deal…our dream come true."

He smiled at the memory and murmured against her lips, "I never make a promise I don't keep," before deepening the kiss.

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**Continued in Part 20b**


	28. Chapter 20b

**Part 20b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 20a first)**

13:30

Friday after Thanksgiving

19 November 2010

The Rabb Home

La Jolla, California

The crowd moved into the family room in search of a football game. The men huddled on one side of the room awaiting the kickoff while the women took the other to discuss the changes in their lives.

Mac settled onto the far end of the couch and lifted her feet into her husband's lap. When the maneuver failed to gain his attention for the desired foot rub, she wiggled her foot further into his thigh. He jumped at the sensation, grabbing her foot before she could embarrass him. Fixing her with a glare, he acquiesced and began to run his thumb up her insole. She sighed with relieved satisfaction and mused not for the first time that pregnancy had its perks.

He shook his head at her rapturous expression and slid his hand up the back of her calf. When her eyes popped open in warning, he shot her a mischievous grin…payback was hell.

A pack of noisy footsteps thundered through the kitchen before stopping at the threshold to the family room. Six pair of eyes ranging in age from 14 months to 10 years took in the scene before them. Ben finally broke the transient respite of silence, "Daddy, can we go outside and play?"

Harm paused in his rubbing ministrations and glanced toward his son, "You can go in the backyard only. Stay by the swing set…no pool and no beach…do I…." Ben turned with the crowd in rapid escape. "Benjamin Carter Rabb!" The 4 year old turned back toward his father with a sheepish grin. "Mister, I wasn't done talking to you. I don't want anyone to leave the back yard…do I make myself clear?"

Ben grinned and saluted, "Yes Sir."

Harriet giggled at the small boy's antics, before throwing in, "AJ and Jimmy Roberts…you two are the oldest here. I expect you to supervise the other kids and keep them out of trouble…do I make myself clear?"

AJ rolled his eyes, "Yes ma'am…but tell Nicki we don't have to play Barbie's with her."

Bud's voice interjected, "AJ, you're sister is the only girl here…I'm sure if you think about it; you can find a game that everyone will enjoy."

"Yes Sir," rang out in several different voices as the French doors slammed shut.

A loud shriek of pain was the next sound to fill the room. Harm jumped up from the couch to grab his smallest son. Connor held out a red fingertip as he continued to wail. Picking up the 14 month old he hurried into the kitchen to run the bruised digit under cold water. Examining further, he detected no breaks in the skin. "Hey little man, did they catch your finger in the door?" Connor nodded his head as huge crocodile tears continued to fall.

Mac appeared at their side, running her fingers through Connor's dark hair, "Did Mama's baby get an owie?" Conner held up his finger for inspection as his cries softened to whimpers. She kissed the bruised finger and grabbed some ice from the fridge. Wrapping the ice in a rag, she held the cold washcloth to his hand and lifted the toddler into her arms. Connor immediately buried his face in her neck and continued to softly cry.

As everyone returned to the couch, Connor wiggled and maneuvered in his mother's arms, trying to find a comfortable perch over her expanding abdomen. Finally crying out in frustration, he pointed to his father, "Daee!"

Harm reached for the boy and settled him onto his chest. Still not content, Connor reached inside his Dad's shirt and tugged, "Off Daee…off!"

Harm patted his back instead, trying to calm the tears. When all attempts failed, he sighed in resignation and unbuttoned his shirt. Connor pulled at his own, removing the barrier with Harm's help. The little boy dove at his father chest and closed his eyes at the contact of skin. Harm shook his head and watched as Connor began to suck on the injured finger, while twirling the opposite hand through Daddy's hair. Finally content, the little boy's whimpers calmed to shuddering breaths and eventually evened out to deep inspirations of sleep. Mac reached for a blanket and covered the pair, before leaning over to place a kiss on her slumbering son's forehead.

Harriet took in the scene with wide-eyed amazement, "What was that all about?"

"It's called kangaroo care, they use in neonatal intensive care units as a way to calm sick and stressed babies," Mac explained. "We figured out early on that Connor responded well to the skin-to-skin contact. We're not sure if it's the tactile sensation, the sound of our heartbeat or the security of being held close."

Jen peered at the sight of the sleeping toddler, "I thought Mattie said he'd outgrown that?"

Harm spoke softly so as to not wake Conner, "Mostly he has…he only likes to cuddle skin-to-skin when he's stressed or hurt." He reached out to lay a hand on Mac's bulging abdomen, "I'm the preferred kangaroo for the most part now, since Mac's belly is starting to get in the way of comfort." He grinned when Mac smacked his arm.

Victor leaned around his wife and rubbed his hand on her burgeoning abdomen, "Hey Jen, maybe we should check into this kangaroo thing. You never know…with our little jarhead-sailor mix here, we might need something to calm his internal struggles."

Harriet smiled at the pair, "So Jen, how did you and Gunny end up married?"

Mac chuckled, "That would be due to the infamous matchmaking trio. Mattie started the plot…and Trish and Evie joined in. Once those three set their mind to something, there's no escape. Whoa be to anyone who doesn't go along with the scheme." She reached up to tweak Harm's ear, "Isn't that right, Sailor?"

He grabbed her hand and gave it a kiss, "Absolutely, acquiesce or suffer the consequences. Those three may look harmless, but they're anything but…especially Evie." He rubbed his ear, "She has ways of making you comply."

"And believing it was your idea all along," Mac threw in with a chuckle.

Harriet frowned, "Evie? Isn't that the woman who owns the restaurant you all love so much?"

Mac nodded, "Oh yeah, we thought we'd take you there for dinner tomorrow night. Trish and Frank offered to supervise the troops. It'll be nice to get out for an evening…adult conversation only for a change."

"I'll second that," Bud piped in. He studied Harm for a minute, "Harm, what's with the funky shirts? I never took you for a cartoon aficionado."

Harm tugged at the front of his shirt and laughed, "This was a gift from my boys. They seem to have an affinity for buying funky Hawaiian shirts as gifts for Father's Day, birthday, Christmas," he rolled his eyes at Mac, "…any day and everyday."

Mac glared back and then broke into a smile, "You forgot to tell him the rest of the story, mister."

"Actually Bud, this is the uniform of the day at work."

Bud's eyes widened, "You dress in shirts with Goofy and other cartoon characters to work at the law firm?"

Harm nodded with a big smile, "Yup, casual and comfortable that's our motto." When Bud's eyes widened further, Harm laughed, "Actually we started out in suits and ties, but we found the kids were frightened by all the formality. So we switched to funky shirts, khakis, jeans, tennis shoes, etc…the kids are a lot more comfortable and cooperative with the relaxed atmosphere. We each keep a couple of suits tucked away in our office closets for when we have to go to court."

Bud pondered the statement, "So are you guys really staying busy with just kids for clients?"

"Are you kidding," Mac enthusiastically exclaimed, "…we almost have more casework than we can handle. We collaborate with CPS on a fair number of cases, in addition to our private clients. We expect to hire another attorney within the next year or two."

Harm watched the emotions play over Bud's face, "Hey Bud, don't suppose you'd be interested in joining a law firm that specializes in kids?"

Bud's eyes flicked to Harriet's before looking back, "As a matter of fact, I just might. I was lucky to make Lt. Commander with my disability; if it hadn't been for Admiral Chegwidden's intervention on my behalf, I would have been out already. I don't see General Cresswell making the same effort for me." He looked back toward Harriet, "We've been talking about other alternatives to the military when I decide to leave…and I suspect private practice in California wouldn't be too bad a place to settle. Especially when we have good friends close by."

Harm nodded, "We'd love to have you, Bud…think about it and let us know." He turned toward Mac and winked. They'd been talking about asking Bud to join the practice when the time came to expand. If things worked out right, the three musketeers just might ride again.

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20:30

Sunday

16 January 2011

Labor & Delivery Triage

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm jiggled his leg up and down in a nervous fashion as he sat waiting for the perinatologist to arrive. The nurse scurried around the gurney adjusting the IV infusion and handing Mac a cool washcloth. The fetal heart rate monitor slowed and alarmed as Mac turned to her side.

Harm jumped up from his chair, "What's wrong with the baby?"

The nurse smiled at the worried father, "There's nothing wrong, Mr. Rabb. The transducer just got displaced when your wife turned to her side."

"Harm," Mac extended her hand, "…you need to calm down. Dr. Sherman said she'd be here soon. I'm sure they'll be able to stop the contractions with the medication."

"But Mac, this is too early. Dr. Sherman wanted you to get to at least 32 weeks before she delivered you." He took the cool rag from her hand and wiped it over her face, "Here let me do that…it'll give me something to do with my hands."

The nurse smiled at the pair, "So, this little one is your first?"

Mac smiled back, "Natural yes…but we have two adopted sons and a foster daughter, who's in her first year of law school." She rubbed her hand over her belly, "Ellie was the surprise we didn't think we'd ever get."

"Ellie? So this one's a little girl?"

Harm beamed, "Yeah, Elizabeth or Ellie for short…she's been a long time in coming. She just has to be alright," his smile dimmed.

Dr. Sherman breezed into the triage exam room, "Hi Sarah…I can't say I'm surprised to see you. We've been expecting this to happen. Your last ultrasound showed a fair bit of cervical shortening." The physician studied the monitor strip, "Looks like the magnesium is slowing down the contractions. How are you feeling?"

Mac sighed and closed her eyes, "Like an elephant is sitting on me. Everything feels heavy and difficult to move."

"That's a pretty normal sensation from the medication." Dr. Sherman motioned for the nurse to bring a speculum and a pair of sterile gloves. "Alright Sarah, I'm just going to do a quick exam to check for cervical dilatation."

Before the physician could begin, Mac turned to the side and began to retch. Harm grabbed the emesis basin from the side table and handed it to the nurse. "Why is she vomiting?"

Rachel helped Mac with the basin and then reached for a fresh cloth, "It's from the magnesium…the bolus dose tends to make you feel nauseous and…"

"Hot," Mac croaked out.

Dr. Sherman grinned, "And hot…those symptoms will improve once you're on a stable infusion drip." She patted Mac's leg, "Alright Sarah, are you up for the exam now?"

Mac nodded her head as Harm turned to leave the room, "No! Harm, you don't have to leave…stay here with me."

His eyes bulged with a 'deer caught in the headlights' expression, "But Mac, I was just gonna wait outside."

"No chance, Sailor…you got me into this mess, now you get to stick around for moral support." He edged toward the head of the bed and diverted his eyes to Mac's. "It's OK, Harm…it doesn't really hurt."

He leaned over to kiss her forehead, "Hang in there…I'm right here, Marine."

Dr. Sherman finished the exam and snapped off her gloves. As she washed her hands, she explained, "Well Sarah, you're about 2 cm. dilated, but the good news is your membranes are still intact. I want to admit you on strict bedrest and continue the magnesium. I've also order a steroid medication to help mature the baby's lungs. You'll get one injection now and a second in 24 hours. Rachel will also be starting you on IV antibiotics to prophalytically treat for any infection in the membranes surrounding the baby. If we're lucky, we'll be able to hold you off a little longer; but from this point on, you're in the hospital for the duration."

"But, that could be weeks," Mac protested. "I have two little boys at home that I need to look after and work…."

Harm cut her off, "Mac, don't worry about all that. Mom and Frank can help me with the boys. And Howie and I can handle the office. Your most important job at this point is to keep Ellie inside and safe."

She laid her head back and closed her eyes, "I know, it's just that…I'm going to miss the boys." A line of tears tracked down her temple and into her hair.

Dr. Sherman patted her patient's hand, "Sarah, it's going to be OK. If Ellie is born now, her chance of survival is over 90, but I'd still like to get at least 2 more weeks. She needs a chance to get a little bigger and stronger. For each week we gain, her chance of complications and the length of her NICU stay decrease astronomically." She smiled, "As for your boys…siblings and children are allowed to visit. We've found it's best for everyone to have the entire family involved…Mom and Dad are less stressed…and the kids are happier."

As the physician left the room, Harm hovered nearby, "Mac, I need to call Mom and Frank and let them know what's going on. Is it OK if I step away for a minute?"

She nodded in response, "Sure, give everyone my love and tell them Ellie and I are fine. You're going to be heading home soon aren't you?"

He turned back from the door, "Not a chance, sweetheart. Mom said she'd keep the boys for the night. I'm gonna stay with you."

"But you don't have to, I'll be fine. You need to get some sleep."

"I know," he winked, "…I want to…I can't be without my best girls. I'll be right back."

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17:30

Monday

24 January 2011

Antepartum Unit

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm walked through the door to find Mac surfing through television channels with complete disinterest. "Hey Marine, nothing on TV to your liking?"

She clicked through the channels rapidly until the TV clicked off. Tossing the remote aside, she smiled brightly, "Nothing as interesting as my husband. How was your day?"

He dropped into the bedside chair, "Exhausting! The boys were cranky this morning and didn't want to go to daycare. They wanted to spend the day with Gummy Trish and Gummy Evie. I swear Mac…by the time you get home, our boys will be corrupted for life. Mom and Evie are spoiling them rotten. I had court all morning and clients all afternoon. And worst of all, by the end of the day when I get home, I'll have to sleep all by myself."

She tugged on his arm, dragging him up onto the bed next to her. Pulling his head down on her shoulder, she kissed his forehead, "I'm sorry I'm stuck in here and not at home with you and the boys. I'd much prefer my guys to this room. I'm about to go crazy staring at these four walls."

He snuggled a little closer into her side, "Did Dr. Sherman come in yet tonight?"

She shook her head, "Not yet, I expect her anytime. I'm hoping to get rid of this IV. They started a new medication this morning to control my contractions in hopes of stopping the magnesium." She peeked around his body to the bag in his hand, "What did you bring us?"

He sat up with a grin and extended his hand, "Evie sent dinner…roasted vegetable salad for me…and the roasted chicken for you."

She frowned, "No Italian beef sandwich?"

He chuckled, "No Italian beef…Dr. Sherman said she wanted you to cut back on your sodium intake, remember? Evie's au jus is loaded with salt, but," he dangled the bag in front of her, "…I did talk Evie into sending chocolate mousse for us to share."

She laughed, "Harm, isn't that what got us in trouble in the first place?"

He shook his finger, "No, no Marine, it wasn't the chocolate mousse that got us in trouble…it was watching you eat the chocolate mousse along with the second and third course of dessert that got us in trouble."

She held out her hand, "Never mind, just hand over the food…I'm starved. The junk they served for lunch wasn't worth eating."

They were enjoying their dinner when Dr. Sherman appeared for evening rounds. "Good evening, Sarah…how are the two of you tonight?"

Mac swallowed the food in her mouth, "Much better since Harm brought dinner."

The doctor walked closer to the bed, "That smells wonderful, what is it?"

Harm retrieved the take-out menu from the bag, "It's from a restaurant called Evie's Bistro in downtown La Jolla. We know the proprietor, and you can't get better food anywhere else."

The physician took the offered menu, "I'll have to keep it in mind next time I'm shopping at the galleries." She walked over to Mac's side of the bed, "How are you feeling tonight?"

Mac held up her left hand, "Great, I haven't felt a single contraction all day…any chance I can get rid of this IV?"

"There's still a little uterine irritability on your monitor, but the contractions seem to be much less frequent and intense. I'd like to keep the magnesium going overnight and give the Nifedipine a chance to really work. If things look stable by morning, I think we can remove the IV. Any other questions?"

Mac shook her head, "No, I think we're fine…just trying to hang on for a few more weeks."

Dr. Sherman headed toward the door, "See you in the morning, Sarah." She waved the menu in the air, "And I'll be sure to let Evie know you sent me."

The couple finished their dinner in comfortable silence. Once Harm had cleared the containers away, he sat back down on the bed, "You up for a little reading tonight?"

She laid her head on his shoulder, "Sure, what did you bring?" He handed her an older leather bound book. "Where'd you find this? It looks antique."

He took the book from her hands, "It is…Evie sent it along with dinner. She said…it's literature that is good for the soul." He shrugged, "Something about a good old-fashioned clean romance with a little folklore, medicine and healing thrown in. Whatever that means…you game?"

She leaned further into his side, "Absolutely, whose turn is it to read?"

"Mine I think," he carefully flipped open the cover of the old book, "...'The Harvester' by Gene Stratton-Porter. 'Bel, come here! The Harvester sat in a the hollow worn…'."

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02:45

Wednesday

2 February 2011

The Rabb House

La Jolla, California

Harm was awakened by the ringing of the phone; clumsily reaching for the offending object, he pulled it to his ear, "Hello."

"Harm?" came the tearful plea.

"Mac?" he rubbed a hand over his face, "…sweetheart, what is it?"

"I need you," her voice sounded soft and scared.

Fully awake now, he sat up in bed, "Mac, what's the matter?"

"The baby…they're gonna have to delivery the baby. They can't stop my contractions…and Dr. Sherman doesn't want to wait any longer."

He jumped out of bed and fumbled with his clothes, "I'm on my way, sweetheart. I need to get Mom to come stay with the boys, but I'll be there shortly."

The line was quiet for several seconds, except for the sound of her breathing, "Hurry Harm, I don't know how long they'll wait. I need you."

He hurried from the bedroom to the kitchen, "I'll be there soon…I promise. I love you, Sarah."

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03:30

Wednesday

2 February 2011

Antepartum Unit

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm entered Mac's hospital room to find a flurry of activity. He was met at the door by Mac's nurse, "We've been waiting for you…hurry, you need to change into scrubs. We're just getting ready to take Sarah back to the OR."

He watched as they transferred the IV bag to a portable pole and lifted Mac onto a gurney. Wheeling past, he stopped the progress for a moment, "Hey sweetheart, I'm here…how are you doing?"

She bit her lip, "Trying to hang in there. It's too early, Harm."

He reached for her hand, "You did good, Marine. You got Ellie to 32 weeks…I'm sure she's gonna be fine."

The nurse spoke up, "We need to go. Mr. Rabb, you need to change clothes and wait right here. Someone will be back to get you once we're done with Sarah's spinal."

Harm's eyes widened, "Spinal?"

The nurse smiled, "It's the anesthesia for the C-section…that way she'll be awake when your baby's born. Now hurry, we've gotta go."

He leaned in quickly and placed a kiss on Mac's lips, "I love you, sweetheart. I'll be right there with you…we're gonna get to meet Ellie tonight."

She tried to smile as tears ringed her eyes, "Love you, too."

He changed clothes and then paced the room, waiting for someone to come retrieve him. Finally after what seemed like forever, a nurse came into the room, "Mr. Rabb, if you'll come with me."

He followed down the hall, through the large doors marked 'No Admittance,' past the scrub sinks and into a large bright OR suite. The OB nurse directed him to the chair next to Mac's head. Sitting down, he peered around the room with nervous excitement. Reaching for his wife's hand, he sighed, "How are you doing?"

"I don't know…scared…excited," she released a nervous shuddering breath, as a tear escaped her eye.

He reached up to wipe it away, as Dr. Sherman announced, "Skin incision at 03:53." The room was filled with the sounds of suctioning, sizzles, pops and a high-pitched whine. He peeked around the sterile drape and watched the activity of instruments passing hands. A barrage of commands filled the room, "Scalpel…pick-ups…suction…retractor…clamp…suction."

He looked back to Mac's worried face and stroked her cheek. Smiling to ease the fear, he whispered, "Ellie's almost here. What do you think she'll look like?" Mac drew in a deep breath and winced at the obstetrician's movements. His eyes widened, "Do you feel that? Are they hurting you?"

She shook her head, "It's just pressure and pulling, not pain."

He glanced toward the anesthesiologist, "But she shouldn't feel anything, how come she can feel what they're doing?"

The physician tapped her shoulder, "Sarah, what do you feel…pain or pressure?"

"Pressure," she replied.

At Harm's concerned look, the physician explained, "That's normal…we can't take away all the sensations without putting her to sleep…and that wouldn't be safe for the baby. Sarah, you're going to feel pressure and pushing, but you shouldn't feel pain." The anesthesiologist peered over the drapes, "Hey folks, your baby's almost here."

Harm squeezed her hand and smiled behind his mask. He heard Dr. Sherman ask for a bladder blade and a scalpel then announce, "Ellie's about to make her appearance. Hey guys, we did this just in time. Sarah, your anterior uterine wall is paper thin." She glanced over the drape, "Harm, stand up and take a look."

He stood and peered over the sterile drape in awe. When the OB pointed out the nearly clear window in the uterus, he startled with shock to see a small hand just beneath the surface. Dr. Sherman lightly touched the uterus and the muscle separated on contact. The OB nodded to the shocked father, "It's a good thing we did this when we did…if we'd waited much longer, the uterus probably would have ruptured and the outcome wouldn't have been as good."

Harm watched as the doctor ruptured the bag of fluid surrounding his daughter and then reached in to pull out the head. Tears flooded his eyes as they suctioned the small mouth and nose. The first of those teardrops fell as the body was revealed and a lusty cry filled the room. He collapsed into the chair and pulled down his mask to give Mac a kiss, "She's here, sweetheart…Ellie's here."

She reached up to wipe away the tears that fell from his eyes and whispered, "I love you."

He rubbed his cheek against her hand, "I love you, too. Thank you for our daughter."

The neonatologist motioned from the warmer bed, "Dad, would you like to see your baby?"

He glanced back toward Mac, warring with himself over whether to stay with his wife or go to his daughter. Mac smiled serenely, "Go ahead, Daddy…go say 'hi.'

He hovered near the warmer just out of reach, watching as the doctor dried and examined his little girl. When the neonatologist pronounced her 'absolutely perfect,' he breathed a sigh of relief. He extended his hand, hovering above the small infant.

"Go ahead and touch her, she won't break."

He stroked a finger down the small arm and gently picked up her hand. She instinctively curled her fingers around his and held on tight. He studied her closely and counted ten fingers and ten toes. Releasing her hand he ran a finger through her matted hair. He laid his hand on her chest and leaned in close, whispering, "Hey Ellie, it's Daddy. Mommy and I have been waiting a very long time for you. We love you, baby." Ellie opened her eyes at the sound of his voice and studied his face.

When the neonatologist announced the Apgars as 9 and 9, the nurse wrapped the small infant in multiple layers of blankets and asked, "Would you like to hold your daughter?"

Harm stepped back, somewhat panicked, "She's so tiny…I don't want to hurt her."

The nurse chuckled, "You won't…why don't you go sit next to Mom and I'll bring her to you."

Once he was seated, the heavily wrapped bundle was placed in his arms. Ellie opened her eyes, pursed her lips and frowned as she looked around the room. He chuckled at the serious expression and turned his daughter toward Mac, "Sweetheart, she's perfect. She looks like you…just like in my dream."

He carefully lifted Ellie, bringing her face up to Mac's. Tears appeared instantly in Mommy's eyes as she whispered, "Oh Harm, she's perfect. I can't believe she's finally here."

_To Be Continued…_

_**AN: **The Harvester by Gene Stratton-Porter, Grosset & Dunlap, 1911._


	29. Chapter 21a

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN: **Only one more chapter after tonight. Monday will be the last post of 'A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate.' I'll try to start periodically posting the series of short stories this next week…so stay tuned! As always, thank you for your wonderful reviews._

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 21a of two parts**

04:20

Wednesday

2 February 2011

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm followed the nurse and physician through the adjoining doors and into the NICU. He slowed his footsteps as they made their way through the sea of incubators and warmer beds. His face paled and his hands trembled as he listened to the never-ending shrill noise made from alarms and ventilators.

They stopped beside an empty warmer bed and the nurse looked up in time to notice the nervous father sway on unsteady feet. She reached for his arm, "Mr. Rabb, are you OK? Would you like to sit down?"

Harm shook his head and blinked rapidly to regain his composure. Breathing deeply, he planted his feet firmly, "No, I'm fine…it's just that," he waved a hand around the room, "…this is all a bit overwhelming."

The neonatologist spoke up, "I don't believe I've introduced myself…I'm Dr. Margaret Finnegan, one of the newborn intensive care doctors and this is Marilyn, one of our NICU nurses. Marilyn is going to be taking care of your little girl tonight." The physician motioned for Harm to come closer to the bed, "I know this place can be a bit unnerving, but your daughter is really doing very well…I don't expect her to need most of our services."

Harm watched as they transferred Ellie from the transport isolette and placed the swaddled bundle on the radiant warmer. Unwrapping the blankets, one by one, the baby's little body finally came into view. The nurse lifted the infant to place her on the scale. "Mr. Rabb, did you bring your camera?" When Harm frowned in question, Marilyn explained, "A lot of the parents like to get a picture of the baby on the scale with the birth weight displayed."

Harm's eyes widened, "I left the house so quickly; I didn't even think about bringing my camera."

Marilyn smiled, "That's OK, you can get a picture another time." Ellie's little arms and legs flailed in the cool air. She let out a cry as the scale rocked from the movements. Harm reached out a hand to calm his daughter just as the nurse announced, "She weighs 3 pounds-8 ounces."

His mouth gaped, "She only weighs 3-1/2 pounds? She's so small!"

Dr. Finnegan chuckled, "Actually she's one of our bigger preemies…we get some that weigh less than a pound."

He watched as the nurse carefully placed Ellie back on the warmer bed, connecting wires to her chest and affixing brown tape to her foot. "What's your little one's name?"

He reached out and gently picked up Ellie's hand, "Her name is Elizabeth Christine Rabb, but we're gonna call her Ellie."

"Ellie, what a beautiful name." Pointing to wires, she explained, "The leads that I've attached to Ellie's chest allow us to monitor her heart rate and breathing." Marilyn pointed to the tape on the baby's foot, "And this glowing device allows us to monitor her oxygen levels without having to stick her for blood."

Harm looked up to study the cardiac monitor, "Do her numbers all look good?"

Dr. Finnegan looked up from writing in the chart, "She looks perfect. Her heart rate is normal…and her breathing and oxygen levels are just where we want them. She doesn't show any signs of respiratory problems from immature lungs. We're going to draw some blood work from Ellie to rule out infection, but it takes a few days to get the final results. In the meantime, I'm going to start her on IV antibiotics just to be safe."

He turned the baby's tiny hand over to study the veins, "How do you draw blood and start an IV in someone so small?"

"We have special needles and catheters made just for babies," the physician smiled. "We're also going to start Ellie on an IV sugar water solution so she doesn't get dehydrated. Later today, if she continues to do well, we may start her on some small feeding through a tube placed from her nose into her stomach."

Harm looked up to the doctor, "But my wife wants to breastfeed, Dr. Sherman said that wouldn't be a problem."

"Well, Ellie is a little too premature to master that skill just yet. We usually start with tube feedings and then slowly work toward feeding by mouth over the next 2 to 4 weeks. I'll have the lactation specialist assist Mom with pumping to provide breast milk for Ellie."

Marilyn handed him a card, "I wrote down Ellie's birth weight and her length so you can show Mom. She's 18 inches in length…that's long for a preemie her size."

Harm laughed, "I could have predicted that…both her Mom and I are tall."

Marilyn motioned toward the door to labor and delivery, "I'm going to draw Ellie's blood and start her IV. You're welcome to watch, but most parents don't like to see their little ones get stuck."

Harm inched backwards, "I think I'll go find my wife and fill her in on Ellie's condition. Can I come back later?"

Dr. Finnegan walked him to the exit, "You're welcome to visit almost any time. We block visitation from 6:30 to 7:30 morning and evening while the nurses change shift and discuss the patients. Other than that, you can stay with Ellie as much as you want…but don't allow Mom or yourself to get too worn out; no one expects you to be here 24 hours a day." She opened the door and pointed him toward the recovery area.

Harm walked down the nearly deserted hall and paused when he heard a baby's soft cry. Inhaling deeply, he looked down at the card in his hand…three and half pounds, she weighed less than half what Connor did at birth. The edges of his mouth tipped up in a smile…Ellie might be small in size, but she was strong in spirit. He whispered to himself, "She's just like her mom…feisty and tough." He shook his head and muttered, "My little Marine."

He was directed to Mac's bedside in the recovery room and poked his head around the curtain. "Hey Marine, how are you feeling?"

She opened her eyes, lids still drooping in sleep, "Pretty good…anesthesia hasn't worn off yet." She blinked, coming further awake, "How's Ellie doing?"

Harm beamed with pride, "She's great, Mac. She weighs 3 pounds-8 ounces and is 18 inches long. I guess she got our height. Her breathing is fine…she's not even on oxygen. They were getting ready to draw blood and start an IV when I left. The doctor thought she might be able to start a little food through a feeding tube, later today."

Mac's expression fell, "I can't breastfeed?"

He reached out to stroke his fingers over her cheek, "Dr. Finnegan said she's too premature to eat by mouth just yet. She's gonna have a breastfeeding specialist help you to start pumping later today."

She nodded in understanding, "Tell me about her, Harm? What does she look like?"

He smiled in full flyboy grin, "She's beautiful just like her mother. She has dark hair and your nose and mouth. She's little, but she's tough…like a Marine. I counted ten fingers and ten toes. Her arms aren't any bigger around than my thumb…and when she grabs hold of my finger, her hand just barely fits around it." He watched Mac's eyes slowly drift shut. Leaning over, he placed a kiss on forehead, "Get some sleep, sweetheart…you deserve it after what you went through tonight."

She cracked open one eye, "Harm, are you going home to get some sleep?"

He sat down beside her bed and reached for her hand, "I'm not going anywhere…my girls need me."

"But…"

He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, "Ssssh, I'm just fine…go to sleep, sweetheart. Ellie's waiting to meet her mommy later today." She was asleep before he finished the sentence. He laid his head on the bed, tucked up against her arm and whispered as he nodded off, "I love you, Sarah. Thank you for the gift of my daughter."

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14:00

Wednesday

2 February 2011

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm maneuvered the wheelchair through the NICU doors. Stopping before the scrub sink, he asked, "Are you ready to meet Ellie?"

Mac smiled with excitement, "I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

He helped her wash her hands and pushed her toward Ellie's bed 'spot.' Finding the radiant warmer empty, he turned in a panic when he failed to locate his daughter. One of the nurses noticed the fearful father and walked over to help, "May I help you?"

"My daughter," he stuttered, "…I can't find her. She was here in this bed earlier."

The nurse placed a hand on his arm to still the nervous movements, "I'm sure she's fine…let's go see if we can find her. What's her name?"

"Ellie…ah, Baby Girl Rabb," rushed forth, his eyes still wide with worry.

The nurse escorted them to the front desk and inquired about Ellie's location. Turning back to the troubled pair, she smiled, "It seems Ellie was doing so well that they moved her to the step-down unit. If you follow me, I take you to her bed spot."

Harm released a relieved sigh and pushed Mac's wheelchair behind the NICU nurse. "Do they move the babies around a lot?"

"Sometimes we move the little ones for staffing or to make room for the more critically ill infants. The fact that your daughter didn't need the higher acuity unit is a good thing."

Harm nodded, "I suppose…it was just kind of scary when she wasn't where I left her. I thought something bad had happened," his voice cracked with the last statement.

"I understand your worry," the nurse acknowledged. "We didn't intend to scare you. If something untoward had happened, someone would have called to notify you."

Harm pondered that statement, "Then I guess it would be a good idea to leave my cell phone number and other alternative ways to reach us?"

The nurse stopped inside the special care nursery area and asked about Ellie's location. Motioning toward an isolette in the back of the room, she directed the wary parents to the bedside, "Here we are. Mr. and Mrs. Rabb, this is Beth…she's Ellie nurse for today. She'll be glad to give you a tour and some information on our visiting policies. There's a place for you to list grandparents' names and alternative contact numbers. Again, I'm sorry for all the worry; I better get back to my patient assignment."

Harm wheeled Mac closer to the incubator so she could see the baby. The nurse opened the portholes of the isolette, "You can reach in and touch her."

Mac sat back in the wheelchair, "I don't want to hurt her."

Beth reached in to turn Ellie's face toward her parents, "You won't hurt her. She needs to hear your voice and feel your touch…go ahead."

Mac reached out a tentative hand and stroked her finger down Ellie's cheek. The baby opened her eyes and stared at her parents. "Oh Harm, she's beautiful. I can't believe how tiny she is." She looked up to the nurse, "You're sure she's doing OK?"

Beth smiled, "Absolutely, would you like to hold her?"

Mac's eyes widened, "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean…I wouldn't want to do anything that might cause a problem."

Beth reached for a couple of blankets and began to wrap the baby, "She needs to know that you're here. Holding her won't hurt her in any way. This time I'll wrap her in blankets to keep her warm, but next time we'll do something called 'kangaroo care.' That's where…."

Harm chuckled, "We're well acquainted with kangaroo care."

Beth placed a hat on Ellie's head, "Here this will help keep her warm." She gently placed the baby in Mac's arms and closed the isolette door. Looking back toward Harm, she asked, "If you know all about kangaroo care then you've had a preemie before?"

He shook his head, "No, but our son had a history of drug exposure during pregnancy…he was really irritable and difficult to console. We found the only way to keep him calm, was to hold him skin-to-skin."

The nurse peered back with concern, "What drugs was your son exposed to?"

Harm squinted in concentration, "Let's see…cocaine, marijuana and methamphetamines. I think that's all…right Mac?"

Mac watched the nurse's expression change from concerned to guarded, and quickly amended the statement, "I think I should explain that Connor was adopted. His birth mother left him at one of the fire stations under the Safely Surrender Law. He was placed with us when he was about a week old. We're child advocacy lawyers and we work closely with Child Protective Services."

Beth's smile returned, "I understand…I was a little worried there for a minute. Typically we send drug screens on the babies if there's a history of drug use."

Harm shook his head, "We'd never do anything like that…we waited too long for our daughter to ever put her at risk. We have two little boys, both adopted. We didn't think we'd ever be able to get pregnant. We tried for two years, and went through every kind of fertility treatment imaginable, including IVF, without success. We finally gave up and decided we were just meant to have Ben and Connor. Then," he clicked his fingers, "…out of the blue, we found out Mac was pregnant. She fainted in the judge's chambers as he was finalizing Connor's adoption."

Beth chuckled, "You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that same story. Not the fainting part, but the unexpected pregnancy after the parents had given up. So how is your son, now?"

"Connor? He's great…a terror at times, but wonderfully normal. He and his big brother keep up hopping."

The unit clerk came into the room and walked over to the bedside, "Mr. Rabb, you have a couple of visitors outside."

Harm frowned back in question, "Who would be visiting now?"

The clerk smiled, "A set of grandparents…I think they said they were your parents, sir. They also have a little boy with them, who says he's Ellie's big brother."

Harm motioned toward the door, "Mac, I'm gonna go see what's going on. If Mom and Frank are outside with Ben, I wonder who has Connor?" He started toward the door, but then turned back around, "Is it OK if my folks come in to visit?"

Beth nodded, "Of course, we allow 2 people at the bedside, besides the parents. How old is your son?"

Mac chimed in, "Ben is 4-1/2 years old. Connor is 17 months, but I doubt they brought him along."

"I don't suppose you have Ben's immunization record with you?"

Mac nodded, "I have it in my purse back in the room."

"If you promise to bring it in next time you visit, I'll let Ben come see his baby sister." The nurse added, "We allow siblings to visit, as long as their immunizations are up-to-date and they aren't sick. Just have the unit clerk do a quick health screen and take Ben's temperature before you bring him back."

Five minutes later, Harm reappeared with Ben tagging closely behind, hand firmly clutched in Daddy's. As he got close to the bedside, Ben released his grip and hurried to Mac's side, "Mama, I missed you!"

Mac leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, "I missed you too. Did you come to visit Ellie?" Ben nodded his head and peered at the bundle in Mama's arms.

Beth bent down to the little one's level, "Would you like to see your sister?"

Ben tucked his head against Mama's arm and played shy. Harm squatted down and took Ben into his arms, "Come here, little man." He placed a kiss on Ben's cheek and maneuvered the little boy closer to his sister. Pulling the blankets away from Ellie's face and chest, he smiled at his son, "What do you think, Ben? She's little isn't she?"

Ben stepped closer and reached out his hand to gently grasp Ellie's. Leaning in, he placed a kiss on her forehead, "She's way littler than Connor was." He stroked his finger over her head, "When can she come home, Mama?"

Mac pointed toward the nurse, "I'm not sure…why don't you ask Beth?"

Ben looked up with eyes wide, then leaned toward his mother and whispered, "I don't want to…you ask her?"

Mac chuckled, "Beth, Ben wants to know when Ellie can come home?"

The nurse leaned down to the little boy, "Well, your sister was born about two months early. So I expect she'll have to stay here for about a month or so."

Ben looked back toward Mac with a puzzled expression. She wrapped her arm around her son, "That's about four weeks or…30 days or so." At his continued look of confusion, she smiled, "That means she'll be here for a little while. She needs to learn how to eat, and stay warm, and get bigger before she can come home."

Ben's eyes clouded over, "Mama, do you have to stay that long? I want you to come home."

Mac pulled the boy closer to her chest and kissed his cheek, "Mama should be home in a couple of days, punkin. Just, Ellie has to stay longer, but we can come visit her everyday."

Ben buried his face in her neck and muttered, "Okay."

Harm reached down and picked the little boy up in his arms, "Are you ready to go see Papa?" Ben nodded and held on tight, nuzzling his face in Daddy's neck. Harm patted his back and pointed toward the door, "I'll take Ben back outside and send Mom in to see Ellie."

As they walked toward the door, Ben waved, "Bye, bye Mama…I love you, Ellie."

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11:00

Saturday

5 February 2011

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Beth smiled at Ellie's parents as they entered the room, "I see you're getting around better today."

Harm nodded, "Oh yeah, she gets to come home…so I guess it's time to give up the wheelchair." He helped Mac into the bedside recliner and turned back to the nurse, "How's my little girl doing today?"

Beth opened the portholes to adjust Ellie's position, "She doing really great. We advanced her feedings some more…I expect her to lose the IV nutrition later today." She looked at Mac, "Would you like to hold her?"

Mac nodded with excitement, "Of course…this will be the last time before I'm discharged today."

Beth removed the t-shirt from Ellie and changed her diaper, "Daddy, if you'll pull the curtain around the bed, Mom can undo her gown." Harm complied, as Mac situated herself in the recliner. Beth placed Ellie up against Mac's chest skin-to-skin. Ellie initially began to whimper and fidget, but quieted when she felt Mama's embrace.

Harm took a seat next to his girls and stroked a finger over Ellie's cheek. The baby turned her face toward the finger and began to root. Harm smiled at the reflexive movement, "Look at that…she's trying to suck. I haven't seen her do that before."

Beth leaned in close, "Mom, do you want to try and breastfeed?"

Mac's eyes widened, "Do you think she's ready? They tried a bottle yesterday and she wasn't interested."

"Why don't we give it a try? At 32 weeks gestation, her suck-swallow reflex is just developing. I don't expect she'll do a lot, but giving her the chance to nuzzle and suck helps her to develop that normal feeding response. Plus, she can control the flow of milk a lot easier at the breast."

Beth helped Mac to position the baby at her breast. As Ellie's mouth came in contact with the nipple, she opened wide and stuck her tongue out to lick, before latching on. Sucking a couple of times, Ellie paused to breath. She continued in a slow intermittent feeding pattern, sucking a few times before resting for long intervals. Mac's eyes widened further as a smile broke free on her face, "She's doing it!"

Harm leaned in to place a gentle kiss on Ellie's soft hair, "Yes, she is…that's my girl."

The trio sat enjoying the private moment for the next 15 minutes. When Ellie fell asleep at the breast, Mac tried to pull her into an upright position. As the nipple began to slip from her mouth, Ellie instinctively sucked harder. Beth leaned in to help, "Mom, if you'll just insert your finger into the side of her mouth, you can break the suction. If you try to just pull her off, you'll hurt your breast."

Mac successfully removed the baby's little mouth with the next attempt. Ellie stretched and scrunched up her face, before falling back asleep. Mac patted her back until she released a quiet burp. Kissing the baby's cheek, she turned to Harm, "Do you wanna hold her for a little while?"

He looked back toward the nurse, "Would that be alright? I don't want to stress her too much?"

Beth nodded, "Of course, let me lift the baby from Mom and then you can switch positions." Mac slowly stood up from the chair, carefully holding her C-section incision. Once she'd moved to the adjoining chair, Harm sat down and opened his shirt. Ellie snuggled in on contact with Daddy's chest. He gently rocked her back to sleep, while softly humming a lullaby.

Ten minutes later, Harm startled when the baby's heart rate alarm began to sound. As he looked up to the monitor screen, he saw the EKG complexes begin to widen out as the heart rate fell from 140 to 100 to 80 and finally 60. He panicked and pulled Ellie back away from his chest. "Something's wrong…I don't think she's breathing!"

Beth stepped in beside the chair and rubbed a hand vigorously up and down Ellie's back. The infant startled and took a deep breath. The heart rate immediately accelerated back to a normal level. "There we go…all better. Ellie, you shouldn't scare Mommy and Daddy like that."

Harm's mouth hung agape as he tried to form words. Tears glazed Mac's eyes and she trembled in response to the alarms. Harm lifted the baby and handed her to the nurse, "Maybe you should put her back."

Beth settled Ellie back into her incubator. Turning back to the terrified parents, she explained, "It's OK…Ellie just had an apnea and bradycardia spell. Most preemies have them. That just means, she forgot to breathe and then her heart rate slowed down. It happens because the brain is still immature and the brainstem doesn't always remind them to breathe. She's just fine. At her age, most babies have a few, but they rarely ever require more than a little stimulation to remind them to take a deep breath. Most everyone outgrows them before they go home."

Mac finally found her voice, "I certainly hope so…I don't wanna take her home doing that."

Beth shook her head, "I promise we won't send her home until she's stable. As her brain matures, she'll stop having the A and B events. An occasional baby may still have a few at discharge; in that case, we send them home with a monitor…but usually that's not necessary."

Harm stood up and reached out to grab Mac's arm, "Come on Mama, I should probably get you home."

Mac leaned into his side and buried her face in his chest. He felt the dampness of tears through his shirt. Tilting her face up to his, he wiped away the tears, "What's this? Beth said that Ellie's OK."

Mac sniffed, "I know, but I don't wanna leave her behind."

He pulled her into his arms and rubbed a hand up and down her back, "I know, sweetheart…but Ellie's not ready to come home yet." He felt her body tremble against his.

Beth touched a hand to Mac's arm, "It's OK, Mom…your response is pretty normal. No mother wants to leave her baby behind in the hospital. It's not fair to go through all that you did and still, not get to take Ellie home. She's not ready yet, but it won't be long. In the meantime, you can visit everyday." The nurse glanced toward Harm, "Just don't wear yourselves out…no one expects you to be here 24-7."

Harm reached for some tissues and wrapped an arm around Mac's waist, "Come on, sweetheart…let's get you off your feet. Besides, I bet Ben and Connor are anxiously awaiting Mama's return." He slowly led her through the NICU doors and into the hall. Now came the hard part, getting Ellie big enough and strong enough to come home.

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**_Continued in part 21b_**


	30. Chapter 21b

**Part 21b of two parts—(PLEASE NOTE: Read part 21a first)**

11:45

Wednesday

2 March 2011

UCSD Medical Center

San Diego, California

Harm hurried around the car, carefully securing his daughter's car seat into the back. Mac extended her arms and drew Beth into a warm hug, "Thank you for all your wonderful care these last 4 weeks. I don't know how we would have survived without you and all the other nurses and doctors."

Beth hugged back, "It been our pleasure." Pulling back, she smiled, "You just make sure to send us pictures of Ellie as she grows…and we expect an occasional visit. You two enjoy her…she's a real treasure."

Harm extended a hand in thanks, "Oh, we definitely will…we waited to long for our little girl not to enjoy every single day with both her and her brothers." Turning toward Mac, he placed an arm around her waist, "Well, we better get going. Ben and Connor are gonna be wondering what happened to us." He helped Mac into the backseat beside Ellie and waved to Beth as he closed the car door.

Once he was seated in front, he turned back to his wife, "Are we ready to head home?"

Mac smiled, "Absolutely, I can't wait for all of our family to be in one place tonight."

As he turned the key in the ignition, he turned around once again, "Are you sure she's OK? I don't want her to have any of those breathing spells in the car seat."

Mac nodded indulgently, "She's fine, Harm. Ellie hasn't had any apnea or bradycardia spells in over two weeks. Besides, Beth said she passed her car seat challenge with flying colors." When he continued to stare, she chuckled, "Would you like me to drive so you can sit back here with her?"

He shook his head and shifted the gear into drive, "No, I just can't believe she's finally coming home. It's kind of scary to leave the monitors and all the nursing staff behind. I think it really hit me when they made us take CPR yesterday…you don't think we'll need to use it do you?"

She reached out to grab his hand, "No, I doubt it, but you can never be too safe. Now how about we head home."

He released a sigh and turned forward, peering out the windshield. Just as he was about to hit the gas, he turned around once more, "Do we have everything? You grabbed the cooler with the breast milk?"

She laughed, "Yes Harm, we have everything…now let's go introduce Ellie to her brother, Connor."

He looked a bit sheepish, "Sorry, I'm OK…let's go home."

He drove 5 miles under the speed limit all the way home, pulling to slow stops and delayed accelerations. He wasn't taking any risks with his precious cargo. Arriving at the house, he jumped from the car and ran around to the back door. Reaching in, he helped Mac from the car before withdrawing his daughter. Ellie opened her eyes with the movement as if sensing she was home. He leaned over and cooed at his baby girl, "Hey sweet pea, you're finally home…ready to meet the rest of the family?" Ellie stared at her Daddy's face and then smiled. "Mac, she just smiled!"

Mac tugged the bags from the car and turned to the pair, "She's too young to really smile…it was probably gas."

He cooed back to the baby, "Don't you listen to Mama…Daddy knows you smiled for him."

As they entered the house, Trish rushed to the door, "There's my granddaughter." She took the carrier from Harm, placing it on the kitchen counter; she lifted Ellie into her arms. "How's my beautiful girl? Your brothers have been waiting for you to come home."

Ben rushed to Mac's side with Connor cruising close behind, "Mama, I missed you. You don't have to stay at the hospital again do you?"

Mac lifted Connor into her arms and pulled Ben to her side, "No punkin, everyone is home for good now. Daddy and Mama just stayed last night to learn how to take care of Ellie."

Connor pointed at his sister, "Babee…Ewie."

"That's right, sweetie…that's your Ellie." Carrying the toddler closer, Connor peered at the infant and poked a finger at her face. Mac pulled him back before he could make contact, "No, no sweetie…you have to be careful." Gently holding his hand, she moved back in close, "Can you give Ellie a kiss?"

Connor leaned over and placed a wet kiss on Ellie's cheek. Pulling back, he giggled, "Babee Ewie."

"That's right, that's your baby Ellie."

Connor looked over her shoulder and caught sight of his father. Flapping his hands, he squealed, "Dada…Dada…up!"

Harm took the toddler from Mac, "There's my little man…Daddy missed you last night." Connor wrapped his arms tightly around Harm's neck and placed an open-mouthed kiss on his cheek with a loud, 'Mwawa.'

The remainder of the day was spent passing the baby from Gummy to Mama to Papa to Mama to brothers to Daddy to Mama. By evening, Ellie was tired, over stimulated and irritable. Harm took on the boys' bedtime routine while Mac retreated to the master suite to feed the baby.

Once the boys were bathed, pajama'ed and read to, Connor was settled into his crib and asleep before his head hit the pillow…the excitement of the day clearly taking its toll. Harm wandered back into Ben's room to tuck the 4-year old into bed.

"Daddy, can you lay with me for a while?"

Sensing his son felt a bit neglected, for the fawning over the newest Rabb, Harm reclined back against the pillows and pulled Ben onto his chest. Ben snuggled his head under his daddy's chin and sighed. Just as Harm thought he'd nodded off to sleep, Ben lifted his head and stared into his eyes. Frowning in concentration, the boy questioned, "Daddy can I ask you something?"

Harm smiled at the serious look on his son's face, "Sure buddy, what do you wanna know?"

Ben traced his fingers along Harm's cheek, "I was wondering…" he paused and bit his lower lip.

Harm rubbed his hand up and down Ben's back, "What is it, little man?"

Ben sighed deeply, "Do you love Ellie more than me?"

Harm sat up on the bed pulling Ben closer to his chest, "Of course not, Daddy loves you and Ellie and Connor all the same. Why would you think I love Ellie more?"

Tears appeared in his son's eyes, "Because Ellie is really yours and Mama's…and I'm just 'dopted."

Harm hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head, "Oh Benjamin, Mama and Daddy love all their babies. It doesn't matter how we got you. Do you remember when we got Connor? I told you we had enough love for everybody."

Ben's lip quivered, "But I'm not your real baby like Ellie."

He wiped away Ben's tears and then settled him into his lap. Taking the small hands in his own, he explained, "Do you remember when I told you that Mama and I picked you…and you picked us?" Ben nodded in reply. "Well, how about if Daddy tells you the story of how you picked Mommy and me?"

Ben whispered, "'kay."

"Well, your first mommy and daddy loved you very much, but there was a bad accident and God needed them in heaven. God also knew that your mama and I needed a little boy. Mommy and me didn't think we'd ever be able to have a baby, so we were really happy when God gave us you. Does that make sense?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders, "Kinda."

Harm raised Ben's hand to his lips and kissed his palm, "Did you know that you told your mama to marry me?"

Ben shook his head, "Really?"

Harm nodded, "Yep…Mama and Daddy weren't married yet when we got you. One morning right after you came, you looked at me and said your first word…Dada. I knew then that you picked me to be your Daddy. Then you called Mommy…Mama…and picked her too. And then," Harm tickled his tummy, "…you picked up Mama's ring and told her to marry me…and she did, just like you said."

Of course you almost separated us for life, flitted silently through Harm's mind, as he remembered that heartbreaking scene in the restaurant all those years ago…best not to let Ben in on that little secret.

Ben pondered the story for a moment then rolling his eyes toward the ceiling, asked, "But if you 'dopted me and Connor…why didn't you 'dopt Ellie too?"

Harm considered Ben's question for a minute, "Well, I think it was because God knew that Ellie was fragile, so he had to give her to Mama directly."

Ben scrunched up his face, "I don't understand…what's fagil?"

Harm chuckled, "You mean fra-gile…that means something that can break easily. Let me see if I can explain. You know at the dinner table how Mama and I have different cups than you and Connor?"

Ben nodded, "Yeah…Mama said that's because your cup would break if I dropped it, so she gives me a cup that won't break."

"Exactly," he ruffled the little boy's hair, "…Ellie's kind of like Mama's breakable…or fragile…cup. You remember how Mama had to stay in the hospital before Ellie was born…and then after that, Ellie had to stay in the hospital even longer?"

Ben nodded, "Yeah, I didn't like that…I wanted Mama at home with me."

"Mama needed to stay in the hospital to keep Ellie safe, so she didn't break. That's why God gave Ellie to Mama and me, instead of adopting her. We needed to take extra special care of her because she was so tiny."

"So you don't love her more," Ben ran his fingers over his daddy's lips.

Harm reached up to capture the little hand and pressed it to his lips for a kiss. "No, I don't love Ellie more. I love all three of my kids the same. Besides, you were my very first special baby…I wouldn't have wanted any baby but you. I love you…Benjamin…Carter…Rabb," each word was punctuated with a kiss.

Ben smiled, "I love you too, Daddy."

Harm grinned, "Really…how much?"

Ben spread his arms wide and giggled, "This much!" He leaned in close, "How much do you love me, Daddy?"

Harm leaned in to kiss his nose, "More than that!"

Ben pointed his finger up, "To the ceiling?"

Harm shook his head, "No, even more than that?"

Ben's eyes widened, "Really?"

Harm nodded, "I love you all the way to the moon and back."

Ben's mouth formed a silent 'wow.' Snuggling into Daddy's chest, he yawned with a sigh, "Me too, Daddy…to the moon…and back."

Harm kissed the top of his son's head and gently rocked him in his arms until he was fast asleep.

Once Ben was snuggled safe and sound in bed, Harm wandered back to the master bedroom. Entering the room, he found Mac sitting on the bed nursing Ellie. Quickly changing to sleep pants and a t-shirt, he joined Mac on the bed. He yawned deeply, "Boy what a day. I don't remember the last time I was this tired. Of course, it didn't help that neither one of us slept well at the hospital last night." He moved closer to Mac and reached for Ellie's hand, "Is she almost done?"

Mac nodded, "Yeah, I think so…she's almost asleep." The baby's mouth dropped open almost on command. Mac smiled and removed Ellie from her breast.

As she shifted the baby onto her shoulder, he reached out, "Here, I'll take her." He placed the little bundle on his shoulder and gently patted her back until she burped. Drawing her back into his arms, he rested her body on his lap while supporting her head. Gazing at the cherubic face, he smiled, "She's so beautiful, just like I dreamed she would be." He stroked a finger down her cheek and across her full lips. Ellie smiled in her dreams at the ticklish sensation. Harm laughed in return, "See, I told you she smiled for me…and don't tell me it's gas. She loves her daddy…don't you Ellie?"

Mac rested her head against his shoulder, "She's perfect. I can't believe we finally made good on our deal." Stroking her fingers through his hair, she leaned up to kiss his cheek, "Thank you for not letting me give up…and for our daughter…and our two sons. Who would have guessed a trio of matchmakers could create such blissful perfection?"

He leaned down to capture her lips, "I'm glad the matchmakers wouldn't let either one of us give up. When I was tucking Ben in tonight, he said something that reminded of that horrible day in the restaurant when I thought you'd moved on and found someone else. As I watched you with that baby, all I could think about was that that baby should have been mine," he face brightened, "…and then somehow miraculously he was. I can't believe that despite all my years of inaction and inarticulate cowardice, fate granted me my every wish," his gaze returned to his daughter's face, "…and then some."

Ellie wiggled and stretched in her sleep. Mac reached for her little hand and rubbed a thumb over its surface. "I can't believe she's still so tiny."

He continued to stroke the rosy cheek, "I know what you mean. I almost freaked out when they told us we could take her home yesterday. I thought for sure the doctor would want her to get bigger before discharge…she's not even 5 pounds yet. Do you think she'll survive the nonstop circus of her big brothers?"

Mac smiled, "I think she'll hold her own just fine…she's your little marine after all."

Harm gathered his daughter into his arms and stood up from the bed, "I guess we better let her…and us…get some sleep." He carefully laid her down in the cradle and gave it a gentle push to allow it to swing. Glancing back at Mac, he smiled with satisfaction, "I knew this cradle would be perfect for our children," his smile grew to mischievous, "…and grandchildren."

She huffed back, "Harm, I just gave birth to our daughter, and her brothers aren't even five yet…do you think you could give me a few more years before you start picturing me as a grandmother."

He climbed back onto bed and crawled toward her with a predatory look, "Mac, I told you before…you don't look like any grandmother I've ever seen." Pushing her back into the pillows, he hovered over her body a moment before lowering himself on top of her. He slowly brought his face closer to hers, never closing his eyes until their lips made contact. Running his hands up her side, he deepened the kiss and sighed with unabated happiness and pleasure. As he pulled back to catch his breath, he whispered, "I love you," then dipped in to feast on that favorite place on her neck where it met gracefully with the slope of her shoulder.

She ran her foot down his calf as her hand drifted up in a light caress of his back. Inhaling deeply in defeat, she lightly pinched his back to gain his attention, "Harm…sweetheart, the doctor said not for six weeks…it's only been a month."

He rested his forehead against her shoulder and attempted to control his breathing. Lifting his head to meet her gaze, he smiled sheepishly through tired eyes, "Probably for the best, we're both exhausted and Ellie will be up again in a couple of hours. Although," his tongue peeked out as his flyboy smile appeared undeterred by fatigue.

She reached up to caress his cheek, "Time for sleep, Sailor," was her yawned response.

He rolled onto his back and pulled her to his chest. Reaching up, he turned off the light before hugging her close. She wiggled until her head found that perfect spot on his shoulder, her leg sliding between his. His hand moved of its own volition, finding the soft skin of her back. Her hand maneuvered under his t-shirt until fingertips caressed the skin of his side. Both sighed with contentment, a tangle of arms and legs, and hands and bodies. Softly whispered, 'I love you's,' drifted lazily from voices slurred by the beckoning lure of sleep to fill the stillness of the dark room. Then all was quiet in the house of the Rabbs, as the world shifted ever so slightly to rotate on that ideal axis designed by fate. Their family was finally complete and at home for the first time, under one roof…in one home…a speck in the cosmos, predestined by the perfect plan of fate. Love reigned pure and true…to the moon and back.

_To Be Continued…_


	31. Chapter 22

**A Nickel Trumps a Dime of Fate**

_**AN: **This is the end of this current tale. I promise no tears this time, well at least not sad ones. The sad was in the beginning…the blissful happiness is now. I decided this time to leave my Rabb family young, that way I can use them in the future for sequels, short stories or challenges. Special thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed; your responses have been heartfelt, wonderful and encouraging. I hope you enjoy._

_I'll try to get a short story up in the next couple of days…so, stay tuned!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters. I just take them out and play with them on occasion before replacing them safe and sound back on the shelf._

**Part 22**

11:30

Monday, Labor Day

3 September 2012

Pacific coast, near the Rabb House

La Jolla, California

Harm stretched out on his side on the beach towel enjoying the warmth of the sun on the cloudless day. His 19-month old daughter played in the sand at his side. He smiled at the petite dark-haired beauty dressed in a red-checked swimsuit, complete with a bouncing ruffle and butterflies in flight. A wind gust caught the brim of her sunbonnet blowing it away from her face and ruffling the ringlets of dark curls hidden underneath. He shook his head in never-ending disbelief…his daughter was an exact replica of her mother right down to the tiny lacquered red toenails.

He chuckled at the memory of the nail painting extravaganza. After a particularly rough day in court, Mac had retreated to the master bathroom to soak in the tub. Upon her reappearance back into the land of the living, he offered her a foot rub to massage away the headaches of the day. She'd somehow conned him into painting her toes. Never having performed the task before, he bristled at the rather unmanly idea, but finally relented when she flashed him 'that smile' that made his insides melt. He was clumsy at first, but quickly mastered the skill, deciding it was something akin to the painting of delicate details on airplane models with Ben. Midway through the pedicure treat, Ellie had wandered into the room and dropped to the floor. Lying on her tummy, she propped her face in her tiny hands and watched the spectacle with a rapt concentration rarely seen in the likes of a toddler. Task completed, he had lowered Mac's feet to the floor. Ellie bounded up from her location on the rug, cocked her head to the side in that perfect female 'I'll get anything I ask for' stance, and proclaimed in her high-pitched sweet voice, "Me too, Daddee…Ewie pitty toes." He'd laughed at the sight as his heart fell in love all over again. He'd carefully completed the delicate task on the tiny nubbins of nails. He'd even added tiny dots of pink and white to form a flower on one of her great toes. She'd giggled with pride and delight at the 'big girl' fun, then exclaimed, "Wet Daddee…bwow." She demonstrated her command with a deep exhalation, sending droplets of spittle in every direction. He'd obeyed the command until the polish was dry to the touch and then pulled her into his arms. Tickling her into a fit of giggles, he subsequently calmed her movements with soft sweet kisses and rubs to the back until she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder. And he wondered once again, how a person could fall in love deeper and faster and anew with the dawning of each day.

Coming back to the present, he glanced out to the sea. Mac and the boys were jumping through the cresting waves. Connor held tightly to Mama's hand as he jumped and rolled and giggled. Ben, who was all of 6, rebuffed the help, claiming to be old enough to wade on his own. Trish and Frank sat in close proximity ready to lend a hand as needed. The only one missing from the day of family fun was Mattie. She'd opted to spend the long holiday weekend back in Virginia. He had it on good authority that she was to receive a special ring this very night. Her boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, had called a week prior asking for Harm and Mac's blessing to marry their daughter. They'd given it freely to the man who had captured their daughter's heart while never giving thought to her disability…he challenged Mattie to be all that she dared and dreamed to be.

His attention returned to his little girl as shovelfuls of sand showered in his direction. Looking up with a stern expression, he immediately broke into a smile as she giggled and hid her face. "Ellie, what did Daddy say about throwing the sand?"

She cocked her head to the side and batted her eyes, "Sowwy Daddee." Her unrepentant giggle invalidating the apology offered once again.

He sat up on the towel and crawled toward his daughter, hands hovering at her side, "What should Daddy do with you, Ellie Bean?" His hands moved closer, "Maybe I should send in the Tickle Monster."

She giggled louder as she danced in the sand. Just as his fingers grew close, she stood and turned to run, "Nooo…Daddee," was shrieked between laughs.

He came up behind her and swung her high in the air before settling her on his shoulders. Patting her legs, he pointed to the water's shore, "Hey sweet pea, do you wanna go play with Connor and Ben?"

She held on tight to his ears, "No Daddee…Ewie scawry…I wan Papa."

He trotted to the water's edge and passed his daughter off to Frank. Stalking toward his family, he raised a finger to his lips to silence his eager sons. Connor giggled recognizing his father's intent and pointed at his Mama. Mac, keeping an ever-watchful eye on her sons, failed to notice the advancing predator. Caught completely unaware, Harm swooped in from behind, gathered her into his arms, and waded deeper into the expanse of the sea.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and glared, "Harm, don't you dare…put me down, Sailor."

He grinned mischievously, "Oh I plan to, sweetheart. By the way, you're slipping Marine…there was a time when I would have never successfully crept up on you unawares. I think you may be due for a refresher course in boot camp ops."

When he reached an area of water that came to mid thigh, he stopped in place and waggled his brows. She wiggled in his embrace trying to escape, "Harm, I swear…if you…."

He tightened his hold and flashed that favorite flyboy grin he knew she couldn't resist, "Or you'll what Mac? I think I'm willing to take my chances." He glanced back to the cheering squad on the shore, "What should I do with your Mama, boys?"

A duet of giggles rang out, "Throw her in!"

His smile grew impossibly wider, "You heard the bosses…you wouldn't want me to disobey an order."

She scowled in her best officer voice, "Harm!"

"What Mac?" He chuckled even as his arms began to sway.

As the arc of his swing increased, he heard her laughing voice say, "Don't you dare throw me away."

He stopped just before launch and pulled her back to his side. Her legs wrapped around his waist on impact as arms clutched desperately to his neck. His forearms locked at her back and he sunk to his knees. Staring intently into her eyes, he whispered, "Never Mac…I promise, I'll never throw you away."

Her eyes glazed with tears at the urgency of his unexpected plea. Caressing his cheek, she stared back into his soulful eyes, "I know, Harm. I was just kidding."

He pressed his cheek further into her touch, "I just want you to know…that I…that this," he shook his head, "…love you, forever."

She brushed her cheek against his, placing a whisper light kiss on his ear, "I know…me too…forever and always."

"To the moon and back."

She pulled back slightly, "What?"

He leaned forward touching his lips to every surface of her face, "How much I love you and our family. It's what I told Ben…to the moon and back."

She held his face gently between her hands and stared lovingly into his eyes. "To the moon and back," was whispered as her mouth slid slowly over his. Their lips met in a deep and searching embrace. Images and sounds ceased to exist as time stood still. Caught up in their own world, the lovers failed to notice the laughs and giggles of their sons…the tiny elfin request of 'me too' from their daughter…or the sigh of satisfaction from an all-knowing mother.

Frank chuckled to himself then reached out to grab his wife's hand, "Do you think they'll ever come back to shore?"

Trish's eyes danced with joy, "In the literal sense, I'm sure they will eventually." She turned back with a satisfied gleam and watched as her son lost himself in the arms of the woman he loved. With a sigh of maternal happiness, she whispered, "But the literary world of poets and romance…Oh, I so hope they never do."

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16:30

Monday, Labor Day

3 September 2012

The Rabb House

La Jolla, California

Harm knocked on the master bathroom door, "Mac, the boys are bathed and dressed. I need to run to the store to pick up a couple of things for the barbeque."

Mac yelled back over the sound of splashing water, "'kay, Ellie and I are almost done in here. Can you tell Ben to keep an eye on Connor for a couple of minutes?"

He opened his mouth to acknowledge the request when he heard a squeal from the other side of the door. Cracking it open a touch, he peered around the doorframe and laughed at the sight. Mac and Ellie were buried in a mountain of bubbles. He rapt against the door to gain their attention and then entered the room.

"Mac, you better be careful or you'll loose her in the foam." Ellie squealed once again as she batted bubbles through the air. He chuckled at the decadent image of his girls and leaned in to give each a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll be back in about 20 minutes, sweetheart." He picked up a handful of suds and blew them at his daughter.

She clapped her hands to break the foam and scolded, "No Daddee…bobbews for Ewie and Mama."

He tweaked her nose, "I'll bubble you, Little Miss." When she frowned a pout in return, he grinned and bent over to kiss her protruding lower lip, "I love you, Ellie Bean."

She cocked her head and blew a kiss his way, "Wuv you too, Daddee."

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Thirty minutes later, Harm wandered in from the garage with grocery bags in hand. Setting the sacks on the counter, he called, "Mac? Kids?"

Ben spoke up from the family room, "Mama's getting Ellie dressed."

Walking toward the family room, he took in the disaster of scattered toys, "Guys, I thought I told you to clean this mess up."

Ben grumbled, "I did pick up my stuff…the rest is Connor's."

"Connor…Daddy asked you pick up your toys," he towered with arms akimbo.

The little boy looked up from his toy cars and grinned, "But Daddee, I still pwayin." He resumed his activities, pushing miniature cars in a circle around the ever-indulgent Molly.

"Connor," he waited until his son's eyes met his own, "…our company will be here soon, I want you to pick-up your toys and take them to your room."

The little boy stood up and threw a salute, "Yez Sir," before rolling his eyes and giggling in delight at his own silly antics.

Harm shook his head…his soon to be 3-year old son was an imp who danced to his own beat. Ben on the other hand was the perfect caricature of a 'classic' first child…responsible, organized and for the most part easy to rear. He pointed toward the pile of blocks, racetrack and cars, "Ben could you help Connor clean up this mess."

Ben shrugged his shoulders in resignation, "Yes Sir."

Returning to the kitchen to unpack the groceries, he looked up to find his wife entering the room with Ellie perched on her hip. He chuckled at the sight of his little girl. She was dressed in a bright pink floral bubble romper. The intricate smocking along the front giving way to huge gathers of material that ballooned out to form short pantaloons fastened with ornate bows just above her knees. Her feet were shod in white leather sandals decorated with large pink ruffling flowers at the strap. Her tiny red toenails peeking out on display for all the world to see. And secured atop her head was a huge fuchsia pink bow with curlicue streamers, holding back a topknot of wild cascading dark curls.

Mac set the little girl down on her feet and Ellie danced toward her father. Stopping just out of reach, she spun on her tiptoes in a slow uncoordinated gait with hands out stretched, "Ewie pitty, Daddee?"

He scooped her up in his arms and blew a kiss upon her cheek, "You're absolutely beautiful, Ellie Bean."

She scrunched her shoulders to her ears and giggled, "Dat tickow, Daddee." Pointing toward the kitchen door, she asked in a high lilting voice, "Mama pitty too, Daddee?"

Harm glanced to the entrance and studied his wife with an appreciative gaze. She was leaning against the doorframe, one foot hooked over the other. Also dressed in bright pink, she wore a short linen sundress with straight form-fitting lines and buttons down the side. The color accentuated the sun-kissed bronze of her skin. She looked young and beautiful and vibrant. His eyes drank her in from the top highlights of her radiant brown hair, to the rosy glow of her cheeks, to the well-toned shape of her legs and finally the red lacquered polish of her bare feet. His eyes shone with desire as he licked his lips, "No Ellie…Mama's delicious."

Ellie frowned and raised her hands in question, "Wat you say?"

He watched Mac saunter his way with a sexy grin and muttered, "Never mind, sweet pea…that's for Daddy to know and you to never find out."

Somewhere in the fog of his mind, he registered the chorus of laughter from his sons, accompanied in duet by the bark of the dog. Ellie wiggled in his grasp and requested to join the activities of fun. He set her down on the floor, never taking his eyes off his wife. Once Mac was within reach, he pulled her into his arms and dipping his head nibbled a path up from her neck to her cheek. When he reached her ear, he whispered, "You look stunning…I take it you're my own special holiday dessert." She shivered in his arms as goosebumps spread down her body in the wake of the warm caress of his breath. Turning her head, she slipped her lips over his. He leaned in to firmly meld the touch and devoured her in a ravenous kiss. When they finally broke for air, she leaned further into his embrace. Locking her hands behind his waist, she tucked her head under his chin and hummed in contentment against the wall of his chest. He splayed his fingers and ran them lightly up her back. Rubbing his cheek against the softness of her hair, he closed his eyes and rocked their joined bodies to and fro in perfect time with the shared song of their soul.

They were broken from their quiet moment of communing hearts by the sound of a loud crash. Pulling back slightly from one another's embrace, they peered into the family room at the giggling mass of their children. Ben was attempting to corral the toys back into their rightful place, while Ellie ran in circles around her big brother grabbing toys from his grasp. Connor, for his part, was tossing blocks toward the plastic bin. Harm sighed in frustration, "I told the boys to pick up that mess. As usual, Ben is complying with orders, while Connor breaks rank."

When he attempted to extricate himself from her arms to deal with his son, she hooked a finger through his belt loop and held on tight to his waist. "Harm, they're both doing as you asked."

He pointed toward the family room and rasped, "Mac, Connor's just throwing things."

She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. Tucking their joined hands to her chest, she encouraged, "Harm, just stand here and quietly watch."

He exhaled loudly, "But Mac…."

"Sssssh!"

He took in the scene before him. Ben dropped the toys into the large plastic bin, one after another. At that moment a trio of blocks flew past Ben's hand, one hit the bin. Harm rolled his eyes toward Connor and watched his son pitch block after block in an underhanded toss…one in three made it safely home. Frustration evident on his face, Connor backed up and picked up two more blocks. This time he threw overhand like a free throw toss…one block made it into the bin. Frowning in concentration, Connor kicked a block into the air, once again missing the toy tote.

Harm shook his head, "Mac…."

She raised a finger to his lips, "Sssssh, keep watching."

Connor knelt to the floor and balanced a stretch of racetrack from his chest to the toy box. One car after another flew down the track…half missed their mark…but half were dead on. Harm squinted and frowned and considered his son. Laying the racetrack aside, Connor pulled a cushion from the couch creating a ramp with the bin. Once again toy cars and blocks dropped to the plastic's depth…two thirds were swallowed, while the edge took the rest.

Sighing in disgust, Connor dropped to the floor next to Molly. Pouting his lip, he ran a finger over the dog's snout. Eyes widened in scheme and the little boy climbed on the poor beast's back. Grabbing a car from the floor, Connor drove it over the top of the dog's head and down Molly's snout. The car hit its mark with success just as Molly rolled to the side, dumping her small master clean on his six. Connor stood and rubbed his backside, then with a shout of glee, dove back atop Molly and wrestled to be supreme.

Harm laughed at his son's theatrics and turned back to his wife, "So he managed to get a few toys in the bin. The room is still a mess."

She placed her arms akimbo and tapped her foot, "Harm, you're missing the point. Connor is searching for the 'best' way to complete his chore."

He rolled his eyes, "But Mac, he's just…he's just," he sighed in frustration, "…making a simple task more complicated."

A shrewd smirk broke out across her face, "Well, imagine that…I wonder where he got that idea?"

He had the good sense to look sheepish, "But Mac…."

"Sailor," she pointed toward the den, "…those boys couldn't be more like us if we'd actually contributed to their genetic make-up." She watched her 6-year old son drop a handful of toys into the toy chest, "Ben accomplishes his tasks with a minimum of tries…two or three at most. He's our nickel kid!"

Harm peered over to Connor and watched as he wrestled Molly to the floor, "Then Connor is our…."

"Ten chances for a Dime," she laughed. "He's always looking for the solution that's bigger and faster and better. Harm, he's you!"

The couple watched as Ellie circled Ben and robbed him of another block. Their eldest reached out to grab the toy just as Ellie launched herself into his arms. The pair flew backwards onto the floor with a shout as Ellie landed perched atop her brother's chest. Ben threw his face from side to side, giggling in defeat, as Ellie swooped in to cover him in slobbery wet baby kisses.

Harm laughed at his daughter's successful quest, "And what do you call her, Marine?"

Mac sidled up to his side and encircled him in her arms, "She's our one in a million lifetime chance."

He couldn't suppress the well of laughter that bubbled up from that wonderful place in his heart. Dipping his head back to hers, he captured her lips in a joyful kiss. "They really are our kids…three different roads…for three different chances…for the perfect completion to our deal of fate."

A shadow sobered his handsome face. Reaching up to caress his cheek, she asked, "Harm, what's wrong?"

He shook away the sadness, but remained circumspect, "I almost blew it, Mac. When I walked away that night at McMurphy's, I almost cost us our chance at happiness."

She moved her head until she caught his darting eyes, "No Harm, that's not true."

He stared back mouth agape, "How can you say that…I almost threw all this away."

She ran a fingertip over his brow to erase the lines of worry and self-recrimination, "Harm, if you hadn't walked away…we never would have had the family we do now."

"What?"

She smiled to lessen the shock, "What if we had decided to stay together that night…one of us would have had to sacrifice our military career…flip a coin…whatever. Suppose I had gone with you to London, I never would have reconnected with Bernice and we wouldn't have gotten Ben." He tilted his head to the side and considered her logic. She continued, "Or say, you retired to join me in San Diego…we might never have started our law firm…never met Josephine…and never adopted Connor."

He stared into the soulful brown depths of her eyes and saw the wisdom buried beneath, "So you're saying, we needed to endure the pain of the separation to reach the unbounded joy of the present."

Her smile grew, "Exactly. I hated the loneliness and heartache of those 18 months when we were estranged and apart, but I'd do it all over again to get to today. Every tear, every sorrow, every hurt…I'd gladly endure 'ALL' of it just to have you and our children."

He gathered her close, "When did you get to be so wise?"

She leaned up to press a soft kiss to his lips, "I learned from you."

Listening to the music of their children's laughter in the background, he leaned in to capture a second, "I love you, Sarah."

She spied a bouquet of summer flowers sticking out from the sack of groceries. Reaching over, she plucked out a cheery bloom from their midst. Twirling the daisy between her finger and thumb, she tore off a petal. Extending the white silk before his face, she giggled with schoolgirl charm and exclaimed, "HE LOVES ME!" then tossed the petal onto the floor.

He grew serious once more and brought his face close to hers, "Yes he does…more than you could ever know."

She brushed her cheek against his, "Not more…the same."

Tears glazed his eyes, "To the moon and back."

She ran her fingers over his lips battling her own tears, "Forever and always."

Their lips met in a sweet kiss destined by the hand of fate. Neither one had given up…fate had reigned true. The Nickel had preserved and triumphed to win, aided by the crafty hands of a trio of matchmaking sprites. Love was theirs for all eternity…to the moon and back.

_The End…For Now…_


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